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You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 9:44:28 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		In my opinion mental instability (as opposed to mental illness) is a “thing”, neither better or worse than, say, coronary artery disease or diabetes. We forget that the brain is a physical part of our physical body.

I have Parkinson's Syndrome, which is a disease of brain cells that make me physically unstable, particularly regarding balance and movement. This affects my life in many ways, including serving a dominant. For example, I cannot wear high heels because of my balance issues. I cannot easily (if at all) get into certain positions. It is impossible for me to get on my knees and then rise on my own. I fall over when I move too quickly.

I am on medications and have a Deep Brain Stimulator (DBS) implanted. Both of these things help, but I still have Parkinson's syndrome. My symptoms may be lessened, but I am not, nor will I ever be, 'cured'.

PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders cause mental instability. Medications and therapy are helpful, but many of these disorders are chronic and cannot be 'cured'.

There has been discussion on several recent threads where a dominant makes the statement that he believes any one with set limits is mentally unstable. Several people have replied with a defensive attitude, as if the possibility that they may be mentally unstable is offensive.

I have limits because of my 'syndrome'. Is that any different, is that any less acceptable, than someone who has emotional limits? Why or why not?

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 10:18:06 AM   
Gauge


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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I have limits because of my 'syndrome'. Is that any different, is that any less acceptable, than someone who has emotional limits? Why or why not?


Limits are limits, it doesn't matter whether or not they are physical or mental or conceptual, they are still limits and still need to be understood and respected.

As far as someone saying that someone with set limits is mentally unstable, that person has no idea what mental instability is or what it looks like... but BDSM limits do not prove mental instability.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 10:59:36 AM   
shiftyw


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From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I've experienced more acceptance of physical limits honestly...

I think being able to see the problem really helps.
I have issues with called unstable, because I will always have PTSD, but it's volitility changes as I go through life. Before diagnosis and help, I felt unstable, now I just feel off sometimes, but not the Los self esteem hot mess I was before.

In my opinion your physical limitations are just as valid as my emotional ones.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 11:16:07 AM   
IrishMist


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Status: offline 		As Gauge stated, boundaries are boundaries; no matter if they are emotional, mental, physical, or psychological. They need to be understood, and then accepted as fact. Anyone who says otherwise, is nothing more than a dangerous individual in my mind.

We all have certain boundaries that should never be crossed. Most people would think, that since I am such a hard core masochist, that nothing would be off limits for me. The opposite is true. One of the biggest triggers that would send me into a killing rage, literally, would be someone trying to hold me down, bind me, tie me up, etc. Does not matter who the person is, how long I have known them, or how much I trust them to always have my back.

Does this make me 'mentally unstable'? Most likely lol.
But I am ok with that, because I know what the trigger is, and my partner knows what the trigger is, and those I trust the most in my life know what the trigger is.
If calling me mentally unstable helps them to feel better about their belief that they can 'cure' me...go for it.

I am still at peace with myself, my life, and those who choose to share my life.

I embrace my differences, even if society says it's a 'bad' thing.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 12:33:18 PM   
FieryOpal


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Status: offline 		Limitations aside, whether they be physical or psychological, I don't believe that mental instability has to do with a medically diagnosed (or not yet diagnosed) physical condition. Could someone with a debilitating disease become mentally unstable? Sure, s/he could become depressed, start developing an anxiety and/or mood disorder. My late husband had been managing a few chronic conditions, and before his condition worsened into terminal illness, he became depressed. It wasn't a deep clinical depression, but he'd begun to grasp that he wouldn't be living out a full lifespan and saw that his limited options kept narrowing. Reality and the gravity of his situation hit him upside the head like a 2x4. He had always been an optimistic person, impulsive in many ways, and it saddened me to see him lose that part of himself slowly but surely. The last year of his life, he couldn't function without a cocktail of pain pills, which only damaged his liver and kidney functions further, along with all the other medications he had to take and suffer the side effects from.

shiftyw, having PTSD triggers and working at being a functional human being day in and day out is much different than behaving unpredictably and acting erratically around others like a loose cannon. This is how I see mental instability. With or without symptoms of a mental illness, which hopefully can be managed by staying on meds, I'll compare this to whether an individual is dysfunctional or not. If your interactions with such a person end up getting you more stressed out, or come at your expense, then this isn't a healthy relationship to get yourself involved in. There are people I have known who might have appeared to have their act together, but who were as I call it "psychic vampires" who would suck the life out of you in order to strengthen and uplift themselves. It's just best to stay away from those who take and take, but don't give back or replenish your reserves, those who have no respect for personal boundaries and would try to squeeze blood out of a turnip, whether they exhibit signs of mental instability or not. Those are the kind of people who are bad news and nothing but trouble.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 10/26/2014 12:36:06 PM >

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:37:07 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

... but BDSM limits do not prove mental instability.




I agree. In fact I would be more worried about their stability if they had no limits

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:45:42 PM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		I have some chronic illnesses, mental and physical. What matters is that I have been properly diagnosed, that I've done as much as is possible to improve the situation, and that if I was prescribed medications, that I take them.

I'm not now on anti anxiety meds because for today, the side effects of the various meds offered are worse than the anxiety. If my generalized anxiety disorder worsens, then I'll try the lowest possible dose of an atypical antipsychotic. I've discussed this with my physician and he concurs.

Equally, my thyroid levels aren't as low as they should be. Because the side effect of a higher dosage of the thyroid med is increased anxiety. And I'd rather not lose the weight and need a sweater all the time then I would needing to treat the anxiety. Once again, I've discussed this with my physician and he's fine with it.

I'm as stable as I can be. Which is what I aim for.

My oldest has the most rare and severe form of bipolar type II. Stability is definitely something to aim for. Because prior to her current medication treatment, she swung from rage to suicidal ideation every five minutes. And nobody should want to live like that, nor with someone like that. Because she is as stable as she can be, she's the first person with this diagnosis to live past age 20, to graduate high school, to graduate college, to compete in any sports events let alone compete nationally. Because we aimed for stability, she's highly rare among bipolars for never having a secondary psych hospital admittance. Only the one that produced the diagnosis at age 12.

Are there things she can't do in order to be as stable as possible? Sure. And that's fine. Because she is the best possible person she can be considering her limitations. And that's all that matters.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:47:40 PM   
DaddySatyr


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I have Parkinson's also and while my lady can't run and jump into my arms, that's a pretty small thing (I do realize that the prognosis is for deterioration).

I guess, it depends upon how we're defining mental "instability". I don't see Parkinson's as fitting into that; nor do I see other forms of mental illness, necessarily. I define it as a lady that can go from "sweet" to "megacunt" in under a minute (depending upon the catalyst).

I don't think anyone should tolerate that kind of mental "instability" for any reason.







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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:51:32 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

In my opinion your physical limitations are just as valid as my emotional ones.



People can see I have issues with balance (although I worry they think I am intoxicated or under the influence--like the time I fell off a restaurant chair and no one helped me!) I agree tho that emotional/physical limits--whether BDSM or not--are equally valid.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:54:12 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist


Does this make me 'mentally unstable'? Most likely lol.
But I am ok with that, because I know what the trigger is, and my partner knows what the trigger is, and those I trust the most in my life know what the trigger is.
If calling me mentally unstable helps them to feel better about their belief that they can 'cure' me...go for it.

I am still at peace with myself, my life, and those who choose to share my life.

I embrace my differences, even if society says it's a 'bad' thing.



Love this, thanks!!

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:54:48 PM   
RedMagic1


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There's a big difference between mental health and mental fitness, just as there is a big difference between physical health and physical fitness. The doctor's job is to help you be physically healthy, but if you want to be physically fit, you need to do much more, probably including other professionals, like a personal trainer, a nutritionist, a yoga instructor. (And, on the edge of physical fitness, it can become *unhealthy*. In many sports, elite athletes damage their bodies in order to obtain a competitive edge. So being fit does not always mean being "more healthy." They are different concepts.)

Same deal mentally. The job of a therapist or a psychiatrist is to get you to a position where you can cope, behave "normally." Mental fitness is going beyond that, the ability to excel. And that requires setting aside all kinds of limitations. This is standard stuff, by the way. The first time I encountered it in my own life was in 7th grade, in Richard Bach's Illusions, when he said, "Argue for your limitations, and, sure enough, they're yours." But hard-nosed sales books talk about ideas like this too, not just Bach's more "hippy-dippy" work. It's a well-recognized concept.

Think of what you're doing to yourself when you say, "I am never going to fix this," or, "I am never going to be able to do that." Because, honestly, you're damaging yourself in the guise of self-protection. Do what you can to live your mental life as an analogue to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbX6mDnMwM

or this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 1:59:29 PM   
catize


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Status: offline 		As a matter of fact, FieryOpal, I also have depression which is well controlled by medication. My neurologist informed me that depression and Parkinson;s often are linked.

And yes, being functional is the important demarcation here.


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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 2:05:14 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm as stable as I can be. Which is what I aim for.



Same here, Des! Thanks for your input!


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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 2:09:19 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I think as long as someone has their condition treated to the best of their ability, then what more can someone really ask for? I'm certainly not one to judge because none of us ever get younger. I've looked for that Fountain of Youth here in Florida, Doesn't exist. Of course, limits are limits and should be respected.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 10/26/2014 2:10:45 PM >

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 2:37:43 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
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Status: offline 		The cells in my brain that are damaged, dead or degenerated, are the ones that produce smooth movements. They are already gone. The meds and DBS manage to boost the ones left and to keep them from dying or degenerating.
Same way with emotional disorders. Trauma can cause changes in the serotonin and other chemicals in the brain. The changes have already taken place.
Physical or mental 'fitness' under these circumstances IS to avoid further trauma.
Setting limits is not unstable; I would contend that being aware of what could happen if these limits are not respected is to be less than healthy, less than fit.

I also contend that anyone who is so dismissive and disrespectful of those who have set limits has a long way to go in the mentally fit category.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/26/2014 2:45:57 PM   
catize


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


I don't think anyone should tolerate that kind of mental "instability" for any reason.



Neither do I, DaddySatyr, but that isn't what we are talking about here. The post is about some who consider those who have set limits "mentally unstable"
(Sorry to hear we share a diagnosis, the good news is they tell me that something else will kill us before the Parkinson's does!)

ETA parenthesis


< Message edited by catize -- 10/26/2014 2:47:20 PM >

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 9:07:09 AM   
LafayetteLady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Same deal mentally. The job of a therapist or a psychiatrist is to get you to a position where you can cope, behave "normally." Mental fitness is going beyond that, the ability to excel. And that requires setting aside all kinds of limitations. This is standard stuff, by the way. The first time I encountered it in my own life was in 7th grade, in Richard Bach's Illusions, when he said, "Argue for your limitations, and, sure enough, they're yours." But hard-nosed sales books talk about ideas like this too, not just Bach's more "hippy-dippy" work. It's a well-recognized concept.

Think of what you're doing to yourself when you say, "I am never going to fix this," or, "I am never going to be able to do that." Because, honestly, you're damaging yourself in the guise of self-protection. Do what you can to live your mental life as an analogue to this




Well to begin with, that is only part of a therapist's job. The initial part of it to be exact. Then, depending on what the situation is, their job can become many things, including helping one overcome the problem whenever feasible. Interestingly enough, for many people, a therapist helps the patient learn how to set healthy limits. For example, the people who are "pleasers" and have trouble saying no to others to the detriment of their own schedules and plans learn how to say no effectively. Many are also taught how to set healthy boundries.

I dare say that referring to a fictional book as a means of defining what it means amounts to nothing more than your opinion. Mental fitness has nothing to do with "excelling." Mental fitness refers to a state of psychosocial well-being, it means having a positive sense of how we feel, think, and act, which improves our ability to enjoy life. It contributes to our innate ability to be self-determined. Sounds an awful lot like "mental stability," huh?

Trying to twist things that people having limitations many mean they are mentally unstable really falls into a category of someone who is likely a bully, using words to attempt to make people feel a need to "prove" they are something they aren't.

The whole limits/no limits and whether the reason for the limit makes it valid is nothing more than a crock of shit used by people to try to push, persuade or bully others into changing their values.

I am a female dominant and I have limits. Many are based simply on my "ick" factor and aren't going to change. I'm perfectly fine with that. No one should be made to feel they have to justify their hard limits and explain why they have them because some douchebag tells them it will make them more mentally fit.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 9:37:09 AM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I have limits because of my 'syndrome'. Is that any different, is that any less acceptable, than someone who has emotional limits? Why or why not?


Limits are limits and IMO, anyone that doesn't accept them isn't worth my time.

Most of my limits come from experience...and I suppose could be classified as "emotional". In my mind, these are absolutely no different than physical limits...in that if a prospective partner doesn't respect them, he's not the right person for me.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 10:02:06 AM   
LittleGirlHeart


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Status: offline 		Catize, i think , it alldepnds on in my mind if people are doing the best they can with what they have, if not then i may honestly be turned off to dating them. If theyare doing the best they can and managing pretty well, depnding on what the issuewas, i may or may not b interested, butthey get a lot more chance than someone not doing their best.

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RE: You say 'mentally unstable' like its a bad thing... - 10/27/2014 10:29:20 AM   
MariaB


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Think of what you're doing to yourself when you say, "I am never going to fix this," or, "I am never going to be able to do that." Because, honestly, you're damaging yourself in the guise of self-protection. Do what you can to live your mental life as an analogue to this



Unfortunately its not that cut and dry. If the brain of an anxiety disorder or panic sufferer has physical abnormalities that contribute to his anxiety or panic attacks, then certain types of anxiety or panic attacks can never be "cured."
http://anxietypanichealth.com/2008/07/02/cause-of-social-anxiety-disorder-found-in-the-brain/

Claiming that all anxiety, panic attacks and phobias can be cured if only we chose to go down the healing route, could well raise false hope and a feeling of failure in people who have physical abnormalities in the brain.

As far as limits. If a limit has been set because of an anxiety issue. Even if that issue is dealt with successfully, it often should, depending on what it is, remain a limit. Unfortunately even with the best therapy and meds, there can be severe setbacks. Nobody in their right mind would risk tipping the balance.

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