Activity in the local scenes....

Activity in the local scenes.... (Full Version)

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littlemissub -> Activity in the local scenes.... (7/13/2006 11:41:08 PM)
I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink??

Tikkiee -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/13/2006 11:53:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? While I am a firm believer in 'getting out there and being seen', I do not hold with the idea that you have to be seen to be 'real'. Just as I do not hold with the idea that there are 'real' submissives/slaves and 'real' Dominant/Masters. The term real means something different for everyone. As to whether or not it makes you less submissive. Only if YOU allow them to make you feel that way.

littlemissub -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/13/2006 11:55:08 PM)
That is a good point Cassandra. I will remember that.

FemWillUseYou -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 12:17:47 AM)
I will hold my tongue here about * the scene* cause I am not ready for the war I would start ... but dont let any one push you into doing something you have to live with

popeye1250 -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 12:37:38 AM)
That's B.S.! Why do you need to be around a bunch of strangers anyway? I used to go down to NYC to "The Vault" and the "Hellfire" club with friends back in the 90's. It was a fun experience but we were into the B&D S/m M/s scene anyway! Locally here there is one group as it were. I went to one of their munches and all they talked about were the procedures for running the group! And who should be elected to which offices! What a bunch of crap! Also, most of them were not just overweight, they were* morbidly obese!* They should have been in a Gym not at a munch!

agirl -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 1:25:44 AM)
Hello littlemissub, Quite frankly, it's tosh. You don't have to join a club to have an interest in, or passion for something or to be anything. Going along to a social scene just means that you've gone along to a social scene...and that's ALL it means. If that was any sort of criteria, then I absolutely am not a real slave.......lol With regards, agirl

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:28:39 AM)
The advantage of visiting the local scene is that you get an opportunity to meet people and be met, and there is the opportunity to learn first-hand about some of the activities that people talk about (but may never have seen being done to real people). Being known locally -does- give people an advantage. We're not -heavily- active in the local scene at the moment, because of things going on in our private lives, but we're known by more than a couple people in town, and should anyone ask, folks who have been around a while know what kind of people we are. As far as not wanting to go to local BDSM group meetings as a single female person -- this is one of the reasons for not going that holds the least amount of weight. Going to a munch is probably one of the -safest- ways of meeting people that exists, especially for the single female person. Going to a regular BDSM meeting is JUST as heavily monitored, to make sure that nobody who comes is put in an uncomfortable, non-consentual, or dangerous position. Dungeon monitors keep track of everything from the out-of-town-visiting-top who doesn't know the meaning of "no" to supervising the parking lot to make sure none of the "vanilla" idiots in the neightborhood get any ideas while the group's guests are trying to get to their cars after the meeting. Try to find that kind of safety on a groping date at the theater with the geek you met on the internet dating service. Sure, there are some things not to like about groups. Every group has its politics and its glitches. But, in general, if an individual has access to a local BDSM group or two, not taking some advantage of that to learn about this lifestyle from people who are living it and willing to show, in person, how they do what they do, and expecting to get the same caliber of knowledge and comprehension from hearing people talk about it on a forum and reading some books and websites is, frankly, like saying "I can ride a horse" because you watched the Kentucky Derby on TV every year and read National Velvet and have a subscription to Horse and Rider. ZWD

wandering4u -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:37:35 AM)
I guess it depends on the group. Some are into almost a social club , others are more "play" related. It's all about what you as a single are comfortable with. For example, it may be a good place to have a first meeting with someone you meet here(after the appropriate check for red flags). But otherwise its like saying ya cannot drink unless you go to a bar. Not necessarily true ( as I contemplate this evenings first scotch , which I will have sitting comfortably at home)

darkinshadows -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:11:34 AM)
It is always great to get out there and meet people who you can relate to. But it doesn't make you any less 'BDSM' if you don't. Some people are just not 'people' - people. Sometimes, the local scene is nothing more than a swingers club (nothing against swingers - just an observation) - sometimes its boring and nothing happens. Be honest with yourself and that makes you what you are - nothing else. Peace and Rapture

SusanofO -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:36:44 AM)
Well, I am not "into my local scene" right now because I feel I: 1) Am not ready for anything like that, except perhaps a munch, and - 2) Don't know that many folks in my local area (I know two) - this is my own fault. I can remedy that situation any time, but am choosing not to, for my own reasons, for now. And yet I still (horrors) consider myself a "true submissive". Hope I don't find out I've been wrong all this time. - Susan

wandering4u -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:40:23 AM)
Susanof O, you're still sub - it would be a sad day if membership to a local group defined us! LOL!

feastie -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:46:11 AM)
The only reason to involve oneself in the local group activities is to meet the local folks, perhaps get a little education at a demo or something. It doesn't define who you are as a person. I used to be involved in the local group here, but I grew weary of it and quit. I don't think it's changed anything about me personally.

SusanofO -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:48:15 AM)
Whew!! I am relieved! [:D] - Susan

littlemissub -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:48:57 AM)
I think one of the main reasons I avoid them is in person, I am extremely shy until I get comfortable with people. And large groups about send me into a spam of terror.

JohnWarren -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:03:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? Nonsense. I'm a big supporter of local scenes as a way to meet people and broaden experience but they don't have any affect on whether one is "real" or not. Being "real" is a matter of the soul and any judgement about it has to be done by the one person who knows that soul.

firstsub -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:04:32 AM)
submission comes from your heart, not from the people or groups you associate with....don't allow others to tell you who you are....

RosaB -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:07:35 AM)
Whoever told you that is narrow minded. Participating in the local scene (or outside the bounds of a one on one relationship) makes you no more or less real than anyone else. Rosa

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:23:15 AM)
Who is "telling" you this, certainly nobody that posts here. I am a big believer in the importance of being part of the public scene and I say that as one who hasn't been involved in years. It is like travel, one doesn't need to do it constantly, but one trip to Europe will change your life...same with playing in the scene.

IronBear -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:26:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? My view is that those who told you this are not real themselves... But then I'm biased and anti my local scene..

Caretakr -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:29:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? They want more fresh meat-ignore them.

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