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subbiedude -> URGENT-Need Guidance & Help Please (11/1/2014 10:15:13 AM)
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Hello,
This is a bit lengthy, pardon me, but i had to write a bit detail just to give a perspective.
I need an advice or guidance from expirienced fellow kinksters. I am in a dillemma, my problem is this. I have been chatting with a dominant female for about more than 1.5 yrs now. she is from India & from chatting what i make out is, she is a very good person & kind. However I have never seen her, either a picture of her or in person nor i have heard her voice. She has also not seen me, as i have not shared my pic with her (I refrain from sharing my pic online due to safety concerns). She has not asked me to share my pic either.
I met her through one of the social network kink site. I was looking for a LTR, and she in her profile had mentioned that the right sub or sub of her type would end up in having an LTR with her. Thats when i plunged in & messaged her, thats how it all started.
She has this unique fetish for roleplay or reading erotic femdom stories, I used to cater to these fetish of hers over online & trying to make her happy. I tried to align & hone my skills of writing & imagnination just for her. Thats how i spent most of the time (More than a year & a half) when online with her. Most of the time she used to be happy & i used to feel satisfied, as i was making her happy.
Something which started as a fetish for her finally started to take different course for me. I started to get addicted to her, started to get feelings for her, first a crush & then a pure love towards her. I started to really love her more than myself. However even at this stage I had not seen or heard her voice. It was love at no sight at all !!!!
One day I confessed her, that I liked her, she was neither taken aback nor surprised, she was supportive of my feelings. I even went onto talk about marriage at one point (Very premature in hindsight I guess). She simply said she wanted me to continue entertaining her over online & in due time she would take it to next level & She will decide when it will happen.
This went on for quite a some time. One fine day I asked her to atleast meet me in a public place or cam chat (Even without a face) or mic chat over net. She simply refused saying that she will do it on her own terms & not under the terms of a sub. I conceded. Then again It went onto many more days & months, My feeling & urge, addiction, yearning towards her grew more & more during this course of time.
I badly wanted to see her or lets say curious to see her. However she declined my request repeatedly.I was curious to know about the person for whom i was spending my time & energy. But thats when our equation started to go worse, She was frustrated & blocked me. But since I was so addicted to her, it was difficult for me to take that.
I again somehow approached her, She was kind hearted enough to oblige my request. I requested her to let me be a friend, She was ok with that. She was more of a friend this time. Infact very good friend. but still no meeting nor seeing eachother.
With her consent I came to an agreement that i can go ahead and search for a suitable life partner for me. Post this i've spent lot of time trying to find a friend. However i miserably failed to find a suitable person. At this same point i was getting pressure to settle down in life from my parents also, but I didnt want to marry a vanilla person either. I was very frustrated, confused, Thats when i turned back to this friend again & I asked her for guidance.
She adviced me to not to marry vanilla person, keep on searching until i get a soulmate or I can come back again (She has good opinion about me as a person as she knows me very well after being chatting for so long). She said i can comeback again but this time, I have to give up all my control & truly submit to her. I agreed, but again I begged her to meet me just once in public place before i can fully give up my control to her. But again she simply refused.
I humbly told her that, I was afraid to fully give up my control, because i feel vulnerable and not safe. I told her, kindly meet me once in public place, so that i can feel i am in right place under right person. so that i can feel comfortable, But she simply said, "I dont have to prove myself".
Now after chatting with this person for quite a some time my heart says she is a good person, but since I have not seen her, my head says i should meet her atleast once before fully dedicating my time & energy towards her again. Its not like i am doubting her, its just i want to reinforce my belief that i am with right person.
Finally I have asked her to give me couple of days of time to decide abt my future for which she has agreed.
Now i request the fellow kinksters to advice me what should i do? I am confused....Help me guys....
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