RE: Activity in the local scenes....

RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (Full Version)

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heartfeltsub -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:42:33 PM)
i have always felt safer at lifestyle events than in "normal" public. i have never found any person at a lifestyle event who didn't know that they are not allowed to touch what doesn't belong to them.

IronBear -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 3:51:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Master curious, quote: she was single and didnt need the harassment from other or the fact that its dangerous to do so unattended Give me a giant big fat fucking break. The only danger is boredom or revulsion. It is idiots spreading this sort of bullshit that keeps people who would benefit from some exposure to real people terrified and fucking around in the idiotic chatrooms in the first place. The scene is far from perfect, there are fat people, boorish people, dirty people, even stupid people, but as someone who has been in and around the public scene for the better part of a decade I have yet to hear of anything seriously bad happening to ANYONE, be that injuries in a scene or anything other than heartbreak. Shame on you! Sort of depends on your local scene doesn't it mate? I could name a few in my local scene that I would never let any slave of HIB and even my Wife/FC in the same room with, withioutthe chance tht they would be molested and possibly harmed. Which is why I let it be known that if any one of them so much as lays a hand of what is Mine, they will deal with me one on one.... Besides which we have far too many solo people from kink and vanilla getting harrassed by juvie thugs, especially if theyhave to park and walk. The best I'd go for is to drop off at the door and collect or have collected by trusted personell when ready to depart.... Still different plans for different locations and different scenes.

KnightofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:09:44 PM)
being in or out the local scene is a personal preference.... there is advanatages and disadvanatages no matter what side of the coin your on. We each need to weight those advantages and disadvantages from our own perspectives and make a choice that is our preference. The choice of one over the other is not a indication of one being more or less real than the other. It only reflects a difference and nothing more than that.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:33:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Master curious, quote: she was single and didnt need the harassment from other or the fact that its dangerous to do so unattended Give me a giant big fat fucking break. The only danger is boredom or revulsion. It is idiots spreading this sort of bullshit that keeps people who would benefit from some exposure to real people terrified and fucking around in the idiotic chatrooms in the first place. The scene is far from perfect, there are fat people, boorish people, dirty people, even stupid people, but as someone who has been in and around the public scene for the better part of a decade I have yet to hear of anything seriously bad happening to ANYONE, be that injuries in a scene or anything other than heartbreak. Shame on you! Thank you. Though attending a munch or play party doesn't make a person more "true", it does make them more "real" to us -- we get to see them, in flesh and blood, and they get to see us. Maybe they won't like what they see, but that's ok, too... I honestly feel like it's better to get those things out of the way than dance on forever on visions we create in our minds. There -are- wankers out there, but that is true of anything. There are rude, tasteless wankers at our Japanese Tea group, and at my writer's group -- but the value of the experience otherwise outweighs the wanker factor and -does- give versimilitude to the experience of drinking and preparing Japanese tea, of writing, and of living in an alternative lifestyle. Going to a local munch is -not- dangerous. They're held in a vanilla restaurant or coffee shop, and are -meant- to be just a bunch of people sitting around talking, in a completely non-threatening environment that is designed to be safe and welcoming for newcomers. You don't have to go home with someone just because he or she walks up to you and says "I'm a dominant", or "I'm a sub". You don't have to do -anything-... not even introduce yourself (though most folks will pick up a name-tag if they're offered). In fact, the BDSM munch we attended doesn't look that much different from the Philosophy Meet-and-Greet that I attend every several months. The topic of conversation is different, but the mix of assured talkers and quiet listeners isn't really even that much different between the two groups. A person is what he or she is, regardless of his or her attendance at local events -- however, attending a local event, and even becoming part of the local teaching scene (even if you aren't a part of the local play scene, like us), does give a different perspective... and there are some -very- neat people out there. ZWD

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:37:48 PM)
Ironbear, Perhaps Australia is different but are you saying your local BDSM group has people who will walk up and openly molest and or harm someone? The most fucked up and unhealthy group I know of in California is vastly better than that Most meet in decent or better restaraunts, heck I know one that used to meet in a Hard Rock Cafe, boring and suburban but about as vanilla and safe as it gets.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:43:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Sort of depends on your local scene doesn't it mate? I could name a few in my local scene that I would never let any slave of HIB and even my Wife/FC in the same room with, withioutthe chance tht they would be molested and possibly harmed. Which is why I let it be known that if any one of them so much as lays a hand of what is Mine, they will deal with me one on one.... Besides which we have far too many solo people from kink and vanilla getting harrassed by juvie thugs, especially if theyhave to park and walk. The best I'd go for is to drop off at the door and collect or have collected by trusted personell when ready to depart.... Still different plans for different locations and different scenes. IronBear, it occurs to me that some places may not make provisions like the groups I've dealt with here have for things like this... perhaps you might suggest to the "powers that be" that they might want to include something like Dungeon-Masters -- people who are responsible for the safety of attendees and whose attention is there during and after the event. We have volunteers who step in and make sure that everyone who attends an event is safe before, during and after -- including during the walk to and from their cars (including providing escort for unacommpanied of all genders who request it). Perhaps having this as an addition to your local group would provide some safety to make it more appealing for local attendees. ZWD

kyraofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:54:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Perhaps Australia is different but are you saying your local BDSM group has people who will walk up and openly molest and or harm someone? I know that this wasn't to me, but I guess it depends on what you consider to be molestation. My first night at a BDSM club, that I attended alone, I was intentionally hit twice with a single tail by a drunken top, outside of the play area, who had not even spoken to me, much less gained my consent. I was also told by many there that night, that this person "can be trusted". Needless to say, I do not feel comfortable attending events without my Lord or alandra present. Fortunately, I also know that this person's behavior is not representative of the community overall. However, since this person is active and respected by many in the community, I tend to avoid most events. I only attend when there is something that I am highly interested in. Knight's kyra

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 4:59:57 PM)
Drunk? What club was this and what city? Was this a fetish event or a BDSM event held at a BDSM club? I ask because most clubs do not allow consumption of alcohol even prior to the event and certainly do not allow drunks. But then again, I have low opinion of people who use singletails as they tend to be attention hogs (please note the use of the word TEND meaning not all and of course not "you")

heartfeltsub -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:05:52 PM)
May i ask what the club called Club Kink?

IronBear -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:12:54 PM)
CD and ZWD, There are one or two and one specifically who is known to walk over to a play in progress and interfere even if he has no authority. he is known for grabbing a female's arm and demandig she submit to him or just treating every woman like his slave.. Te trouble is that within The Brisbane Group he has set himself up as the head honcho with his partned and a group of syncophanys in a clique. Another example is hat ecause I identified as Gorean as well as having a wife 30 years younger than myself, he and the rest decided to block me from attending parties or munches and even in an email to me (unsigned) threatened to black ball any girl attached to me as well as Neets unless I quit the local pulic scene. I do know that the clique has scared off several girls who let it be known that they wanted to meet with me.. I am lucky in that I have a solid core of friends who have all quit the public scene (except at the club) and fave our own loose group of people we all can trust. I am informed that this clown has a couple of "heavies" who may go and enforce his dictums but they are no worry to me. What pisses me off is that the clique decided who should be with them and who was not accepted without even meeting those they reject. At this time the Brisbane group has discintegrated and is fracturing again and again. I'm also told by reliable sources that even their parties have drama after drama... That is why i essentially go it alone. The only hard part is not being abole to locate play partners so my mentor in BDSM (a pro Dommie of excelent standing) can teach me and I can gain the experience in Needle Play or Shibari.. There is only so much you can do with a suitbly padded tailor's dummy.... Thus I still have an interest but I'm probably moving further and further away from BDSM. Gorean oriented slaves are scarce like 2 listed in CM in the state who are not collared but will not or are not able to relocate.. No big problem because I'm using the time and energy to reactivate myself in the SCA.. I should add that as far as I know this group have munches in public places but play parties are in private except for those who go to the club which has banned the person I refer to..

kyraofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:15:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Drunk? What club was this and what city? Was this a fetish event or a BDSM event held at a BDSM club? I ask because most clubs do not allow consumption of alcohol even prior to the event and certainly do not allow drunks. But then again, I have low opinion of people who use singletails as they tend to be attention hogs (please note the use of the word TEND meaning not all and of course not "you") Yes, drunk. It is a local place, Club Kink, in Ft. Lauderdale. It is a BDSM club and not a fetish club. Friday nights is a weekly play party and the owners allow the attendees to bring their own alcohol that they give to the bartender and the bartender serves their drinks. The local BDSM organization, SPICE, holds it's monthly meetings/demo/play party at this venue on a Sunday night and several other smaller meetings are held there throughout the month. The SPICE night on Sunday's is alcohol free and is significantly different than the Friday night events. The person I am speaking of attends both events as do many others. Kyra

KnightofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:19:40 PM)
The Irony is that this Club is also a venue for a Recovery group (AA) but is geared for individuals within the lifestyle.

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:37:57 PM)
well alcohol certainly tends to make idiots act more idiotic. However, the serving of alcohol is not all that common at most events. IB, The guy sounds like a serious asshole and I am sorry the groups in your area suck. I am lucky, if I want to go to something on the weekend, I have multiple choices of BDSM parties and being a straight male, my choices are considered limited. I have run a group and a playspace and while there were issues, NOTHING even close to what you guys are speaking of. Even groups I thought were "bad" only because they put some MINOR social pressure to play but also talked about how it had to be the choice of the person. I mean we had a long discussion about the giving of hugs and if it was or was not consensual and how to ensure that it was and we ended up banning of hugging at munches... So again, the thought that going to munches is "dangerous" in the US is silly. Getting your ass grabbed by an idiot is still possible, but there isn't a public place where one is 100% safe from idiots. Most places, even a place as fast and loose as Power Exchange in San francisco will boot your ass out for pulling that shit.

michaelGA2 -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:40:24 PM)
there are munches locally, but no dungeons or play-places in my city, as far as i've been told.

KnightofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:48:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom So again, the thought that going to munches is "dangerous" in the US is silly. I agree with you.... However, I would add that I think alot of people equate feeling uncomfortable as with feeling unsafe. Which I think is a bad equation! Unsafe reflects that one is or could be in a dangersous situation. Going to a public venue is not going necessarily going to put them in a dangersous situation. However, it does often put new people in uncomfortable situations that they have to be forced to deal with. Their no shortage of idiots in any venue. Lifestyle venues do not have a particularly lack of or abundance of idiots in comparison to any other venue. Each venue needs to be considered on it's own merits ..... some are really good and attempting to help people feel comfortable... some just ignore the issue.

CrappyDom -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 5:55:04 PM)
In other words, if you are brave enough to go Christmas shopping and park at the mall you should be brave enough to go to a munch.

KnightofMists -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 6:03:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom In other words, if you are brave enough to go Christmas shopping and park at the mall you should be brave enough to go to a munch. I see no reason why not...... so really does comes to simple perference.... do you want to be in or out of the community. I think the unsafe angle is a cope out or excuse. If you don't want the community then say so... if you do ... then get off the ass and go!

fyrekittyn -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 6:09:27 PM)
Personally, I take all the same precautions with going to a BDSM club that I take going out anywhere on my own. I won't walk to my car alone late at night after a party, I ask someone to go with me, or walk out with someone that is going out.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 6:18:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear CD and ZWD, There are one or two and one specifically who is known to walk over to a play in progress and interfere even if he has no authority. he is known for grabbing a female's arm and demandig she submit to him or just treating every woman like his slave.. I've met a few like this, IB. Fortunately none in the local scene where I live, but I HAVE met a few. They all walked away from the encounter in Much worse shape than I did - then again, I have no compunction about the use of physical violence in responce to someone who does something of that nature to me. And ghods help 'em if they happen to do so while I have a toy in my hands showing it to someone at a play party - because I'm just as prone to turn around and smack them in the head with it. The worst of that sort that I've met, in fact, was a "friend" of one of my ex's. He mistakenly assumed that because he was my partner's friend, and I attended a munch alone, that he had some sort of right to dictate to me while I was there. He didn't appreciate the fact that I treated him with the contempt he deserved, and it caused problems with my ex (one of the reasons he IS an EX) but the other people at the munch both dominant, submissive, and strictly SM oriented all agreed that he got exactly the sort of treatement he deserved from me when I told him bluntly to go fuck himself until *I decided that I was willing to submit to him.

Caretakr -> RE: Activity in the local scenes.... (7/14/2006 6:56:24 PM)
It's not the safety that's annoying at public venues-it's the stupid politics.

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