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orgasmdenial12 -> RE: The Anti-Anything Crowd (2/18/2015 10:21:59 AM)
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Lest it be thought that I unfairly accuse pro-dommes of views and actions that are not supported by objective evidence, I did a quick ten minute search on the views of pro-dommes and cheating. The following represent a selection of comments on the subject.
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There is also the submissive who is feeling guilty and asks if I think he is cheating on his wife. I empathize and gently share My take on it all. Seeing a proDomme is an event and I don’t want the client leaving with anything but a good feeling about getting his needs met.
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Some men are scared to ask their partners to enact their fantasies because they worry it will cause offence, and other’s prefer to maintain the dominant role at home for traditional reasons, and seek out submissive role play scenarios from a professional.
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If I have to describe the general type it would be a man 30-50 executive position. Got married, had children, loves his family very much but needs an outlet for his kink.
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I think BDSM is hardwired into your genes, if your partner doesn't understand it or doesn't share it, you can't really always hide it and live without it, if it makes your marriage/relationship better if you have sessions, by all means do so, but then it is your duty to hide it from your SO and make sure she doesn't get hurt by the knowledge. It might not be the most moral thing to do, but it definitely is better than having a frustrated partner because he has no outlet, which will create even more problems in the relationship.
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as a responsible partner, if they know their other half would be upset and hurt, they owe them the respect to behave in a way so that the partner won't find out, that's just common decency. Why upset somebody who's only fault is that they are not wired that way?
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if a partner isn't into it because they are not wired that way, it might be best to hide it to avoid potential hurt. Since it is not a danger to the relationship, why throw the partner through all the insecurity and doubts that often happen? There is something like too much honesty, or honesty that serves no other purpose than keeping one's conscience clean, but that then is for the price of leaving another person with all the doubts.
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If you are truly a sub in your heart and you cannot find satisfaction at home what are your alternatives?
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If you cannot find satisfaction at home a service provider may be the best choice for you. Who knows? You may have a wife who understands you and is willing to turn a blind eye to your seeking satisfaction outside the relationship. Unfortunately for the majority of men, such women are rare. More likely you will have to lie about your outside interests and live a double life.
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It is indeed lying to play with a Domina and not ask your partner's permission before hand. But, with most of My clients, they are not in a kink friendly relationship and this type of communication is not possible. Is the sub being faithful to his heart and loves his spouse exclusively? Then he is not cheating.
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In some circumstances the relationship could even be improved when one partner is unaware of the other visiting a pro-Domina. I think I just have an issue with the absolutism inherent in the concept of cheating. It demands that a couple remain exclusive to each other in all circumstances, but bloody-mindedly refuses to allow for the idea that the considered involvement of third-parties may actually benefit the relationship.
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A Letter to the Women Whose Husband/Boyfriend is Seeing Me
I realize this is awkward for everyone involved, especially since I’m poly and morally against cheating but I have some things to say; Your husband/boyfriend/lover/whatever saw me, I don’t know if he told you but I’m sorry if he didn’t. It’s not my intention to steal him from you, to ruin your relationship, to hurt you, to hurt him or otherwise cause you harm. Honestly, it’s kind of up to him if he’s going to cheat but I understand if you hate me for it and I respect that; You have a right to be angry. I hope that my words can bring you some comfort.
As I said before, I have no wish to cause any harm to your life or the life of your partner. In fact, I consider it part of my job to make sure that he gets out unscathed emotionally, physically, psychologically, socially and in any other way I can think of. In my mind, I’m a safe outlet for his desires; With me he can explore the depths of his mind and still come back to you and your children (if you have them.) When he sees me he doesn’t have to worry about how it will affect his long-term relationship with you or whether his boss will find out, he just gets to explore and then go back to his every day life as if nothing had happened. Believe me, it’s in my best interest to make sure he leaves in the same condition in which he arrived. This means I will be everything in my power to not give him any sort of disease or infection (I did not fuck your partner and everything he touched was sanitized before and after), nor any permanent marks.
I know it’s hard to wrap your head around the idea that he might seek someone for depraved activities and it might seem unnatural but everyone has dark desires some where in their head and neglecting/avoiding them isn’t healthy. Really, seeing me is probably the best option; He’s not emotionally involved with me, I’m not going to tell other people about him, I’m going to make sure he’s safe and I respect your relationship. I hope you can understand that once you get past the anger.
I guess what I’m saying here is that when your husband/boyfriend/lover/partner/dad/son/brother enters my dungeon, I am pledging to keep him safe and to make sure his life stays intact after he leaves my space.
Notice that although they were fully aware that they were facilitating cheaters, none of them said 'so I decided not to see him anymore'. Also notice the ideology at play - all of them seek to minimise what they are doing, to highlight how it is really a positive or, at least, harmless activity. Finally, notice how none of them seem to blame the men for what they do - all of them suggest that the men had no choice in the matter, as though they simply woke up one day, married to someone they didn't choose, with no way out of it, and that cheating was the least harmful course of action.
All of which reinforces the ideology - you don't *really* need to be honest with women about your sexuality because it's in women's interests for you to lie about your sexuality. Except it isn't in our interests, it's just peddling BS for the sake of making a buck, and it's BS that actively encourages the deceit of others. I just can't see it as anything other than immoral.
It's also worth pointing out that some pro-dommes also see it as immoral, and manage their clients accordingly. So it's not impossible or impractical to do, it's just that many pro-dommes choose not to for the sake of money, convenience or even a kind of female superiority complex, where they get off on the idea that they've got one over these silly other women who force their husbands to cheat.
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