RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 6:33:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
But there is a big difference between having me do something because it uses one of my good qualities (like taking care of finances)...and forbidding me from doing something I really want to do (that I have been free to do all my adult life)....or making me do something I really don't want to do. Sure....you want me to balance your checkbook....I can do that and I don't mind doing it. But you also want met to cook for you, clean up after you, and do your laundry? Jeez....I don't cook or clean as it is just for myself...and if I could get away with not doing laundry, I wouldn't do that either! Shit...I've had the same dishes sitting in my sink for a week now. Sure...I might be "submissive"...but that doesn't mean I want to spend time cleaning up after someone else. That's one of the things I'm talking about. I've gotten very used to being my own slob, and I don't know if I could deal with cleaning up after someone when I don't even clean up after myself.

If you do not like to cook and clean and do laundry, perhaps these issues should be discussed upfront what are his expectations. Not all dominants expect the sub to do everything, ESPECIALLY if she is working as well. Usually that still is a shared responsibility. I see this part no difference from vanilla. I love washing dishes, so my x-dom did all the cooking, and I do the clean up, that was quite a happy arrangement. I hate cooking, I only like washing dishes. And he loves cooking. Ying and Yang. I hate doing laundry, and we both hate ironing. So he does laundry, and I swear he loves it, even when there is nothing to wash, he looks for something to wash, and he hired someone to iron our clothes.

So all these concerns..., really should be discussed openly with your dom to find a mutually happy solution. Infact, my dom is willing to hire someone to do what me or him refuse to do, because he was being fair, that if he wouldn't do it himself, he wouldn't expect me to do it.

If I had to do 100% of the housework, then he better make enough money to take care of both of us, so I can do housework as a full time job, ya know what I mean. I assume you both will be working equally, so housework should be shared, regardless if his dom or not.

When I was with my x-husband, both of us pooled in money to hire someone to do ALL the housework. We never did any. And if we did, it's like, I vacuum, he mops, I wash, he cooks, I do laundry, he irons. It was shared. Initially on our starting years, when our salary wasn't high enough to hire help, we did our own.

I actually had a dom from southern USA contacted me, and he surprise me by telling me, his a single bachelor, and he has never done housework himself, he hires help for that, so even if I sub under him, no housework required. I can work under him and help him out in his company, but I don't have to do any domestic stuffs.

I also had a dom locally tell me that, it's no big deal, his been doing all these stuffs himself living by himself, he doesn't need me to do them for him. So not all doms expect that.



Kaliko -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 7:00:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

It's my first serious consideration of a possible serious power exchange relationship.

"But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that" ....I think you're right....but if I do that....then I'm not looking for someone who considers himself to be Dominant.


I agree with your response here, smileforme50. I think to do so would limit the possibilities for growth. Maybe that's not everyone's intent, I know. But boy - I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ... although, I suppose you could say that I want to be pushed beyond what I think I want.

Still. Saying you only have to give up what you want to give up is not a serious power exchange relationship (as you put it), in my mind.

Anyway, on the overall topic of the thread, I do think I get what you're saying. You know, I'm moved - fucking moved with every mmm warm, loving bit of me - to serve and be obedient to Awareness. I believe I squarely fall under the heading of having been inspired by him. But you know what? I had to give up grains. What? Huh? I never saw that coming and I kicked and screamed the whole way. And you know what? Naps - no longer allowed. Something about being on a regular schedule to establish healthy sleeping patterns. What? I love naps! I've been taking naps since I was ten!

So yes, you can be utterly devoted and submissive and still struggle with ending long-standing habits. And as a follow-up, now? I not only gave up grains but dairy, also, and I've never felt better. And my sleep pattern is almost perfect and I wake up refreshed. Go figure. So yes, you'll do it. You might not go down without a fight, but you'll get there. :)





Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 7:13:29 PM)

quote:

I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ...

You mean you will only feel like it's submission if you are forced to do what you do not want to do or give up?

If he happens to compliments you perfectly on everything, that no change needed, you'd feel like too much agreement and not feel like submission anymore?

I believe every submissive will have her limits and her thresholds. And what I notice is, the things that you mentioned submitting to, your dom did it because he strongly feels it's in your best interest, like improving your health and giving you more quality sleep patterns. All those things were to your benefit in a way.



Kaliko -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 7:24:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ...

You mean you will only feel like it's submission if you are forced to do what you do not want to do or give up?

If he happens to compliments you perfectly on everything, that no change needed, you'd feel like too much agreement and not feel like submission anymore?



No, I mean if I put limits on what I will or won't do, then I am not submitting. I'm limiting his authority.

And if I happened to complement him perfectly on everything he needed? I suppose that's possible, but...insanely coincidental. I can't imagine there's a relationship of any kind, anywhere, in which one party isn't changing some way of doing something at some point for the other. (I'm thinking of a former, vanilla, relationship in which he insisted that I fold the towels differently than I had been doing it.) No change needed ever? At all? That seems unrealistic.

quote:

I believe every submissive will have her limits and her thresholds. And what I notice is, the things that you mentioned submitting to, your dom did it because he strongly feels it's in your best interest, like improving your health and giving you more quality sleep patterns. All those things were to your benefit in a way.


Yes.



Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 7:46:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
No change needed ever? At all? That seems unrealistic.

I think it depends on how severe the change and adjustment has to be. Some things are easier to give up than others for different people, and also, something that may be easy for me to give up may be hard for you for example, differs from people to people.

So I think if OP is with the right person for her, her dom will be like your dom, changing things that are for her best interest only. Which is a totally different thing, when you know this change is necessary for the betterment of your life and the dom made that decision through care and concern for you.



Kaliko -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 7:57:29 PM)

Oh, I wouldn't say that changes are made for my best interest only. Those were just two examples I used. Ultimately, it's about him and what he wants. I can only assume that eating right and looking good in thigh-highs for him and being energetic enough in the morning to blow him before breakfast probably comes into play there, as well. Win-win, I say. :)



Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 8:45:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

Oh, I wouldn't say that changes are made for my best interest only. Those were just two examples I used. Ultimately, it's about him and what he wants. I can only assume that eating right and looking good in thigh-highs for him and being energetic enough in the morning to blow him before breakfast probably comes into play there, as well. Win-win, I say. :)

A sub who is happy, content and feels good about herself is always a good thing for a dom. It's a far sighted dom, I'd say.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/3/2014 11:23:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

It's my first serious consideration of a possible serious power exchange relationship.

"But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that" ....I think you're right....but if I do that....then I'm not looking for someone who considers himself to be Dominant.


I agree with your response here, smileforme50. I think to do so would limit the possibilities for growth. Maybe that's not everyone's intent, I know. But boy - I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ... although, I suppose you could say that I want to be pushed beyond what I think I want.



I think both of you unfortunately misunderstood the point I was trying to make. At least that is the interpretation I came away with. So Id like to hopefully clarify a bit.

If you find someone who is content with who you are able to be, accepts you for who you are right now, sees the potential in you, and you (even with your self perceived flaws) are the type of submissive he wants...then you are able to keep what you aren't quite ready to give up yet AND he is still going to be happy. Your growth is not limited. But for fuck sake, don't you deserve a chance to be able to grow and come into your own? If you find someone who is supportive of where you are at mentally and emotionally, they create the environment to let you figure stuff out and thrive. You managed to find someone who gets what he wants...and it just so happens to coincide with where you are at. Oh, the horror, right? Just because you can't throw caution to the wind just yet, it DOES NOT mean you aren't submissive. And it doesn't mean he isn't a dominant either. It does not mean you can't get there some day. It just means that maybe you need a bit more understanding as you work through your stuff.

Who you are right now was not determined while you were still in utero, correct? So why do you have to have it all figured out before living the life you want to live? I can guarantee you who I was when I started this 20 years ago is not the woman I am now. I've had a chance to grow and figure myself our...all while actively participating in this particular realm.

It again boils down to finding a compatible person. If you need a bit of freedom and ability to make some of your own decisions, don't go for an über rigid micromanager. You will be miserable. He will be miserable. And it will most likely go the way of the dodo bird.

Smiles, it honestly sounds like you have this idea in mind of the dominant you think about being with and the type of relationship you want...and then all of these reasons why you don't measure up to this image you have in your mind. It's great to have an idea of the direction you might like to go. But if you don't cut yourself a little slack, you aren't going to be able to even take the first step in the direction you'd like to go.

But if this works for you as it is right now, I wish you well in that too.



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 3:57:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

It's my first serious consideration of a possible serious power exchange relationship.

"But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that" ....I think you're right....but if I do that....then I'm not looking for someone who considers himself to be Dominant.


If it is your first one, then don't over think it and find a dominant that will allow you to retain the qualities you have while teaching you about your submission.

You are looking for a matching puzzle piece, that will take time.


You mean the one who doesn't exist? Or is living in the Australian outback and doesn't have an internet connection to begin with?



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 4:21:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

It's my first serious consideration of a possible serious power exchange relationship.

"But you only have to give up what you want to give up. Just find the person content with that" ....I think you're right....but if I do that....then I'm not looking for someone who considers himself to be Dominant.


I agree with your response here, smileforme50. I think to do so would limit the possibilities for growth. Maybe that's not everyone's intent, I know. But boy - I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ... although, I suppose you could say that I want to be pushed beyond what I think I want.

Still. Saying you only have to give up what you want to give up is not a serious power exchange relationship (as you put it), in my mind.

Anyway, on the overall topic of the thread, I do think I get what you're saying. You know, I'm moved - fucking moved with every mmm warm, loving bit of me - to serve and be obedient to Awareness. I believe I squarely fall under the heading of having been inspired by him. But you know what? I had to give up grains. What? Huh? I never saw that coming and I kicked and screamed the whole way. And you know what? Naps - no longer allowed. Something about being on a regular schedule to establish healthy sleeping patterns. What? I love naps! I've been taking naps since I was ten!

So yes, you can be utterly devoted and submissive and still struggle with ending long-standing habits. And as a follow-up, now? I not only gave up grains but dairy, also, and I've never felt better. And my sleep pattern is almost perfect and I wake up refreshed. Go figure. So yes, you'll do it. You might not go down without a fight, but you'll get there. :)





" I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ." That's my point EXACTLY

(Little bit of background info....I have been spending some time with a couple....to help me learn more and find out how I feel about things)


I don't know....maybe this is just some kind of weird cycle like PMS. Earlier this year I was convincing myself (and doing a very good job of it if I do say so myself) that I could "push my limits" and I could do some things that I might have considered hard limits in the past.....both kink and non-kink. But lately I've encountered some episodes where I have been asked to do something and I didn't mind it as a one-off....but now they're becoming a routine and I'm getting a little agitated by it and saying (under my breath) "this is fucking ridiculous...do you really need this EVERY single day I see you??"

Or....I have been doing a lot of the cooking lately....and they know how much I hate cooking....but they think that by telling me how wonderful everything is, it will change the way I feel. It doesn't. Just because I can do something to their satisfaction doesn't mean I enjoy it.

And what triggered my original question is that the situation I am in right now is very mild and easygoing by comparison to a lot of other situations.....and here I am getting sick and tired of doing what few things I have to do.




smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 4:24:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

I couldn't even imagine if I limited my submission to what I want to give up. I'm trying to understand how that would even be considered submission. ...

You mean you will only feel like it's submission if you are forced to do what you do not want to do or give up?

If he happens to compliments you perfectly on everything, that no change needed, you'd feel like too much agreement and not feel like submission anymore?

I believe every submissive will have her limits and her thresholds. And what I notice is, the things that you mentioned submitting to, your dom did it because he strongly feels it's in your best interest, like improving your health and giving you more quality sleep patterns. All those things were to your benefit in a way.



And I don't have a problem with that kind of stuff at all. My problem is that I don't see where I "benefit" from deep throating, or having his cum sprayed on me, or doing his laundry.....



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 4:35:53 AM)

oops...



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 4:52:49 AM)




quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

Oh, I wouldn't say that changes are made for my best interest only. Those were just two examples I used. Ultimately, it's about him and what he wants. I can only assume that eating right and looking good in thigh-highs for him and being energetic enough in the morning to blow him before breakfast probably comes into play there, as well. Win-win, I say. :)


"and being energetic enough in the morning to blow him before breakfast "

That's the kind of stuff I"m talking about too......I realize that you may enjoy doing that, but for me, my response is...."Really? Do you REALLY need to be blown before breakfast every day? Or even most days??? Can't you just let it alone for a single day??"

I enjoy sex....don't get me wrong. But to me....it's "everything in moderation". I'm getting tired of Doms whose primary agenda is SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSESEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSESEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEX/SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX "make me dinner" SEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX 'do my laundry" SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX



NookieNotes -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 5:08:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

ETA to add: I think my "submission" is more of an "easygoing" thing. Not so much jumping through hoops and doing crazy shit to massage someone's ego and turn on his weird sexual quirks, but more of an "Yeah...ok...I can go along with that" thing.

Maybe I'm not submissive....I'm just easy going and easy to get along with


You have just hit the nail on the head.

Sounds to me like you are a people pleaser, but not really high on the score of submissive.

Here's what I mean by that: I've always been dominant. I can't help that, it's part of who I am. I see things going sideways, and I step up and lead.

I have NOT always been submissive as well (switchy). I have been a pleaser, because I have always found that my life is easier when the people I love are happy. And they do what I want with alacrity when I am a source of good things for them.

However, when I started exploring my submission, I couldn't make it fit. I didn't know why at the time.

The reason was, every time I was given a command, I passed it through the filter of 'do-I-want-to-do-this?'

MOST of the time the answer was, "Sure," because I'm pretty easy going, and it would please, therefore I would get more of what I want.

LOL! Not very submissive.

But I didn't realize that, then.

It wasn't until I found someone I trusted deeply that I got it. There is no filter. He knows my limits and boundaries, and respects them. I don't need a filter, I just do. His words to my brain. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

That is when I understood submission.

And that I would never be a full-time or even half-time submissive, no matter how much I tried.

Of course YMMV, but that is what made all the difference in the world to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

Or....I have been doing a lot of the cooking lately....and they know how much I hate cooking....but they think that by telling me how wonderful everything is, it will change the way I feel. It doesn't. Just because I can do something to their satisfaction doesn't mean I enjoy it.


It's my guess that part of this is that they are not inspiring to you. You are doing things you think you should to be submissive, but they are not the one(s) that will make your heart sing and dance and do little flips with happiness.

And they are not communicating with you, or you would never have to:

quote:


...saying (under my breath) "this is fucking ridiculous...do you really need this EVERY single day I see you??"


THIS is poor communication. From you, because you have a responsibility to speak up, and from them, because they are the dominants, and are responsible for knowing how you feel.

Now, they may know how you feel and ignore it. I do that, sometimes.

But I make sure my Pet is heard. That I know how he feels. And he GLADLY does what I ask, because the rewards overall make his life SO much better than it would be without me.

Sounds like you don't have that, and THAT is what people mean when they say that you need to find the right person.



Kat713 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 6:30:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I am independent, but would be very happy to let someone else lead.

It is not my independence that is the issue, but the lack of good, single, compatible men in my orbit.

I may need to find a new galaxy somewhere.


Same here~ Can you please take me with you when you go? ^_^



Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 6:32:35 AM)

quote:

I'm getting tired of Doms whose primary agenda is SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSESEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSESEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEX/SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX
SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX

Mmmm, send me these dominants please, I have yet to meet a dom who wants that much sex. Usually sex is never enough for me. But end of the day, it still boils down to compatibility. I love the rituals of blowing a man every morning, I like sexual rituals. I need to be sexually used every night and morning, that's just me. I just got a submissive dude approach me today, and I already knew the drill, some submissive dude trying to tell you how he loves to serve you and do what you want, but when you tell them they can't get face sitting or they cannot ever touch me with their mouth or tongue, they get upset. Sub men just not for me. It's interesting it's easier to find dominant men who are okay with this. I guess it's easier to find a dominant who likes to physically control you with his strength, his hands, than his tongue.



Greta75 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 6:43:08 AM)

smile, I think you need to think of it as thresholds of compromises. I mean, every submissive have their limit. Some are extreme to the extent that if their dominant tell them to self-harm, they are gonna do it. I mean there are extreme cases like that.

Every woman is different, it's finding a man who knows how to manage you and get your co-operation.

It's exactly like what DarkSteven always say, that some women's submission are people specific only.

So you might be exactly that.

I know I am exactly that. I need soft touch to be pliable, usually when a dominant takes me head to head, he brings up the aggressiveness and the alpha in me to challenge him for control. There are many ways to lead a person. And different leaders lead differently.

I met only 2 dominants in my life before that really manages me fabulously. One was my x-dom and one was a vanilla who is naturally dominant, but not into any bdsm. But he was a natural dominant, and knows how to get my co-operation and handle my objections smoothly and just gain my co-operation in everything. It's the whole calm and assertive, without losing his cool. What I find is many dominants lose control and their temper at me as I do press their buttons, and when they lose control, I start challenging to take over control.

I need a dominant very calm and cool and who doesn't have a reaction, so I know exactly what I am looking for.

You just need to figure out what style of dominance would suit you.

While I say I don't like cooking or ironing, but I would do it because I love my man and want to make him happy. But I just don't promise the cooking would taste good or his shirts are gonna be crease-free. One of the reasons why my x-dom took over cooking was that, my cooking was really horrible, and it's to save himself from eating bad tasting food. Like seriously, his a much better cook. Although my cooking was so bad that I couldn't eat it myself, while my x-dom always finish up whatever I made no matter how horrible it was. That was him appreciating me doing something I didn't like doing. I think it's pretty hard to do anything well if you don't have the passion for it.



smileforme50 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 9:07:05 AM)

Nookie said:
quote:

THIS is poor communication. From you, because you have a responsibility to speak up, and from them, because they are the dominants, and are responsible for knowing how you feel.


And unfortunately that's what I've been thinking too...... Which really means I should just stop doing it. I think being alone has just made me too selfish. Like I said, I think I'm easygoing.... But I'm starting to think that it isn't to the point of actually being submissive.



NookieNotes -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 10:32:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

And unfortunately that's what I've been thinking too...... Which really means I should just stop doing it. I think being alone has just made me too selfish. Like I said, I think I'm easygoing.... But I'm starting to think that it isn't to the point of actually being submissive.


Unless you are sure, don't give up. I know so many disenfranchised subs who just blossomed when they found the right one.

Not getting needs met makes everyone selfish.



sexyred1 -> RE: Teaching an old dog new tricks (12/4/2014 10:48:37 AM)

Disenfranchised subs?

So, you mean it would be easier to open a Starbucks franchise than find a good Dom?

Damn, I never thought of that before! [:D]



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