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Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 8:15:02 PM   
pleasesir88


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline 		Exactly what it says on the tin.

What are somethings that you wish you had known when you were younger/started getting into BDSM?

For me, it was that an older dominant doesn't necessarily mean experienced or trustworthy, and that nothing replaces good ol' discussion on limits and interests.


< Message edited by pleasesir88 -- 11/23/2014 8:22:50 PM >
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 8:21:49 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Being "less than" TPE (Total Power Exchange) is perfectly fine.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 11/23/2014 8:22:11 PM >

(in reply to pleasesir88)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 8:30:25 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		That being wildly attracted physically is not enough to make up for lack of compatibility.

And that I am my kind of sub, no matter what you think.

(in reply to shiftyw)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 8:33:44 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I wish I had known that this stuff isn't what everyone did behind closed doors.


quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasesir88

Exactly what it says on the tin.

What are somethings that you wish you had known when you were younger/started getting into BDSM?

For me, it was that an older dominant doesn't necessarily mean experienced or trustworthy, and that nothing replaces good ol' discussion on limits and interests.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to pleasesir88)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 8:42:47 PM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline 		I just wish I would have been able to get involved in it lot sooner than I did. I really wish I was a lot younger when I first started.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 9:13:44 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Also that I shouldn't consider enjoying sex, enjoying both sexes, and enjoying having multiple partners a slutty thing to do.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/23/2014 9:19:10 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

I just wish I would have been able to get involved in it lot sooner than I did. I really wish I was a lot younger when I first started.


Ditto.

It wasn't until after my divorce in 2000 that I was properly introduced to who I was.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to smileforme50)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 12:19:55 AM   
pleasesir88


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/24/2011
Status: offline 		I forgot one.

That ignoring safewords isn't "pushing limits", it's just fucking rude and/or dangerous.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 3:42:25 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		That not everyone possesses integrity.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to pleasesir88)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 5:26:00 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		That not everyone into this are going to be tolerant and open minded.

That some scene people are just as big a back stabbers as none scene people and some can be just as indiscreet with your information as your nosey gossiping neighbour.

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 8:49:59 AM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		1. That no one but I can decide if I am a "real" dominant. And if my style works for me, no one has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong."


2. That there are people involved in BDSM who have identities outside of it. Not everyone goes around winking and making sly, sophomoric comments about their kink all time.

Spy

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 11:45:05 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpyUnderCover

1. That no one but I can decide if I am a "real" dominant. And if my style works for me, no one has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong."

2. That there are people involved in BDSM who have identities outside of it. Not everyone goes around winking and making sly, sophomoric comments about their kink all time.

Spy

I'll second yours and also MariaB's post, although I've been lucky in that regard (other than having had nosy gossiping neighbors!).

Spy, I can't speak for you, but I know I have a much softer style of Domination than most other Dominants.

I'll add that I wish when we were starting out, that I knew S&M didn't have to be a part of D/s, and that D/s can operate separately from the BDSMy things we had heard about. There was a time when we almost got totally turned off to the whole scene.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 11:53:53 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		That this "community" is no more or less than any other. That there always be those who feel that they "know better" or will look down on what you do and how you define yourself because they are insecure.

That people are, at the end of the day, people...and this is what people do.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 12:32:14 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SpyUnderCover

1. That no one but I can decide if I am a "real" dominant. And if my style works for me, no one has the right to tell me I'm "doing it wrong."


2. That there are people involved in BDSM who have identities outside of it. Not everyone goes around winking and making sly, sophomoric comments about their kink all time.

Spy


I'm with Fiery, this encompasses it.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to SpyUnderCover)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 1:13:13 PM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasesir88

What are somethings that you wish you had known when you were younger/started getting into BDSM?


I got involved over 30 years ago but fantasized about it since I was about 12. I had no idea what it was, that there was a name for it or that I wasn't the only one with these desires. Until I met my former Dom/husband when I was in my early 20s, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. When I met him, everything came together very naturally for us.

I wish I had known that having these desires and knowing this is what I needed within a relationship didn't mean I was fucked up in the head.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to pleasesir88)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 2:01:34 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		Years back, I was intimidated by those that I thought knew better, or more, than I did.

Now I know that I was giving most people far too much credit, and myself not enough.

(in reply to pleasesir88)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 2:30:06 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

Years back, I was intimidated by those that I thought knew better, or more, than I did.

Now I know that I was giving most people far too much credit, and myself not enough.


Amen.

(in reply to Kaliko)
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RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 3:12:37 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

I got involved over 30 years ago but fantasized about it since I was about 12. I had no idea what it was, that there was a name for it or that I wasn't the only one with these desires. Until I met my former Dom/husband when I was in my early 20s, I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. When I met him, everything came together very naturally for us.

I wish I had known that having these desires and knowing this is what I needed within a relationship didn't mean I was fucked up in the head.

You are reminding me of when I was around 8-9 and my early fantasies. I never thought I was effed up in the head, though. I didn't try to act them out with anybodyelse. I considered them more of my private little secret. All of my girl playmates were younger than me (other than classmates at school), so I just figured I was more mature than they were with their typical fairytale scenarios. There were a couple of boy playmates my age or older who would probably have gone along with me, but we were always preoccupied with regular childhood play.

I wasn't fully aware that I was different until I reached 10-11. By then, I could see that other girls weren't aspiring to grow up and find themselves a boyfriend who would become their loveslave & sexslave. Go figure.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 3:27:34 PM   
YouName


Posts: 271
Joined: 10/22/2014
Status: offline 		Ah, I thought I was weird for even considering these type of things at that age. Glad I'm not alone then.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Things I wish I had known when I was younger. - 11/24/2014 3:49:50 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		That even though I was young and inexperienced and wet behind the ears, didn't mean that my thoughts and ideas and feelings were inadequate or insignificant or didn't carry as much weight.

(in reply to YouName)
Profile   Post #: 20
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