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UnholyBear -> RE: The Anti-Anything Crowd (2/18/2015 6:32:42 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissKatya
I've been glazing over this thread and the basic commentary that I am seeing from certain individuals is that:
1) Pro-Dommes are manipulative
2) Pro-Dommes are liars
3) Pro-Dommes do it only for money
4) Pro-Dommes are incapable of having a lifestyle of personal D/s relationship due to #3
While I cannot speak for the majority of the Pro-Domme community (they didn't approve my "spokesperson" application yet), I can speak for myself and the women who I personally know.
Before I make my comments, I just want to go on record to state that my comments are directed towards the latter portion of this thread and not the original post. I know not everyone agrees with Professional Domination....I'm cool with that. I just wanted to comment on that whole issue with Pro's and cheating.
First, I find it highly insulting when someone goes into that whole "Pro-Dommes only do it for money" because in a way, you are insinuating that the entire BDSM community is incapable of seeing past their proverbial hard-ons and making BDSM into an enjoyable, lifelong career. That taking something you love and is a part of you and turning it into a working career is wrong and impossible. People choose professions that they love every day-if someone is devoted to being a doctor or lawyer, does it make them any less of a doctor or lawyer if they charge a fee?
Also, there is a unrealistic concept that being a Pro-Domme is easy money. It's not. It really isn't. It's a lot of work and if we didn't love what we did, we wouldn't do it. A good indicator if a Domme is in it for just the money or it's a career-years of professional experience. Many who do it for the money usually drop out after a year or two because they figured out that it's not easy money. So that whole "doing it for the money" comment is getting real old now. Do people do it for money? Oh sure...but is every Pro-Domme like that? No.
A good portion of us are also lifestyle. I have/had personal relationships. They are in a different realm from my professional ones. If you and I were meeting at a munch, chances are, you would never know I was a Pro-Domme...and chances are, you would bash Pro-Dommes while complimenting me at the same time. I love when I get those "You're not one of those money Dommes, you are very serious about what you do" comments...love them!
Anyway, to answer the "cheating" debate. It's tomato/tomatoe.
Pro-Dommes offer the ability for men to live out their kink, whether they are single or married. It's not our responsibility to ask for marital status because it is assumed that the person who is approaching us is able to session with no strings attached. Do married men approach us? Of course. Do I know this right off the bat? Not always.
Since I am not having sex with these men, I do not see their desire to session with me as cheating. To be honest, I am more concerned if someone is a psychopath than if they are married. Also, 99% of the time, I have no idea if they are married or not. Usually this information comes out in idle conversation, once I get to know someone better.
But if we were to enforce a "single men only" policy, the conversation would go something like this;
Him: I would like to have a session with you (note that he approaches me and not the other way around)
Me: That's great-tell me your interests to see if we are a good match (**does required interview, etc**). Also, I need to know if you are married or single. Also, to prove that you are indeed single, I will need your full name, address, employment, and SSI so I can do a background check to make sure you aren't lying to me.
**crickets chirping**
See how odd this is? Think of it in vanilla terms-Do you go to a OB/GYN's or Proctologist's office and ask the doctor if they are single because your examination means that they are cheating on their spouse by looking at your Vag or diddling a finger up your bum? No? Ok because the same concept applies to Pro-Domination.
With that being said, yes, a decent amount (Not as much as you may believe though-I'm going to say 60/40) of who we session with are married or in a committed relationship. It doesn't mean that they don't love their spouses any less by seeing a Pro-Domme. It means that they love them so much seeing us is a healthy alternative to act out their kinks without disrupting their personal life. We meet, we play, we chat and we go onto our lives.
Out of those married subs, a small percentage of them keep it from their wives. Most of them have either tried to get their spouses involved in their kink and they either didn't like it or their spouses were once kinky with them and decided it's not their thing and are allowed them to see a Pro-Domme. And it's a lot more than you believe. And yes, I do talk to their spouses on occasion. It's not all trench-coats and glasses when it comes to Pro-Domination.
As for the manipulating portion of this thread....I just can't respond to it without getting angry. The only manipulating I am capable of doing is twisting a guy's dick into a balloon toy.
That's a CBT joke, by the way.
Thank you for being open and forthcoming with your opinion.
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