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GoddessManko -> RE: Is there really a difference between BDSM and Vanilla? (12/12/2014 6:28:30 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
quote:
ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
All communities are based upon some sort of standard, complete with norms and unwritten codes of behaviour and attitude, to which members conform.
Using your example, why exactly have a Christian community? Probably two reasons: firstly, they believe that in part their values are not replicated outside of the community; secondly, they're proud of their values and want to cement this by through belonging to this community and all that that entails.
Right. Looking at that from the outside, and perhaps interviewing those people on what makes their relationships work, aside from "A mutual faith in and interest in Christianity), I doubt you would come up with much that would set it apart from "vanilla" relationships.
In fact, I'm guessing most people would not make the distinction at all. Christians are vanilla, and therefore the same.
What about swingers? Are they vanilla? Or someo ther kind of relationship? Aside from their shared interests (and the rules, communication and protocol to go with them, not to mention lower divorce rates than the average), are they not a relationship? Vanilla or not?
To me, that's what this is all about.
I don't think BDSM or D/s relationships are MORE anything except kinky sex or power exchange, or whatever.
In their basic form, they are simply relationships, with shared interests added on. They are no greater in trust, intimacy, longevity... anything.
In my view.
Agreed, except there are christian kinksters and those who are monogamous without religious or spiritual belief. Also, to NorthernGent,religious individuals are not so closeminded. I know how to convert to Judaism because an Israeli boy fell in love with me and was sworn to secrecy. I also know a muslim fellow who has no problem marrying outside of race or religion, in fact he did and abhors intolerance. We can debate the differences all day but the fact is there are vanilla people I would trust more than some kinksters. Everything is interchangeable in such regard, including "submission" and "Dominance". Only difference MIGHT be the degree of kink expected or desired.
ETA; Also, I do not subscribe to this "vanilla not enough or cannot change" idea. I have met many kinksters in vanilla sites who have never logged into a fetish site in their lives. As for myself, I know kink far, far better than vanilla relationships so in a sense I am "discovering vanilla" and it doesn't seem bland, at least not for me but then I think I am like how others are with vanilla. Exhausted every kink activity out there and now anything I do is repetitive. Riding a jetski is fun. Waterskiing, kayaking, watching a flambe get made etc. My travels were grand but realize I cherish experiences in vanilla context more with good company. And the desire to make me happy is my favorite form of submission, be it from a kinky or vanilla fellow. I discovered this after doing almost every kink one can imagine over the years and desiring more. Hope that makes sense.
Edited to also add; it might also be no matter who I am with I will be compromising kink because there are many activities I enjoy than they do, so I suppose I see vanilla as no different. And I am so primal I doubt sex would be boring. Most Doms might be able to relate to this last sentence. We sort of have to evolve with the sub I feel. I have never been the same D with a different sub.
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