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RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/16/2015 3:54:32 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		Thanks crumpets. That makes it much more clear. So let me see if I followed you...

You need to be acknowledged for appropriate behavior, i.e. the mundane things that everyone must do. I cannot fault that.

You need to be appreciated for those things beyond the mundane everyday tasks. I cannot fault that either.

The reason I've asked for clarity is because I've known people that no matter how much praise, gratitude or appreciation you give them, it is never enough... they want a parade for everything they do well.

That said, I would include your need in your profile to deter the indifferent from engaging you.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/16/2015 4:08:43 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
Thanks crumpets. That makes it much more clear. So let me see if I followed you...

Yes. You understood.
I could explain that I did meet someone, who I thought wasn't appreciative at all, and who EXPECTED everything, and, well, we still have to realize that this is a VOLUNTEER activity, no matter how we set it up. She said the right words, I guess; but I didn't feel it was genuine.

Maybe that's my intuition kicking in; or maybe it's paranoia. I don't know and since it's all about feelings, it's hard to describe accurately anyway.

But, I think my question of whether it's legit to bring "appreciation" up as a "need", I think most feel it's a fair thing to state outright, in honest and simple terms.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
That said, I would include your need in your profile to deter the indifferent from engaging you.


Thanks for that suggestion.

I have added a journal entry, and, since my journal is voluminous, I will also add an honest and simple line with regard to compatibility in my profile for a "caring" domme, versus the "uncaring" kind (however I word the thought).

Thank you very much for that suggestion.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/16/2015 8:56:32 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


There is much about each other that we love and are careful to not forget and lose sight of. For those things, we are careful to not take each other for granted. But if being taken for granted means (as Google says it does) to accept without question or objection; to assume, then I absolutely expect my service to be taken for granted by him.




The old "different strokes", eh?

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/17/2015 12:19:22 AM   
wannapleez


Posts: 358
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		IMHO, if appreciation is not conveyed (in some manner -- not necessarily verbal), it's not a relationship. The Dom/me is just acting as a Fetish Delivery System. Now if that is how you both want the transaction to work, then groovy. But I sense that's not the case here.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 12:00:52 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


What brought up this question was the third choice:
3. Communicate


I told you that a week ago, dude! Tell her already! Rip that Band-Aid off and let the 'tiny' little tinge it causes be felt, dealt with
and then gone! You had two meets with her.. it's not going to hurt that much. Four words, "We are not compatible." She's a
grown woman. She'll get over it.

You are wasting her time.. and.. yours. That's not 'nice'. You don't appreciate her time since you are wasting it so as far as I'm
concerned you are a pot calling the kettle black except you are only 'assuming' that she won't appreciate you.. and you are
'actually' not showing appreciation to her at all.

... and you already know how I feel about it because, well, you spent more time with me the first time we met than on both your
dates with her combined and we are just friends!

Just.. be brave, damn it! People get hurt in life. Sometimes you will be the cause of that and you'll just have to learn to put on
your big boy pants and deal with the consequences of adulthood.

It sucks sometimes but whatcha gonna do?

You have email btw: Slight change of plans for Saturday (party is ON.. just delayed for me a bit) because I forgot the DMV
wants me to prove that I'm not too blind to drive. :(

You should give me a ride dude, just in case. I'd appreciate it because I'm not sure I can prove it and don't know if my license
is going to be confiscated. I'm gonna squint hard and try to make it happen Captain! lol

See ya Saturday!


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 1:56:14 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
You are wasting her time.. and.. yours. That's not 'nice'.


Ouch! Thanks for the unambiguously direct if not wholly soft and gentle advice.
Remind me never to put the whip of correction in your hands! :)

The deed (of communication) is done, but, that's a side note for this forum thread.

I guess, next time, I'll just let it be known, next time from the start, that appreciation is a hard limit of mine.
If feminine appreciation is not genuinely there, then there's absolutely no chance for the relationship to go anywhere.

It's good to know that expecting same, is not a protocol faux pas, at least not in this neck of the woods.
Thanks everyone for your (gulp) heartfelt advice!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 2:51:23 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


Ouch! Thanks for the unambiguously direct if not wholly soft and gentle advice.


You're welcome! And in return thanks for the chuckle. Soft and gentle.. from a known sadist. Priceless! Adorable!
quote:

Remind me never to put the whip of correction in your hands! :)


::giggles:: Can't say I didn't warn you.. as I recall.. I warned you from the beginning the very first time you asked. ;)

quote:

The deed (of communication) is done, but, that's a side note for this forum thread.


Good! Took you long enough! In your defense, you were pretty busy.. so I'm cutting you some slack here. ;P

quote:

I guess, next time, I'll just let it be known, next time from the start, that appreciation is a hard limit of mine.
If feminine appreciation is not genuinely there, then there's absolutely no chance for the relationship to go anywhere.


Bingo! Got it in one. That's why I'm not worried about you. You really do make an effort but don't sell yourself short either.

quote:

It's good to know that expecting same, is not a protocol faux pas, at least not in this neck of the woods.
Thanks everyone for your (gulp) heartfelt advice!

Muhaha.. see you Saturday!


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 3:02:04 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Muhaha.. see you Saturday!



Queue Funeral march... prepare sweet and tasteful eulogy.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 4:57:31 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Queue Funeral march... prepare sweet and tasteful eulogy.


No body gets out of here alive.. besides, it's crumpet. Crumpets are meant to be consumed.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 5:05:50 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Queue Funeral march... prepare sweet and tasteful eulogy.


No body gets out of here alive.. besides, it's crumpet. Crumpets are meant to be consumed.



LOL! Sure have missed you, Bita xoxoxoxo

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/18/2015 9:33:47 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Crumpets are meant to be consumed.


Yikes!

Good thing you don't own a whole bunch of really sharp knives. Whew!

If you did, I'd be really scared!

:)

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 5:15:31 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Crumpets are meant to be consumed.


Yikes!

Good thing you don't own a whole bunch of really sharp knives. Whew!

If you did, I'd be really scared!

:)




He has no idea that Bita put the "sad" in sadism...

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 6:06:41 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		FR on this. crumpets and I have spoken directly in the past. What I find odd is that when things go awry in his meeting a Domme one way or another, he gets little to no feedback. That puzzles me. I might be twisted enough to have you park down a dark alleyway and hop into your car and startle the crap out of you. But I definitely give feedback as to why you would no longer be considered or not worthy of my collar. It seems rather...I don't know, STRANGE someone wouldn't set him up for success where there was prior failure. By the way crumpets I thought your way of parting with the second D shouldn't have happened. Personal opinion, I would have been mortified. I try to make my expectations known even when people think they are "unreasonable". If I didn't think of someone as a person first,I would just stand them up, not give feedback or ignore thoughts and feelings altogether.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 10:50:17 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
I would have been mortified. I try to make my expectations known even when people think they are "unreasonable".


I think it was really my fault, for not being clear my simple expectations, from the start, and, for not understanding her understanding of the value equation, at the very same time.

Plus, it was more of a nagging feeling, an intuition, something is not right kind of feeling, than an iron clad yes:no.

With my particular personality, I can make really good decisions "if" the data lines up (my personality is to input more data than probably anyone you have ever met, coupled with high intuition that is on par with high sensing, and then that data-input is paired with decision making preferences where feeling is just as evenly on par with thinking).

Someone who is intuitive and thinking, for example, would have made the decision loooooong ago (probably within the first 10 minutes).
Someone who is sensing and feeling would also have made that decision long ago.
It's hardest for people, like I am, who are evenly sensing & intuitive and thinking & feeling when the data doesn't line up and when the feelings need to be considered.

By way of example, buying a car or house or play toy is easy for people like me, since we take in lots of data and make really good decisions bearing in mind both feelings and facts.

Choosing a prospective employer is a bit more difficult, since we take in more inputs than most and consider more outputs than most.

And, what's hardest, is human-to-human interaction since we tend to give equal weight to facts and intuition and to feelings and logic, all of which is EASY when things line up - but immensely confusing to us when they don't line up in a reasonably fitted curve.

But, I probably said too much already and lost most of you .... (slap! slap!)...
Now back to our sponsor ...

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 10:51:55 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
He has no idea that Bita put the "sad" in sadism...


BBBbbb...buu... buu ... buuttt ... she seemed so "nice" and friendly ... in person!
:)

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 10:57:19 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
He has no idea that Bita put the "sad" in sadism...


BBBbbb...buu... buu ... buuttt ... she seemed so "nice" and friendly ... in person!
:)


LOL, you have good taste.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 11:33:40 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
He has no idea that Bita put the "sad" in sadism...


BBBbbb...buu... buu ... buuttt ... she seemed so "nice" and friendly ... in person!
:)


That's how she lures you in. The next thing you know out comes the leather, whips, crops, and all manner of evil shit and she starts barking orders in Klingon... you are fluent in Klingon, aren't you? Cuz if you're not, then you are going to be punished severely for non compliance of her orders...

I'm going to work on the eulogy just in case.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 12:07:21 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant




He has no idea that Bita put the "sad" in sadism...


I know, I know. I'm all emo like that. What's ironic is that while actually indulging in that form of sad, I am almost always giggling.

Go figure!

And.. crumpet, darlin'.. it's not the quantity of knives I own-it's their superior quality but even that doesn't matter unless the
hand which holds the knife has been trained how to use it properly so,

...oh.. yeah. Never mind. Go ahead and worry. ::skips off, humming::

::peeks head back through door with a wink:: I'm just joshing.. I'm mostly on board with that whole consent thing.
(Ponders whether or not 'mostly' is the right word. - Yeah, it is a rather fair assessment.)

I do think it's better when things come from a place of "Yes, oh, god I want to bleed for you" than when it comes from a place
of "Oh crap! I just pissed off a menopausal sadist!"

You know permission, incentive.. same, same. :D






_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 12:24:53 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
... and she starts barking orders in Klingon... you are fluent in Klingon, aren't you?


Yikes!... .Quick! How do you say "Not that otherwise lovely superior quality hollow edge roast beef slicer!" in Klingon?

< Message edited by crumpets -- 2/19/2015 12:25:57 PM >

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is asking for appreciation considered topping from ... - 2/19/2015 12:31:20 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
... and she starts barking orders in Klingon... you are fluent in Klingon, aren't you?


Yikes!... .Quick! How do you say "Not that otherwise lovely superior quality hollow edge roast beef slicer!" in Klingon?


Qem 'oH!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 40
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