RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 9:58:41 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Maria, I always find it ironic and usually moronic when people assume that X is dominant behavior and Y is submissive behavior. I do what I do for me, it's a happy accident that she likes it... more appropriately, her making a good choice in pairing all the self serving shit I do with the her wants and needs.

Yeah me too. Far too many dominant types become the puppet to their submissive. I can’t imagine living a life in fear of displeasing my sub or having my sub doubt my dominance because of my sometimes wacky behaviour but it clearly happens a lot. I absolutely refuse to wear the stiffly starched collar I see other dominants wearing. Life’s too short to be a kink service provider.

HA! Simpatico. I like to play rock, paper, scissors for chore X or task Y. If I don't want to do X or Y, then I tell her to go do it, but the fun and games of playfulness is important to me. Besides, when I am alone I do all of the X and Y chores, why would I suddenly stop because an /s is with me?

Florentine Flogging is using two floggers. Done well, it is beautiful poetry in motion.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 21

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 10:27:48 AM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

What are your opinions about the difference between D/s-M/s ownership and BDSM Topping & bottoming play? Does it even matter to you, or is this a non-issue when you choose a play partner?

Not only is this confusing to many newbies joining the ranks of BDSM daily, but more experienced BDSMers seem to get the following terms mixed up or else don't know how to differentiate between a Dominant/submissive power & authority dynamic and *just* being a kinkster who lives and lets live. This wouldn't be relevant if I (and others) didn't keep running into the following misunderstandings:

1. Lack of Understanding Regarding CONSENSUALITY

2. Not Knowing Whether One or Others Are, In Fact:
-- Dominant (D/s) and/or Master-Mistress (M/s)
-- Top, but not Dominant (BDSM)
-- submissive (D/s-M/s)
-- slave (M/s)
-- bottom, but not an s-type (BDSM)
-- S/switch (S=Top heavy; s=bottom heavy--BDSM), namely
-- S/switch, more of a BDSM kinkster who is not into D/s Ownership & Worship protocols
-- Sado-masochistic Dominant or s-type (S&M half of BDSM)
-- Sado-masochistic Top or bottom (S&M half of BDSM)
-- Fetishist (not D/s)
-- Vanilla Fantasists and HNGs-Horny Net Geeks (not D/s, BDSM newbie)

Please feel free to add to the above list.

What does it matter? Seems to me that labels are only important and confusing when you are not being open and communicative about what you want... and that is ill advised.

_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 22

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 10:42:35 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic

What does it matter? Seems to me that labels are only important and confusing when you are not being open and communicative about what you want... and that is ill advised.

It isn't the labels so much that are the issue (or non-issue), and perhaps I should have left off that listing as a reference resource for those who are not familiar with D/s-BDSM terminology.

Frankly, I could give a rat's ass about many D/s protocols. What I find of value is the structure of mutual consent, adherence to respecting limits (theoretically) which is in place.

Without this, BDSM would be a free-for-all, what appears to outsiders as hedonistic fun and games for a bunch of low-life perverts which are abusive and criminal acts perpetrated by psychopathic sadists upon equally deranged masochists.

You can say this isn't so, but the legality of the situation is that in many if not most states, a person cannot willfully consent to physical assault. A discontented, vengeful bottom-submissive can easily have a Top-Dominant thrown into jail for rape, assault & battery, kidnapping, false imprisonment, possibly blackmail or extortion in some cases, or any number of serious charges that could ruin a BDSMer's life. There's a great deal more at stake here than pursuing one's bliss mindlessly.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 23

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 10:57:37 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Maria, I always find it ironic and usually moronic when people assume that X is dominant behavior and Y is submissive behavior. I do what I do for me, it's a happy accident that she likes it... more appropriately, her making a good choice in pairing all the self serving shit I do with the her wants and needs.

Yeah me too. Far too many dominant types become the puppet to their submissive. I can’t imagine living a life in fear of displeasing my sub or having my sub doubt my dominance because of my sometimes wacky behaviour but it clearly happens a lot. I absolutely refuse to wear the stiffly starched collar I see other dominants wearing. Life’s too short to be a kink service provider.

HA! Simpatico. I like to play rock, paper, scissors for chore X or task Y. If I don't want to do X or Y, then I tell her to go do it, but the fun and games of playfulness is important to me. Besides, when I am alone I do all of the X and Y chores, why would I suddenly stop because an /s is with me?

Florentine Flogging is using two floggers. Done well, it is beautiful poetry in motion.

This is key for me as well. I hate someone who rules with an iron fist is a huge turn off. I'm into this cause it's fun, not gloomy. If I'm not laughing in my relationship I'm not staying. And if you can't laugh at yourself I'm really not staying.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 24

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 11:02:22 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Maria, I always find it ironic and usually moronic when people assume that X is dominant behavior and Y is submissive behavior. I do what I do for me, it's a happy accident that she likes it... more appropriately, her making a good choice in pairing all the self serving shit I do with the her wants and needs.

Yeah me too. Far too many dominant types become the puppet to their submissive. I can’t imagine living a life in fear of displeasing my sub or having my sub doubt my dominance because of my sometimes wacky behaviour but it clearly happens a lot. I absolutely refuse to wear the stiffly starched collar I see other dominants wearing. Life’s too short to be a kink service provider.

HA! Simpatico. I like to play rock, paper, scissors for chore X or task Y. If I don't want to do X or Y, then I tell her to go do it, but the fun and games of playfulness is important to me. Besides, when I am alone I do all of the X and Y chores, why would I suddenly stop because an /s is with me?

Florentine Flogging is using two floggers. Done well, it is beautiful poetry in motion.

This is key for me as well. I hate someone who rules with an iron fist is a huge turn off. I'm into this cause it's fun, not gloomy. If I'm not laughing in my relationship I'm not staying. And if you can't laugh at yourself I'm really not staying.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 25

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 11:12:30 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

Without this, BDSM would be a free-for-all, what appears to outsiders as hedonistic fun and games for a bunch of low-life perverts which are abusive and criminal acts perpetrated by psychopathic sadists upon equally deranged masochists.

This is where we will disagree.

Outsiders aren't interested in the categories of BDSM or D/s. As far as many of those outsiders are concerned we are still a bunch of hedonistic perverts. I don't think most outsiders think of us as psychopathic deranged criminals but if they do, I doubt us categorizing different elements will change their minds.

quote:

You can say this isn't so, but the legality of the situation is that in many if not most states, a person cannot willfully consent to physical assault. A discontented, vengeful bottom-submissive can easily have a Top-Dominant thrown into jail for rape, assault & battery, kidnapping, false imprisonment, possibly blackmail or extortion in some cases, or any number of serious charges that could ruin a BDSMer's life. There's a great deal more at stake here than pursuing one's bliss mindlessly.

But how can categorizing BDSM & D/s change that? A court of law is going to tar each and every one of us that has a BDSM or D/s footprint with a sexual deviant label, if we commit or are suspected of committing one of the crimes you mention.

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 26

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/8/2014 9:03:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But the risk is the same for any vanilla having sex. There's always the risk of someone vengeful deciding after that it was rape.
A statistic I read is that across the board, false charges are no more than 5%, no matter the crime.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 27

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 9:29:09 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

But the risk is the same for any vanilla having sex. There's always the risk of someone vengeful deciding after that it was rape.
A statistic I read is that across the board, false charges are no more than 5%, no matter the crime.

There's always of risk of false charges being brought in any area of life, by anybody.

The difference is, a sub-bottom presenting with bruises, welts, stripes, cuts, vaginal and/or anal abrasions or tears, restraint marks around her wrists & ankles, appearing as though she's been beaten up, has a helluva better chance of getting taken seriously in terms of pressing charges.

A defense of, "She consented" without corroboration or witnesses, isn't going to hold water. Not to mention one's reputation possibly getting ruined. Just going around spreading rumors, whether by a male or female, can cause damage.

This is a worst-case scenario. What concerns me more is a seemingly widespread ignorance among kinkier folk about the ability to consent and to withdraw consent. As a(nother) peripheral comment, the last 3 subs I've corresponded with (2 of whom have decades of experience with more than one Mistress) all told me the same thing. They have no preferences or specific kinks/fetishes.

They are completely open to whatever the Dominant wants, and these weren't your typical "No Limits slaves" either. Maybe it's just me, but this kind of sub mentality bothers me. I think that there are many subs who think that in order to get owned in a D/s, they have to appear overly accommodating and are convinced that this gives them a greater chance of finding a Dominant or whom they believe is a Dominant they can blindly trust with their safety & well-being. To me, insta-Domming does not a D/s make. Any BDSM Top will do, and it doesn't even have to be a Dominant.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 28

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 10:04:25 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

What is a Florentine flogging?

It's like a cheerleader using two floggers instead of pom poms and they are giving someone a nice massage with them.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 29

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 10:45:40 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

What is a Florentine flogging?

It's like a cheerleader using two floggers instead of pom poms and they are giving someone a nice massage with them.

Yeah I understood what ET meant, just didn't know it had a name. Personally I find it a bit strange but then when I flog a person I just like to go for it and not make a performance of it.

Each to their own.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/9/2014 10:46:02 AM >

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 30

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 11:13:47 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

~FR~
I don't give a flying fuck what other people call their relationship.
I don't care if another person is presented with bruises, welts, cuts, etc. It's none of my fucking business.
I don't care if another CAN and does retract and call foul after a bout of consensual BDSM.

None of this...is any of MY business. It does not affect MY relationship, therefore, I don't care.

There could be a rash of convictions in regards to men and women in D/s/BDSM relationships that suddenly cry foul, and win...those convictions do not affect my relationship, so therefore, they are none of my business.

Its rare for ME to never have marks all over my body, including my face. If a stranger starts asking questions about the 'supposed' abuse, I tell them to mind their own business. Those who know me, know what the marks are from.

I have more than 40 years minding my own business, and making sure others stayed out of mine. That's never going to change.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 31

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 11:28:35 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

~FR~
I don't give a flying fuck what other people call their relationship.
I don't care if another person is presented with bruises, welts, cuts, etc. It's none of my fucking business.
I don't care if another CAN and does retract and call foul after a bout of consensual BDSM.

None of this...is any of MY business. It does not affect MY relationship, therefore, I don't care.

There could be a rash of convictions in regards to men and women in D/s/BDSM relationships that suddenly cry foul, and win...those convictions do not affect my relationship, so therefore, they are none of my business.

Its rare for ME to never have marks all over my body, including my face. If a stranger starts asking questions about the 'supposed' abuse, I tell them to mind their own business. Those who know me, know what the marks are from.

I have more than 40 years minding my own business, and making sure others stayed out of mine. That's never going to change.

Would you do it for a Klondike bar?

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 32

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 1:50:15 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Would you do it for a Klondike bar?

Nah don't care for chocolate

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 33

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 1:53:37 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Would you do it for a Klondike bar?

Nah don't care for chocolate

Bitch, you're hardcore!

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 34

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 4:02:31 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

I also never understand when doms complain that a sub is into it only for kinks.

What is the difference between being into it for kink and being submissive?

They say into kinks is like a temporary interest or something.

But I've been into it for life, since I was 8 yrs old, or I should say, 8 yrs old, I was aware and articulate about these things already, and practicing on barbie dolls and I do not see myself ever stopping for the rest of my life, it's not possible. It's inborn in me.

And D/S is something where, there will be non-stop disagreement about what is D/S. Because it's also disagreement on where micro-management or macro-management ends.

I mean, when I was in a D/S relationship, everyday, my man picks out what I wear everyday, I never decide on my wardrobe, he does and anyway, he had good taste too, so it was actually fantastic to have someone pick up clothes and buy me clothes that look great on me, no work on my part to do that. So that's part of his micro-management. But I always order my own food, choose what I want to eat, he doesn't decide my diet or what I drink.

But when I think about it all, D/S has safe words. So it simply means, ultimately, it's 100% my choice what I want to do all the time, whether to obey or disobey. So ultimately, I am pretending to give away control, but I always feel like I am always in control, because I had a choice to choose to follow or not.

Even slavery is a choice, and will always be a choice in this modern world, unless you're a sex trade traffick victim.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/9/2014 4:08:30 PM >

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 35

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/9/2014 5:09:55 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

To the first question, I don't play casually so I don't choose play partners, I choose a long term relationship partner who also must be a Dom in and out of the bedroom, who must want a sub in and out of the bedroom. There has to be mutual emotional and physical attraction. He must be the right Dom for me and I must be the right sub for him.
<snip>

This is how I feel also, in reverse. Let me ask you this, assuming that you and your Dom had determined in advance you both had matching compatibility in and out of the bedroom. If a Dom had come to you with his emphasis or overemphasis on your BDSM play interests, or appeared to have few of his own preferences, wouldn't that have impressed you as someone who was more interested in finding his next play partner than a for-keeps submissive? The other question is, how seriously would you take a Dom (or Switch) who takes this kind of approach as being the right Dominant to get into a D/s relationship dynamic with, as opposed to a man just saying that he is Dominant in order to get his freak on?

@Bhruic
You're right about getting hung up on labels, and that isn't what's important as long as both parties are being honest and upfront about what they're seeking. In some cases, they might not even know themselves, which is why I posed this question originally about how somebody can tell the difference between whether they genuinely want a D/s dynamic or are seeking more of a BDSM play partner.

@shiftyw
That's neat how you and your partner have pursued your relationship without being concerned with how others see your particular dynamics at work as a couple, and that you aren't hung up on calling yourself a bottom.

@IrishMist
Apologies for not staying on topic. I know a straight male bottom who claims to have never been in a D/s relationship and has been practicing BDSM for a long time without any idea that without willful consent, some of his liaisons have bordered upon abuse. At one point (and he didn't see it this way at first) he was the sex slave to two sadistic women (they did not identify as being Dommes) who shared him between themselves. He even built a soundproof garage for their sessions. Granted, he was into the kinky sex portion of it, but it was like the blind leading the blind, without using a safe word and being totally clueless about where consent entered into the picture or that it could be withdrawn at any time. So there are people out there practicing BDSM privately without understanding what they're doing as to how does mutual consent and pre-defining limits make it BDSM and not outright (sexual) abuse. He ended up being mistreated, and it's hard to say whether he would have gotten treated any better if one of those women had felt any personal responsibility for him as his Mistress with an owned & collared slave. This was in a small town, and if he had gotten seriously hurt, both of those women might have found themselves in a heap of trouble. Again, getting into another subject matter, but I wanted to explain where I was coming from in bringing up the consent vs. abuse issue.

@Greta75
Were you speaking in general, or has a Dom criticized you personally for not being *subbly* enough by expressing your desire for your kinks?

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Post #: 36

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/10/2014 6:14:44 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Its very possible, even for well established members of this lifestyle to find themselves submitting to an abuser, whilst remaining unaware that they are involved in an abusive dynamic. Safe and sane often changes its meaning to an abused individual just as the word 'abuse' changes its meaning in the vanilla world. What I'm saying is, people can spend years and years in an abusive relationship whilst adamantly denying they are being abused. When a persons self-confidence has been destroyed by an abuser and when abuse is dished out along with periods of affection and positive attention, then BDSMers and D/sers (experienced or not) and vanilla people alike are all at risk.

Its more likely a green eyed newbie would perhaps not recognize abuse in the early days of a BDSM/ D/s relationship and unlike vanilla abuse which tends to comes much later in the relationship, BDSM abuse can start from day one. A submissive who has done no reading or joined groups like this is more likely to find herself/himself in situations that you or I would red flag but those people haven't educated themselves and so no matter what we say, they won't hear us. I believe that most people who engage in this lifestyle are well equip on various levels, including awareness of their own limitations. Information is so easy to get hold of these days.

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 37

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/10/2014 7:17:24 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Its very possible, even for well established members of this lifestyle to find themselves submitting to an abuser, whilst remaining unaware that they are involved in an abusive dynamic. Safe and sane often changes its meaning to an abused individual just as the word 'abuse' changes its meaning in the vanilla world. What I'm saying is, people can spend years and years in an abusive relationship whilst adamantly denying they are being abused. When a persons self-confidence has been destroyed by an abuser and when abuse is dished out along with periods of affection and positive attention, then BDSMers and D/sers (experienced or not) and vanilla people alike are all at risk.

Its more likely a green eyed newbie would perhaps not recognize abuse in the early days of a BDSM/ D/s relationship and unlike vanilla abuse which tends to comes much later in the relationship, BDSM abuse can start from day one. A submissive who has done no reading or joined groups like this is more likely to find herself/himself in situations that you or I would red flag but those people haven't educated themselves and so no matter what we say, they won't hear us. I believe that most people who engage in this lifestyle are well equip on various levels, including awareness of their own limitations. Information is so easy to get hold of these days.

The abusive vanilla relationship might be more insidious, or take longer for co-dependency to set it, for those who are vulnerable to that sort of thing. I see many newbie male subs (can't say with the females other than those who occasionally send me messages) with no expectation of finding an interdependent relationship; who have gotten it into their heads that they have to act slavish from Day One as if we Dommes are alien life forms and not *real* women, or else they come prepared with their laundry list of what fetish or kink we should be their delivery system for, as if an offer of "submission" is all it takes to embark upon an instant D/s dynamic, forgetting that with any non-casual relationship to develop, it takes time to cultivate trust by getting to know a person as a person first and developing a rapport before rushing into things (as with any area of life).

With D/s-BDSM, it really is important for a newbie to get involved with their local BDSM community. I hear many make excuses (out of social awkwardness) or guffaw, as in What BDSM "community"? There is no community per se, to some. I'm guilty myself of no longer keeping up with or attending events held by my nearest local FemDom group, and I was never actively involved as more than a participant. This is partly because of the late hours and my not liking to be out at night by myself or making the long drive home alone, I got tired of lining up a male sub chaperone and wanted to attend with my own sub. (Excuses, excuses, I know.)

IMHO, it is important for us who are more experienced or who have been around the block to look out for newbies and show them the ropes (no pun). Unfortunately for me in that sense, my taking an interest in a newbie male sub at a casual munch in an ordinary coffee shop can send the wrong message or a mixed message. What I like the most about these Message Boards is how newbies can educate themselves by learning more about this lifestyle and related lifestyles. And it isn't just the newbies either. I know I've learned a lot by reading discussion threads also.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 38

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/10/2014 10:30:23 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

IMHO, it is important for us who are more experienced or who have been around the block to look out for newbies and show them the ropes (no pun).

I would have to disagree.

If a person is of age, and decides to start experimenting...it's THEIR job to do the research, not mine. If they jump into the first relationship with a so called 'dom/domme/master, etc etc...without using their heads to learn about the person...it's not my problem if they made a poor choice.
If they are old enough to make the choice to participate, then they need to be mature enough to make smart choices.

I raised my kids. I don't need strangers with peas for brains and poor judgement to take their place.

/shrug

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 39

RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play - 11/10/2014 11:46:36 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with Irish Mist. I didn't sign up to be the Samaritan to new submissives needing guidance and like Irish says, these people aren't children and have a world of knowledge right at their finger tips if only they bothered to look. Aside from that, how many times do we hear dominants claim to of been in this lifestyle for years when truth be known, they are just as new as the newbie they are now advising. Others of the white knight variety would scare a new submissive into his arms because that's the only way he knows how to pull. I've found lots of the advisory types to be quite predatory and that is one of the reasons I won't give out advice that isn't asked for. Who am I to say my advice would be good advice? How does the newbie know my advice is sound, sensible and helpful. Surely the best advice any of us could give would be to go and read as much info as possible on the web, weigh it up, pull it apart and take out the bits you need.

ETA. If what I'm saying makes no sense its because I'm still sedated after a hospital procedure today...I feel like I'm drunk

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/10/2014 11:48:39 AM >

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: How to Tell When It's D/s & Not BDSM Play

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.111