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How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/1/2015 4:03:50 PM

BlkUrbanLDNDom

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/14/2014
Status: offline

hiya.... kinda new to the site.. was using collarme before it closed. and wasnt aware of the new domain. and that you could use old login credentials..

anyway. thhis post is about best ways to figure out if who your talking to is really the person in the pic...

as a newbie. i know ive been speaking to a few fakes... reluctant to provide proof. as in a quick voice or video call.

really ruining my experience.

i always take time to read profiles prior to messaging. and only ever make contact if i feel it would be welcomed. (which seems to be rarely as noone ever replies)

so... back to the original question. how to know your contact is genuine. would be nice to hear others thoughts..

Post #: 1

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/1/2015 4:24:44 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums!

I talk with them. Vanilla, trying to get to know them. The fakes give up because they want to score a quick scam.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to BlkUrbanLDNDom)

Post #: 2

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/1/2015 4:28:03 PM

BlkUrbanLDNDom

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/14/2014
Status: offline

yea i get you..

i often get people eager to get my yahoo addy. whys that?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/1/2015 4:39:32 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkUrbanLDNDom

yea i get you..

i often get people eager to get my yahoo addy. whys that?

Hey there and welcome to the forum side! Well it is hard to make genuine contact with real people on here, it takes a bit of a search and you seem to do everything right by video calling or pic verification. I use yahoo as a quick and easy way to chat someone up while getting to know them. Men posing as women do this often as well so I urge you to be cautionary.
One tactic used by an obvious fake was asking me to reveal myself and accusing me of being fake. If someone is demanding pics for proof when the burden of proof is squarely on their shoulders it's a big indication.
You can even take it a step further if you desire and require pic verification before giving out your contact info. Otherwise I would find a local munch if you're not a total introvert like me at www.findamunch.com

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to BlkUrbanLDNDom)

Post #: 4

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/4/2015 12:11:25 PM

BlkUrbanLDNDom

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/14/2014
Status: offline

ok.. ill take your feedback on board...

nice1

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Post #: 5

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 9:31:51 AM

EastTorontoDom

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/16/2014
Status: offline

Easy...the fakes will often be the ones to answer you....

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

There you have it

(in reply to BlkUrbanLDNDom)

Post #: 6

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:05:01 AM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EastTorontoDom

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

Which might be because some guys just can't take NO for an answer, make themselves into pests, or get ugly, all of which will result in having to get blocked.
(Or so I hear. I've been lucky and rarely get the pesky ones or somehow manage to shoot them down right away with my helpfully condescending tips on how to be more successful in the future with somebody else.)

OP, you're ahead of the curveball because you do take the time to read profiles and ascertain whether you meet specified criteria. Perhaps you should take the extra step to personalize your message (if you don't already), and leave out any mention of sex, kinks or fetishes. Always wait for the lady to raise these kinds of subjects.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to EastTorontoDom)

Post #: 7

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:07:56 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: EastTorontoDom

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

Which might be because some guys just can't take NO for an answer, make themselves into pests, or get ugly, all of which will result in having to get blocked.
(Or so I hear. I've been lucky and rarely get the pesky ones or somehow manage to shoot them down right away with my helpfully condescending tips on how to be more successful in the future with somebody else.)

OP, you're ahead of the curveball because you do take the time to read profiles and ascertain whether you meet specified criteria. Perhaps you should take the extra step to personalize your message (if you don't already), and leave out any mention of sex, kinks or fetishes. Always wait for the lady to raise these kinds of subjects.

It could also be that people (like me) don't respond to:
"Hi"
"Wassup"
"Suck me slave"
"Wanna meet" even though they are 6000 miles away
"U R pretty"

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 8

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:14:11 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

It could also be that people (like me) don't respond to:
"Hi"
"Wassup"
"Suck me slave"
"Wanna meet" even though they are 6000 miles away
"U R pretty"

LOL! I got a "hi", last night.

I responded with: "Do you mean that?"

No further responses. I was crushed

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 9

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:18:16 AM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

i dont reply to anyone i dont want to talk to, its my inbox, i reserve that right. many men dont have the grace to accept a polite "no thank you" as a reply to their interest in me, and im not going to deal with their silly little rants as a result. so not only do i not reply, but i delete and block readily, and frequently as well.

(in reply to EastTorontoDom)

Post #: 10

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:28:42 AM

ChrchofDrk

Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline

quote:

and leave out any mention of sex, kinks or fetishes. Always wait for the lady to raise these kinds of subjects.

That seems kind of stupid considering this is a BDSM website. All this nilla first shit I find to be bullshit. Secondly, slaves are ladies? Really? Nawwww, you jest

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 11

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:39:37 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

[Brackets mine]

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

quote:

[FieryOpal]

and leave out any mention of sex, kinks or fetishes. Always wait for the lady to raise these kinds of subjects.

That seems kind of stupid considering this is a BDSM website. All this nilla first shit I find to be bullshit. Secondly, slaves are ladies? Really? Nawwww, you jest

Surely you jest. Are these women your slaves? Or does your version of a D/s dynamic resemble Insta-Domming? If so, then how's that been working out for you in getting taken seriously?... [rhetorical]

The fact that this IS a kink website is all the more reason to make yourself stand out in a good way, and not in an 4sshattish manner. It's not counterintuitive at all. We wimmens already know you dudes are kinky, just like you already know we're into alternative lifestyles in one form or another. It's a matter of weeding out the horndawg players.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 12

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 11:10:40 AM

ChrchofDrk

Posts: 304
Joined: 7/24/2013
Status: offline

A fast reply

I find it odd to think that dominance is something I can turn off and on. I simply am dominant in my way of living. For any given situation I choose to what degree I'm dominant. But I don't turn it off and on like a light switch. And it seems too many (so called) submissives aren't truly submissive in any way. Always touting that they're only submissive for their Owner. It's like really. If you don't demonstrate your submission. How can you possibly expect to be taken seriously that you are a submissive?

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 13

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 11:11:02 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EastTorontoDom

Easy...the fakes will often be the ones to answer you....

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

There you have it

Funny you should mention basic manners. I read your profile and it lacks some.

1. Transphobic.
2. "Please read this profile carefully" is passive-aggressive.
3. "I do not like nor have any interest in ropes, pain or abuse, physical or mental..a submissive woman is not a doormat, nor someone to be abused, but to be appreciated for what she is." - Dude, this says that you have no clue what the lifestyle is all about, and yet won't be taught anything.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to EastTorontoDom)

Post #: 14

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 1:15:33 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

A fast reply

I find it odd to think that dominance is something I can turn off and on. I simply am dominant in my way of living. For any given situation I choose to what degree I'm dominant. But I don't turn it off and on like a light switch. And it seems too many (so called) submissives aren't truly submissive in any way. Always touting that they're only submissive for their Owner. It's like really. If you don't demonstrate your submission. How can you possibly expect to be taken seriously that you are a submissive?

I am naturally dominant and an alpha as well, dare I say I try my hardest to be polite and not be overbearing. There should be some measure of empathy when you are engaging a stranger as well as self control. How can you discipline another without first disciplining oneself? I agree, some submissives may have too many requirements or strict guidelines for their Dom-to-be but when getting to know each other, why are kinks the first thing on the table vs anything else? If we are talking relationship vs play partner that is. People are seeking different things.
And DarkSteven, AGREED. I have no idea why people keep reassuring us they're not this or that. It's like almost suggesting everyone else typically is and it's insulting. Stop assuming.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 15

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 7:18:15 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

I find it odd to think that dominance is something I can turn off and on. I simply am dominant in my way of living. For any given situation I choose to what degree I'm dominant. But I don't turn it off and on like a light switch.

It isn't a toggle light switch. It's more like a rotary dial. It can be dimmed or turned down to a lower setting; it can get dialed up to its maximum setting (varying from Dominant to Dominant). I prefer low lighting myself, since I have a soft Domination style.

But that isn't really the issue here. The issue is one of respecting the boundaries of others, of consensuality. Whenever you contact or approach somebody, do you assume that they have already agreed to be your subordinate before they even know that you exist, or that you are who you claim to be? There is no relationship, much less D/s relationship dynamic until you both mutually agree to bond in this fashion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrchofDrk

And it seems too many (so called) submissives aren't truly submissive in any way. Always touting that they're only submissive for their Owner. It's like really. If you don't demonstrate your submission. How can you possibly expect to be taken seriously that you are a submissive?

That may be. Some may be BDSM bottoms, as in bondage bottoms, masochistic bottoms, etc. They may be more of a bedroom submissive. Even then, they're not your bottom, masochist, or bedroom submissive -- and you're not their Dominant-Top yet either.
Why would you want a sub who acts indiscriminately submissive to each and every Dominant who presents himself? What would be the point of collaring such a person for your own and becoming your property; being her Master would essentially be meaningless in terms of power exchange, recognition of sole authority, and ownership.

And many (so-called) Dominants aren't truly Dominant, playing more the role of a BDSM Top or bedroom Dominant, than that of a Master or Mistress.

I see that you are a Dom/Domme couple. If neither of you are serious about committing to an O/ownership model, then this may be why you expect instant and non-exclusive submission, because you seek and/or attract only play partner bottoms. That is, unless as a couple, you are offering a poly household commitment where you are upfront that any sub of yours will always be secondary, never a primary partner. What you both do is your own private business, but if your joint agenda is at odds with what you seek, then what you seek will continue to be as elusive as a unicorn.

And from what I understand, unicorns are scarce, much in demand, highly sought after, and can afford to pick and choose from which couple has the most to offer them for their submission.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to ChrchofDrk)

Post #: 16

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 8:37:27 PM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

I will be moving this thread in about ten minutes. That would be ten till the hour.

Moved from Introductions so that the discussion can take place without breaking guidelines in that section.

< Message edited by Moderator3 -- 1/25/2015 8:52:39 PM >

_____________________________

FAST REPLY

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 17

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 8:55:15 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EastTorontoDom

Easy...the fakes will often be the ones to answer you....

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

There you have it

We don't reply because of angry dudes like you who respond to rejection with insults at best, and death threats and stalking at worst.

Me? I wouldn't call anyone I had just gotten an email from. I wouldn't want you to have my number.

OP, try meeting people in your local community. Go to munches. They'll see how you interact with others and will discover if you are someone they would like to know better or someone they want to stay far away from.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to EastTorontoDom)

Post #: 18

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/25/2015 10:08:50 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkUrbanLDNDom

hiya.... kinda new to the site.. was using collarme before it closed. and wasnt aware of the new domain. and that you could use old login credentials..

anyway. thhis post is about best ways to figure out if who your talking to is really the person in the pic...

as a newbie. i know ive been speaking to a few fakes... reluctant to provide proof. as in a quick voice or video call.

really ruining my experience.

No they're not. They're indirectly letting you know what you need to know in order to move forward or not.

Knowing you don't want to move forward with them helps your experience immeasurably.

Now keep at it until you either find ones you do like, or you decide to change approaches.

Getting to know people takes time, and....getting to know them. And like it or not, women have good reason to be cautious, and jumping in with guns blazing probably isn't helping them trust you.

Something to consider.

Time takes time.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 1/25/2015 10:11:14 PM >

(in reply to BlkUrbanLDNDom)

Post #: 19

RE: How To Tell The Real From The Fakes? - 1/26/2015 1:11:25 AM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EastTorontoDom

Easy...the fakes will often be the ones to answer you....

The real ones often lack the basic manners to reply.

There you have it

If you send something not worth replying to, you don't get a reply. It has nothing to do with "real" or not.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to EastTorontoDom)

Post #: 20

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