RE: Activity in the local scenes....

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:35:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? That's right up there that you have to be a submissive before you can be a Domme.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:38:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I have been told a few times that I can not be a true submissive if I do not experience the local scenes. Why do people think this? I choose not to go because I am not comfortable going as a single submissive. Why does that make me any less submissive? Is it a common belief that you must be active in the local scene to be "real" and not just some poser looking for kink?? It has nothing to do with how "real" you are as a submissive. But it can be a very educational experience. I don't know how most groups are, but at the one we belong to no single submissive ever has to arrive or leave alone. They are escorted by the moderator as well as other submissives. We have a very strict code concerning predators in our group and always watch each others backs. Perhaps you could look into something like that. A lot of times a new submissive is very uncomfortable and through a groups website they can often find other submissives to meet with for lunch or coffee. That gives you a chance to meet with someone and get to know them on a one to one basis before you meet the "crowd". Just something to consider. I know that for me, it's nice to have other people I can talk to in real time about wiitwd. *Jewel*

carolsea -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:40:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing The advantage of visiting the local scene is that you get an opportunity to meet people and be met, and there is the opportunity to learn first-hand about some of the activities that people talk about (but may never have seen being done to real people). Being known locally -does- give people an advantage. We're not -heavily- active in the local scene at the moment, because of things going on in our private lives, but we're known by more than a couple people in town, and should anyone ask, folks who have been around a while know what kind of people we are. As far as not wanting to go to local BDSM group meetings as a single female person -- this is one of the reasons for not going that holds the least amount of weight. Going to a munch is probably one of the -safest- ways of meeting people that exists, especially for the single female person. Going to a regular BDSM meeting is JUST as heavily monitored, to make sure that nobody who comes is put in an uncomfortable, non-consentual, or dangerous position. Dungeon monitors keep track of everything from the out-of-town-visiting-top who doesn't know the meaning of "no" to supervising the parking lot to make sure none of the "vanilla" idiots in the neightborhood get any ideas while the group's guests are trying to get to their cars after the meeting. Try to find that kind of safety on a groping date at the theater with the geek you met on the internet dating service. Sure, there are some things not to like about groups. Every group has its politics and its glitches. But, in general, if an individual has access to a local BDSM group or two, not taking some advantage of that to learn about this lifestyle from people who are living it and willing to show, in person, how they do what they do, and expecting to get the same caliber of knowledge and comprehension from hearing people talk about it on a forum and reading some books and websites is, frankly, like saying "I can ride a horse" because you watched the Kentucky Derby on TV every year and read National Velvet and have a subscription to Horse and Rider. ZWD Thank you, LadiesBladewing! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Carolsea

carolsea -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 7:41:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 That's B.S.! Why do you need to be around a bunch of strangers anyway? I used to go down to NYC to "The Vault" and the "Hellfire" club with friends back in the 90's. It was a fun experience but we were into the B&D S/m M/s scene anyway! Locally here there is one group as it were. I went to one of their munches and all they talked about were the procedures for running the group! And who should be elected to which offices! What a bunch of crap! Also, most of them were not just overweight, they were* morbidly obese!* They should have been in a Gym not at a munch! Oh NO, you did NOT go there!!!??? I would hope someone as judgmental as you wouldn't attend the group I help run!! Carolsea

popeye1250 -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:02:06 AM)
Carolsea, probably not. I don't like all the in-fighting, behind your back politics and gossip that local groups seem to be involved in, some of them anyway. It's just too juevenile for me. Reminds me of a bunch of kids in junior high school! When I lived in New England we had private house parties with friends, aquaintances, friends of friends, people that we'd meet in clubs in Boston etc. We only had a few rules and they were just common sense type things like safe sex only, all must "consent", no drinking and driving etc. The parties were a great success and were enjoyed by all. Most of the people who attended those parties were business people, medical, law professionals, teachers etc and were very busy in their own lives. Some of them were public personas and utmost discretion was an absolute neccessity for them. (One lady was a tv newscaster.) They simply didn't have time to sit around at munches or meetings and discuss minutia. (Sp?) For some people those munches, politics may work but not for me. Like another poster said, "You don't have to go to a bar to drink." With the internet and groups like this now there are other ways to meet people. Oh, by the way, did you ever go to "The Vault" in NYC? I don't think it's open anymore. If so do you remember that guy who was always walking around stark naked?

Caretakr -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:05:22 AM)
Nodding public scenes attract some pretty difficult and dysfunctional people. I prefer not to have to deal with them.

Caretakr -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:06:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: carolsea quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 That's B.S.! Why do you need to be around a bunch of strangers anyway? I used to go down to NYC to "The Vault" and the "Hellfire" club with friends back in the 90's. It was a fun experience but we were into the B&D S/m M/s scene anyway! Locally here there is one group as it were. I went to one of their munches and all they talked about were the procedures for running the group! And who should be elected to which offices! What a bunch of crap! Also, most of them were not just overweight, they were* morbidly obese!* They should have been in a Gym not at a munch! Oh NO, you did NOT go there!!!??? I would hope someone as judgmental as you wouldn't attend the group I help run!! Carolsea I noticed the same thing at the last munch I attended. I never went back.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:21:06 AM)
There's more than one group here in my local area - and while I noticed this same problem with one of them (the politics, backbiting.. and yes, preponderance of morbid obesity) I haven't seen that with the other group. The group that is NOT like that is the one that I attend play parties and their monthly Meet & Greet for new people. And before anyone starts snarking about it being judgemental - I'm not a petite woman. I'm patently overweight and out of shape. (Wait a minute - Round is a Shape!) The people in the group that I left, for the most part, made me look downright anorexic as well as most of them being snobbish, political, holier-than-thou hypocrits. And personally, I find that if I'm literally the smallest person in any given group that isn't a Weight Watcher's meeting - something is seriously WRONG.

Kree -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:38:11 AM)
I think the correct answer to the comment "you aren't a true/real/whatever submissive if you don't______________" is simple. Just look at whoever said it... smile.. and say "You are probably correct where you are concerned because I would not submit to someone that tried to trick me, guilt me, force me, to do something I am not prepared for. It was nice meeting/talking to you." I am so tired of hearing about lamers trying to motivate behavior with the use of "real and/or true" guilt trips that I feel there should be a special wall in the Post Office for their pictures. Local munches and their quality is solely determined by the character of the people who start them/maintain them. If losers start them and grow them, they attract and hold losers. If people with an honest intent of creating a social setting for education and socializing, they can offer an opportunity for people to enter and learn. I attended a local munch a few times and was totally grossed out by the people and the leaders. By and large, they were classless people whose main intent was luring new submissives into playing with them and/or trying to get them to be swingers under the guise of being a BDSM munch. I assume that most munches have websites and email forum lists. If there is one near you, look on their website and get the email info. You can learn a lot from reading the things people send out and you can likely identify a submissive to talk to about the ambiance of the meetings and munches. Good luck! edited for assorted typos

Bearlee -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:47:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who is "telling" you this, certainly nobody that posts here. I am a big believer in the importance of being part of the public scene and I say that as one who hasn't been involved in years. It is like travel, one doesn't need to do it constantly, but one trip to Europe will change your life...same with playing in the scene. What a lovely way to put it! Yeah..... what he said!!!

popeye1250 -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 9:48:22 AM)
Kree, YUP!

agirl -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 1:23:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who is "telling" you this, certainly nobody that posts here. I am a big believer in the importance of being part of the public scene and I say that as one who hasn't been involved in years. It is like travel, one doesn't need to do it constantly, but one trip to Europe will change your life...same with playing in the scene. Hello CrappyDom, I trotted along quite merrily to some munches, demo's, BDSM gatherings and the odd fetish club years ago.....These type of things are very accessible when you live in the UK. It was, without doubt, interesting, but the biggest thing I learned overall, was that I didn't like them and didn't need them and they were/are relegated to a once in a while thing. I found that being amongst people whose only gelling-factor with me was a tenous link to BDSM, extremely hard work. I haven't an interest in vulgarity, which was prevalent and dull. Part of this is merely the person I happen to be......I function better in one on one situations, or extremely small groups. I also tired quickly of the politics, the cliques, the ENDLESS gossip and thinly veiled sniping; something that was MUCH more pleasant to live without. The few after-parties that I went to opened my eyes to some of the physical aspects in terms of what others get up to and what public-play can be about ......so it certainly wasn't a wasted exercise. I suppose I just realised that it really isn't for me and that the personal relationship part is all I can genuinely be interested in. Regards, agirl

Owned1 -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 1:48:28 PM)
submission as with Dominance comes from within, it is not what you wear, how you talk walk sit etc, it matters not if you are public or private. There is no one way for kink.

Evanesce -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 1:57:31 PM)
quote: Well, I am not "into my local scene" right now because I feel I: 1) Am not ready for anything like that, except perhaps a munch, and - 2) Don't know that many folks in my local area (I know two) But if you went to a munch, you WOULD know more folks in your local area. I attended the munch in Indianapolis for 3 years. During the majority of those three years, I would walk in, park myself in the far corner, and not say a word to anyone, unless someone spoke to me first. This was a group of some 50-60 people every month, and I'm horrible in large groups of strangers, but I made myself go every single month, and people eventually started speaking to me. Then, one day, I stepped out of the corner and haven't looked back. If I can do this, as timid as I was back in the day, you can too.

MasterCurios -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:46:33 PM)
that is just some ramblings of people who dont know the meaning of submissive....my pet didnt go to events before we met for she was single and didnt need the harassment from other or the fact that its dangerous to do so unattended

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:50:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlemissub I think one of the main reasons I avoid them is in person, I am extremely shy until I get comfortable with people. And large groups about send me into a spam of terror. I notice from your profile that you are in a city with a large and varied scene, and you have a mentor who is also a sub. Often large groups have smaller discussion groups especially for subs and slaves. A little looking in your area should turn up at least one such. Perhaps your mentor would be willing to accompany you to one? That might get you comfortable with a larger group of people, and then you could meet their friends, and so on. Some munches are smaller and more intimate than others. I know that some of the groups in your city are huge, and have large raucous gatherings and parties as well as munches. Not for everyone, but if you can work up to them, the range of people that you can meet there could be its own reward. One of those people just might be the One you have been seeking!

PrincessGirlie -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:53:29 PM)
I know we are speaking of THIS lifestyle...and to most people BDSM play goes hand in hand with being a sub / Dom....(I said most...not all)...but I am thinking about a lady who volunteers for my Seniors and she is a very devoted wife, mother, and member of the Mormon faith. She is the most submissive lady I have ever met... her girls are , too... I highly dought that she would even know about a munch, BDSM club...or whatever. She blushes when the other volunteers where short skirts. YES!!!! she is submissive. Where you go and who you know does not make you more or less of anything...even in this lifestyle. I have been in the lifestyle for 13 years and the submissive half of a relationship even before I know about the lifestyle. I have been to our local dungeon ONCE in all of this time. I enjoyed going....it made me want more toys!!! and I did learn a lot. But I have learned more by serving my x-Master. He had his own very large dungeon in the basement if his old Plantatiin style home (this was the neatest place). we hosted play parties and demonstration with the few select friends that were invited. This worked for us. I met a very nice man last night who is VERY involvedin the local scene. He seemed to be a member of every local group and enjoyed it. This impressed me and he impressed me. I would love to see him again....but as much fun as we had, just talking...and he seemed to be attracted to me...but I highly dought he will ask me out again. Why? Because I would probably not be the right submissive for him. he is very "out-there" in belonging to things...and as much as I would like to, this point in my life....I do not feel comfortable with that and the work I do. I am getting better with this attitude so who knows in the future.... But I do not feel any less submissive because of this. I am who I am. While you are still submissive without being involved with the "scene"....you are just not the right submissive for HIM. Good Luck Girlie

MasterCurios -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 2:55:31 PM)
i agree there...however for me and my pet we belong to numerous online BDSM groups and get to know them so when an event comes along for us to actually put a face to we do thats when we find out who/what they are for real versus the online glib....for those we find not to our liking we keep them in chat the others we get to know more and become friends with even some have become very close friends

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:11:07 PM)
Master curious, quote: she was single and didnt need the harassment from other or the fact that its dangerous to do so unattended Give me a giant big fat fucking break. The only danger is boredom or revulsion. It is idiots spreading this sort of bullshit that keeps people who would benefit from some exposure to real people terrified and fucking around in the idiotic chatrooms in the first place. The scene is far from perfect, there are fat people, boorish people, dirty people, even stupid people, but as someone who has been in and around the public scene for the better part of a decade I have yet to hear of anything seriously bad happening to ANYONE, be that injuries in a scene or anything other than heartbreak. Shame on you!

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:21:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCurios that is just some ramblings of people who dont know the meaning of submissive....my pet didnt go to events before we met for she was single and didnt need the harassment from other or the fact that its dangerous to do so unattended Dangerous my rosey red asscheeks. Going to a munch or play party as a single female is no more dangerous than walking into any bar - or resturant - as a single female. The only ones who end up Victimized at a munch are those who are going to be Victims regardless of whether they're involved in BDSM or a Church Social!

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