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FieryOpal -> RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money (2/20/2015 10:08:24 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: shiftyw
In all seriousness- it has been mentioned a couple times in this thread and other similar subjects that the expectation is the crime here.
Can I ask why?
To me that expectation speaks more to a different life experience than myself or a different standard than myself- and again rather than view it as entitlement or anything "bitchy" I see it as a means of, once again, proving incompatibility over anything else.
Although I would NEVER railroad someone's planned date, I think that is disrespectful and rude. I don't think having different expectations than someone else isn't all that offensive?
Really, if there are problems with miscommunication from the start, then that should be an indicator of a mismatch.
I don't expect acts of gallantry or chivalry with a man I've just met. However, it will impress me if he exhibits them. I do expect the people I associate with to have manners, to call before dropping by, to not arbitrarily change plans without prior discussion, to not be rude to or impatient with servers, and so on with showing common courtesy.
I grew up in the partying '70s, where we "hung out" in groups and shared what we had--those who had more pitched in for any who had less, with the loose understanding (not so much a rigid expectation) that we were free to take turns "bumming" if need be. If one of us was short, we spotted one another, out of friendship. It wasn't until the early '90s that I ventured out into the dating market.
Tell me (not you personally shiftyw!) that some men don't have the *expectation* of a kiss on the first date, often much more than that.
Tell me that by the third date if a woman doesn't "put out," the man doesn't usually walk, from what I hear. (Like you, SinFix, there was rarely a man who made it past the first date with me, even nowadays.)
Tell me there aren't men who make empty promises or expect women to cater to them, and use the romantic bait & switch tactic once you do become intimate, practically moving themselves into your house while enjoying all your home-cooked meals (with the groceries & alcoholic beverages you purchased), or else then treat you like a booty call while they're actively pursuing other women behind your back.
Back in the '90s, I did the going Dutch thing...with men I wasn't sexually attracted to who got instantly Friend-Zoned. I sometimes had up my sleeve a BOGO entrée restaurant coupon, or chose Happy Hour specials which featured free appetizers back then. (One airport Holiday Inn grilled up free steak on Fridays.)
There are always guys wanting to take women out on a dinner date, hoping to get lucky, with no serious intention of getting into a committed relationship. (Mainly because their line of b.s. hype and how they've misrepresented themselves has a 2-3 date expiration date. [8D] )
Once a man in a highly prestigious profession asked me to see a play he said he'd already reserved tickets for. Not a play I would have ever chosen, nor was I given that option, and this was our first date. When we arrived at the playhouse downtown, he left to go to the men's room while we were standing in line. It turned out he had reserved, but not paid for the tickets in advance. I waited for him to return, and he seemed miffed that I hadn't gone ahead and shelled out the cost in his absence. It didn't make us late, and I wasn't going to pay for something that I hadn't planned for nor had the slightest bit of input about, nor was I going to hit him up to be reimbursed and discover at my expense afterwards that I wasn't dealing with a gentleman. So Michael, you have my sympathies with your unpleasant encounter where you got hijacked. It can happen to anybody.
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