Would submissive women consider a relationship with a sub male?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Would submissive women consider a relationship with a sub male?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Would submissive women consider a relationship with a sub male?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Would submissive women consider a relationship with a s... - 10/26/2014 2:23:54 AM

realsubmale100

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2014
Status: offline

Hello fellow subs,

I am a submissive male; I am naturally submissive and not really into roleplay etc. I am on this site looking for a relationship. I know the chances are slim given the number of fakes, but what can you do? Match.com?

I have a profile aimed mainly at dominant women. However, would submissive or switch women consider a relationship with a sub male? This might mean they have to seek their needs as a sub elsewhere e.g. a Master.

Just so it is clear, this is not an advert asking for women to consider me, just a philosophical question. Also, it is not an elaborate cuckold fantasy where I secretly want my partner to be unfaithful.

Just wondering if there are sub couples out there who have a fulfilling relationship with each other, both as subs.

Thanks

G

Post #: 1

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 5:28:57 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I actually know a couple of submissive couples that like to be played together.

Relax and have fun meeting people. You may be surprised at what finds you.

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 2

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 6:11:11 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

I actually know a couple of submissive couples that like to be played together.

I know two sub-sub couples where they each separately have their own arrangement with a Dominant on a long-term basis where they don't play together.

Merc, your friends play with another couple or with one bisexual Dominant or Switch? Just wondering--not being a nosy arse.

OP, if cuckolding isn't your thing, it might be best for you to hold out for a Domme or female Switch. Most female submissives I know of do not particularly care for male subs, and are suspicious of male S/switches as it is. You would have to be really good at being a service Top, and you could try this out for size, but I doubt you will derive any enjoyment from playing this role. Depending on what your kinks & fetishes are, you might stand a better chance at getting your submissive needs filled by finding a vanilla lady with a Dominant personality.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 3

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 8:43:31 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

As a monogamous sub female, no, I wouldn't. I'm not sexually attracted to sub men.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 4

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 9:46:14 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Personally, no. I'm bisexual, poly- but sub men are not what revs my engine. I do play with friends I know, and would consider getting topped beside a male sub, if the right circumstances came about. I'm sure you will find what you are looking for though.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 5

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 9:52:19 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If you meet someone with whom you click on almost all levels except that you're both subs, it could very well work. Especially since you're willing to be flexible and let her have an open relationship with you. But if you're simply settling for a sub because Dommes are in short supply, it likely won't work.

My advice is to play alongside her at times when you both get Topped. There's an energy from play that you need to make a relationship work.

Also, your profile describes your ideal situation as being a male wife. Could you elucidate? That could mean

You stay at home and she works.
You both work and you do domestic chores at home.
You have a Head of Household situation in which she sets and enforces rules.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 6

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 9:54:53 AM

realsubmale100

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2014
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your great responses. It is all pretty insightful.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 10:37:59 AM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

as a primary, no. As a secondary relationship adjunct to my primary, maybe.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 8

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 10:52:36 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

If you meet someone with whom you click on almost all levels except that you're both subs, it could very well work. Especially since you're willing to be flexible and let her have an open relationship with you. But if you're simply settling for a sub because Dommes are in short supply, it likely won't work.

My advice is to play alongside her at times when you both get Topped. There's an energy from play that you need to make a relationship work.

Also, your profile describes your ideal situation as being a male wife. Could you elucidate? That could mean

You stay at home and she works.
You both work and you do domestic chores at home.
You have a Head of Household situation in which she sets and enforces rules.

Nobody wants to feel as if their partner *settled* for 2nd (or 3rd) best. Not only is this disingenuously unfair to her, but you're selling yourself short from what you really want, and you will grow to resent it.
To make a blanket statement which certainly doesn't apply to all sub-sub couples, this is no different than some horndawg vanilla selfishly setting out to use a woman for his own gratification. This will make it harder for you to be taken seriously by a not-for-hire Dominant woman as relationship material.

Now DarkSteven, from what OP has written, he intends to stay employed and doesn't want to live on someone else's dime.
This is consistent with what a male wife typically means in an FLR, which is what he has indicated he is seeking.
There are some misguided (often early in the women's movement) feminists who think that a woman must "wear the pants" in the family by keeping a househusband who does not work outside the home. That was back when couples could afford to get by on one steady source of income and not combined sources, and had children to raise together.

I personally don't like this term and think of it as what it really is, which is having a sub husband. I don't need a wife, and this isn't about reversing roles to me. If I did, I would choose a *real* woman to be in an LTR and become a lesbian instead. (I don't do things halfway.)

Yes, the wife is Head of Household. She may or may not work outside the home but she runs the household and decides what gets done and who does what. In Europe, for example, FLR husbands consider themselves slaves and are treated more like servants when it comes to chores. This is their choice. BDSM centers more on Domestic Discipline and is used to reinforce the D/s-M/s dynamic; kinky activities do not take center stage, and FLR men ordinarily don't obsess about kinks & fetishes, since these get integrated, expressed or channeled into the framework of everyday routines. (As it would eventually in any committed, long-term M/s intimate relationship)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 11:32:22 AM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I'm curious as to whether you truly are interested in being with a sub/switch woman, and if this is your way of testing the waters before actually taking the plunge and looking. No judgement, just curious.

But to answer your question, I ID as switch but much of my experience is on the bottom/sub side. I tend to default to sub when in the bedroom and it takes a lot of familiarity with the person and comfort before my top side will come out. I recently wound up in a relationship with someone who's about the same way sexually.

I've tried to top more, which is a different experience. It takes a different headspace to be able to truly top someone who's bigger and physically stronger than you. If there's any power struggle between us it's between who gets to be more of a "giver," because we both are.

ETA: We are in an open relationship and I have another FWB with whom I act out the bulk of my sub/bottom tendencies. So if there are needs that aren't being met, that option is available to both of us.

< Message edited by RockaRolla -- 10/26/2014 11:35:39 AM >

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 10

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 12:03:49 PM

realsubmale100

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

I'm curious as to whether you truly are interested in being with a sub/switch woman, and if this is your way of testing the waters before actually taking the plunge and looking. No judgement, just curious.

I don't know. I am mainly interested in the chemistry between me and someone else. Unfortunately with these kinds of sites we have to present a snapshot of who we are and what we might be looking for, in my case a sub male seeking a domme female. But we are all a little more complex than that. Hence the question posed here in the forums.

Although I wouldn't say it was me testing the waters. Not in the sense of having a go with a submissive partner and seeing if I can stand it. I am more interested in finding a real person who, like me, doesn't want a vanilla-only relationship. As a consequence I was curious about non-dommes and their take on it.

Thanks for responding.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 11

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 2:25:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Years ago I knew a sub/sub couple. They both sought outside dominants. They both serviced topped each other when needed. And they put the relationship first so if a dominant did things that threatened either partner, the partners had veto rights over the outside relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 12

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 2:35:02 PM

MadamMaryAnn

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/12/2013
Status: offline

Sometimes omen want to learn what it is like to be dominant and vise versa a very very excellent question

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 13

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 2:37:38 PM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: realsubmale100
would submissive or switch women consider a relationship with a sub male?

No.

I'm curious as to why you would consider a relationship with a submissive female, unless you are a switch? Are you hoping that they will take the lead and / or that you can satisfy your needs by serving them?

Your posts suggests you are asking because you cannot find a Domme. Not being able to find what you want is not a good reason to enter into a relationship that is not right for you, it will just lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction for both of you in the long run.

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 14

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 3:21:27 PM

IIapetus

Posts: 41
Joined: 4/10/2014
Status: offline

Hmmm...very interesting question, OP. I would agree with one of the previous responses - no one wants to be second best or an alternative to what you really want. From my read of your post, it looks that in the face of adversity, you might be trying another road - one which you perceive, might be of lesser resistance. I have no idea on just how much adversity you've faced. You might have been looking for a D since puberty, for all I know. But if you're considering a fellow sub partner for its potential relative ease, vis-à-vis finding a D, I would definitely counsel against it. Sooner or later, our truth as a person, will surface. And whilst it might seem worthwhile(?) in the short term, in the long run it's likely counterproductive for you, and your would-be partner.

For myself, I could never imagine a world in which I'd be happy without a panther chasing me - watch out for them. That aside, if you are genuinely open to a sub-sub relationship - for the right reasons - from a certain perspective, I could perhaps see how this mutual passion/interest could be fulfilling to share, discuss, and explore with a fellow s. Assuming the rest of the spectrum of relational compatibles are soundly aligned, the obstacle would be finding an avenue through which you can both find a yin, for your yangs: open relationship, a D for you both etc. As to this point, I have to admit zero knowledge on how those arrangements work, how sustainable they are, blah blah. If you are serious about this path, I hope one of my CS peers has some wisdom and insights to share on this type of relationship's workings.

I'll end with the caveat: replicability is far from guaranteed, but if you're true to yourself, and honest with your partner, you're creating the conditions for success. Best of luck to you.

Cheers, Iaps.

_____________________________

Make your own Iaps:

2 cups tigger
1 cup intellectual
1 cup athlete
4 free range eggs
Dash of nutmeg
Large splash of sarcasm
Sea salt and irreverence to taste

Combine in a large bowl, simmer over a high heat. Serve immediately.

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 15

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 3:34:33 PM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamMaryAnn
Sometimes omen want to learn what it is like to be dominant and vise versa a very very excellent question

You may find that to be a very very small group of people.

Most people, who have a tendency towards one side or the other, do not have the inclination or desire to know or learn about the other side.
Much like people don't need or want to know how a power station works or how the national grid is put together. All they need to know is that they can flick a switch and there's light when they want it!

Many relationships are much the same and an awful lot of people are selfish in that sort of way. They know what gets them going and what buttons need to be pressed and they want someone 'on the other side' that knows how to press those buttons. Apart from which, I would posit that a lot of people are just not interested or 'switched on' by others of the same disposition and are therefore not attracted to them.

I have seen many real-life relationships and many on other sites where it is breaking down (or already broken) because the one cannot, or is incapable of, pushing the right buttons for the other.
As OD said, unless you are both lucky in finding someone outside of the relationship to press those buttons, the end result is usually unhappiness and/or dissatisfaction all round.
Simple answer: incompatibility.
With all the examples given previously, those sub/sub relationships seem to survive because of outside influences.

So to answer your question, unless one or both have a switch tendency, I would have to say that no, generally, two people who are really sub wouldn't normally attract each other and most don't want to know or learn about the other side unless they are a switch.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to MadamMaryAnn)

Post #: 16

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/26/2014 6:38:33 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

To OP, usually I try to encourage newbies to their pursuits but to this I have to just say NO, NO, NO. Honestly there are a few D/D relationships that are successful IF they are open to outside playmates and in your case such scenario would work but if you want something monogamous and exclusive? I couldn't wrap my mind around s/s AT ALL. I think you need to sit back and figure out if you have ANY switch tendencies at all before labeling yourself altogether as s. Cuckoldry might work in this type of dynamic as well.
I cannot even imagine switching with the same person. I like being able to submerge in my role in the relationship without having to turn off and switch gears, NO THANK YOU. Just a singular perspective but you know best what works for you. In a polyamorous/swinger dynamic, you'd be fine I'd imagine.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 10/26/2014 6:39:36 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Post #: 17

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/27/2014 8:22:24 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: realsubmale100

Hello fellow subs,

I am a submissive male; I am naturally submissive and not really into roleplay etc. I am on this site looking for a relationship. I know the chances are slim given the number of fakes, but what can you do? Match.com?

I have a profile aimed mainly at dominant women. However, would submissive or switch women consider a relationship with a sub male? This might mean they have to seek their needs as a sub elsewhere e.g. a Master.

Just so it is clear, this is not an advert asking for women to consider me, just a philosophical question. Also, it is not an elaborate cuckold fantasy where I secretly want my partner to be unfaithful.

Just wondering if there are sub couples out there who have a fulfilling relationship with each other, both as subs.

Thanks

G

Nope. Never, precisely because I'm monogamous. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. I wouldn't date a switch either.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to realsubmale100)

Post #: 18

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/27/2014 8:06:48 PM

ItalianStallion

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline

Better question - would a sub female ever submit to a sub male? That's what I'm curious about!

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 19

RE: Would submissive women consider a relationship with... - 10/27/2014 9:21:44 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ItalianStallion

Better question - would a sub female ever submit to a sub male? That's what I'm curious about!

This conflicts with my definition of a sub male. To me, "sub" and "Dome/me" are defined by relationships, not by some inherent quality of a person. For example, BitaTruble here was a slave to her Master but capable of Domming other women.

So a sub female should have no problem submitting to a "sub male" if the chemistry worked. But a "sub male" would have a harder time finding it in himself to Dominate.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ItalianStallion)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Would submissive women consider a relationship with a sub male?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109