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IIapetus -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 9:11:46 PM)
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Having read the thread, this strikes me as a fundamental question of understanding which parts of ourselves are intrinsic, versus traits we've acquired whilst wandering down life's winding road. And in each of these traits, finding out whether your counterpart is compatible with each, or not. If your opposite number takes issue with one of your immutables - jog on, I say.
To address, the OP's point - I think you need to evaluate if your independence is something you've acquired - and something a new trick, to your old dog, can, or indeed needs, to remedy - or if it is a fundamental part of you.
If it's intrinsic, you'll need to broach this with your D/potential D. I've actually misplaced my D/s Handbook, so I can't reference *the right way* to run a D/s relationship right now, but you *might* open a dialogue and find they are totally happy with your retained independence. If they're not happy, then pose the question on their openness to changing their expectations, and compromise. If not, the feasibility of the relationship is in question, IMO.
If it's acquired, again - open that dialogue. Again, again, it might be a non-issue. If not, decide if you want to put the effort in to make the change. Alternatively, exit stage left. If you are happy to move towards the middle ground, ask for help from you D in effecting the change. Your willingness to change for the harmony of the relationship, shows your commitment. If they are committed to you, they'll be understanding and help you in the transition. And equally, the middle ground might involve a compromise, and effort, from both sides - either in the short or longer term.
Finally, and briefly, my thoughts on the 'perfect counterpart/soul mate' question:
Yes, we hope. But I think it's a case of *maybe*, if we're very lucky, meeting someone where all our traits, be them intrinsic, or acquired, are perfectly in sync - truly the stars aligned in heart and mind. The tip of this particular iceberg notwithstanding - and by sheer force of odds until that special someone is found - you'll likely face choices of being with someone where your intrinsics match, but with whom you'll need to decide whether you're willing to make the effort to be flexible on malleable aspects. The traits with which a middle ground needs to, and might, be found. Who's to say say where the most happiness is to be found. In compromise, or the continuing search for ideals on life's winding road - bumps and all - yet with the promise, the hope, of your soul mate just around the next corner.
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