loving and caring Dommes? (Full Version)

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bashfulgirl -> loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 6:19:05 AM)

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?



MHOO314 -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 6:21:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?


I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---



MistressLorelei -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 6:51:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---

I have thought the same thing at times.  Then there are so many wicked and cruel things I have done....  that I questioned how caring and cruelty could go hand in hand.  I determined that it was what the relationship needed, and what we both responded to based on our dynamic. We were happy as long as he knew he was being taken care of the way he needed to be, and knew that, no matter what I cared for him.




ShiftedJewel -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 7:02:57 AM)

quote:

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---


I'm going to echo this as well. Sadly I've come across so many male sub/slaves that for some reason see that as not be dominant enough... unless I turn into a royal bitch they don't take me seriously... I don't get it.
 
Jewel



thetammyjo -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 7:51:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?


I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---


I know that I dom like I teach -- I have clear rules and expectations, I encourage personal development and active submission (not in students!), but I don't accept excuses only the best someone can do.

Of course I don't do "sessions"; this is my life. I can't speak for how someone might behave after a session.



LadyAlzara -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 8:50:41 AM)

I enjoy inflicting pain.  This being said, and understood by the slaves I play with, doesn't mean that I'm not caring and loving.  It simply means for Me and Mine that they will hurt, before they are cuddled and petted.
I am no less caring when the intensity of the scene cools.  But keep in mind that some of Us experience a Top space just as deep as  subspace....it sometimes takes a little bit for both parties to reconnect after a particiually thrilling event...



MasterFireMaam -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 8:53:55 AM)

Of course this is true...just like there are women who are cruel in life. Just because we're kinky doesn't mean that we don't exhibit the same ranges of emotions/attributes as the rest of society.

Master Fire



janiceleeinsc -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 10:06:49 AM)

I would not call us cruel.  I think there are different aspects of the life.   I think I should be more Dominant than I am at times.   I worry too much about doing the right thing.
On the other hand, I would like to be more like my teacher who is SM.  She can inflict pain at a very intense level, but she also believes in after care.    It is a catch 22.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan



online2nddegree -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 11:28:18 AM)

we are like  teachers who love our slave very much ... and punish them only to  bring changes in them ... this punishment is good for them .



LaTigresse -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 12:04:35 PM)

For me, I have to have a balance.



MistrssM -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 2:15:46 PM)

I think everyone has their own style....

For me I am harsh and strict and yet very loving....and nuturing in my domination..... a loving sadist...

But since I generally play with submissives younger then myself it takes on a very teacher student dynamic... loving guidence with some very harsh reminders....

for every hard stroke there is tenderness... that is the balance I enjoy....



ladylexington -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 3:34:50 PM)

I would be suspicious of a top without the capacity to care about others. Without some connection, the dynamic would be very close to abusive.



pinksissyPA -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 11:02:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladylexington

I would be suspicious of a top without the capacity to care about others. Without some connection, the dynamic would be very close to abusive.


i would also Ms Lexington.  Sadly just as many Doms are misogynists I have learned the hard way that many so called Dommes are man haters seeking to inflict pain and misery on their subs.  They justify this by saying that their ex husband or boyfriend abused them.  Some do it physically but the worst of them do it emotionally.  Both are to be shunned and avoided like the plague.

Respectfully,

sissy



LadyHugs -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/14/2006 11:27:38 PM)

Dear bashfulgirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Loving and caring dominant women come in all kinds of 'attitude' and 'behavior.'
 
Another thing that I have observed, is not all female dominants will accept mentoring by other female dominants.  So, sometimes it is more of a competition out there rather than a learning/sharing educational exchange. 
 
Indeed, a few female dominants have an agenda.  Some really just enter this venue of BDSM, D/s and or S&M to have a punching bag per se.  Or, they see men willing to pay some cutie female dominatrix to more or less 'pay for play.'  I see lot of young ladies entering college doing dominatrix things and all they want is the money.  But, until men stop paying these kids that can't flog themselves out of a McDonald's paperbag they will continue being enabled and supported.
However, the majority of female dominants just want to love someone and have love returned in kind.  Slaves are the ones who can feed the dominant with love and affection and see the benefits.  Dominants benefit and the love and devotion is returned.  It is a ring of the power to feed one another, each in their own way.
 
Novice dominant women, who haven't taken the submissive role first, have no idea what after care means or does for the submissive after their scene.  So, they just don't know to do it.  And, it is far worse when submissives don't after care their dominant partners after the scene.  However, rarely do dominants 'gripe' that submissives do their part to after care a dominant.
 
Also to consider, some scenes appear to be cold, cruel and such to the audience.  They might be in a role play that starts before they enter a dungeon party and doesn't end until they go home.  So, it is hard not to make assumptions but, consider it a possibility.  If both parties are happy--then they are doing something they enjoy.  Audience members will just have to be wondering.
 
However, communication with those to whom perceive to be cruel and cold hearted, might unmask the 'role play' and or true character of the individuals involved.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



HoneyMistNJ -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/15/2006 7:20:55 PM)

A great response Lady Hugs, and I so agree.

I do not consider myself to be strict. Doesn't mean I can't be, and won't put my foot down. Is how I see myself, and so if a sub/slave are looking for a strict domme, I tell them right off the bat that I am not what they are looking for.

I am more of the caring, loving domme. I started out as a sub, and I know what I am capable of and wished that more dom's wouldn't see this as being weak..Is such a shame.

Thank you



HouseofBear -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/15/2006 7:48:47 PM)

I consider myself a loving female dominant.  Yes, there are some things I am strict on (for example good manners) and I am also a sadist (who enjoys playing with a masochist).  However, I also am very affectionate, and consider that aftercare is for the dominant as well as the slave.  There are actually subs/slaves out there who want to be left alone after a scene.  As I enjoy the aftercare as much as the scening, I would not be the Mistress for those individuals, chuckles.  I can also play the evil, cruel Mistress for a scene if that is something I and the slave would like to explore, however if that is something they want full time, they may as well hang it up and look for someone else.  I prefer having a slave who serves from love and respect over having one who does it from fear or abuse.

Lady Ursa



luckyslaveboync -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/20/2006 2:59:59 PM)

On loving/caring vs. stern, lucky thinks as a sub the best Dommes know how to alternate between both. It is the contrast that gives intensity. All loving/caring leaves this sub with warm feelings but not having met the need to have total devotion and obedience expected and demanded. All stern leaves this sub wondering if this sub is really of value to the Domme and really is pleasing actual needs of a deep and broad sort, or is only being used in a narrow way (which some other subs might enjoy, lucky acknowledges).  So to Mistress Hathor, lucky would say, "Choose both!"



planomaid -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/20/2006 3:18:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl

im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?


I agree with the others who have already answered (and some quite eloquently!).  You are going to find all kinds of Dommes in this world - some will be exactly what you seek, others will be cruel and heartless bitches out for your money (kinda like IRS agents!!!). 

As to the second part of your question about aftercare from a session, are you asking about playing with someone on an irregular basis, going to a prodomme, or playing with your permanent partner?   A prodomme is not as likely to do a lot of aftercare since it is ultimately a business transaction you are conducting (though I have met some uber caring prodommes in the past that even though it is business they are loving and caring individuals who will look out for you).  So you should not go into that sort of situation expecting more than what is realistic.  Playing with an irregular play partner (or even one you've only recently met and negotiated the scene with) are going to be the hardest to pin down.  I think that you will find they can run the entire spectrum.  If aftercare is an important issue with you, it behooves you to discuss this with them prior to scening and to come to an understanding about your needs are, and what they can provide.  Then make the decision (a mutual one) on whether there is a strong enough desire to play together.

As to a permanent partner, well, if they are someone who is in your life, then you will have already established a relationship with them and should already have gotten to the point where you know what they are able to provide you.  I have found that while some dommes are not necessarily into aftercare, they are eminently bribeable!  :)  Find out what they enjoy and indulge them in it.  At a minimum you will 'just' be pleasing them (never a bad idea), but you may also find that they will come to appreciate the effort you put forth for their comfort and enjoyment and you may find that they are more willing and able to see to your needs better. 

Just like any other relationship, communication is the key!  They can't read your mind, so you need to tell them what is on your mind.  You will find that most are willing to listen to you - though that's not a guarentee that things will change.  However, at least you will have done all that you could.  And that is far better than moping about waiting for things to change the way you wish they would be.



MochaMistress -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/21/2006 9:31:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

I have begun to think that at times I am too caring and need to be more of the stern ilk---


I'm going to echo this as well. Sadly I've come across so many male sub/slaves that for some reason see that as not be dominant enough... unless I turn into a royal bitch they don't take me seriously... I don't get it.
 
Jewel



I'm very loving and caring but I too have run into those submissives that think because im not being a sadist scream bitch that I cant be a dominant. I have no time for those.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: loving and caring Dommes? (7/21/2006 1:35:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bashfulgirl
im curious to know if there are caring Dommes in the world. Im in love with mine and she with me but have heard that some Dommes are cruel and show no love or caring after sessions is this true?
If you are in love with yours and she with you, than you know there are caring Dommes; as a matter of fact most if not all of us care, just to different extents and about different people/things.   I've been accused on occasion of being too soft to be a fem dom because I'm not a continuously contrary screaming bitch (most of the time, lol).  

As to caring before/after sessions, that depends on your relationship.   Like TammyJo, I don't session;  I simply live this way, and so whether having fun or having him do non fun work, it's all just life.   M



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