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RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:38:15 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RockaRolla

Where was this guy when my friend was looking for a Dom?

In all seriousness, the situation caused her a lot of frustration because she was looking for a D-type with no actual intercourse, and several people accused her of topping from the bottom for having that limit. This is the first I've heard of a no-sex rule for subs.

This is disappointing too because female subs should have that option if desired.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 21

RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 8:05:03 PM

GothMistressH

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline

I personally don't have any sexual contact so my subs. I reserve that for my husband.

As for the guy you are dealing with, I am so glad that you didn't meet up with him. Definitely watch out for those signs that GoddessManko and DarkStevens mentioned.

(in reply to MissPeach09)

Post #: 22

RE: Sex with submissives - 12/22/2014 12:59:32 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

I haven't really ever been topped by a sub. My sub would never even try to top from the bottom so I don't have to worry about it really.

Just to give you a head's up, this is another (non-)issue/myth which both subs and Dominants might try to perpetuate. That for a Domme to have full-on sex with her sub is somehow bottoming to him. Topping & bottoming are BDSM activities; non-BDSM sex has it's giving/receiving elements, and must also be consensual, but T/b roles are irrelevant. When a vanilla man goes down on a vanilla woman, he isn't Topping her and she isn't bottoming to him. There's scarcely a Dom who thinks of getting a bj as bottoming to his sub, nor that she is Topping him. Even face-sitting (without squashing or Queening) and face-fucking (without "force" or resistance play) is vanilla sex and not BDSM, merely to illustrate my point without listing the whole gamut of what non-BDSM & non-D/s intimate couples do.
ETA:

GothMistressH to the Message Boards along with the OP-Opening Poster, MissPeach09.

< Message edited by FieryOpal -- 12/22/2014 1:03:28 AM >

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
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(in reply to MissPeach09)

Post #: 23

RE: Sex with submissives - 12/22/2014 6:00:46 AM

wannapleez

Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.

EXACTLY! The Domme chooses what pleases her. She doesn't take direction from some non-existent rule book.

How anything sexual can have limitations is beyond me. Add BDSM into the mix, and it should be beyond anyone.

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 24

RE: Sex with submissives - 12/22/2014 6:46:38 AM

MissPeach09

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline

Thank you for the welcome FieryOpal. I'm glad to be among such strong and intelligent women. It's nice to get a second opinion. :)

That being said I do have bottoming tendencies but as a masochist (and even if I wasn't) I don't think that makes me any less of a Dom.

(in reply to wannapleez)

Post #: 25

RE: Sex with submissives - 12/22/2014 7:35:08 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Thank you for the welcome FieryOpal. I'm glad to be among such strong and intelligent women. It's nice to get a second opinion. :)

That being said I do have bottoming tendencies but as a masochist (and even if I wasn't) I don't think that makes me any less of a Dom.

It doesn't. Someone on the message boards (when I was new) once tried to tell me that wanting "adoration" from a sub vs desiring only power softens my Dominant hand. I am dismissive of people who have these ridiculous perceptions and do not know me personally. And often, these people's opinions sway depending on the audience so keep that in mind. Do what's right for You. I love sex and think of it often but only in a loving union like GothMistressH would I desire to let biology take over. The desire to be topped by my sub simply has never been, naught more.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MissPeach09)

Post #: 26

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 12:39:32 AM

Aephoxe

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/8/2015
Status: offline

I don't have sex with my slaves. There was one situation were I did, and it lead to romantic feelings on both our parts. Having a romantic relationship compromised my ability to manage our household due to jealousy, and my focus was too intensely on him to restructure it. So, it fell apart. When our household failed, we tried to continue a normal relationship with each other, and found that our romance only continued because it was sort of taboo. As it normalized, we found that neither of us could live without the complete exchange, and we put an end to it. The view we had of each other could never have been recovered after that.

I don't have sex with my slaves for the sake of our household and each member. I feel it damages the dynamic, the power exchange.

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 27

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 1:53:02 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

I haven't even had sex with most of the doms I've lived with. It always starts out with "I'm going to fuck you"... I respond "you are free to try" it never happens, they stare at me blankly or make some attempt then give up after an hour of not making progress. I've never heard of a dom saying it was his choice to abstain though.

(in reply to MissPeach09)

Post #: 28

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 2:05:08 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

I haven't even had sex with most of the doms I've lived with. It always starts out with "I'm going to fuck you"... I respond "you are free to try" it never happens, they stare at me blankly or make some attempt then give up after an hour of not making progress. I've never heard of a dom saying it was his choice to abstain though.

Well, I'm sure I can't be the only one but I can tell you that I have made the choice to abstain for (what became) the rest of the relationship, quite a few times.

I like sex more than the next guy but there are times when (for me) it is no longer desirable in a relationship.

If I know that my feelings have changed and I haven't had time to discuss that change with her, having sex with her would be under false pretenses (the way the relationship used to be).

Let me be more specific: Even before I'd been identified as a dominant, back when I was married, our relationship deteriorated to such a degree that sex was, essentially, non-existent. I had a bit of a health scare that she somehow found out about. I came home, one night and she wanted some lovey-dovey. When she told me why (some idiot, soon-to-be-former nurse had told her about my potential illness and she started becoming a human being and having pangs of guilt), I told her she could keep her "pity pussy". I didn't want it.

I decided that I was never going to want it, again.

There have been other times and I'm not going to go into a laundry list but sex isn't the be-all/end-all for all guys (even though a lot of ladies wish to think so).

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 29

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 2:12:41 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

That makes sense, you shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't like them. And yes I've heard of guys that don't have sex with their wives(my step dad for instance) but I don't consider that a relationship, more a burden of responsibility. 2 people that hate each other and just have to stay together for reasons of duty don't really apply to my definition of a relationship, but that's just a personal definition.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 30

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 2:21:51 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

That makes sense, you shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't like them. And yes I've heard of guys that don't have sex with their wives(my step dad for instance) but I don't consider that a relationship, more a burden of responsibility. 2 people that hate each other and just have to stay together for reasons of duty don't really apply to my definition of a relationship, but that's just a personal definition.

Well, I didn't want to go through a whole list but there are other examples.

The fact remains that not all guys are "pussy-at-all-costs" inclined and I would go so far as to say that includes those dominants that do not allow themselves to be topped from the bottom.

We've all seen the couple where the guy goes around, beating his chest, trying to impress all with his domliness but then, we look at his lady and we see that the guy is as domly as she allows him to be.

I would call that example the antithesis. In fact, there's a principle (I'll have to go look up the name ETA: It's called: The Principle of Least Interest. Info HERE) where the person who cares the least about the relationship will wind up being the one in control. While I won't remain in a relationship about which I don't care, I gave up, long ago, worrying about if I'm ever going to get laid again (I always do, anyway).

Once a guy gives up worrying about getting laid, that is one less tool of manipulation that can be used against him.

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 4/27/2015 2:25:57 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 31

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 2:35:26 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

I don't see sex as a form of manipulation. like with your first example, to me that seemed like she was trying to comfort you but I wasn't there so that's only based off similar engagements I have seen.

I think people get so caught up in 'who looks like they are coming out on top' that they forget you are in a relationship to be with someone else not to make yourself look good. Love isn't about ego.

Sea in a relationship is something I see as a must, it is a man's duty just as much as a woman's to please his partner. If he doesnt, it's not a relationship it's self gratification. You will hear people say all the time that they don't need see but talk to them again after they cut and suddenly they are happy, less confrontational, relaxed. Sex, while fun, is akin to eating or sleeping. You can't expect someone to be in a relationship if their needs aren't met. It is a man's duty to ensure the emotional stability of his partner.... or not blame her for being a cunt once he stops ;)

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 32

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 2:45:56 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DerangedUnit

I don't see sex as a form of manipulation. like with your first example, to me that seemed like she was trying to comfort you but I wasn't there so that's only based off similar engagements I have seen.

I think people get so caught up in 'who looks like they are coming out on top' that they forget you are in a relationship to be with someone else not to make yourself look good. Love isn't about ego.

Sea in a relationship is something I see as a must, it is a man's duty just as much as a woman's to please his partner. If he doesnt, it's not a relationship it's self gratification. You will hear people say all the time that they don't need see but talk to them again after they cut and suddenly they are happy, less confrontational, relaxed. Sex, while fun, is akin to eating or sleeping. You can't expect someone to be in a relationship if their needs aren't met. It is a man's duty to ensure the emotional stability of his partner.... or not blame her for being a cunt once he stops ;)

I'm pretty sure you're misunderstanding me but first things, first:

Do you not believe that there are ladies that use the promise of sex (or the threat of withholding it) to manipulate?

Then, not to get too far off base: I didn't say that it wasn't my duty to please my partner. I said that I don't care if I ever have sex, again (knowing I will, at some point). Sex is no longer the goal for me. A stress-free, pleasurable relationship is the goal (and for me, those include sex but, again: NOT the ultimate goal).

To me, sex is the ultimate goal of a one-night-stand or a "campaign of pursuit". The ultimate goal of a relationship (again, to me) is to die, very happy. Of course, part of my definition of "happy" is a fulfilling physical relationship with someone(s) I care about.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DerangedUnit)

Post #: 33

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 3:16:17 AM

DerangedUnit

Posts: 660
Joined: 2/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Do you not believe that there are ladies that use the promise of sex (or the threat of withholding it) to manipulate?

I think that most people do, I also rarely agree with most people. Which was part of a point I was making, the majority of people today don't choose have sex because they enjoy it or see it as beneficial to their partner, but view it as a source of power. Which it is, the same as withholding food or water or offering a really good desert. You can always deny the need for it, but it's not something that benefits either party(note in these cases I am talking about already established relationships not casual dating)

There was recently a study about anal sex that showed that the majority of boys don't actually really like it, they do it because it's seen as 'winning'. Ive heard the stories repeated countless times i.e. "I took a dump on her chest" "and you enjoy that?" "No women are lying where's they deserve it" that was one of the least evasive answers I have heard and obviously as such the most abrasive. But this is what I see again and again to varying degrees, especially in younger generations.

People no longer act because they want or enjoy something they act because someone else doesn't. It is a constant battle of who can deny the other more. Obviously I don't agree with this mentality, even in it's lesser forms, but it has become a prevailing part of culture. "Let's see how many free meals we can get" "I'll take him for everything he has" "I'll use her up and throw her away" "I bet you I can convince her she likes it"

That is what i see relationships becoming... though not what I imagine they should be, nor what I allow mine to become.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 34

RE: Sex with submissives - 4/27/2015 7:39:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he really is as much Old Guard as he thinks he is, then he'd know that the gay leather doms had tons of hot sex with their slaves. Usually starting on the first meet.

More importantly, if what you want is a highly sexual relationship with your partner, then that tells you this guy isn't a good match for you.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 35

RE: Sex with submissives - 5/6/2015 6:56:33 PM

SweetlySadistic1

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/25/2014
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09
What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?

hahaha I think he's maybe jealous of you having sex with anyone else? I most certainly do have sex with, and kiss, my sub(s). Hell yes I do. I look for a relationship D/s dynamic and, in a romantic relationship, yes I have sex. He tells me his dick is mine to do whatever I want to with & I agree. We love each other and, if I want his dick, I'm damn well gonna have it.

SweetlySadistic1

_____________________________

On CM since December 2008. I have a new username now.

Formerly NiceButMeanGirl.

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(in reply to MissPeach09)

Post #: 36

RE: Sex with submissives - 5/7/2015 7:05:59 AM

MistressRage

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline

@OP: I do not have sex with slaves, but his opinion should be of no consequence to you.

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Mistress Rage
~outRAGEous~

I don't always return to a thread. It's usually best to message your replies directly to me.

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Post #: 37

RE: Sex with submissives - 5/7/2015 3:36:26 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

As soon as someone starts telling me what I "should" do, I tune out.

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pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to RockaRolla)

Post #: 38

RE: Sex with submissives - 5/10/2015 7:33:49 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

Consider the female. Then consider how she is captured. Finally consider what happens when you Ladies have sex with your submissives. Ahhhhh...lightbulb goes on...

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"We master Our world."

(in reply to Bhruic)

Post #: 39

RE: Sex with submissives - 5/10/2015 7:57:45 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

More great wisdom from everyone's favorite...

(in reply to Arturas)

Post #: 40

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