What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

[Poll]

What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

Writing the profile.

4% (3)

The first message.

4% (3)

Telling real from fake.

15% (11)

The first meeting.

9% (7)

Understanding protocol.

2% (2)

Safety concerns, sharing information.

9% (7)

The sheer numbers to sift through.

10% (8)

Communication.

9% (7)

The distance.

17% (13)

Other, please include in discussion.

16% (12)

Total Votes : 73

(last vote on : 4/13/2016 1:16:07 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky da... - 1/16/2015 10:47:10 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I'm interested, what's the most difficult part of using CS and other sites to find your kinky match? You can choose multiple answers, and chood "other" and write your own.

*smiles*

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

Post #: 1

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 10:51:22 AM

ivone57

Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

I guess telling real from fake is winning.... its hard to determine things via email only... and forget about meeting the first time and expect to play or meet privately.... too many kooks out there...

_____________________________

ivone

Property of WhipHer

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 2

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 11:14:59 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

I'm not looking, but regardless of that I'd say the biggest problem is that the vast majority of men just don't read your profile, or respect what is there.

For the last five, and a half years, after deciding that I was going to be exclusive to my playmate, my profiles have said that I am only on whatever site for the forums. When I was seeing my playmate it sated that I was only interested in him. It also states that I'm a switch, that I don't answer questions asking for personal details, and that no matter how special they think they are, the answer is no. Still I get the same old crap though, and it never seems to occur to them that if they can't even show me enough respect at this point why would they on anything else.

My other big issue is lying cheats. attached people playing behind their partners/playmates back. It's actually my priority issue. fuck right off with that, and don't dare try involving me with that. I'm the one that been on the end of that, and you degrade us for some cheap fuck. fuck off you weak piece of trash!

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to ivone57)

Post #: 3

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 11:45:37 AM

bounty44

Posts: 6374
Joined: 11/1/2014
Status: offline

a significant fraction of the women I write don't even read my messages, an overwhelmingly large percentage of those who do read them, don't reply.

(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 4

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 11:54:14 AM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

--FR--

I had to choose "other", although I guess "the distance" does cover the problem. There is simply a lack of prospective partners in this area...at least a lack of partners that post profiles on any of the websites. There is also a lack of munches, and other meeting opportunities here. Not that it really matters any more since I'm not really looking at the present time.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

(in reply to bounty44)

Post #: 5

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 12:21:17 PM

ThirdWheelWanted

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/23/2014
Status: offline

Maybe telling real from fakes isn't quite right. The obvious fakes are pretty easy to spot, the ones just looking for quick wank material. The ones out for money are even easier. What's hard are the cat-fish. The ones who will talk for hours, and really seem interested in a relationship. Those are more subtle to spot.

(in reply to bounty44)

Post #: 6

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 1:26:39 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I chose Other, which is getting beyond preliminaries, and past the meet & greet, in terms of finding somebody I would want to date, much less collar for my own.

-- Writing the profile. Not an issue. Depending on the site, though, I may need to be discreet. There are subs who don't feel comfortable disclosing this on vanilla sites; however, they should use some sort of terminology which will appear in searches. On Match and OkCupid, I indicate(d) that I am a Dominant Lady seeking a submissive gentleman. On PlentyofFish, which I just signed up for the other day, there is a warning that any sexual content will result in account deletion, so I avoided explicit D/s wording just in case and simply referred to FLR-Female Led Relationship.

The first message. Not an issue.

Telling real from fake. There is always an issue here, but 99% of these get weeded out in the first or first couple of messages.

The first meeting. Not many get this far with me, so it's touch and go.

Understanding protocol. Insofar as I'm concerned, I am relatively low D/s protocol, so no; but I find that many male s-types (not just newbies) overdo it with stilted speech/expression, and that male switches are either disingenuous or too kink-obsessed to be bothered with observing minimal protocol or even common courtesy.

Safety concerns, sharing information. Always a biggie as an area of caution no matter who you're dealing with.

The sheer numbers to sift through. Since I use a key-word system, a carefully worded profile describing specific expectations, and a fairly tame Interests List (which leaves out most elements of sado-masochism, esp. w/searches), the volume of messages I receive is manageable.

Communication. This, too, will become apparent in the first or first couple of messages.

The distance. This is problematic for me. I require facility in accessibility and availability, not complicated schedule juggling. He would have to be a super-desirable catch for me to deal with another commuter-distance and/or long-distance relationship, since this is not conducive to immediate verifications or to conducting a D/s relationship dynamic efficiently from my standpoint.

Other, please include in discussion. Done.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 7

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 3:38:21 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

When I was looking, all those years ago - my main annoyance was people not believing me. I knew I wasn't interested in a sadist yet I got innumerable emails about how they would teach me to be a masochist.

Other, I listed an odd hard limit. I got so pissed with the idiots who wrote me telling me how trustworthy they were while in the same sentence saying the first thing they would do would be break this hard limit.

At the time the distance was not insurmountable. Now, I'm a lot less interested in having to travel.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 8

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 4:30:42 PM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

Safety concerns cuz bitches be KRAZY!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 9

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 4:43:51 PM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

I chose "Other": finding someone who fits what I'm looking for who doesn't also enjoy a LOT of the things that are hard limits for me.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 10

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 4:46:30 PM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

I was lucky in that when I first came to CM, I lurked around the forums and read a lot about fakes and flakes. Still they come in all disguises and I was fooled a couple of times.

First meetings are always the roughest for me because if they show up at all (and a number of them don't), they are rarely who they presented themselves to be.

At one time I would have said distance. I would not consider someone further than 30 miles of me. If I can't call you when I need you, then I don't need you. But I meet the dude going on 3 years ago, and he is a long haul trucker who lives 64 miles from me. We click, it's worth it.

My profile went through many changes before landing where it is.

First messages make an impression on me. If you can not conduct yourself orderly in a message that is supposed to make me give you a second glance, then I'm not the one for you. I will be respected.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 7:18:57 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I would say the greatest difficulty I find is the weakness of online contact to predict chemistry. No matter how lucid or articulate someone sounds in writing or how compatible we seem "on paper", meeting in real life is just (for me so far) worlds different than the online contact with someone. Chemistry for me was found in a place and person that would never have passed my online scrutiny. I know I need to get out in person but that really isn't in the cards for me for awhile.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 12

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 7:25:45 PM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

hardest thing for me, I have to agree with spiritedsub2, is chemistry. reciprocated chemistry. it's easy to find men who are interested in me, but then I usually am not interested. Or vice versa. people love to talk about how they are looking for a relationship, but are clearly not when it comes down to it. Also lots of married men just trying to screw around while the wife isn't home, wants to talk but never meet, blah blah blah. I'm so fucking bored with the dating pool in my area, and distance prevents anything else from forming.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 13

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 7:33:15 PM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

more often than not, if I am not interested in a guy, I won't reply to say it. A simple "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" is never good enough, and if you give reasons... well let's just say that opens up a whole new can of worms, including arguments as to why you shouldn't feel the way you do, followed by insults about how you will always be miserable because you didn't consider them, and the ever over used "ur a fat ugly bitch I didn't want you anyway" tirades. better just to simply not respond, and block them when they get bent and message you over THAT. cuz everyone who doesn't respond for whatever reason is a fake anyway, amirite? yeah. much better just to not reply.

*this was meant as a reply to someone's comment, I am not sure how to post it here though sorry. first time using this forum*

< Message edited by Kittenluv954 -- 1/16/2015 7:36:29 PM >

(in reply to bounty44)

Post #: 14

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 7:46:50 PM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

Hello KittenLuv, I will post here and then email you with a link in case you can't find your way back here.

At the top of each post, on the left you will see the thread title. If you go all the way to the top right, you will see, Reply, Quote and Edit. If you wish to respond to someone and your post will say in reply to member nick, you would click Replay on that list. If you wanted to copy what the person said, that would be the Quote link. The edit link allows you to add or correct something in your post, but it can only be used for a short time. I cannot remember the exact time, but it may be around fifteen minutes.

Some people will post a FR or Fast Reply at the top of their post. This means they are trying to make it clear that they are basically just talking to everyone on the thread and not a specific member.

I hope this makes sense and can assist you. I've been up far too long. lol

_____________________________

FAST REPLY

(in reply to Kittenluv954)

Post #: 15

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 8:59:16 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

With kinky or vanilla dating, the most annoying thing online is the overwhelming lack of interesting first emails. I am astonished when I read long profiles from men who cannot be bothered to say more than Hi, how's your day, hey Red, hey Sexy, etc.

I have enough written in my profiles to grab onto to come up with something I can reply to.

People are so lazy.

(in reply to Moderator3)

Post #: 16

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 9:03:08 PM

Kittenluv954

Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline

I agree, I delete messages of no substance nine times out of ten.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 17

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/16/2015 9:26:51 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I would say the greatest difficulty I find is the weakness of online contact to predict chemistry. No matter how lucid or articulate someone sounds in writing or how compatible we seem "on paper", meeting in real life is just (for me so far) worlds different than the online contact with someone. Chemistry for me was found in a place and person that would never have passed my online scrutiny. I know I need to get out in person but that really isn't in the cards for me for awhile.

I'm just going to have to chime in here and commiserate with you (not that we're commiserating exactly) on how this downward spiral almost always takes precedence. It's never an upward spiral either, where the gent turns out to be even better than anticipated. (I've been lucky once with an on-line connection, where my expectations were completely met. Lightning must have struck me.)

With me, there has to be that mental-verbal connection. Without it, nothing else matters, because there won't be a heart connection to be made without it. Nevertheless, without that in-person sexual chemistry, dude gets Friend-Zoned for good. Quite honestly, it's not a matter of looks with me either, or of physique (within limits--I can't do fugly

). It's an ineffably exciting spark of attraction. I rarely feel it when meeting somebody for the first time in a social or professional setting without any prior on-line interaction either. (Well, other than my son's Social Studies/World History teacher I've been fancying for over the past 3 years now.)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 18

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/17/2015 5:40:27 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

I put "Other"
Finding a good defense attorney can be time consuming.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Post #: 19

RE: What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kink... - 1/17/2015 6:08:29 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Delilya

I was lucky in that when I first came to CM, I lurked around the forums and read a lot about fakes and flakes. Still they come in all disguises and I was fooled a couple of times.

First meetings are always the roughest for me because if they show up at all (and a number of them don't), they are rarely who they presented themselves to be.

At one time I would have said distance. I would not consider someone further than 30 miles of me. If I can't call you when I need you, then I don't need you. But I meet the dude going on 3 years ago, and he is a long haul trucker who lives 64 miles from me. We click, it's worth it.

My profile went through many changes before landing where it is.

First messages make an impression on me. If you can not conduct yourself orderly in a message that is supposed to make me give you a second glance, then I'm not the one for you. I will be respected.

Thanks for giving me hope. I've tried long distance before and it just didn't work out. Most of them used the distance to fuck with my head instead of telling me outright that it just wasn't working for them so I've been reluctant to go there again. However I've had to revise my "locals only" stance as I haven't been able to find even one local dude who stands out and/or isn't bitching about the fakes

so I'm (nervously) changed that requirement.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to Delilya)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> What is the most difficult/frustrating part of kinky dating for you?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.110