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NookieNotes -> RE: Is there really a difference between BDSM and Vanilla? (11/30/2014 10:58:00 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Greta75
It's the same as how all of you want to interprete what I am saying.
The difference is, we don't want to. We have to. There is no other way to communicate but to interpret.
And yet, while I am quoting you and using your words, you have a history of paraphrasing and making up words.
That speaks to interpretation more than anything.
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But I really have no sexually transmitted diseases before in my life, and yet I still find offense in it. Do you think in my head, I think I have diseases, even though I have always tested negative?
You have already said that you will take offense easily. YOU tell me why you would take offense. I certainly see no reason to.
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Of course it place value of me as a person, and on my submissiveness, as a submissive cannot have a selfish bone in her body. And I have interpreted exactly what you are saying, that I am selfish, and how can submission be selfish? You can't possibly submit and be selfish, thus a fake submissive.
So your definition and mine obviously diverge here. Instead of making statements, perhaps asking questions would help.
HUMANS are selfish. Some are more selfish in others, in detrimental ways.
Selfish is not the opposite of submissive, by any stretch of the imagination. Needing to serve and being selfless are NOT opposites. In fact, the point is that you love to serve. Therefore, by serving you are pleasuring yourself.
It is not a selfless act.
And MANY submissives are selfish. Some, because they are not actually submissive, but only claim it. That's true.
Some are selfish by serving, even those who do not quest it, in order to get that recognition they crave so desperately. It's non-consensual, so it's selfish.
Some submissives have been misused and ignored for so long, they are selfish because they just need so badly that it seeps out their carefully sealed walls.
So, again, your personal definitions are getting int he way of you actually comprehending what other people are saying.
To clarify:
submissive (plural submissives), noun
one who submits
submissive (plural submissives), adjective
inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.
Nothing in there about selfless. Just letting you know.
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And the whole thing is, I always feel, people who call other people selfish are selfish themselves, because the most genuine giving people would never see anybody as selfish as they aren't looking at how much they can possibly receive from this person as a measurement of worth.
Does that also go for people saying that someone is deliberately misunderstanding?
And I'm not saying I'm not selfish. AS I've stated above, EVERYONE is. It's how they use that, to the benefit or detriment of others, that makes a difference.
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Selfishness only come into play when you look at someone and decide that, this person cannot give to you, at the level that you require this person to give to you. It's really from an angle of looking at your own needs and totally disregarding the other person's need. Basically, expecting that person to sacrifice their needs in replacement for yours. That's when you start feeling someone is selfish when that person is not willing to do so. I mean, it all boils down to, WHO GIVES, and WHO TAKES! In this case, a person is viewed as selfish by the one who wants to take but cannot inspire that person to give.
selfish, adjective
1. devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
Red is mine.
There is nothing about another person sacrificing. There is nothing about looking at another and deciding they cannot give or whatever. Selfishness is an internal thing.
I do what I do because I get pleasure from it. Even when I do things for my boy, it is ultimately because he gives me pleasure, and I care for those things that give me happiness, so they won't go away or get broken. That way, they can keep giving me happiness.
Oh yeah, and because giving him happiness and pleasure makes me happy.
Now, giving YOU happiness and pleasure would not make me happy. I am less likely to do it. See? Selfish.
And I own that. My Pet, he would not see it that way (we've had this discussion), but that's his world view, and I'm Ok with it. He still gives me pleasure.
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Not an act of submission, but still giving. Perhaps more than an s-type may understand on the surface.
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This is exactly what I mean. A D type would view sacrificing golf as such a big deal, like if a sub got sick and can't wash dishes, and he actually HAD to lift a finger and do it himself, he would again treat it like, OMG, what a big deal, I HAD to GIVE so much.
It's because of that, I don't want a D sacrificing anything for me, unless it's unconditional from his heart and with love, and not disgruntledly.
Oh, so in that vein, everything you do that is giving is only disgruntledly (not a word)?
Because you seem to be equating that with giving for dominants, so it must be true for submissives, yes?
OR... could it possibly be that, like me, when a dominant makes a choice like that, it is still giving, but with an open and grateful heart for the pet who does so much for us?
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