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RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 7:30:14 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

So, i also feel like the topic has gone way off kilter. i asked for methods of punishment that Everyone finds effective. Not to tell me that punishment isn't effective, or Funishment should be used instead. i appreciate Everyone's input on this, but i'm looking to see what kinds of punishment are used, not the lack thereof.

Ok.

First of all- I told you- quiet time works for some. For me- it sucked. Made me resentful. I felt neglected. and I felt like I was just learning how to let something fester. Others, do fine with it.

Not everyone here has or wants a punishment dynamic. They still get to answer this question because of the nature of a public forum.
What works for you will be different than what works for me. No one knows what your master wants but HIM. No one knows what will work for you, but...well YOU.

Why do YOU feel you need punishment? Why are YOU breaking rules? Why is your Dom giving you rules that you don't know about (like why didn't you know lying was against the rules)? He should be setting you up to succeed, not setting you up for punishment.

Pain or physical discomfort? No good for a maso like me.

Emotional stuff is a whole land mine for pretty much everyone- So...proceed with caution, don't step on any triggers. Best of luck.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 21

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 7:30:23 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

At the beginning of our relationship he felt the need to punish me. He took my books away for a week. I was lost without them.

If i wasn't allowed to read, i'd fall into deep despair. i can't imagine what you might have done to incur such. :(

I don't remember the reason either, but I'm sure it was nothing terrible. As I said it was a new relationship and we were both figuring out how it was all going to work. Reading before sleep has become a habit over the years. I spent a week having major problems falling asleep.

_____________________________

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Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 22

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 7:31:09 PM

tkitty0992

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Joined: 2/14/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

EVERY sort of punishment possible is used! As to what is Effective, answers vary with the instance, people, their dynamic and a lot more. Statistical means are irrelevant, what isn't is the common theme above that communication is more important and effective.
Or, to fight possible fapping threads, kneeling on rice grains seems to float almost no boats?

Kneeling on rice? That sounds... strange, honestly. Uncomfortable, i assume. could you elaborate other various forms of punishment? That's what i'm really looking for, the different methods that are used, just to get an idea and help spur my own imagination and possible expectations.

(in reply to epiphiny43)

Post #: 23

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 7:35:43 PM

tkitty0992

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Joined: 2/14/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

So, i also feel like the topic has gone way off kilter. i asked for methods of punishment that Everyone finds effective. Not to tell me that punishment isn't effective, or Funishment should be used instead. i appreciate Everyone's input on this, but i'm looking to see what kinds of punishment are used, not the lack thereof.

So, the answers you get don't suit you? Sorry about that, when you ask a question on forums you will get all kinds of answers. What you are being told is that not everyone's dynamic includes punishment. You asked for "effective" punishment, and frankly, for some folks, punishment is not effective... and therefore their answers are, in fact, relevant to your question.

The very best answer that you can be given would be to ask you what kind of punishment YOU would find effective. What someone else would find effective might cause you to break out in fits of laughter or make you recoil in horror. No one can answer this except you.

It's not that they don't suit me. i seem to be good at digging myself deeper with this. i'm looking for methods people use for punishment. That's all. i'd hoped by specifying "effective" i'd get more serious answers.

It seems as though i'm part of a minority even here, though, in the belief that punishment works and is helpful in my training.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 24

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 7:45:45 PM

tkitty0992

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Joined: 2/14/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Ok.

First of all- I told you- quiet time works for some. For me- it sucked. Made me resentful. I felt neglected. and I felt like I was just learning how to let something fester. Others, do fine with it.

Not everyone here has or wants a punishment dynamic. They still get to answer this question because of the nature of a public forum.
What works for you will be different than what works for me. No one knows what your master wants but HIM. No one knows what will work for you, but...well YOU.

Why do YOU feel you need punishment? Why are YOU breaking rules? Why is your Dom giving you rules that you don't know about (like why didn't you know lying was against the rules)? He should be setting you up to succeed, not setting you up for punishment.

Pain or physical discomfort? No good for a maso like me.

Emotional stuff is a whole land mine for pretty much everyone- So...proceed with caution, don't step on any triggers. Best of luck.

i don't feel as thought i need punishment, for the moment, at least. On a grander scheme, i think it will be helpful, to keep my body in tune with my mind. i knew the rule about lying long before i did, but i didn't really understand at the time how important it was for both of us for me to keep strict to it. my conscious memory, both short and long term, are terrible, and most things i have to learn with my body in order to really internalize it.

i think my Master is setting me up for success here, by giving this task. i think i might just be doing a poor job in performing it. i don't mean to offend anyone by stating my disagreements about punishment. i only want to know more about the methods, to help spur my imagination, and help discover what WOULD be effective for me. i can't just pull it all out of thin air myself. Who really thinks about what tasks or situations they would loathe or dislike? i understand that no one but me knows what would work for me, but without even a stepping stone, i'm having a hard time finding out what will.

Thank you for your input. i greatly appreciate it.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 25

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 8:09:46 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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Personally- I think of things I loathe or dislike when getting into ANY relationship, much less a BDSM one.

Know thyself. I want to know when someone crossing the line in my eyes, I want to be able to communicate that to them before they do. Its important to think about things that you don't like. For example...I hate my body, I will NOT only DISLIKE him shaming it, I will end up wanting to fucking die if he does. He might not know that unless I tell him that it would be very bad punishment and way too harsh for him to use insulting my body as punishment.

Like I said- you're asking for things that work for others- but I think learning about yourself, and learning how to communicate is more important than this.

If you didn't fully understand the rule about lying- was it clearly communicated between you too? Why did he punish you if you clearly didn't really fully understand the POINT of the rule. Did the punishment somehow enhance your understanding of it? Or did the resulting conversation do that?

If you are constantly looking to break rules- which you keep implying because you say you're having a hard time finding an effective punishment...which means what you've tried to this point hasn't worked to help you absorb it. So is learning it "through your body" ACTUALLY effective for you? Or do you WANT to be punished because you get your master's attention that way? Or because you want to lash out against some rules you are struggling to live by- why do you want to disobey? If you're disobeying on accident- why are you getting punished?

I don't need these answers, you do.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 26

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 8:29:15 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

i don't feel as thought i need punishment, for the moment, at least. On a grander scheme, i think it will be helpful, to keep my body in tune with my mind. i knew the rule about lying long before i did, but i didn't really understand at the time how important it was for both of us for me to keep strict to it. my conscious memory, both short and long term, are terrible, and most things i have to learn with my body in order to really internalize it.

Perhaps I am just being thick here, but you are looking for something that is different for EVERYONE.

I can give you examples of spanking, corner time, the silent treatment, kneeling on uncooked rice (which after 30 minutes becomes excruciating by the way), orgasm denial, essay time, all of which are great punishments for some people.

To the opposite end of the spectrum of putting 20 grit sandpaper in your shoes for a few days, making you crawl naked around the house for a week, forcing you to drink from the dogs dish... helps if you have a dog, sleeping on cat litter, making your diet hot peppers for a month, paper cuts... you know, the list again goes on and some of these things are great punishments for SOME people... they would be the end of a relationship for others.

What you are asking for is ambiguous. Perhaps search for threads on these forums dealing with punishment. Perhaps do a Google search. The other problem with your question is punishments vary with degree of offense. Had you lied to me and I caught you, our relationship would be over... no matter the context, lying is a deal breaker with me. However, had you hesitated in telling me something I asked you, perhaps the nipple clamps would be tightened until little beads of sweat began to form on your skin... all is relative to the severity of the infraction.

We could sit here for hours and give you examples, but no one knows you and what you can or cannot tolerate. Your dominant has tasked you with something that is incumbent upon you to answer. Taking a shortcut here and soliciting ideas from others, frankly, if I were your dominant, would show me that you did not take the initiative that I desired to see from you. I tasked my slut one day to scour the Internet for bondage pictures that she liked and then to collect them or print them so we could discuss what she liked about them. Had she simply come to a forum and asked people to give her pictures to show me... I would have been sorely disappointed with her effort to please me.

Think about it.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 27

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 9:21:27 PM

DarkSteven

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I usually give a punishment spanking. Two or three minutes hard is enough.

I make her write in her notebook. Something like what motivated her to do wyhat she did, how she feels when she knows she's disappointed me, etc. Something to make her think over what she did and its effects.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 28

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/19/2015 10:39:06 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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OP, you are asking for a list of things.

People are responding that these things are personal.

You and your Dom should not be asking others about their lists.

Perhaps cultivating your imagination based on things you have read about or heard of, would work better.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 12:26:27 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992
So, i also feel like the topic has gone way off kilter. i asked for methods of punishment that Everyone finds effective. Not to tell me that punishment isn't effective, or Funishment should be used instead. i appreciate Everyone's input on this, but i'm looking to see what kinds of punishment are used, not the lack thereof.

Because many people on these boards are anti-punishment. So their only reason for answering was to wax superior about how they don't have a punishment dynamic and how it's more adult to talk about problems and sort them out. And now you're rightly confused about why no-one is answering your question, they can all lecture you on how you don't get to choose how people answer your question. Ignore them, be content in your dynamic, pick out the useful answers. It happens every time someone asks about punishment.

I DO have a punishment dynamic. I work best in a relationship where I am a little bit afraid of what my Master could do to me, if I'm too cheeky. It has to be on the far end of painful because I'm a masochist, so anything in the medium ground I will simply eroticise.

It's not impossible to punish a masochist, you just have to go a bit further to get the desired result.

We tend to use canes or paddles. At the moment, I'm *dreading* the delrin canes because I hate them and there's nothing sexy about the pain. Punishments are always given to me in 42 strokes, so no amount of squealing or playing it up will get me out of it quicker. I usually start off quite angry and resistant about being punished, but somewhere along the way the pain will break through, I'll stop pretending to be a hardass, I'll cry and beg and then by the end of it I feel like a changed person, and we'll do the cuddles and hugs. It improves my mood considerably, if I'm being bitchy, it can turn a day round if I'm in a bad mood and it switches me from feeling hard done by to loving submissive. Afterwards I feel very soft and submissive, very worshipful of him and just glad to be his slave. It's actually a very positive thing for us.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 30

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 1:01:10 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Because many people on these boards are anti-punishment. So their only reason for answering was to wax superior about how they don't have a punishment dynamic and how it's more adult to talk about problems and sort them out.

Rubbish. I don't believe anyone has taken a superior attitude to the OP. And no one here has said they are anti-punishment... they have simply stated that it doesn't work for them or they do not use it. No one has told the OP that to use punishment is bad and therefore the OP should not be involved in a punishment dynamic. How perfectly haughty of you to suggest such a thing has happened.

quote:

And now you're rightly confused about why no-one is answering your question, they can all lecture you on how you don't get to choose how people answer your question. Ignore them, be content in your dynamic, pick out the useful answers. It happens every time someone asks about punishment.

No one gets to dictate how a question is answered. Sorry, that is simply not how the Internet or real life works. You ask the same question to a room full of people and you will likely get a myriad of different answers, some that fit the question, others that sort of fit, and still others that do not fit at all. It's called "opinions" and frankly, folks should not ask questions if they do not want to hear answers or different opinions. What has taken place here doesn't only happen when someone asks about punishment... it happens when folks ask questions... not only on these boards, but in real life as well. Additionally, no one suggested that the OP should not be happy in their dynamic.

Punishment is a personal thing, and can be tailored to the individual for maximum effectiveness. No one here knows enough background about the OP to give anything other than general ideas, kind of like you offered what works for you. It is wonderful that it works for you, and it is also wonderful that you enjoy it, but it may not work for the OP and therein lies the difficulty in offering anything in the form of suggestions or direction. This is why I suggested to them that they investigate for themselves what intrigues them and that they might see as being interesting or effective for them. They ask a question that is extremely difficult to answer with any amount of definition.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 31

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 2:11:55 AM

HaremEmperor

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/5/2014
Status: offline

There are so many different ways to punish someone but like a lot of people have said it depends on the persons involved. There is a basic principle that states something to the effect of: "people work to achieve pleasure or avoid pain." There are people who are on one side of that spectrum or the other. What makes it even more complicated is that each person has different thoughts as to what is pleasurable and what is painful. A lot of people think of punishment as something that causes pain, but there is another form of punishment: withholding pleasure. Take a masochist for example, something that might work for them is withholding the pain that they enjoy so much. Or maybe giving them just a little of what they like, but stopping long before it is fulfilling to them. Then repeat, over and over, until they are crazy with desire but have had no release, then once they start "behaving" give them the release they have been craving.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 32

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 2:16:34 AM

SMgirl66

Posts: 75
Joined: 10/29/2014
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umm people are giving you suggestions but like in this case you dismiss the rice.....why? when my Owner suggested this after letting me know that....no it won't be cooked first....bugger.....i decided to try it, after all how bad can it be....i would rather have corner time!!!!! rice freaking hurts and not in a good way so don't dismiss someone's suggestion unless you know it won't work!!!!

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 33

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 4:50:05 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

quote:

SinFix:
Hmmm, I don't do well with "punishments".. I am hard enough on myself without the worry that I would get punished if I messed up... So for me, positive reinforcement works best. I want to know what I do right so I can continue to emulate those things instead of forcing my focus on what I do wrong..

i understand and agree with that on a certain level. i strive to do well for my Master, and when i falter or misbehave, the harshest punishment comes from myself upon me. i agree that positive reinforcement is essential, but i think if there's going to be a carrot, there should be a stick, elsewise we'd all get fat and lazy

Nope, not fat nor lazy at all. Punishments are fine, nothing wrong with them if that is what you need. But for me, negative is a bad. It focuses me on negative things and I will retreat into my head, which is a very bad place for me to be. Why do you misbehave or mess up? Are you "wanting" a punishment? Do you do these behaviors more when you are feeling "neglected"? Do you need his attention on you at all times? A close look at why you feel punishment is a good route for you and a frank discussion with your D is in order. Find out how he feels about your misbehaving.

Any physical punishments just not a good realm for me, not just cause I am a masochist but that head space thing again. A lot of mental punishments have been employed on me in the past. Such as:

The silent treatment
guilt manipulation
just plain ole manipulation

The only thing those things achieved with me are to destroy trust, not only in the other person but in myself as well..

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 34

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:16:53 AM

tkitty0992

Posts: 14
Joined: 2/14/2015
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Now i'm just plain old frustrated. i asked for punishments that Everyone found effective. i didn't ask for suggestions on what Anyone thinks would be effective for me. But that's exactly what Everyone has given. That they can't suggest punishments, because they don't know my situation. It's like telling a stranger that You can't tell them what their favorite food is, because You don't know about them, and wouldn't know what their favorite food is. i never asked to make this about me.

Frankly, it's very upsetting to hear all this talking down at me. That i'm going about this wrong, that i'm trying to take shortcuts. i'd rather see fewer assumptions that all i do is sit here and stare at this particular forum, instead of going to multiple sources. i have checked multiple sources, the internet and various real life connections. i had thought perhaps this community could supplement this information. i didn't know it would end up pulling teeth.

Everyone keeps saying to take what i've heard or read about and go from there. That's what i'm trying to do, is hear about things, so i can go from there.

SMgirl66, HaremEmperor and SinFix, thank you for your answers. These give me some information to start with, without overstressing what i already know, that not everything will work for me.

It's still frustrating that each reply i get has to initially stress that it might not work for me. i'm not an idiot. Besides, if i didn't understand that after the first page of "Find what works for you" posts, i probably wouldn't get it now.

quote:

Guage

In response to your particularly sharp reply directly to me, those first three paragraphs supplied were exactly what i was looking and asking for. To know a few things from each end of the spectrum of the massive range of possible punishments for ANYONE. Not what would work best for me, maybe what works for you, but without assuming anything on my part. Just clean, sterile, basic information.

The fourth was still on track, and a wonderful example of what works for YOU. i think if i were to describe the situation i had lied in a bit further, you might understand, but that isn't what's important. i appreciate the answers You gave.

The last paragraph is what i really took issue with. You seem to have ignored everything i said about this task i was given, and created your own idea of what was expected in your views. i specified that He had instructed me to collect information. i never said this was the only space i was farming for information. Instead, you assumed that i was a lazy and useless fuckslut who was only doing the bare minimum, trying to get away with doing nothing. i can't imagine how you came to this conclusion, unless you expect the worst out of every stranger. i understand that in these kinds of situations making assumptions is necessary.

But in this case, i think you made quite a few that were completely out of context and irrelevant to the question. i appreciate Your input, but i ask that moving forward, You, "Think about it" more. Was taking issue with the methods my Master gave me to investigate on one small facet of a task necessary or even relevant to answering what should have been a simple Q&A session? You Yourself stated that You had little to nothing to go with, so why would You make such huge jumps in logic?

(in reply to SinFix)

Post #: 35

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:25:10 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Hey, what we are trying to say is "no punishment is effective for EVERYONE"

You've ask it several times, and gotten that answer several times. It isn't going to be different.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 36

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:29:59 AM

tkitty0992

Posts: 14
Joined: 2/14/2015
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I'll reiterate, i understand that no punishment is effective for EVERYONE. I asked what Everyone found effective for them. i appreciate the finesse in arguing semantics in most occasions, but not on this one. So let me be as blunt and clear as possible. i asked to know what each INDIVIDUAL found was an effective punishment for THEM. Not their cousin's brother's sister, or the lass down the road.

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 37

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:34:50 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

Ok and also furthermore, why do we keep saying it might not work for you?

Here's why...

Let's say I want help from my Dom losing weight.
We come here and ask for advice.

We work out, with the help of the forum, that I get punished by him if I eat dessert. The punishment includes me being called a pig and having to eat out of a dog dish next meal (just an example...)

I end up bulemic and over exercising because this method of punishment wasn't right for me. I resent the forum, my Dom for using that method that lands me in the hospital.

Do you get that people are looking out for your own safety? Instead of trying to frustrate you they are just trying to cover their asses, so stop taking it offensively and reread.
Sin asked and has said Several things I did as well. Answer those things for yourself.

Also, if your teacher asked you to compile a list of major wars throughout history, and you came here and asked what everyone else in the class put, do you think they would be inclined to tell you after all the work they did themselves?

(in reply to shiftyw)

Post #: 38

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:37:02 AM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

I'll reiterate, i understand that no punishment is effective for EVERYONE. I asked what Everyone found effective for them. i appreciate the finesse in arguing semantics in most occasions, but not on this one. So let me be as blunt and clear as possible. i asked to know what each INDIVIDUAL found was an effective punishment for THEM. Not their cousin's brother's sister, or the lass down the road.

Go back to your previous post and tell me it doesn't say "I asked for punishments that everyone found effective"

It's not semantics- it's your question- and we all answered it how it was worded.

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 39

RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 5:48:14 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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~FR~

For what it's worth, I see both sides of the issue.

If you ask about punishments in the general way you did, and come across as clueless, people here care enough to give you a clue. That you don't appreciate that clue, and the good intent with which it is given is not their fault. Providing additional information after their response does not make them responsible for knowing it before they answered.

They are going by, "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..." to gauge your knowledge. If you come across as clueless, perhaps thinking through how you communicate is easier than trying to change a bunch of strangers.

As far as replies, I find this all interesting, because I also do not use punishment. I have no need. I do not post in threads like this, because it's not what is looked for. But also because I don't really care if you are some clueless twitterbird all caught up in frenzy. I assume you're an adult and you'll figure it out, or not.

So, they are actually much nicer than I am, not giving you want you want, out of concern for your mental health and safety.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to tkitty0992)

Post #: 40

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