RE: are you submissive because of abuse?

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/3/2008 10:34:27 PM

OnlyMels

Posts: 115
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline

I wasn't abused as a child but I have since seen that my first boyfriend was very abusive and our relationship was alot like a M/s relationship but I didn't know what it was and I wasn't a willing participant. My daddy said that I acted like a puppy who had been kicked to many times when we first got together he's really the one who introduced me to bdsm and I studied from there with his help. But I was "trained" that I really couldn't do anything I wanted to do without worrying about upseting him or talking to some people. I wasn't allowed to have friends or even spend time with my family. And I think I was already submissive a bratty one but I think he pushed me into it even more than i would have been. I probably would have been more of a switch oh well I have a great dom now and he's helping me over come anything that get s in my way.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 3:45:15 AM

subinchico

Posts: 119
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

Yes,

Mom beat the hell outa me to control and i would hide uder couch while her and her friends in high heel shoes, sat in the couch.

I just ahhh

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 3:51:00 AM

blissy

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline

i'm not sure... my mom used to hit us with wooden spoons as punishment, on my butt they would break & id laugh at her, one of her boyfriends once beat me so badly with his belt that i had to miss a week of school (i was 15, never flinched & kinda liked it) - i used to be locked away in my room alot, i liked the peace & time to reflect (i usually deserved punishment) i saw being bad as a way to get attention...so, maybe..i dunno.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 10:52:33 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I was abused. That and my upbringing made me very submissive. I came into the lifestyle submissive. Very soon I realised that naturally I am very dominant. Then I rediscovered my natural sadism. Sexually I am very adventurous. I think that is partly nature and partly nurture. I have come to terms with that. Finally proud to be kinky lol.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 11:26:07 AM

ophelialocke

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

I would say I sought out abuse because I was submissive but my parents did not abuse me in the least.
It has been hard for me to learn the difference between being Dominated and being abused.
I was a target of bullies in grade school.
It was common for me to just stand still and take it.
I somewhat recently escaped a domestic violence situation.
It was easy for me to feel "I deserved it."
Utimately, being submissive rescued me from being a victim.

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 3:38:54 PM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
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I believe it is almost impossible to get an "overview" of this issue.

Abuse has so many forms. Many of them quite subtle. Many people that have been abused don't recognize it as such. We percieve "normal" to be what we grew up with. But, as a friend of mine says "A fish is the last one to discover he's in water." Victims of abuse, either blatant or subtle, are often the last ones to realize it.

It matters not at all to me how or why one comes to the lifestyle. More important to me is whether their involvement is healthy or destructive, and whether the rest of their lives are healthy or destructive.

I'm also reminded of a cartoon by B. Kliban. A picture of an old man, pointing out into the distance with one hand the other holding a cane. The caption reads "It was hell, recalls former child."

Uncle Nasty

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RE: are you submissive because of abuse? - 4/4/2008 4:10:08 PM

wildtigress27

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/6/2007
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

When i was a teenager i was involved in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend. I think that my natural submissive nature was a contributing factor in my staying in the relationship as long as i did, but i don't think i'm submissive because of it. It has always been a part of my nature, and as i got older and discovered my interest in this lifestyle, i did a lot of thinking about this topic, wondering if that experience was subconsciously influencing me. After lots of soulsearching, i can say with assurance that i am submissive because its who i am, not because of a negative experience in my past.

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Post #: 87