Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Methods of Punishment?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Methods of Punishment? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 6:07:11 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

OP; it seems like you're getting a little angry/frustrated/whatever with this. Unfortunately, you came to a place that encourages snark.

That aside, as someone who eschews any kind of physical punishment, I can give a few examples from my own experience:

Rarely do I find that punishment is called for or needed. However, there have been a few occasions.

I think my version of "corner time" is usually effective me. I sit her down and tell her what her "offense" (notice the quotations. I'm talking about from my point of view) was and I ask her to sit and think for an amount of time and put herself into my position and see how she would feel, if I behaved in that manner with her.

If she's truly committed to me and truly cares about my happiness, usually she starts to see things from my side and she realizes where the issue is.

I have resorted (on two occasions) to "a dose of her own medicine". On one occasion, it worked out very badly. I don't recommend this method and I regret that I resorted to it. That said; on one occasion, it worked out quite well.

I think, if you can talk about it, effectively and the other person can really listen, that with most people with a conscience, that is the most effective punishment of all.

Good luck,



Michael


_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 7:51:03 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
As has been said, the list of punishments can go on for miles. It's also been said that since nobody here really knows your dynamic, other that M/s, we don't know how to really address this. You've been given the "what works for us" ideas, which basically you can glean your own ideas from. For example, corner time, silent treatment, spanking, kneeling on rice, etc. Basically everyone is giving you ideas, just applying them to their own circumstances. Add to that they are also telling you that without knowing your dynamic, or you personally, they simply cannot tell you what to do. If you want a list, this is not the place for it. You've surely found that on your internet search.

Basically what it comes down to is, make your own list from things you find interesting here. Then, sit down with your M and discuss. Do you have anything that is a hard limit? Are there things that would turn you on more than cause reprimand? Have you done anything that would cause him to do these things? Are you physically or emotionally capable of doing any of these things? Those are the questions only you and your M can answer.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:00:09 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
I find ignoring a sub/corner time is most effective punishment wise. Alternatively kneeling on rice grains like someone else said could qualify. There are many different ways, he would have to find the one that makes you tick without violating limits.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:02:25 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline
Nookie, if you don't mind can I interject as question..

For those that use ignore as a punishment, have you ever had any negative repercussions from it? either momentarily or long term?


edit for grammar...

< Message edited by SinFix -- 2/20/2015 8:03:12 AM >

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:05:05 AM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
Not nookie, but I left my guy who used that. It made my voice completely silent and it was a bad situation on both ends because he never did any growing and I just got more and more angry.

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:08:41 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix


For those that use ignore as a punishment, have you ever had any negative repercussions from it? either momentarily or long term?



It was used in a past relationship of mine. It ended up in a truly ugly situation. That's a main reason why now I do not enter into relationships with punishment dynamics.

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:12:22 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Nookie, if you don't mind can I interject as question..

For those that use ignore as a punishment, have you ever had any negative repercussions from it? either momentarily or long term?


edit for grammar...


Truth be told, depending on the sub it can be hard for me too but I know that reacting badly is so much worse, whether it's saying the wrong thing or lashing out. It can have very adverse effects. I really don't like the idea of domming from a place of anger/malice or being reactionary and I never have. I am pretty strong and I could hurt someone. I think quiet time allows reflection for us both to figure out why things went awry and both of our parts in it therefore we prevent it from happening in the future.
Has it had adverse effects? It is really, REALLY tough on my subs when I ignore them but I do so to let them know that certain lines just shouldn't be crossed with me. I really have a lot of responsibility on my plate on a day to day and need for us to work towards making things happier/easier/better, not worse/more stressful.
Sometimes I think some subs really enjoy pushing buttons and not in a good way and in that case the only remedy is to let them know that kind of behavior isn't acceptable. We can play and laugh and joke but not to where you're really trying to upset me/ make me uncomfortable.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:16:51 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

It was used in a past relationship of mine. It ended up in a truly ugly situation. That's a main reason why now I do not enter into relationships with punishment dynamics.



Hmmm...really? I think for a woman it's even harder, truth be told. Forgive the sexist undertones. But I think women are especially inclined to speak their feelings. Men can clam up forever and not give us a clue what's going on. I have a friend like that, hadn't heard from him in over a week, I started to worry and then he finally emerged like "yea, I went through a lot, eliminated a lot of people from my life". He is such a sweetheart though so I enjoy having people like that close. Genuinely good people, so to speak.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 2/20/2015 8:17:30 AM >


_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:22:42 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Nookie, if you don't mind can I interject as question..

For those that use ignore as a punishment, have you ever had any negative repercussions from it? either momentarily or long term?


edit for grammar...


I think it's generally bad form.

I do set things they may want to talk out aside, but I do not ignore int he meantime, and I give a time frame. For example, I might say, "You're getting too riled up. This is my decree for now (insert commandment). Within the next two days, I will give you permission to explain your side more coherently via email. I promise I will consider it, ask questions, and I might change my mind. For now, though, you need to stop, and let's get on with our day."

I am therefore ignoring what he wants to talk about, punishing him by not talking about it, and redirecting him to desired behavior: living the day happier, and thinking through what he needs to say to convince me.

I feel that submissive are submissive because they want guidance, or at least hints. Ignoring them makes them responsible for the next steps, and that is likely to drive many of them batshit crazy, and stir up resentment. It just doesn't make sense to me.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:27:23 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Forgive the sexist undertones. But I think women are especially inclined to speak their feelings. Men can clam up forever and not give us a clue what's going on.


Actually, it's much the opposite for me. I've never been one to share feelings, especially if they are what I view as "negative". I've been working on this throughout my life, and I have found that the best partner for me is one who will engage in dialogue, which in turn makes me more comfortable in opening up with my own feelings.

When the "ignore button" was pressed with me in this past relationship, it opened up undesirable behavior on both our parts, which ended violently.

I don't doubt that it can and does work for others. I just know that it doesn't work for me.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:27:26 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
I'll be honest, I cannot relate to most of what you people say most of the time. Unless you have lived in a dynamic where something works successfully or not, you cannot judge. But even then, it might be bad form...FOR YOU. Figure it out seriously, This is why I don't go to munches. I don't need people telling me my ten year D/s relationship was a fraud or bad form.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 2/20/2015 8:31:57 AM >


_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:27:31 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992


quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

EVERY sort of punishment possible is used! As to what is Effective, answers vary with the instance, people, their dynamic and a lot more. Statistical means are irrelevant, what isn't is the common theme above that communication is more important and effective.
Or, to fight possible fapping threads, kneeling on rice grains seems to float almost no boats?

Kneeling on rice? That sounds... strange, honestly. Uncomfortable, i assume. could you elaborate other various forms of punishment? That's what i'm really looking for, the different methods that are used, just to get an idea and help spur my own imagination and possible expectations.



Can you at least narrow it down in to categories you are looking for, such as pain, humiliation, deprivation, control, etc.

There are no set things people do which represent some kind of BDSM standard. There are literally an infinite number of things that may represent punishment to different people, and if you provide no guidance at all for what might be punishing for you, then it becomes impossible (or at least, a waste of time) to suggest anything in an informed way.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 2/20/2015 8:43:08 AM >


_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to tkitty0992)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:40:51 AM   
Bhruic


Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

I'll reiterate, i understand that no punishment is effective for EVERYONE. I asked what Everyone found effective for them. i appreciate the finesse in arguing semantics in most occasions, but not on this one. So let me be as blunt and clear as possible. i asked to know what each INDIVIDUAL found was an effective punishment for THEM. Not their cousin's brother's sister, or the lass down the road.


Ahhh... therein may be the problem. You, a stranger, are asking people to reveal details of their personal lives and relationships.

People may be well willing to draw on their experience to help YOU find something that works for YOU, if you are willing to co-operate by giving some small amount of guiding information. But they may feel under no obligation to reveal the intimate details of their own lives to you on demand.

Especially since you seem reticent to reveal anything about yourself. In that case your annoyance that people are unwilling to share their personal intimate details with you is a bit ironic.

I assure you that if you were to choose to be more open, you might get the answers you are looking for.

Because, in the end and notwithstanding your quote above, you ARE looking for information for YOU, are you not?

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 2/20/2015 8:49:58 AM >


_____________________________

pronounced "VROOick"

(in reply to tkitty0992)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 8:51:50 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Forgive the sexist undertones. But I think women are especially inclined to speak their feelings. Men can clam up forever and not give us a clue what's going on.


Actually, it's much the opposite for me. I've never been one to share feelings, especially if they are what I view as "negative". I've been working on this throughout my life, and I have found that the best partner for me is one who will engage in dialogue, which in turn makes me more comfortable in opening up with my own feelings.

When the "ignore button" was pressed with me in this past relationship, it opened up undesirable behavior on both our parts, which ended violently.

I don't doubt that it can and does work for others. I just know that it doesn't work for me.



I honestly don't see how this would happen, but my collared and I were together until he just got old and my current collared I plan to keep until one of us hits the dirt. I've had extremely long term D/s dynamics and that's because I really draw the line in the sand about what I will allow to affect our dynamic and so do they. We're both the same in this regard. And we know each other so well. I have played and taught at the same time years ago, but unless this was my collared I would have zero obligation to this person. I do however provide feedback if I think it will help them. In fact I thought it odd crumpets got little to none, he seems nice enough though I don't know him that well. I have spoken to some sub males on here which in one conversation I know I would hate sharing the same space with them, literal hate. They seem borderline insane. However I am polite to them and I engage in friendly back and forth because it is a grateful distraction from work, like these forums. Another Domme might consider them for playtime but for me, even that would be unbearable. So I just lock onto what I believe works for me, my boys go through a really tough preliminary period and then from there I know whether or not they are keepers. So far, so good. I don't pander and I don't expect anyone other than Me and my subs to live the type of dynamic we do. In fact, OP should know better than her Master what punishment/funishment or whatever works for her.
I do kinbaku, most of you don't. It takes a lot to go down that road with rope. From caring and feeding to tying up and rigging. It is an actual journey through kink. It is funny when I see people ask "what's the deal with rope?" If you ever see the expressions on the subs' faces, they are not even in this world anymore.
I would only rig someone on my terms. Someone I like and wish to invest that special time with and only I get to decide who that is.

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 2/20/2015 8:53:10 AM >


_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 9:11:14 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko


I honestly don't see how this would happen, but my collared and I were together until he just got old and my current collared I plan to keep until one of us hits the dirt. I've had extremely long term D/s dynamics and that's because I really draw the line in the sand about what I will allow to affect our dynamic and so do they. We're both the same in this regard. And we know each other so well.


I too have had long-term D/s relationships, and this one was actually on the "longish" side, at least by my standards.

This relationship that I am speaking about was bad, on many levels. A major factor was that we were not compatible emotionally. In spite of everything, I view it as a learning experience. I *know* that I cannot be with someone who will do the "ignore" thing. In fact, I went clear in the other direction in my last relationship, with someone who would literally try to force me to talk. This was better, but not quite "there". I am now with someone who is a little more subtle in his approach, and that seems to be working nicely within my comfort zone.

At the end of the day, there are only two people in the world that need to "understand" this. I just put my experience out there as my answer to the question posed.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 10:27:55 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
~FR

Ignoring would not work for me, I wouldn't stick around with someone who used ignoring as punishment. I'm not needy/clingy, I don't need or want constant attention, I actually like my space, my alone time and need time to myself but I won't tolerate being deliberately ignored.

To me being ignored equates to being rejected. Once I feel I've been rejected by a partner, the damage is done to the relationship and chances are there's no turning back.

To OP: How my Master came up with effective discipline was by knowing me well. He knows how much I dislike cooking, he knows how much I dislike shopping with him at home improvement stores so those are things he makes me do when he feels the need for discipline is there. He knows corporal punishment won't work because I'm a maso and I would enjoy it. He also knows me well enough to know what will cause emotional problems for me and what will cause damage to our relationship so he's careful not to inflict any punishment that will cause any kind of damage to me or the relationship.


_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 1:20:20 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tkitty0992

In response to your particularly sharp reply directly to me,



Ridiculous. My response was not sharp, badgering, provocative or even suggestive of my being belligerent. When you do see that side of me, I assure you that it will be clear.

quote:

those first three paragraphs supplied were exactly what i was looking and asking for. To know a few things from each end of the spectrum of the massive range of possible punishments for ANYONE. Not what would work best for me, maybe what works for you, but without assuming anything on my part. Just clean, sterile, basic information.

The fourth was still on track, and a wonderful example of what works for YOU. i think if i were to describe the situation i had lied in a bit further, you might understand, but that isn't what's important. i appreciate the answers You gave.


So far I'm with you, and you're welcome.

quote:

The last paragraph is what i really took issue with. You seem to have ignored everything i said about this task i was given, and created your own idea of what was expected in your views.


I ignored nothing throughout this thread. You, however, have dismissed out of hand a great deal of useful information. Interestingly enough, I have been looking out for you all along, trying to help you understand that all the suggestions in the world won't mean a thing without more background and knowing who you are and what makes you tick.

quote:

i specified that He had instructed me to collect information. i never said this was the only space i was farming for information.


You are correct, you didn't... and therefore I made a suggestion that you might look elsewhere. But you haven't been very forthcoming with information either, so the suggestion was not an assumption on my part, just a suggestion. I refuse to qualify and quantify every sentence I write here with a caveat that declares my every motive and reasoning behind what I write.

quote:

Instead, you assumed that i was a lazy and useless fuckslut who was only doing the bare minimum, trying to get away with doing nothing.


Did I now? Who is making assumptions now? My narrative was preceded with the statement, "If I were your dominant..." This is not a leap taking anything into assumption, this is a leap into how I would treat this situation if I was your dominant. I never used the exact words nor implied that you were lazy and/or useless or a fuckslut for that matter either. When I have something to say, I will say it, I do not need to have people attribute words to me that I did not say.

quote:

i can't imagine how you came to this conclusion, unless you expect the worst out of every stranger. i understand that in these kinds of situations making assumptions is necessary.


You have no clue what I expect from strangers on the Internet or real life. Although I can tell you I do expect people to be mildly literate and able to understand the difference between an assumption and an example. In these kinds of situations assumptions are not necessary or even valid, however, with your vehement defense that we proffer you examples of punishment and your dismissal of everything else to the contrary, it would not have been a difficult leap to make. I told you how I would view what you were doing, not as a statement that you were in fact doing what I said, but as food for thought.

quote:

But in this case, i think you made quite a few that were completely out of context and irrelevant to the question.


Nope. All relevant and in context, and no assumptions either. Suggestions, and a personal viewpoint based on what I knew to that point, yes.

quote:

i appreciate Your input,


Is this how you appreciate someone's input, by putting words into their mouth and making assumptions on their intent?

quote:

but i ask that moving forward, You, "Think about it" more.


I will do you one better, I won't think about it at all.

quote:

Was taking issue with the methods my Master gave me to investigate on one small facet of a task necessary or even relevant to answering what should have been a simple Q&A session?


I took issue with your methods that you explained nothing about except what I saw written here? I took no issue with your master either, and you accuse me of making leaps? Are you kidding?

There was nothing simple about your little Q&A session, if that is not blatantly obvious by now, it never will be.

quote:

You Yourself stated that You had little to nothing to go with


As evidenced by your posts.

quote:

so why would You make such huge jumps in logic?


I didn't. Why would you?

quote:

i never asked to make this about me.


I don't even know what to say to this.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tkitty0992)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 1:27:58 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline
~FRing it~

I could give a list of punishments as long as I am tall. I'm 5'11 by the way. However the effectiveness of each punishment is very much subjective.

When I was young and dumb and new to this, I had a submissive who responded effectively to being slapped in the face for transgressions. I say I was young and dumb because time, education, and experience tells me face slapping is risky in my honest opinion. To each their own of course. I personally do not like striking someone in the face, so I don't. Which is perfect for my current submissive (and love) because he does not like being hit in the face at all.

For me personally, Id much rather be physically punished instead of being emotionally/mentally punished. Physical causes me less pain than emotional every day of the week. I can take a physical hit, but can't handle an emotional jab.

So all the lists of punishments in the world honestly won't really help you. One person's punishment might be someone else's crossed line into abuse. What I find punishing is something you or your M type might find a walk in the park. What will work best is you two deciding what punishments are the best for you and him. It might not be what you asked for, but it's honestly the best any of us can do.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 2/20/2015 1:29:20 PM >

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 1:36:03 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
FR~

Gauge and many others gave you some very good answers to a question that is so intrinsically personal and subjective as to not have a generic answer.

Bhruic's answer was spot-on. We are all shooting in the dark.
To quote Bhruic: "Realize that one person's punishment is another person's reward"
We can offer you nothing better than you can glean from a general Google search.

Whatever works for you, that's great.
Never presume that what works for someone else is good for you too and vice-versa.


_____________________________

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Methods of Punishment? - 2/20/2015 3:13:02 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
But she doesn't understand that.
She made a post asking for punishment ideas and didn't get what she wanted so she flipped out.
You know how annoying that is, right, when you cannot control who/what is replying to when you start a thread.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Methods of Punishment? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109