I Hate The Holidays

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Gauge -> I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 7:55:06 AM)
I hate the holidays... there, I said it. Loved them when I was a kid, loved them when my kids were young, hate them now. Part of my problem with them is that my late Mother made them a miserable experience for me. She was wheelchair bound for many, many years and was not the greatest housekeeper in the world, so cooking in her kitchen was difficult at best. I ended up taking her out for holiday dinners, but all she would do was bitch about it. I also have a few friends who are dirt fucking poor and have no one for the holidays, so I invited them along with me to eat and at least have some sort of holiday. They also helped me not to strangle my Mother. My Mother didn't want them to come along, but I explained to her that they were my friends and I was paying the bill anyway, so I can invite whoever I wish and I didn't ask her permission anyway. It's been two years after her death and the holidays still suck for me. I would really rather do nothing for them and just wish they would go away. When I was a kid we had massive family gatherings, now I am lucky if my kids call me to say anything remotely like Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. My sister is trying to get me back into doing holiday things, but my heart just isn't in it... to me, it is too much fuss for one day. My girlfriend has holiday things, and she tries to understand that I don't like that sort of thing, but it is difficult for her. I don't spend money I don't have on presents, I'm not cheap, I'm poor. If I do get something, it is usually something little, but, for the most part, I put a great deal of thought into it. Holiday time sucks.

InHisHeart -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:07:37 AM)
I'm right there with you Gauge, for different reasons but I share your holiday sentiments. I put on the happy holiday act for the little ones in the family (my great-nieces and great-nephew) but in reality if I could sleep through the holidays or disappear during them, that would work very well for me.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:17:02 AM)
Brother, this may sound stupid of cliché, but I'm going to say it anyway. You are Master of your life now and your girl, from all that I have read, is your home (I know that sounds cheesy, but when you have it, it is fucking awesome), make your home together. Mom is gone and now you are not bound to the past traditions, or even bound to the memories you do not want to keep. It's your job to retain or discard the things that benefit you the most, even if that means celebrating "Happy Merry Chicken Suite Day" on 12/25. Believe me, I know how hard it is to dump that stuff, I had to sever all ties to my clan for 13 years to separate their bullshit from my truth, and raise my miniature people with out their toxic influence. I came back around them for many reasons... reasons that they did not have the tools to cope with, and now I am choosing to remain until I inter my mom or next winter comes. Which ever happens first is me punching my ticket and going back home. If she has not passed before then, I'll come back when she does and settle her estate. I do not celebrate Christmas. Christmas is the recognizable holiday and I do lights, tree, gifts, and all out for it, but it is not christmas I am celebrating. My holiday is on 12/21, raised the miniature people with the holiday on 12/21, they understand "our" holiday, and they do refer to it as Christmas because I don't rule the entire world as of yet, but I am chipping away at it. The point being, Brother, we bury people for a reason, and more often than not we need to bury things, thoughts, memories, feelings, and roughshod traditions with them. I love ya, and I am jus sayin

ydd -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:21:01 AM)
I am so sorry you feel this way Gauge, and you too HisHeart. I admit I had several years after my Mom died where it was really really hard for me. But I have come to a place where I am able to look beyond the commercialization of Christmas. No, I am not going to go all churchy on you......I am sure you understand what I am saying. I have always loved going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, even when it started at 11:30, and then when it started at 11:00. Last year was the first time in 15 years that I was able to go to the late service, and my son had volunteered to serve. This year, with no explanation, the "late" service has been moved to 9:00. WTF???? We are lucky to be home from the family service, had dinner and cleaned up, never mind getting back to my own house! Some of the ceremonial joy of Christmas has been diminished, and not just for me.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:41:39 AM)
FR~ I'm with Gauge but for the reasons that ET gave. We don't do any of the festive stuff at all. No lights, no tree, and token prezzies for the kids. We even put a sign on the door that says something along the lines of "Carol singers will be shot". Bah Humbug and all that. Can't be dealing with all that crap. My seasons greetings are "Fuck off and leave me alone". Meh!!

ExiledTyrant -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:49:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 FR~ I'm with Gauge but for the reasons that ET gave. We don't do any of the festive stuff at all. No lights, no tree, and token prezzies for the kids. We even put a sign on the door that says something along the lines of "Carol singers will be shot". Bah Humbug and all that. Can't be dealing with all that crap. My seasons greetings are "Fuck off and leave me alone". Meh!! I am shocked... well, because your so compassionate and sensitive and all. Jus sayin

GoddessManko -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:56:42 AM)
I hate wearing my heart on my sleeve but I can relate with Gauge's feelings about the holidays, but the thing is, you might feel alone in your feelings Gauge but you're not. In relation to my family, I do things out of a sense of duty and love for the little ones (not so much the adults). I want them to have the most "normal", "carefree"childhood I and their parents can grant them but these kind of jobs are thankless. The ones which are near and dear. I do them without expectation or desire for recognition. I do them simply because it must be done. We have to care for each other, it is what separates humans from animals. This is just a corporate holiday for me, this is when profits surge,for me there has never been a magic of Xmas and honestly I don't care if I celebrate my bday or not. I don't need an excuse to have fun. Right now I'm that annoying kissy-face aunty we all see in movies. I kiss the little people profusely, I love them madly. Imagine all the love in the world? Poured into every embrace. And I know one day they may forget me, create their own lives, their own families. But the fact remains they are our legacy. Their lives are a triumph to our service. We should relish in their successes and their "not needing us" anymore. It means we did an amazing job through our actions or inaction. With that being said, I am going to kiss their faces til my lips go numb and hug them closer and answer every question they toss my way, let their parents tease me and smile through it (though I can do without their parents, hehe) because this is essentially what life is about, O/our purpose. PS, By the way, as an inside scoop, I have this hilarious thing I do when I start telling them their University they're going to and their majors early and often every time I see them and joke "it's never too early to start the brainwashing process". It's all in jest but it worked for the teenager, she wants to go to FAMU and major in pharmacology. LOL! Trying now to convince my oldest nephew to go to NYIT and major in architecture. I also always ask about school so they know to expect that from me. [;)]

DaddySatyr -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 8:59:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I hate the holidays... there, I said it. Loved them when I was a kid, loved them when my kids were young, hate them now. Part of my problem with them is that my late Mother made them a miserable experience for me. She was wheelchair bound for many, many years and was not the greatest housekeeper in the world, so cooking in her kitchen was difficult at best. I ended up taking her out for holiday dinners, but all she would do was bitch about it. I also have a few friends who are dirt fucking poor and have no one for the holidays, so I invited them along with me to eat and at least have some sort of holiday. They also helped me not to strangle my Mother. My Mother didn't want them to come along, but I explained to her that they were my friends and I was paying the bill anyway, so I can invite whoever I wish and I didn't ask her permission anyway. It's been two years after her death and the holidays still suck for me. I would really rather do nothing for them and just wish they would go away. When I was a kid we had massive family gatherings, now I am lucky if my kids call me to say anything remotely like Merry Christmas or Happy New Year. My sister is trying to get me back into doing holiday things, but my heart just isn't in it... to me, it is too much fuss for one day. My girlfriend has holiday things, and she tries to understand that I don't like that sort of thing, but it is difficult for her. I don't spend money I don't have on presents, I'm not cheap, I'm poor. If I do get something, it is usually something little, but, for the most part, I put a great deal of thought into it. Holiday time sucks. My heart goes out to you, indeed. I do have one suggestion, before I give my take on the holidays: If memory serves from the 12 step thread, you're not a believer in God? One could extrapolate that if you don't believe in God, you would certainly not believe in Jesus nor wish to celebrate his birth, in any way. All of that is to say that if I was one of your children, I might not think to call you to wish you a "Merry Christmas", either. I'm not saying this in a snarky way. Maybe they're just honoring what they believe are your preferences? When I was growing up, I was raised Traditional Catholic. There were no "Christmas" trees in our homes since they were a hold-over from the Pagan celebration of Yule. There were lights, garland, tinsel, holly, all the other trappings. Of course there was a manger scene; usually inside and on the lawn. Where most families spent a night, decorating the tree, we set up the Nativity scenes. Singing, playing of the piano and organ (and guitars and ...) were all part of our evening. There was always great food (I grew up in Italian, German, and Irish families) from all three of my grandmothers (child of divorce and re-marriage). We had steaks and stews and The Seven Fishes dinner on Christmas Eve. We all (almost to a person) exuded and were enveloped by the joy and merriment of the season. It truly was a deliriously happy time for us. As I got older, I carried these traditions forward but my view on religion became quite fluid. If someone could present a fact that seemed logical, it got incorporated into my belief system. I'm not trying to get all religious, I'm just explaining that as time went on and I realized that my beliefs might line up better with the old-time Pagans (earliest Christians), the tree became less distasteful. Then, came 22 DEC, 2012 ... the day my eldest son died. He had been fighting and holding on for 36 hours and his Chaplain (Catholic) and Commanding Officer gave him permission to let go. Without going much deeper, I think it's obvious why Christmas will probably never be the same for me, again. Michael

SweetForDaddy -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 9:19:56 AM)
I feel you there too. This is my first time beings single at Christmas for 13 years so it feels like its going to be a bit rough. I'll try to make the most of the day with my son though, being around kids forces you into the mood a bit more I think. A nice meal and then I'm planning on board gaming him to death and teaching him how to play chess. The only thing I'm really looking forward to is time off work, switching off for a week is going to be nice

Kaliko -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 9:25:08 AM)
I don't understand why people feel a sense of responsibility to spend their holidays the way other people expect them to. If you want to sleep through Christmas, have at it. It's your life. Gauge, if the fact that you don't find as much fulfillment in the holiday season as others seem to bothers you, may I suggest focusing on others who need you? Spend some time volunteering on and around Christmas Day. You have plenty to give without spending a penny.

Gauge -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 9:42:06 AM)
Thank you all for the responses thus far. @ExiledTyrant, I've been trying to get back into it, there is a lot to bury. It doesn't help that Winter is a time where I struggle greatly with depression. @GoddessManko, I know that I am not alone feeling like this. @Freedomdwarf, I watch A Christmas Carol backwards so it has a happy ending. @DaddySatyr, I never really discussed my religious beliefs on this forum, and while I don't want to do that now, I will say that there would be no reason for them not to call me. In the 12 Step thread, I posted something from my book dealing with some people that have difficulty with the Higher Power concept, in no way does it represent my belief system. I also want to say, I did not take your response as anything but kind. [:)] @Kaliko, I do some of that stuff, not so much the volunteering but I have helped people who have no one, have a holiday every year for the last 15 years, ever since my breakdown. That helps. I would respond to everyone, but insomnia has been hell and I am pretty tired today.

sexyred1 -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 9:51:54 AM)
I don't celebrate Christmas as I am Jewish, and I still am not into the holidays. I have nothing to celebrate as this year brought me very bad news. When I had partners who celebrated, I did it with them because I loved them. Now, being alone during the holidays just makes me sad. I do think its really a holiday for the little ones.

satanscharmer -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 10:44:32 AM)
Holidays are difficult enough as it is. Throw in depression and past experiences...all I can say is I understand why others may hate or dislike holidays. I also understand what it's like to have a loved one be less than enthused. I've been on both ends. I don't have any words of wisdom that I feel will be helpful and the smart ass in me wants to quote the movie Elf, but I'll refrain. So, I'm just sending a virtual hug to you whether you like it or not.

GoddessManko -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 11:09:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko I don't understand why people feel a sense of responsibility to spend their holidays the way other people expect them to. If you want to sleep through Christmas, have at it. It's your life. Gauge, if the fact that you don't find as much fulfillment in the holiday season as others seem to bothers you, may I suggest focusing on others who need you? Spend some time volunteering on and around Christmas Day. You have plenty to give without spending a penny. This is really good advice, and I would add in there it's OK to be selfish and indulge in what you want to do. This day is merely symbolic but a day like any other. We give each other days like this to feel "special"but they're not compulsory. Find something you actually enjoy doing this time of year whether it's playing pool, shooting darts or paintballing. Or a nerd hobby or DIY project. I want to get further into making whips and collars. You might like making your own gift courtesy of home depot. It's definitely what I would do. I think it's sweet what a big deal the kids make about it but for me, eh! Would I like if they were less materialistic and more socially aware? Yes. But kind of hoping that will come with maturity and just focusing on getting them down a path of success for now. This is all choice for me, if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't.

InHisHeart -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 1:44:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kaliko I don't understand why people feel a sense of responsibility to spend their holidays the way other people expect them to. If you want to sleep through Christmas, have at it. It's your life. Yes, it's my life but I do take the feelings of those close to me into consideration. I come from a very close, loving, tight knit family and I know it would be hurtful to some, especially my adult sons, my grandson, my mom, my sister if I decided to do a no show at the family gatherings. My dislike of the holidays are my issues, no one else's issues. They have always accepted me and supported me even with things about my life they don't understand. They've always been there for events that were important to me. The holidays, the family traditions are important to them so I'm there for them just as they're always there for me.

RockaRolla -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 3:06:09 PM)
I've gotta say, working in a grocery store during the holiday season really takes you out of a festive mood. My family isn't religious, but we've always celebrated Christmas anyway (or at least a secular version of it.) My parents were born to religious households and grew up with the holiday, and we made it into more of a family gathering and to hell with Jesus if he isn't around to celebrate his own birthday anyway.

shiftyw -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 3:21:35 PM)
Working mail order takes me out of it sometimes. We had like ten people today who wanted to ship to from NH to the west coast by Christmas eve. Which is enough to make me want no one near me. I work with family too. So when Christmas does come around we are usually all stressed and exhausted. But I loving getting things for people. I make a lot of my presents still. This year everyone is getting things from my pottery class. I put a shitload of thought into my gifts. And it's somthing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I focus on what I do like about it, even if it's just that my gram still gives me five dollars even at 26. I'm not religious, so it's not really Christmas for me in the way it is for others. My dad either, or my brother, we have all found our own meanings and interpretations. But I control my own enjoyment and attitude and it's one of the few things we can control so I try to stay happy and grateful. Best of luck! And all my love, I hope the holidays pass quickly...

GoddessManko -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 3:43:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shiftyw Working mail order takes me out of it sometimes. We had like ten people today who wanted to ship to from NH to the west coast by Christmas eve. Which is enough to make me want no one near me. I work with family too. So when Christmas does come around we are usually all stressed and exhausted. But I loving getting things for people. I make a lot of my presents still. This year everyone is getting things from my pottery class. I put a shitload of thought into my gifts. And it's somthing that makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I focus on what I do like about it, even if it's just that my gram still gives me five dollars even at 26. I'm not religious, so it's not really Christmas for me in the way it is for others. My dad either, or my brother, we have all found our own meanings and interpretations. But I control my own enjoyment and attitude and it's one of the few things we can control so I try to stay happy and grateful. Best of luck! And all my love, I hope the holidays pass quickly... I think postal workers deserve bonuses around the holidays. On behalf of everyone, thank you!

shiftyw -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 6:30:57 PM)
I'm not a postal worker. I just ship things from our business. We have an online store...its complicated..haha. I don't want to out myself here. But- we feed our postal ladies, and our UPS guys well. They all go home with homemade bread and bacon come the 23rd! UPS is working on Sunday this year...unsung heros!

Dvr22999874 -> RE: I Hate The Holidays (12/19/2014 7:01:55 PM)
I grew up in a family that was a cross between the Simpsons and The Adams Family, where we all heartily disliked each other almost to the point of attempted homicide. I ran away to sea at the first opportunity and then spent a little time in the Legion.............christmas really didn't mean a lot in the Legion and as I was in the catering department at sea, it was just bloody hard work and no time off. After leaving the sea, I was chef in a number of places around the world, so Christmas remained a lot of hard work and a lot of booze drunk to get through it or forget about it, Now ? christmas still means little or nothing to me, although my partner and I will feed and water anybody who arrives over the holiday period. I just make sure there is a selection of different foods in the fridge and then I sit back and read a good book. Or just for shits and giggles, I may go to the local supermarket to watch the fights break out over who got what first. It happens every year. Regardless, I wish you all well, whatever time of the year it is.

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