RE: Why can't I reconcile these things??

RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 3:51:03 AM)
I personally never have a problem with anything, as long as I know the woman is consenting, I am happy and comfortable. Only get angry if the woman is non-consensual. There is conflict. The question is, I never read that story but what exactly do you feel angry about? The woman consensually agreed to do all that right? It means that it brings her joy. So it's a positive thing. Just like you would do it because it brings you joy.

smileforme50 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 6:25:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I personally never have a problem with anything, as long as I know the woman is consenting, I am happy and comfortable. Only get angry if the woman is non-consensual. There is conflict. The question is, I never read that story but what exactly do you feel angry about? The woman consensually agreed to do all that right? It means that it brings her joy. So it's a positive thing. Just like you would do it because it brings you joy. Like swifty said.... I think it's that whole. "Bdsm as therapy" stuff that irritates me in this story...... Plus the idea that while she seems to be a very willing participant, she is also presented as being some helpless creature that would be a mess if she doesn't have a dominant partner to be in charge.

Lucylastic -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 6:31:52 AM)
Looks like I might have to read this...

Greta75 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 6:36:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 Plus the idea that while she seems to be a very willing participant, she is also presented as being some helpless creature that would be a mess if she doesn't have a dominant partner to be in charge. Not so far from reality for some D/S relationships, the dynamics are really like that though. I love bdsm from a kid and I met my x-dom when going through a traumatic divorce with my x-husband. I was a total wreck. While we didn't work out, but I truly believed meeting him helped me heal alot faster than I would have heal if I have not met him. And being able to indulge in what I love, which is bdsm, like indulging in a favourite hobby and enjoying it with someone who mutually enjoy it, was very therapeutic. The same as when I stopped skating when I was married, but able to put them back on and go fly on skates through the night was therapeutic, doing something I love and enjoy. It also allows me to disconnect from my grief and gives me a break from the depression I was going through. I don't know, I don't think it's all bad. I was seeing a counsellor who is not kink aware so I didn't talk to her about kink but I did talk to her about my x-dom like his a vanilla man, and she encouraged the relationship. Despite me being in an unstable utter wreck of a person. It turn out, really, I really needed him at that point of time, he came into my life at the perfect time, I really needed him. And I look back, he was there at the right time, and we also broke up at the right time when I was strong enough to stand on my own feet again, it all benefited me. I really gain back alot of my strength while I was with him. But it was a slow 2.5 years process. And I am at a place right now, I am single, taking care of myself, feeling very strong.

smileforme50 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 7:02:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucylastic Looks like I might have to read this... I would love to know what someone else's take on this story is..... I'm sure I'm just being overly sensitive....

Lucylastic -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 7:17:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 quote: ORIGINAL: Lucylastic Looks like I might have to read this... I would love to know what someone else's take on this story is..... I'm sure I'm just being overly sensitive.... I dont think you are tho Smile, I read a book, that I knew was for male dominants and fem subs and I was interested because, I believe you can learn something from either side of the kneel or gender, but the attitude in the book of the dominant male in the first three pages made me so furious that Ive never picked it up again. Mind you Ive read femdom erotica where I have the same feelings of furious ridiculousness on the one true wayisms. both from the sub side or the dom side. i just got the book, Ill message you my take on it, just in case it takes longer than this thread:)

smileforme50 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 8:21:54 AM)
That would be great..,, but be warned...it's also kind of sappy......as is often fiction about terminal illness.

Bhruic -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 10:16:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 But I'm talking about the SAME things. I'm talking about how I am accepting of submitting to something myself.... But then feeling almost a bit angry when a fictional character is told to do the same thing. WTF is that all about?? Its about the fact that submission is a subjective and intimate dynamic. You seem to understand this when you are interacting with a Dom you trust. The author simply isn't fleshing out that dynamic well in the story, and so you aren't connecting with it. Its pretty damn rare that erotic fiction is written by someone who can actually write. A big part of the deliciousness of submission is that you have to give something up to do it. I don't find it uncommon that submissives have confident and commanding personalities until they encounter the right Dom for them.

DesFIP -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/18/2014 8:17:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shiftyw See to me, that "BDSM Therapy" stuff is a crock of shit and would make me not care about the characters, cause I don't relate. QFT. Relationship partners aren't therapists. Even if they are in their day jobs, it's unethical to practice on your partner. If her husband really cared about her, he'd find her a therapist to help her learn to manage alone. Not hand her over like a car he was selling where the possibility exists that in a month he'll resell the car or crash it. And yeah, stating that the only reason a woman would bottom or sub is because she's fucked up would get my back up too.

HeartAndSoul31 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 5:42:03 AM)
Maybe you have a problem relinquishing total control and you associate the character as yourself. It's healthy to keep some control of your life but also healthy to admit we need/want/ like a leader. Maybe your gut is saying protect myself, so you feel some extreme emotions. Inner struggle.

smileforme50 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 6:06:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: ORIGINAL: shiftyw See to me, that "BDSM Therapy" stuff is a crock of shit and would make me not care about the characters, cause I don't relate. QFT. Relationship partners aren't therapists. Even if they are in their day jobs, it's unethical to practice on your partner. If her husband really cared about her, he'd find her a therapist to help her learn to manage alone. Not hand her over like a car he was selling where the possibility exists that in a month he'll resell the car or crash it. And yeah, stating that the only reason a woman would bottom or sub is because she's fucked up would get my back up too. OMG yes..... That's it exactly! Why didn't her husband ever just get her professional help ? A very good question. But I will say that as the story goes on we find out that she has had the hots for the friend ever since she met him....and they were going to ask this guy to move in with them for a poly relationship even if the husband had never gotten sick. The plot thickens....

YouName -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 7:17:21 AM)
I don't trust the concept of modern psychology or at least that it is worth anything more than what you or especially you and a good friend can achieve on your own. Underlying factors must be resolved or overstepped for a problem to become irrelevant. So without reading the full story my simple comment on it is that experiences can shape us and make us healthier and sicker respective of their nature and our ability to undergo them. In that way I wouldn't have a problem with someone trying out this lifestyle as a therapy to them (and thus in reality quite unwillingly), it's just that it can be horribly damaging and reading from your other comments I'd probably say it was just a blurred story of someone who didn't quite dwell into the core of the issue and thus didn't have a good answer to the fictitious persons problems.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 7:24:35 AM)
Modern psychology works because you've surrendered to the idea of it.

YouName -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 7:32:25 AM)
What, we agree? Did the sun go up this day? Just sayin.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 7:36:52 AM)
LOL. I have nothing personal for you. If I agree with something I own it, and if I disagree with something, I rule it. Being here exposes me to ideas and perceptions that are outside my box, and I am a very deliberate person. So I do spend a lot of time deliberating on things and deciding how they work within the frame work that is me, and that which does not work is discarded, that which does is assimilated. Jus sayin

DesFIP -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 7:37:47 AM)
But you and a good friend aren't objective. More importantly, when you are less than mentally and emotionally healthy you will have as friends people who also are subpar and therefore not able to see things clearly or from a healthy pov. And then there's the well known fact that people don't value what they don't pay for. That's why people go to lawyers or accountants, nutritionists and personal trainers. Many times they already know what they should do but they don't until they are told to do this by an expert who they are paying to advise them. I've had one really top notch therapist in my life and I can assure you that the questions she asked to get me to think things out properly were questions I had never asked myself and no friend had ever asked me. Beyond that, just because you don't trust the concept does not make it real. Your lack of trust could itself be symptomatic of issues you have and want to protect. By giving you fake reasons not to address them. You are welcome to indulge yourself in whatever conspiracy theory you want, but that doesn't make them real. It just shows that you have issues which cause you to seek a conspiracy theory to make you feel better but not by actually making you better. Therapy is the hardest work you can ever do, and it's painful and gritty. And that's why people don't go for that help, because they are too cowardly to do all the work, to feel all the pain. It's like going to the dentist for an abscessed tooth. It hurts so overwhelmingly when they lance it that many people prefer to feel the lower level throbbing for weeks, until their entire system is poisoned and they are forced to address it.

YouName -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 8:05:02 AM)
I spend no thought on you neither, just interesting to note! On a note, so was the rest of that post ET Hey Des, I'm glad it keeps working out for you. I do have one question if you will allow me to be brunt. Would you keep going to a dentist whom you had to visit all the time to keep the toothache away? Fine, maybe those teeth keep getting holes in them, but you could just stop drinking that coke then.

smileforme50 -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 8:38:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YouName I spend no thought on you neither, just interesting to note! On a note, so was the rest of that post ET Hey Des, I'm glad it keeps working out for you. I do have one question if you will allow me to be brunt. Would you keep going to a dentist whom you had to visit all the time to keep the toothache away? Fine, maybe those teeth keep getting holes in them, but you could just stop drinking that coke then. So because therapy takes more time and visits to a professional than a single trip to fill a tooth..... That obviously means it doesn't work and it's not worth it? Just because a treatment takes a longer period of regular active care doesn't mean it doesn't work. Have you ever needed an extended period of PT?

YouName -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 12:30:31 PM)
lol. It's my opinion yes, you don't have to agree with it and you're free to have your own. Also, what I said and what you paraphrased is obviously not the same but it doesn't really matter. I believe it at best the psychological profession is a product of a failed society where even true friendship has become commercialised and at worst a scam. Also, I do not want the objectivity of a non-acquaintance to offer me advice as per their occupation. In that case I'd rather take the advice of several strangers on the street. To each their own. If you have a specific problem, I'd go see a councillor if nothing else has helped. Or better yet, someone who is a professional in what every field you feel bad about. Such as someone that is trained and skilled in teaching social interaction, fitness, career choices or what ever else it may be. PS~ When we're at it. Bankers are scammers, read a few books and make your own investments. Or better yet, if you don't plan on running a business, don't buy stocks. That's what's wrong with that part of society to begin with. Lawyers are the product of a justice system that is unjust and too complicated for its own good. Self-help gurus are up there with psychics and other swindlers of reality.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: Why can't I reconcile these things?? (11/19/2014 1:00:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YouName lol. It's my opinion yes, you don't have to agree with it and you're free to have your own. Also, what I said and what you paraphrased is obviously not the same but it doesn't really matter. I believe it at best the psychological profession is a product of a failed society where even true friendship has become commercialised and at worst a scam. Also, I do not want the objectivity of a non-acquaintance to offer me advice as per their occupation. In that case I'd rather take the advice of several strangers on the street. To each their own. If you have a specific problem, I'd go see a councillor if nothing else has helped. Or better yet, someone who is a professional in what every field you feel bad about. Such as someone that is trained and skilled in teaching social interaction, fitness, career choices or what ever else it may be. PS~ When we're at it. Bankers are scammers, read a few books and make your own investments. Or better yet, if you don't plan on running a business, don't buy stocks. That's what's wrong with that part of society to begin with. Lawyers are the product of a justice system that is unjust and too complicated for its own good. Self-help gurus are up there with psychics and other swindlers of reality. Do you turn to your local hobo for car repairs?

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