quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

IHH is an amazing sub, really, and her long standing experience being happily coupled within a D/s dynamic explains it since she had two very long term guiding hands.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

With all due respect (which is invariably followed by disrespect),

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

With all due respect (which is invariably followed by disrespect),

Actually, my use of it on this thread is perhaps the exception that makes that rule...

Hopefully you will read my last posting and come to *some* sort of understanding as to where I am coming from. That is, if you can get out of *your* box.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


Ladybug, there is a whole gaggle of you down and P&R, where you will eventually drift and become assimilated, because you're here for combat not discourse.
You cloak it all in P/A *smiles* and p/a qualifiers *with all due respect*, but it is just combat. I have of yet to see you participate in a thread and offer concessions, YKINMK and it's okay, it is always walls of quotes trying to hammer everyone into your point of view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Your point of view is valid, for you. What you fail to realize and participate in is that we offer perspectives on WIITID or WIITYD sans the one true wayism, and with you, if it is not within the meticulously structured framework of your "X" then it must be wrong and then comes to WALL of quotes dissecting and brow beating the victim of your disagreement with p/a ridiculousness.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
Though you cannot see the independence and freedom within a D/s dynamic does not mean that it does not exist, it just does not exist for you.

Jus sayin

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
So I was wondering if there were many subs and slaves who first got into a power exchange relationship when they were older. Was it more difficult to let someone else have control than you expected? What was the most difficult part of it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

smile, do you have miniature people?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

With all due respect, InHisHeart, there is a vast difference in what you are speaking about, and someone that has lived *independently* their entire adult life.

Personally, I think that this is a very real issue, that's not solved by someone saying, "when you meet the right person, you'll forget about all of this". I have lived on my own for about 20 years. Of everything that "being submissive" means to me, giving *that* up is the hardest. My day-to-day life has been dictated *by me*. From what I have in the fridge to the cable company that I subscribe to. While that might not seem like much to some...it's a big deal to me. Now, I have someone who is eager for me to move in...truth is, it scares me to death. Not moving in with him, per se... losing "my own place". Fortunately, I have met someone who is very understanding about this situation, and I believe that the OP needs that as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Exactly.... Thank you littleladybug. It's not an issue of finding the right Dom and the effect he might have on me. I think the issue is just getting used to such a drastic change in my life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

I could't agree more with everything ET said. I was with my former Dom for 27 years, just about my whole adult life. When I met Master 7 years ago, I wasn't even looking for a Dom, I wasn't looking for a relationship of any kind. Before he and I started talking, I honestly didn't think I could ever be another Dom's submissive. I thought even if I met someone, I was too set in my past ways, the life I was so comfortable with, the life I was accustomed to that I wouldn't be able to adjust to the ways and lifestyle of another Dom and meet another's expectations. I thought for sure my D/s relationship days were over with until I met him.

In the beginning there were times when I would revert back to my old ways, there were times I would get very frustrated with myself. He was very patient, understanding, he didn't throw a ton of stuff on me all at once, he didn't expect perfection and he helped me be patient with myself. It didn't take long for this old dog to learn new tricks for the Dom that was right for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50


But..... I've also been alone and independent for 2/3 of my adult life, so I'm used to making all of my own decisions and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. So this makes me wonder how difficult it would be to give control to someone else.
...Not just the idea of submitting or surrendering, but also the fact that it could be simply be very difficult to break such long-standing habits..... And a very long-standing state of mind.

Like most things,the answer is "it depends." There are all sorts of sub-dom relationships. There are all sorts of levels of control. A dom might have complete say in one area of your life and zero say in other areas. Ultimately, you are the one who decides how much control you want to give up.

The idea of being a slave may well be very different than the reality of it. So the best thing to do is move slowly and figure out what works for you, rather than go into this with some firm idea of how things should/will be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

With all due respect, InHisHeart, there is a vast difference in what you are speaking about, and someone that has lived *independently* their entire adult life.

Your perception is very askew. There was this TV show on years ago called M*A*S*H, and your statement here reminds me of S2 E9; Hawkeye and Trapper color the skin of a racist patient who demanded the right color blood while he is asleep.

The racist couldn't grasp that blood type was blood type because in his askew perception, the blood of a black person would "contaminate him". You are segregating walks of life, independent vs. coupled as black and white, and it is far from that. That is like never getting on a ship because the Titanic sank, ipso facto all ships sink.

InHisHeart's first dynamic was exactly like your "independence", because she chose a D that paralleled her life, wants, and needs. She was more free and independent than you, because she had a companion that neutralized angst and indecision, much like DesFip said. How often have you had no idea what you wanted for dinner and was later dissatisfied with the choice of chips and mindless TV, too late to make the bank, was late on a bill because there just isn't enough of you or enough hours in a day?

InHisHeart lived the life she wanted, the life she was happy in, content with, and found her serenity in... exactly like your "independence", and when that life was taken from her she was off balance and suspected that she wouldn't find that center of serenity agin. Lucky for her, He likes the same things that are in her fridge and He subscribes to her same cable company. Making a good choice in a partner takes away what, exactly?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

IHH is an amazing sub, really, and her long standing experience being happily coupled within a D/s dynamic explains it since she had two very long term guiding hands.

There is no doubt about that, and I was *literally* giving all due respect with what I said.

I'm seeing this thread as encompassing 2 separate issues-- first is, entering into a relationship like this for the first time later in life, and second (which is what I have been focusing on) is the prospect of giving up your independence when you do.

As to the second, it has nothing really to do with being in a relationship or not. As I have said, I was in an 8 year D/s relationship, where we did not live together. (The reasons for that are not relevant to this topic...) Point is, I still had *my place*. While we can debate whether it would be "better" for me to give someone else control over the day-to-day stuff, the reality is that it didn't happen. Now that I have entered into another relationship, the prospect of "living together" has become a reality. And, the fact that I have lived alone for the past 20 years of my life has become somewhat of an issue. Not necessarily in a "bad" way, it just *is*.

Good, bad or indifferent, I am accustomed to doing a lot of things on my own. I've simply *had* to. I'm not saying that I cannot or do not want to change that. I'm just saying that *for me* this is a very real issue. For anyone to say, "well, if you find the right person, you won't have to think about it" is trivializing it.

As the prospect (in the distant future) of moving in with my man has come up, I have been thinking about this issue quite a bit. I am incredibly fortunate that he seems to "get it".

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

....ummmm.....never. (And take it from someone who routinely eats hors d'oeuvres while standing over the kitchen sink...no dishes to wash!)

quote:

For anyone to say, "well, if you find the right person, you won't have to think about it" is trivializing it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

In another forum camille raised the question of whether she as a submissive could ever be a true master to a dog and train it properly. My somewhat warped path of logic brought up something I have wondered about for a long time.



I know I have a submissive personality. I have recognized it in myself since I was a child. I even wonder....and am exploring the possibility of being as slave. I have very little doubt about what my overriding personality and emotional makeup is.....I am definitely a follower, NOT a leader.


But..... I've also been alone and independent for 2/3 of my adult life, so I'm used to making all of my own decisions and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. So this makes me wonder how difficult it would be to give control to someone else.
...Not just the idea of submitting or surrendering, but also the fact that it could be simply be very difficult to break such long-standing habits..... And a very long-standing state of mind.


So I was wondering if there were many subs and slaves who first got into a power exchange relationship when they were older. Was it more difficult to let someone else have control than you expected? What was the most difficult part of it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

....ummmm.....never. (And take it from someone who routinely eats hors d'oeuvres while standing over the kitchen sink...no dishes to wash!)

Just had to chuckle at this one. Personally, I've never felt the need to have someone choose what I had for dinner. I figure, if as an adult, I can't make *that* choice, I probably shouldn't be let out unescorted.

And hear you on the meal that requires the least cleaning... that's *always* a consideration....

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

In another forum camille raised the question of whether she as a submissive could ever be a true master to a dog and train it properly. My somewhat warped path of logic brought up something I have wondered about for a long time.



I know I have a submissive personality. I have recognized it in myself since I was a child. I even wonder....and am exploring the possibility of being as slave. I have very little doubt about what my overriding personality and emotional makeup is.....I am definitely a follower, NOT a leader.


But..... I've also been alone and independent for 2/3 of my adult life, so I'm used to making all of my own decisions and doing what I want to do when I want to do it. So this makes me wonder how difficult it would be to give control to someone else.
...Not just the idea of submitting or surrendering, but also the fact that it could be simply be very difficult to break such long-standing habits..... And a very long-standing state of mind.


So I was wondering if there were many subs and slaves who first got into a power exchange relationship when they were older. Was it more difficult to let someone else have control than you expected? What was the most difficult part of it?

I believe that you may be over thinking this a little bit.

Your personality is submissive, it is something that is hard-wired into you by your own admission. This is a good thing.

You have had to gain control of your own life out of necessity, this is called survival.

Even if you would find a vanilla relationship, you may have difficulty adjusting to the general give and take that might be required, just because you feel so independent now. However, did this independence change your personality, or did you simply hold your submissive side down, so you could do what needed to be done?

My slut lived for a long time knowing she was a submissive and yet she had to put that aside so she could survive, raise her kids (miniature people), take control of her household and do pretty much everything needed for that to survive. Her marriage went South and soon after that she met me. She is fiercely independent, runs her life, and yet is putty in my hand because I allowed her to finally take her submission the way she wanted. If you want to say that I inspired her submission, I suppose you could, but for the most part, all I did was open her eyes to the possibility... she did the rest.

The Tyrant isn't wrong, finding the one that inspires your submission is different than finding one that demands it. I never demanded my slut's submission, she simply didn't have a choice when I showed her the path, she gave it to me more than willingly.

You have to underhearstand, a good dominant will take your qualities and utilize all of you, not just your body, but your gifts and talents as well. I suck at financial things, but I get by. My slut is good with them, so she is helping me. The is not dominating me, she is helping me and taking care of me. There is a difference.

I think you answered whether or not you could submit to someone when you confessed that you have been submissive since you were born. The rest is relationship stuff, which will hold its own challenges.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

You don't have to be a certain way to be submissive though. You just find a person who is on your level and is cool with your type of submission. And who is on your level and you are cool with their dominance. There honestly is no one twue way. There is your way. There is a partner's way. So long as you two are in the same zip code (metaphorically speaking), then it's a good place to start. Everything else can be talked about with your partner.

I tend to agree with Gauge. I think you are overthinking it a bit. I can't remember your back story, so I'll ask so I gain some insight. Will this be your first foray into a lifestyle (be it top/bottom, D/s, or M/s) relationship? If so, I can understand maybe why you might be worried. But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that. Don't borrow problems or stress yourself out about it [:)]

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

It's my first serious consideration of a possible serious power exchange relationship.

"But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that" ....I think you're right....but if I do that....then I'm not looking for someone who considers himself to be Dominant.