RE: Initiating sex

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Initiating sex

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Initiating sex

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 10:18:30 AM

SweetForDaddy

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

People are emotional basket cases quite often, even if they are sensible most of the time.

This is thing about communication I mentioned earlier.

Within reason I'm a patient person, but an 'emotional basket case' really should not be with me.

This won't go down well, but I would add that there may be something wrong, and underlying, with any relationship where one partner feels rejected in such a situation.

I agree with this to a certain extent but it can also be that someone is bringing baggage from a past relationship. I'm not sure that makes someone an emotional basket case but it might take them longer than the average person to feel safe and feel free to express themselves sexually again. I totally get people don't want to have sex all of the time, I totally don't want anyone to have sex with me if they don't want to and I'd like to get to the place where I can deal with a straight out no without being coddled but it will be a slow process I think.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 12:16:31 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

People are emotional basket cases quite often, even if they are sensible most of the time.

This is thing about communication I mentioned earlier.

Within reason I'm a patient person, but an 'emotional basket case' really should not be with me.

This won't go down well, but I would add that there may be something wrong, and underlying, with any relationship where one partner feels rejected in such a situation.

I agree with this to a certain extent but it can also be that someone is bringing baggage from a past relationship. I'm not sure that makes someone an emotional basket case but it might take them longer than the average person to feel safe and feel free to express themselves sexually again. I totally get people don't want to have sex all of the time, I totally don't want anyone to have sex with me if they don't want to and I'd like to get to the place where I can deal with a straight out no without being coddled but it will be a slow process I think.

Yes, I agree that it doesn't make someone/anyone an 'emotional basket case'.

I would concede that human beings do a lot of things that aren't necessarily grounded in Rationalism nor Empiricism.

I mean, David Hume smashed to bits the idea that humans are closer to God than they are animals a long time back, and animals act out of habit on many an occasion.

We're probably getting back to qualities we like in people, and I must say that while I wouldn't term anyone an 'emotional basket case', because after all given different circumstances we are all capable of acting a certain way; I do see these things as being very needy, and I don 't appreciate needy people - I find them self centred and not for me.

That won't go down well, but from my point of view I was raised in a Working Class background; a council estate in a mining area in the North East of England, and if my family had spent their time moaning about not getting what they felt they were due to, then that was time taken away from ensuring there was bread on the table. It just wasn't the done thing.

Baggage from a past relationship? Well, perhaps some people like that. Perhaps some people like the idea of a damsel in distress. To each their own.

Edited to add: this is in no way a dig at you. I'd imagine there are plenty of men out there who would appreciate your take on life. It's merely personal taste, and there's no accounting for taste.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 12/13/2014 12:20:28 PM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SweetForDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 12:27:09 PM

SweetForDaddy

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

People are emotional basket cases quite often, even if they are sensible most of the time.

This is thing about communication I mentioned earlier.

Within reason I'm a patient person, but an 'emotional basket case' really should not be with me.

This won't go down well, but I would add that there may be something wrong, and underlying, with any relationship where one partner feels rejected in such a situation.

I agree with this to a certain extent but it can also be that someone is bringing baggage from a past relationship. I'm not sure that makes someone an emotional basket case but it might take them longer than the average person to feel safe and feel free to express themselves sexually again. I totally get people don't want to have sex all of the time, I totally don't want anyone to have sex with me if they don't want to and I'd like to get to the place where I can deal with a straight out no without being coddled but it will be a slow process I think.

Yes, I agree that it doesn't make someone/anyone an 'emotional basket case'.

I would concede that human beings do a lot of things that aren't necessarily grounded in Rationalism nor Empiricism.

I mean, David Hume smashed to bits the idea that humans are closer to God than they are animals a long time back, and animals act out of habit on many an occasion.

We're probably getting back to qualities we like in people, and I must say that while I wouldn't term anyone an 'emotional basket case', because after all given different circumstances we are all capable of acting a certain way; I do see these things as being very needy, and I don 't appreciate needy people - I find them self centred and not for me.

That won't go down well, but from my point of view I was raised in a Working Class background; a council estate in a mining area in the North East of England, and if my family had spent their time moaning about not getting what they felt they were due to, then that was time taken away from ensuring there was bread on the table. It just wasn't the done thing.

Baggage from a past relationship? Well, perhaps some people like that. Perhaps some people like the idea of a damsel in distress. To each their own.

Not sure anyone likes it but I think its rare to not have any at all when you get to a certain age. Having the 'just get on with it' attitude isn't the best way to deal with things when they can have a solution, communication is.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 12:35:10 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

Not sure anyone likes it but I think its rare to not have any at all when you get to a certain age. Having the 'just get on with it' attitude isn't the best way to deal with things when they can have a solution, communication is.

Perhaps we're talking of degree.

I find the idea that anyone can feel hurt by someone else not wanting sex, to be extreme.

As I said earlier, I'm patient within reason.

But then again, perhaps we're talking about people allowing themselves to be dragged down by their past experiences.

Life's short, I want some positivity. I'm 40; I've got ten years until I'm 50. I want to enjoy these next ten years, not feel like I'm walking in quick-sand.

Just me, SFD, others see it differently. You may even be in the majority, while I'm in the minority.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SweetForDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 12:47:17 PM

SweetForDaddy

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

Not sure anyone likes it but I think its rare to not have any at all when you get to a certain age. Having the 'just get on with it' attitude isn't the best way to deal with things when they can have a solution, communication is.

Perhaps we're talking of degree.

I find the idea that anyone can feel hurt by someone else not wanting sex, to be extreme.

As I said earlier, I'm patient within reason.

But then again, perhaps we're talking about people allowing themselves to be dragged down by their past experiences.

Life's short, I want some positivity. I'm 40; I've got ten years until I'm 50. I want to enjoy these next ten years, not feel like I'm walking in quick-sand.

Just me, SFD, others see it differently. You may even be in the majority, while I'm in the minority.

I'm not sure its a case of allowing yourself to be dragged down either, its more a case of building yourself back up for me. I see that as a positive thing *shrug*.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 12:52:28 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

I'm not sure its a case of allowing yourself to be dragged down either, its more a case of building yourself back up for me. I see that as a positive thing *shrug*.

Bringing 'baggage' from past relationships isn't positive. It's an entirely defensive mind-set from the off.

It smacks to me of focusing on the past and hoping for the best for the future.

Why not leave in the past in the past, no baggage being towed along with you?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SweetForDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 1:04:45 PM

SweetForDaddy

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/17/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

I'm not sure its a case of allowing yourself to be dragged down either, its more a case of building yourself back up for me. I see that as a positive thing *shrug*.

Bringing 'baggage' from past relationships isn't positive. It's an entirely defensive mind-set from the off.

It smacks to me of focusing on the past and hoping for the best for the future.

Why not leave in the past in the past, no baggage being towed along with you?

In an ideal world. Sometimes thats possible, sometimes it isn't. My personal issue is something I would talk about prior to getting into a relationship though and I don't think its that big a deal it couldn't be sorted out relatively easily with the right person.

I think expecting a clean slate at 40 is a bit unrealistic, good luck with that but most people have had life experiences that have been good and bad by that age, theres probably going to be some baggage of some sort.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 1:10:54 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetForDaddy

I'm not sure its a case of allowing yourself to be dragged down either, its more a case of building yourself back up for me. I see that as a positive thing *shrug*.

Bringing 'baggage' from past relationships isn't positive. It's an entirely defensive mind-set from the off.

It smacks to me of focusing on the past and hoping for the best for the future.

Why not leave in the past in the past, no baggage being towed along with you?

In an ideal world. Sometimes thats possible, sometimes it isn't. My personal issue is something I would talk about prior to getting into a relationship though and I don't think its that big a deal it couldn't be sorted out relatively easily with the right person.

I think expecting a clean slate at 40 is a bit unrealistic, good luck with that but most people have had life experiences that have been good and bad by that age, theres probably going to be some baggage of some sort.

We have definitely all had life experiences that have been good and bad: it's a question of taking the good with you and leaving the bad behind.

But, thanks for the good luck and you too :-)

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SweetForDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Initiating sex - 12/13/2014 1:46:29 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

[Partial Quotes]

quote:

ORIGINAL: InHisHeart

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

But initiating means, dominant does not want to touch me at all, all day, and I bug him for sex. That for me, is a no no.

In reply to your other post. "Also, if a man is not initiating sex, clearly his not in the mood." Just because I initiate at times doesn't mean he's not in the mood for sex. He could have other things on his mind, he might be doing something else, he could be sleeping and I'm awake so I wake him up for sex, he could walk in the door and I initiate before he has his coat off, it could be.........

One of the most common complaints that I've heard from men, all sorts of men, besides their partner not wanting sex as often as they do, is not showing much of an interest in having sex with them, especially once a few years into a marriage of their wife cutting them off from sex other than on the rare occasion.

Men are men. They need to feel wanted and appreciated as much as women do (beyond the usual ego-stroking that we know they need, and which we ourselves also need in return).
You know how Dommes will emphasize that we are women first, and then Dominant? It's the same with Doms. Doms are men first, and then Dominant.

I think there is a disconnect when any submissive sees this differently and loses sight of the fact that you are also a man or a woman first, and then a submissive.
As a woman, you have the right to make your needs and desires known. How you go about it is your business. Being an initiator is not being the aggressor, and there are subtle ways of initiating interest. Your Dominant may know that s/he has the right to "use" you whenever s/he pleases, but that isn't the point.

Greta, I'm telling you right now that uni-directional initiation for sex or affection can get old for any man. It's just a matter of time. Expecting a man to always act Domly can get old, too, and not treating him like a whole person, but boxing him into fantasy Master-Dom mode. Dominants don't like feeling objectified or used, at least none of the ones I know or know of. Just being responsive to his overtures is not enough. Be a woman first.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to InHisHeart)

Profile

Post #: 49