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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 1:01:32 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		MariaIsabel...This thread is almost 2 years old...Everyone who posted on it is dead....It's a tragedy.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 1:05:05 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		No.

I don't believe abuse victims "incite" or "invite" abuse either.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 1:09:21 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Unfortunately everyone that had posted on this thread was ultimately murdered by their abusers....I am setting up a charity for the funerals....

All donations should be forwarded to:

Domiguy Industries
1060 W. Addison
Chicago Il. 60613


did the lights come on yet at domiguy industries?


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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 1:19:22 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Unfortunately everyone that had posted on this thread was ultimately murdered by their abusers....I am setting up a charity for the funerals....

All donations should be forwarded to:

Domiguy Industries
1060 W. Addison
Chicago Il. 60613


did the lights come on yet at domiguy industries?




We mostly take in our donations during the day...But every now and again we are forced to burn the midnight oil....It's not quite the same, but many people have said that Domiguy Industries as well as the Domidong are just as breathtaking during the day as the evening. If you care to visit during the Summer I adorn the Domidong with ivy...It's simply breathtaking.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 1:29:40 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy



We mostly take in our donations during the day...But every now and again we are forced to burn the midnight oil....It's not quite the same, but many people have said that Domiguy Industries as well as the Domidong are just as breathtaking during the day as the evening. If you care to visit during the Summer I adorn the Domidong with ivy...It's simply breathtaking.


::::wonders how many miles of ivy it takes to adorn the domidong:::::

and i hope you use the solid green....the variegated would just be tacky.

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 2:30:28 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LiliesDoGrow

You raise an interesting point Julia.

I've often wondered if people with submissive personalities tend to incite abuse in others because of their sensitive natures?

Maybe this phenom of the abused submissive derives from people with giving personalities being knocked about by insensitive brutes.

It's not about being a doormat, it's about giving of ourselves, putting others before ourselves. For some reason, that makes stupid people angry and aggressive releasing abusive behaviour. Whether they be a childhood playmate, boss, mate or even a parent, some people have this penchant to hurt nice people. Makes them feel good.

Unfortunately, there are some who claim to be dominants that exhibit this trait towards those they consider "weak".

Yeah, I guess I got knocked around by stupid people. But I consider the sources. They were low level, dull spirited, clodish imbecile bullies.

Why give them a second thought.

Am I submissive because of the abuse? Nah. I'm a giving, loving person in spite of it.


I have thought this about my ex-husband with the perfect vision of hindsight.  I was not abused as a child; had a fantastic family life, in fact.  I'm not so submissive in RL as I am in terms of the other side of the bedroom door, but have always found myself to be that way in the bedroom.  My mother was an outspoken, strong woman with a definite opinion about matters that she was never afraid to voice.  I never heard my father stop her from speaking or in anyway treat her thoughts as if they were invalid.  My parents taught their daughters how to use tools and handle a gun and their sons how to cook and sew, so there really were no traditional "gender roles" in our home.  However, my father did work, and my mother stayed home, but that was the only way it could be done since there were six of us.  Believe me, they could never have afforded a babysitter for all of us cretins.



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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 2:34:17 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		lol, I think that people are submissive because of abuse about as often as they become pliers because of abuse.

Ron

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 2:37:04 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Unfortunately everyone that had posted on this thread was ultimately murdered by their abusers....I am setting up a charity for the funerals....

All donations should be forwarded to:

Domiguy Industries
1060 W. Addison
Chicago Il. 60613


did the lights come on yet at domiguy industries?




We mostly take in our donations during the day...But every now and again we are forced to burn the midnight oil....It's not quite the same, but many people have said that Domiguy Industries as well as the Domidong are just as breathtaking during the day as the evening. If you care to visit during the Summer I adorn the Domidong with ivy...It's simply breathtaking.
 
Domi,
Any relation to Vandelay Industries?  i sense some similarities.

And to the OP...in my case "No".  Never have i been a victim of abuse.  But i take a good flogging like nobody's business..{{{blows on knuckes...and pops collar}}}}

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 3/24/2008 2:45:32 PM   
Urza


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		I was subject to a hard beating when i was insolent.

Probably affected my submissiveness somewhere along the lines.      


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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/2/2008 2:47:11 PM   
mrmorpheuslunar


Posts: 26
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Never abused, and not a subbie.  My best friend was abused by her father from age 7, until 14.  He also abused some of her girlfriends.  Most of it was oral sexually and manual sexual abuse.  He has since died of old age.  My friends brother attempted to rape her when she was 15, but she escaped and ran for her life.

She is not submissive.  Quite the opposite.  She has a very dominating personality.

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/2/2008 3:15:30 PM   
submissfifi


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		In response to this post, and bearing in mind I'm going to rant. I am offended at this question, but also see why its asked..maybe I'm too tetchy tonight.

I think the answer to your question has no bearing to any kind of abuse, its like asking a convincted rapist if they think they are one? Believe me they will tell you that their not...they see themselves as everyday people with no unhealthy attitudes/problems. 

We are people who are attracted to things because of how they make us feel, and the desire it creates inside us. I don't think anyone who has experienced any kind of abuse sees themselves as victims, or as people who deserve that kind of treatment. They are no more, or no less submissive because of it either.
No one is born submissive, or born dominant. Its just something we seek out, and discover that we like it.

The only reason that people talk about it, is due to limits and places that they either don't want to be pushed into because of their pasts, and the way they can react if certain triggers are pushed. So its for mental and emotional safety and wellbeing and that is the only issue to concern yourself with.

Hope this helps

Submissfifi

< Message edited by submissfifi -- 4/2/2008 3:20:35 PM >

(in reply to wildlyincomplete)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/2/2008 4:52:28 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Didn't check the date. 

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/2/2008 4:53:33 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/2/2008 5:03:37 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		 my subbie /and bottom side  are a part of my genetic make up not from some repressed feelings or abuse .this is not a "lifestyle" nor a choice for me its who i am my being , and who i always was and shall be .i agree with enigmabrat ... well said 

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/2/2008 5:11:41 PM   
kiyari


Posts: 631
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Easy answer for me, I was never abused as a child ever, and I always had submissive qualities to those I love and respect, such as my parents and special teachers.

I do think that my first marriage became abusive because I am a naturally submissive person perhaps, because vanilla men do not understand what a submissive is, and that a submissive is not a doormat, just loves differently... and since I am not a doormat that marriage wasn't a long one.


Thank you Julia. That was eye-opening and eloquent. Gives pause for contemplation.

Loves Differently.

So concise, and I would wager
is the underlying dynamic in more situations than the participants will ever recognize.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 3:35:08 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i see this is an old thread, but since someone else brought it back to the forefront, i couldn't resist answering since i never tire of this question.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wildlyincomplete

I am curious to know other's opinions on individuals being submissive because of some kind of abuse rather than being born submissive or choosing to behave in a submissive manor.


No, i am not submissive because of abuse.  i am submissive because i am very good at doing what i'm told.  In fact, i love doing what i'm told.  It turns me on to be told what to do, within my intimate relationship, and then do it to the best of my ability.  That gives me immense satisfaction.  i have never wanted to be the one telling someone else what to do. 
 
i do make choices about being submissive in a relationship.  First, i choose to be in a relationship.  Second, i choose who i want to be in a relationship with.  And, third, i choose to be in a relationship that requires me to be submissive.  That's because i have tried to be in relationships that didn't require that of me and i hated it.  i was always frustrated and trying to 'get him' to take charge of me.
 
So, for me, the choice is either be in a Master/slave relationship (because D/s relationships haven't given me the amount of control that i need) or, i not be in any relationship at all.  i prefer to be in a relationship.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 4:15:40 PM   
submyt


Posts: 127
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		Susan...you may want to check out the book Toxic Parents.  A great deal of what you shared was similar to what I experienced with my mother.

And, yes, anything that makes you feel, especially on a continual basis, less than the wonderful child and person you are/were, is abusive.  I also can relate to your depression..it may have been somewhat hereditary, but also had to do with the unrealistic demands put upon you, where you would never be "good enough"...along with your constant need to try to please.  Just guessing...as I have been there, and still deal with these skeletons :)


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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 4:23:17 PM   
Gleegal67


Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wildlyincomplete

I was reading through the BBW topic and sexual abuse was mentioned a couple times.  I am curious to know other's opinions on individuals being submissive because of some kind of abuse rather than being born submissive or choosing to behave in a submissive manor.
Thanks
~beth/wildly_incomplete~


Never been abused.  I yam who I yam!

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 4:35:55 PM   
Daddyslilpookie


Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
Status: offline 		No I am not submissive because of abuse, I am submissive because it is my nature and it makes me very happy

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Princess Andie


"A Woman Loves Only Her Master"

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 4:42:08 PM   
RedAnhedonia


Posts: 50
Joined: 3/26/2008
Status: offline 		While I haven't read the entire thread thus far, I wanted to weigh in on the topic.  

I've noticed many say they were NOT abused as children, and I concur.  I believe I was always submissive, and those tendancies made me prey for vicious people in this world.  The eagerness to please others led me to believe anything certain people who I wanted to satify their needs, would say.  I am by no means a victim of abuse at the hands of family. But rather psychopathic men, who behave as protectors, until I crossed them in some way.  Wolf in sheep's clothing.

I have read other threads about Doms behaving like children, when they don't get their own way.  Other threads about these so-called Doms really being insecure little boys. Those are the men I speak of, they are the type of men that prey on submissives, not as loving,caring men, but as abusers. 

The horrors of my teens are behind me. However, they linger in my submissive behaviors.  I have found recreating SOME of the situations, has had a therepeutic effect on me.  I discovered early on in some of my past abusive relationships, how to protect, and  endure what was happening to me.  I even found that I liked it, which made me ashamed for many years. 

Recently I have decided to embrace those early memories, and journey on, experimenting in trusting partnerships.

I am older and hopefully wiser, and know that my past is my past, to be learned from and cherished for after all it has shaped who I am today.

~Red

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 10:21:44 PM   
wideeyedgirl


Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		*fast reply*
I was tempted to fire back..but logic and thought happened first. I like to think I was always wired this way. I wish it was the case. But Im looking from a former-psy major point of view - there does seem a large percentage of girls with abuse in their history for it to just be coincidence.
Yeah..Im one of them.
Abuse as a kid, absent mostly father, an assault when a teenager...

So now I have abandonement issues, trust issues, Daddy issues, R*** play fasination..

So that whole "your my property" is..comfort. feeling wanted. feeling controlled. structure in a chaotic personal world.

I wish i could say all those issues lead me to be happily sane and well rounded. But Im not. Im a work in progress. And my need to always be taking care of myself...because noone else will..is mitigated when submissive. It allows an intense freedom never before experienced.
So many I didnt find this part of me...for the right reasons. But Ive stayed and continued to explore it...to grow..heal and be better .. as a result of it.


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~ " Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and go well with ketchup " ~
My opinions are my own. They do not represent my Owner, or past Trainers unless specifically noted. Flame me only, thanks.

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Profile   Post #: 80
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