quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
So, if something were to happen to your "life partner" and he was unable to "fuck", he'd be of no use to you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
love, companionship, caring....

My point is, there is nothing you mention here that a female bestfriend can't give me or my brother can't give me.

quote:

I personally think it's a ridiculous statement that I might as well have just been hanging out with my brother....

It's not ridiculous at all, my brother is my best friend, infact, his better to me than any of my x-husband, boyfriends ever been to me, his always there for me when I need him. If I didn't need sex, I don't need any other men. And that's what best friends are, they are always there for you and you don't have sex with them.

quote:

If sex is an absolute requirement for *your* relationship, have at it. It's apparent that you don't understand a lot of things...and that's the same with all of us.

For a life partner, sex is absolutely necessary. If not, I got my friends, my brother, and really, I have alot companionship WITHOUT sex already, so why do I need a life partner who doesn't fuck?

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
I think it would be helpful to you if you began to qualify your posts.

"For a life partner, sex is absolutely necessary."
"For a life partner, sex is absolutely necessary for me."

In the first you are declaring that all life partners for all people must involve sex. In the latter you show that it is a personal preference for you, not a universal maxim.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

It's already absolutely clear that, the man we are talking about in this post is a man who wants a life partner without ever having sex with her ever and such a person already exists. It makes me think other things like he may be closet gay but also because his closet, he does not want to pursue his gay parts, but oh well, and also his refusal to seek medical treatment, could mean, his closet gay too. As there is no medical condition, just a emotional problem of accepting and embracing his sexuality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


Yes, that would change the relationship and to me, "husband/life partner" means someone you have sex and intimacy with as an expression of love.. any relationship without that is simply friendship.. I need the intimacy and feeling of connection that sex and cuddling and kissing and touching gives.. without that (for me) there is no love or "bond".. Without sex and intimacy and touching, one day I woke up and realized I no longer loved him.. without the sex and cuddling, touching, etc my feelings of love simply died over time.. so to put it into a relationship equation (for me).. Love = sex & sex = Love
Why would I deny myself the chance to find Love again????????

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
I think he was an alcoholic (his father was) but he denies he is one..

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ORIGINAL: Greta75


alcoholic never admits they are one,

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ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


alcoholic never admits they are one,

Ever?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Yes, that would change the relationship and to me, "husband/life partner" means someone you have sex and intimacy with as an expression of love.. any relationship without that is simply friendship.. I need the intimacy and feeling of connection that sex and cuddling and kissing and touching gives.. without that (for me) there is no love or "bond".. Without sex and intimacy and touching, one day I woke up and realized I no longer loved him.. without the sex and cuddling, touching, etc my feelings of love simply died over time.. so to put it into a relationship equation (for me).. Love = sex & sex = Love
Why would I deny myself the chance to find Love again????????

And, that's the point. *For you* or *for me*, this is what it is about.

My comments here were to someone who professed "not to understand" how someone could consider a relationship with a "life partner" without sex.

"Life partner"...such an interesting term *for me*. When my fiancee passed away, we had some discussions as to how to refer to me in the obituary. I didn't want "fiancee". "Life partner" was suggested. When the obit was printed, the general consensus was that people who didn't know us would just assume that we were a same sex couple-- as his name was androgynous. We got a very good chuckle from that.

Actually, as I was typing that, I thought that it was just going to be a random aside. But, I think it goes to the issue here, as I see it. I've never been one for "labels" or "categories" of people, including myself. Just not my thing. But here we are, in this forum, on this thread, speaking about that very thing. We all make our assumptions, and have our own views about people and relationships. Such is the beauty of life, IMO. Another "beauty of life" is the ability...albeit too rare, IMO...to respect others. It's not a question about "understanding" or not, it's an issue of respect.

There were a heck of a lot of people in my life who didn't "understand" my relationship with my fiancee. But they respected it. One example was our age difference, with him being 25 years older than me. I can't even count how many conversations I had about that issue. I don't recall if anyone prefaced their comments with "I don't understand how....", but I *can* tell you that if they did, that was the last I spoke with them. The implication to me when someone does that is that they're trying to put forth their own views as the "right way" or that some sort of explanation is *necessary*. Certainly, we may not understand a lot of things...but the issue becomes, to me, are we willing to learn, and at the end very well say, "cool, not what I would do, or how I see things, but have at it"?

Insofar as the topic of this thread goes...I'm still not sure that I fully *understand* asexuality. And there's a *spectrum* to boot?? In all seriousness though, from what I can grasp of it, it doesn't seem to be a trait that I would want in a partner. IMO, there's a VAST difference in saying it that way, versus "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with such a person." Of course, in both instances, I'm speaking from my own perspective. One just shows a lot more respect than the other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Yes, that would change the relationship and to me, "husband/life partner" means someone you have sex and intimacy with as an expression of love.. any relationship without that is simply friendship.. I need the intimacy and feeling of connection that sex and cuddling and kissing and touching gives.. without that (for me) there is no love or "bond".. Without sex and intimacy and touching, one day I woke up and realized I no longer loved him.. without the sex and cuddling, touching, etc my feelings of love simply died over time.. so to put it into a relationship equation (for me).. Love = sex & sex = Love
Why would I deny myself the chance to find Love again????????

And, that's the point. *For you* or *for me*, this is what it is about.

My comments here were to someone who professed "not to understand" how someone could consider a relationship with a "life partner" without sex.

"Life partner"...such an interesting term *for me*. When my fiancee passed away, we had some discussions as to how to refer to me in the obituary. I didn't want "fiancee". "Life partner" was suggested. When the obit was printed, the general consensus was that people who didn't know us would just assume that we were a same sex couple-- as his name was androgynous. We got a very good chuckle from that.

Actually, as I was typing that, I thought that it was just going to be a random aside. But, I think it goes to the issue here, as I see it. I've never been one for "labels" or "categories" of people, including myself. Just not my thing. But here we are, in this forum, on this thread, speaking about that very thing. We all make our assumptions, and have our own views about people and relationships. Such is the beauty of life, IMO. Another "beauty of life" is the ability...albeit too rare, IMO...to respect others. It's not a question about "understanding" or not, it's an issue of respect.

There were a heck of a lot of people in my life who didn't "understand" my relationship with my fiancee. But they respected it. One example was our age difference, with him being 25 years older than me. I can't even count how many conversations I had about that issue. I don't recall if anyone prefaced their comments with "I don't understand how....", but I *can* tell you that if they did, that was the last I spoke with them. The implication to me when someone does that is that they're trying to put forth their own views as the "right way" or that some sort of explanation is *necessary*. Certainly, we may not understand a lot of things...but the issue becomes, to me, are we willing to learn, and at the end very well say, "cool, not what I would do, or how I see things, but have at it"?

Insofar as the topic of this thread goes...I'm still not sure that I fully *understand* asexuality. And there's a *spectrum* to boot?? In all seriousness though, from what I can grasp of it, it doesn't seem to be a trait that I would want in a partner. IMO, there's a VAST difference in saying it that way, versus "I don't understand why anyone would want to be in a relationship with such a person." Of course, in both instances, I'm speaking from my own perspective. One just shows a lot more respect than the other.

a lot of people don't understand aspects of some other's lives cuz its foreign to them.. just like some Americans think the US is "the greatest country in the world" and can't possibly understand why I would not want to gratefully become an American citizen.. or just as I don't really understand how anyone can start do hard (or even soft) drugs and risk possibly go on to a life of drug addiction.. I know I cant do those things cuz that isn't me, (partly) its not how I was brought up, (partly) it was about things I thought about, analyzed in my mind and rejected long ago..

Greta is from a different country and so if she has a different experience of how things are in her country & how she was brought up, then that is how she sees it or perhaps English is a second language to her and she isn't as adept at expressing things exactly as nitpickers are online do.. I always try to qualify things I say with a "(for me)" or a "as I see it" for those people that are so.. exacting.. and even then, some still try to twist what I have said/meant to say..

I had a friend that had MS, it hit her hard and fast.. she knew she was going to die at some point (she was bedridden in hospital for quite some time) but her thoughts were more about who would take care of her husband and young son when she was gone.. Some people might find it strange that not only did her husband have a girlfriend but that she and her husband and his girlfriend went out shopping together... And that is part of the thing about not having sex with your life partner any more.. does the person no longer able to provide that (thru whatever situation) want the one they supposedly care about and supposedly love to be a martyr and suffer with that? (my husband would never have agreed to me seeking sex elsewhere btw) I would say that if you are no longer able to be that person to her/him then you should not be selfish and require them to suffer that.. even if it means you risk losing them..

Marriages/relationships end for a variety of reasons.. for most couples its due to differences in handing money, not due to sex differences.. is ending a relationship due to money differences/problems more acceptable??? and remember, that here in the US some people even want to know a potential mates credit score prior to dating (as a spouse with a bad credit score can become your credit score)...

quote:

As to relationships that are not physical, I'm thankful that my owner is patient and an understanding man. Due to medication I was essentially asexual for about six years, the very concept of sex was incredibly remote and not something that occurred naturally to my brain. I was oblivious to sexual overtures and sexual situations, sexuality itself as a concept was gone.

While I'm now past that incredibly weird time in my life, I have a litany of medical problems that often leave me essentially crippled at times. There are days where a simple touch is horrifically painful and not the fun kind of painful lol. Times when I cannot bear the touch of nipple clamps or even silken bonds.

Thankfully he doesn't look at me as see someone useless for his needs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I freely admit that I'm one of those who are exacting about words in print, for me semantics really do matter and the smallest inflection can utterly change the meaning for me. That is why I tend to be rather careful about the words I choose. In turn I (probably unfairly) expect the same from others. Particularly when it comes to declarative statements.

As to relationships that are not physical, I'm thankful that my owner is patient and an understanding man. Due to medication I was essentially asexual for about six years, the very concept of sex was incredibly remote and not something that occurred naturally to my brain. I was oblivious to sexual overtures and sexual situations, sexuality itself as a concept was gone.

While I'm now past that incredibly weird time in my life, I have a litany of medical problems that often leave me essentially crippled at times. There are days where a simple touch is horrifically painful and not the fun kind of painful lol. Times when I cannot bear the touch of nipple clamps or even silken bonds.

Thankfully he doesn't look at me as see someone useless for his needs.

It may not be what he wanted in a submissive but he is accepting and supporting of me, of my health issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I freely admit that I'm one of those who are exacting about words in print, for me semantics really do matter and the smallest inflection can utterly change the meaning for me. That is why I tend to be rather careful about the words I choose. In turn I (probably unfairly) expect the same from others. Particularly when it comes to declarative statements.

As to relationships that are not physical, I'm thankful that my owner is patient and an understanding man. Due to medication I was essentially asexual for about six years, the very concept of sex was incredibly remote and not something that occurred naturally to my brain. I was oblivious to sexual overtures and sexual situations, sexuality itself as a concept was gone.

While I'm now past that incredibly weird time in my life, I have a litany of medical problems that often leave me essentially crippled at times. There are days where a simple touch is horrifically painful and not the fun kind of painful lol. Times when I cannot bear the touch of nipple clamps or even silken bonds.

Thankfully he doesn't look at me as see someone useless for his needs.

It may not be what he wanted in a submissive but he is accepting and supporting of me, of my health issues.

Just to be clear, I never ever said that someone that can no longer be sexual in a relationship is "useless", I said it changes the relationship (for me).. and again, in my case it wasn't just the sex that was lacking, it was all physical closeness and activity, no holding hands, no cuddling, no kisses, no fingers thru my hair, not even any "looking deeply into each other's eyes".. none of it.. it literally converted into only a friendship.. and to top it off, he refused to discuss it or find the cause or any possible solution (if there was one)!

and.. I am not into pain at all (not everyone on this site is) so the thought of nipple clamps make me cringe...

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


a lot of people don't understand aspects of some other's lives cuz its foreign to them.. just like some Americans think the US is "the greatest country in the world" and can't possibly understand why I would not want to gratefully become an American citizen.. or just as I don't really understand how anyone can start do hard (or even soft) drugs and risk possibly go on to a life of drug addiction.. I know I cant do those things cuz that isn't me, (partly) its not how I was brought up, (partly) it was about things I thought about, analyzed in my mind and rejected long ago..

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Greta is from a different country and so if she has a different experience of how things are in her country & how she was brought up, then that is how she sees it or perhaps English is a second language to her and she isn't as adept at expressing things exactly as nitpickers are online do.. I always try to qualify things I say with a "(for me)" or a "as I see it" for those people that are so.. exacting.. and even then, some still try to twist what I have said/meant to say..

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

I had a friend that had MS, it hit her hard and fast.. she knew she was going to die at some point (she was bedridden in hospital for quite some time) but her thoughts were more about who would take care of her husband and young son when she was gone.. Some people might find it strange that not only did her husband have a girlfriend but that she and her husband and his girlfriend went out shopping together... And that is part of the thing about not having sex with your life partner any more.. does the person no longer able to provide that (thru whatever situation) want the one they supposedly care about and supposedly love to be a martyr and suffer with that? (my husband would never have agreed to me seeking sex elsewhere btw) I would say that if you are no longer able to be that person to her/him then you should not be selfish and require them to suffer that.. even if it means you risk losing them..

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
Marriages/relationships end for a variety of reasons.. for most couples its due to differences in handing money, not due to sex differences.. is ending a relationship due to money differences/problems more acceptable??? and remember, that here in the US some people even want to know a potential mates credit score prior to dating (as a spouse with a bad credit score can become your credit score)...

quote:

if I can't have sex with someone, I might as well be hanging out with my brother

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ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

if I can't have sex with someone, I might as well be hanging out with my brother

And that's my point of view. It's the truth. Should I lie and make something else up?
I think tt is a saint.
I wouldn't take 4 years from a dude who is okay with only receiving blow jobs but refuses to return any pleasure at all and his not even a dom!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

if I can't have sex with someone, I might as well be hanging out with my brother

And that's my point of view. It's the truth. Should I lie and make something else up?
I think tt is a saint.
I wouldn't take 4 years from a dude who is okay with only receiving blow jobs but refuses to return any pleasure at all and his not even a dom!

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

IMO, when someone prefaces a comment with "I don't understand", especially in this context, there is a clear idea behind it. And, when someone says, "if I can't have sex with someone, I might as well be hanging out with my brother"...again, clear message.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

LOL "I dont understand" why you "dont understand" that her viewpoint is her viewpoint and she has a right to it.. whether you agree with it or not..

Why are you getting so upset by it? life is too short..