orgasmdenial12
Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Do you use punishment in your dynamic? Why/why not?
Yes, I've always preferred to have a punishment dynamic. Growing up, coming of age, fantasising about the kind of relationship I wanted to be in, punishment is central to what I've always wanted. To do what I do without a punishment dynamic would be like bungee jumping without any ropes. The ropes are a limitation that enables everything else. I can't imagine having this kind of a relationship without a punishment dynamic, any more than I can imagine bungee jumping without ropes.
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
What about funishment? How do you see the difference?
Funishment is more like role play 'I've been a bad, bad girl...' often we're laughing, ad-libbing, tongue in cheek, double entendres, etc. It's more amusing. I'm never scared of funishment and I have no reason to avoid it. Bring on the spankings!
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
If you do use punishment, what punishment(s) have been particularly effective for YOU, and why?
Things that are scarily painful. Things that I *know* are going to be an ordeal. The kind of thing you have to breathe through and sort of mentally talk yourself through. It's kind of like a symbolic death and rebirth. You feel the heat of the punishment and then you come out the other side, born again, renewed. There's a guy who used to post on another group about taking genuine Singpore canings as punishment and the way he wrote about it was very close to the way I feel; the absolute fear beforehand, the feeling that you cannot take it, that it will be intolerable, the escalating fear as you are tied down and you know it is going to happen now, and then the thoughts that go through your mind as it happens. Afterwards, the feeling of relief and rebirth, joy at having taken it, absolution, the overwhelming feelings of love and intimacy for my Dom (I always feel this rush of love and gratitude for him and what he did). Our punishments tend to look like s&m scenes, except they're not for pleasure (his or mine) and they're in response to something that needs to be corrected. During funishment and normal s&m scenes, it's the play that's the good bit; during punishment, the good bit comes afterwards and that's really the whole point of it - to take a negative situation and go right through it and come out in a better place.
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
What punishments didn't work for you and why?
Being ignored. Losing play or sex privileges. Amusingly, Doms who don't fully understand me would sometimes try to deny me orgasms as a punishment; this is not ever going to work, except to reward bad behaviour lol. Also things that don't work - when they're just s&m and not really scary. Unless it genuinely scares me and genuinely hurts, it's just going to reinforce bad behaviour rather than correct it, especially in a dynamic where the sub is not getting much play and the punishments are mild, the sub will actively start looking forward to them as it is the only time she is getting played with. This just encourages subs to be brats, imo.
Another thing that doesn't work is when you have a reluctant sadist who wants to inflict pain but is conflicted about it, and so invents reasons for punishment in order to go through this ritual that allows them to unleash their kink. I simply cannot stand being punished when I have done nothing wrong and I despise being told off so the whole set up would just alienate me. I think those who constantly try to find excuses to punish are the reason that many kinksters don't like punishment - they just see it as an excuse for play (i.e. funishment).
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
Have you ever seen or heard of a punishment that you thought was interesting that you can share?
Apart from the corporal punishment guy, I can't say that I have. I don't tend to be much envious of others' play, perhaps it's just that I'm outside of their discourse so I can't access what is making it work for them. I often think play, even punishment, looks a bit silly from the outside, but it's what is going on inside the head that is most interesting, especially with punishment. I have had some of my clearest moments, mentally, when I am receiving a punishment for something, where I truly understand myself as a person and why I did as I did, and what flaw in my thinking led to that point. It's like the punishment forces me to confront myself and my behaviour in an inescapable way.
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ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
What other views on punishment do you have to share?
I get that others might have no interest in a punishment dynamic, but it's irritating when they suggest that there's something childish or dysfunctional about such a dynamic. Someone on here stated that they wanted a responsible adult in their life, as though I don't hold down a job, pay my bills, look after family and friends and meet my responsibilities like anyone else. It has nothing to do with immaturity, and everything to do with being a sadomasochist and a submissive, with having an element in my relationships of control and suffering that is as close to genuine, whilst still being safe, sane and consensual, as anything I can muster. At the same time, people get all kinds of confused about the fact that I say I like having a punishment dynamic 'if it was real punishment, you wouldn't like it' - rest assured, I don't like it whilst it's happening, and I'll seek to avoid it in the future, but the very fact that it's there to be avoided IS something that I like about it. I like knowing that there's a line in the sand that cannot be crossed and, if it is crossed, I'll regret it. I work well within boundaries (this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who understands submission in general) and I like knowing that rules have a sanction. I'm not a brat, and I almost never deliberately break rules but if someone gave me rules and then didn't enforce them, I'd get bored. Whereas if I know there's a sanction, I feel safe, I feel loved, I feel like he is genuinely engaged in my submission and working to maintain it. Punishment, for me, is a transcendent experience, and I value a partner who knows how to safely, sanely and consensually take me through that experience, in a way that strengthens and benefits us and our dynamic.
I guess the closest explanation I can give is that I like living in a society where there is a punishment dynamic. I like knowing that if I fuck up and get something really wrong, there'll be a punishment for it. It doesn't mean I like punishments, it doesn't mean I intend to fuck up, it just means I like there being a clear and consistent system of sanctions that is applicable to me. I'm absolutely certain that most people prefer to live in a society with sanctions, and we should fully accept that many people in BDSM prefer rules, control and boundaries, so why the confusion over punishment I'm not sure. Punishment may not be your kink, but punishment is okay :-)
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The Punishment Dynamic - 
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