RE: loving and caring Dommes?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: loving and caring Dommes?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: loving and caring Dommes?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/21/2006 3:48:40 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---

I'm going to echo this as well. Sadly I've come across so many male sub/slaves that for some reason see that as not be dominant enough... unless I turn into a royal bitch they don't take me seriously... I don't get it.

Jewel

I have felt the same way...And run into the same problem of not being 'bitchy' enough....But the I also think of the mean things I have done and it seems to equal out somehow.

I am however more warm after a session than during 90% of the time.
After a session some submissives need to feel that tender touch and be told how proud you are of them.Some need it during when they have been spanked til red bottomed.

I have always thought of it this way...if your submissive is unhappy they are not going to give 100%.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 21

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/22/2006 2:44:11 AM

BeeQueen

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---

I'm going to echo this as well. Sadly I've come across so many male sub/slaves that for some reason see that as not be dominant enough... unless I turn into a royal bitch they don't take me seriously... I don't get it.

Jewel

yep..weird as it is.....some seem to think that u have to act like a royal bitch to show off as dominant...never gona get that...

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 22

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/22/2006 2:46:30 AM

BeeQueen

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

define love and caring?
i dont take anyone under my wing if i dont care for them, perfect is when im in love, but a strong feeling is required in my opinion.
but i still like to inflict pain n have them whimmper...does that make me a non caring domme?

_____________________________

All men are animals, just some make better pets. (note the sarcasm) personal free 3d-chat under http://members.chello.at/beequeen/

(in reply to bashfulgirl)

Post #: 23

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/25/2006 4:16:43 AM

MistressDior

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

The more cruel you are (within reason), the sweeter the loving is after the torture:)

(in reply to bashfulgirl)

Post #: 24

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/25/2006 10:02:24 AM

MistressDeAnnya

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

I know what you mean ShiftedJewel,

I tend to treat my slaves with respect. But until they piss me straight off they dont wanna listen well.
If they tell me Im too nice to be a Domme, I tell them, look your job is to make MY life easier not turn me into some screaming bitch for your satisfaction.
Besides Im not sweating over them everyday to fullfill thier needs. Then whos the slave? ya know...

(Im a Lifestyle Domme, Im 24/7.)
Heres my take on it:
I think some guys beleive that 24/7 means 24/7 scenes and thats just not possible. They might even see us as something but humane.
We got to eat, and shop and everything eles much to thier surprise.
<Boo how vanilla> Im sorry but its called life. lol I find this misguided idea in new subs/slaves most often. They think I should start "Domming" them from word go -dream on.

Some subs might confuse what they read about sessioning and beleive its the way the entire life would be with a Mistress. Scares half of them from being called a slave.
The others who thinks they want 24/7 abuse, Id like to take them and make thier entire life hell and just see how long they really wanna be tied to a pipe in my basement on thier knees, or how long theyd really live in a box..etc with no loving words or touch. *evil grin*

So in reality, most everyone needs love to some degree and some welcome my loving ways. It doesnt mean I cant play ruff. Just means I have balance in life. It tends to dissappoint some.. and make others very releived.

Mistress DeAnnya

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 25

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/25/2006 10:43:21 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDeAnnya

I know what you mean ShiftedJewel,

I tend to treat my slaves with respect. But until they piss me straight off they dont wanna listen well.
If they tell me Im too nice to be a Domme, I tell them, look your job is to make MY life easier not turn me into some screaming bitch for your satisfaction.
Besides Im not sweating over them everyday to fullfill thier needs. Then whos the slave? ya know...

(Im a Lifestyle Domme, Im 24/7.)
Heres my take on it:
I think some guys beleive that 24/7 means 24/7 scenes and thats just not possible. They might even see us as something but humane.
We got to eat, and shop and everything eles much to thier surprise.
<Boo how vanilla> Im sorry but its called life. lol I find this misguided idea in new subs/slaves most often. They think I should start "Domming" them from word go -dream on.

Some subs might confuse what they read about sessioning and beleive its the way the entire life would be with a Mistress. Scares half of them from being called a slave.
The others who thinks they want 24/7 abuse, Id like to take them and make thier entire life hell and just see how long they really wanna be tied to a pipe in my basement on thier knees, or how long theyd really live in a box..etc with no loving words or touch. *evil grin*

So in reality, most everyone needs love to some degree and some welcome my loving ways. It doesnt mean I cant play ruff. Just means I have balance in life. It tends to dissappoint some.. and make others very releived.

Mistress DeAnnya

Wonderfully stated...As I also have that balance.
Cant please all the people all the time...But you can please some of the people some of the time.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to MistressDeAnnya)

Post #: 26

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/25/2006 10:43:43 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MistressDeAnnya, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I do agree with your post, that some of these lads/lassies have no real appreciation how 24/7 life in 'their' fantasy image of what "love and caring" domination may be. I think the wishful thinking, the romantic side of things are added on, as to be later a huge disappointment as real life proves otherwise, to be rather mundane in most cases.

Sadly, many dominants who are gentle, kind and loving are assumed to be weak and unable to exact any administrations, such as physical scenes and the enforcement of discipline.

Perhaps, men need to feel the 'force' as to become a 'victim' in their own logic and or mind, as to not feel as a total whimp for submitting from the heart, mind and or spirit. Perhaps men have been so programed by society and or civilization that, unless forced into something, they are considered cowards, sissy, weak and or any other label used to lower a man's self esteem. Of course, those who do know, it takes much courage to submit freely, without force and to serve from the pure joy of it--

I also feel that dominants who identify as loving and caring, as I do-- should not become something they are not, e.g. cruel, pain in the neck, etc. That wouldn't be authentic and that is what both dominants and submissives strive to be--authentic to one another, as to foster a relationship and successfully carry that relationship forward to hopefully, a long term relationship.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MistressDeAnnya)

Post #: 27

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 7/25/2006 12:46:06 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

For myself.....

I am a cold Dominant. I am somewhat cruel and always coldly in control. This I guess is my style.

After play I need space. I need to be left alone for a bit to gain back some of my 'humanity'. When I play I become somewhat meglomaniacal. It is quite a leap from being a God to becoming a human who genuinely cares about another person. This process takes some time.

Outside of a play environment I am warm, witty, caring, affectionate, etc. I am very interested in what my slave is doing and try to be a solid block that he can come to in times of crisis.

Perhaps it is this change of head space that leads some to think of some Dominants as cold and uncaring.

Wickad

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 28

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 2:32:48 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?

Absolutely know what you mean...... Couple the loving/understanding nature of Blktllfllfig / Oumae with the elegance/class of Dusty Gold, and then throw in some of Akasha's ambition and tenacity - I'm good to go.

Cold, non-caring women are the biggest turn off in the world.

- R

Almost forgot....Have to have Tress's warm but sadistic nature ; }

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to bashfulgirl)

Post #: 29

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 3:30:44 PM

MoonGoddessIsis

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---

I would so have to agree with this. There are times I too think that perhaps I am too caring and less stern. Yet I know that it is Me and I can not change that. Then again there are times I am a Sadistic Bitch when I shouldn't be!
Blessed be,
Goddess Moon

_____________________________

"Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before"

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 30

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 3:42:45 PM

lunamor

Posts: 52
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline

Dear LadyHugs,

I always really enjoy reading your posts (not only for the content, but also for the consistently serene tone!), and and I agree with so much of what you said in this one. Thanks for putting it out there.

One thing I wasn't clear on was your reference "it is far worse when submissives don't after care their dominant partners after the scene"

What did you mean by this?

Thanks in advance,
Lunamor

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 31

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 4:25:38 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

Huh? To the OP, I think you answered your own question (or did I miss something?).

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 8/2/2006 4:26:45 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 32

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 4:57:44 PM

wick3dmistress

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

I agree that if someone wants me to truely be a bitch I can in a heartbeat and have no problems with it.... but its not for them to want as far as I see it........Im not a paid Domme and its not for them to tell me if I'm to nice or to mean......if they got to know me then they would know that Im very lovable but in sessions I do what I want

(in reply to joyinslavery)

Post #: 33

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 5:10:51 PM

wick3dmistress

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

planomaid very well said......

(in reply to planomaid)

Post #: 34

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 5:17:13 PM

Kirei

Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think it all depends on what has influenced them. For many men it has probably been porn, which most often has the bitch like mistress on top of the poor male sub all the time. I think thats were those fantasies aride from personally,...although I might be wrong....but it is what I've gotten as responses from people I've talked with.

Koneko

(in reply to wick3dmistress)

Post #: 35

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 5:18:33 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

What is a great deal of BDSM/DS but fantasy come to life

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to Kirei)

Post #: 36

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 5:24:19 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

And my grinning and giggling like a maniac when I'm hurting you? LOL

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

Post #: 37

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 6:04:00 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---

God, MH, I know the feeling all too well. I am so happy to see that you feel this way, you are my hero lol and if you can feel this way, then I don't feel so badly feeling the same way you do. It is so freaking hard to be cruel sometimes even if the situation warrants it.

_____________________________

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 38

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 7:45:52 PM

BuxomGoddess714

Posts: 91
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: So.California
Status: offline

Porn has had too much of an influence IMO. There has been a huge shift since the internet and everyone got horny watching what it is that we do. A Dom/me used to be someone with a truly Dominant personality who acted that out in the Lifestyle. Now, there is a lot of role playing going on, weekend warriors, "TOPS" calling themselves Dom/mes and bottoms calling themselves subs. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Have fun. Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

But do not mistake MY kindness for weakness. I control My environment, and I prefer a peaceful, calm existance. If I have to beat the crap out of someone to make them behave, that is serving their needs, not Mine. They are in control, not Me. If someone is acting out and I have to punish them all the time, I have no use for them. They need to go. Let them go pay a ProDomme to get their jollies and needs met. My needs are met by someone willingly worshipping Me and serving Me. That means I don't need to be a bitch. I'm a Goddess. Being a bitch gives me grey hair and hypertension. Worrying about a brat is stressful, Who needs it? The sub I have had for 5 years will break down in tears when I calmly (but firmly) correct her as she lives to please Me. My son was the same way when he was young, because I am a good Mother. I never spanked him, I just kept control of My home and he loves Me. I am a powerful, smart, demanding Woman, thats what a Domme is, isn't it? My voice is enough. The people who have stayed in My life for many years go out of their way to please Me, and I let them know they have My favor. They seek to please Me, that is what a true submissive lives for. Thats why I have submissives who have been loyal to Me for over 30 years and they are devestated if they displease Me. That is Dominance. They do not live for getting the crap beat out of them or being abused. Thats a Masochist. I am a Domme, not a Sadist. There is a big difference. My most cruel method of discipline is to ignore a sub. My TRUE loyal subs who want nothing more then My attention and to be near Me, that is the most cruel punishment I can dish out, believe Me. Bondage, whips, chains, spankings are for scening and play and saved for people who are in My favor. That stuff is fun. I can put on leather, fishnets, boots and role play, too. Thats for Saturday night, parties and dungeoun scenes, not 24/7. The difference between Who and What I really am, how I run my household and role playing.

So the problem isn't that the Domme's are being too Loving and Caring. Dominants are Who they are. The problem is that so called "submissives" are not really submissive. They are just horny wanker bottoms who want to get spanked, fisted and forced to do things their pussy homophobic asses aren't man enough to do on their own. Send them to the prostitutes and get a real submissive. We do not yield to them. Its the other way around, dears.

Be blessed,
Goddess

(in reply to Kirei)

Post #: 39

RE: loving and caring Dommes? - 8/2/2006 7:51:45 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I've been told by many I am not Domme enough becasue I do not punish my boy at the drop of a hat. That just isnt our dynamic. He lives for my affection, and serves to make me happy. We have no need for physical punishment, unless there is a major transgression. Otheres I have met in the lifestyle dont believe this translates to actual power and control. My boy believes differently. And quite honestly, as long as I am happy with our dynamic, he is happy serving me my way... outside of us, no one elses opinion matters. as I have told other Doms at clubs before. You dont like how I do it, then dont do it my way. I dont tell you how to handle your whip, you dont tell me how to handle my pet.

My 2 cents

DV

(in reply to BuxomGoddess714)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: loving and caring Dommes?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.092