Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Safe word <3


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Safe word <3 Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/22/2015 6:07:58 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel


quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw
That's pretty presumptuous GS. We don't do rape play here. We've chosen to use a safeword because it isn't always clear I'm in distress or about to disassociate.
ETA- even after five years together.


I'm not saying rapeplay is the only example just that it's a very obvious one where I'd expect everyone to get why there'd need to be some way of expressing whether one is or isn't in character.

As for your dynamic I'm curious what utility would saying "Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu" get you that saying "stop" would not?



I don't say that

I'm not dating Michael.

Honestly- having to say stop- is in itself- really triggering if you've said stop before and not been listened to. And I'm so sick of talking about this today, I sound like a goddamn broken record so its the last I'll talk about this for a while. I'm feeling way too defensive of it, and I recognize that.

"Red" is something I'll say if I don't have anything in my mouth. But 9/10 times we do it- I'm gagged, sucking dick, or have my mouth full of pillow.

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/22/2015 7:30:06 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I have never safe worded, I have never really had to. I like when someone has exposure to a sadistic 24/7 tpe dynamic because it means they know what to expect (for the most part) and even then I try to encourage them to have limits. Believe it or not, the most annoying thing for me is when someone thinks their previous Domme went to places most people haven't been and then if I ask about 6/7 cbt methods, they have only experienced 1 or 2. My disposition shifts to "Cool ya jets! I might not look like a sadist but I am. You want to give me limits." I don't like when someone insists I give them pain because they're greenlighting without even knowing 1. My strength, 2. My methods and 3. their own pain threshold relative to my domination technique. When I engage someone like that I approach very slowly and tentatively and don't expect much to come from it.
Also shifty, yikes at not being able to tell. Yea, I would definitely encourage a safe word if you can't.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/22/2015 10:04:42 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I will have a safe word moving forward since my last relationship disrespected my safe word so many times, I no longer let him tie me up.

I should add that he was the only person ever to do that.

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/22/2015 11:18:27 PM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Personally, I think you should have a safe word for play even if you don't NEED one. A word for emergencies. A signal for an emergency such as using a dog training clicker in the hand of a bound and gagged participant. Weird shit happens and a signal to "stop the scene shit ain't right" can be needed when least expected.


Yet we somehow manage to alert others to emergencies in the vanilla world, without having a safeword?

Good old-fashioned communication works just fine for me. One time I tried to use a safeword, I forgot what it was and then he forgot what it meant and I had to shout it three times before I finally gave in and just told him what the problem was. Like others have said, general communication is fine, unless you do the kind of play where things can get confusing and you need a word to clarify that it really does mean stop.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:28:57 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		Like others here, we don't have a safeword, either. We have discussed it, and basically decided that any word outside the normal "don't" "ouch" "stop" etc would suffice. A friend of mine uses the word "popsicle", so yeah, anything to cause him to pause and say "WTF?" haha He reads me well, though, so we've never had to use one.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:34:20 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I need my safe words. And I really like the traffic light system. Although 50 shades now just made it uncool.

But I've never used red. Yellow occasionally when the pain gets too heavy. But never really had the need to use them. Have not really played with men who went too far so far.

I like begging him to stop and saying no, so I definitely need a safe word as his not suppose to stop when I say no. When it gets freaking painful, I would be begging him to stop, may even cry, be hysterical. Actually, I am very lousy at taking pain, I will not look like I am enjoying it and infact will look like his really harming me. So I need to assure the dom he does not have to stop until I safeword, no matter how bad I look.

I got the same thing now when I rock climb, I am so tired, I want to be let down, but my tough ass girlfriend would just ignore me, and keep me hanging, and I'd be pleading with her to let me down, and she refuses to. And then I'd keep continue climbing and again, keep yelling at her to let me down! But she won't let me down till I reach the top, she'd just ignore me. And I come down smiling and thank her for not letting me down after I hit the top. I probably wouldn't hit the top if she let me down at my first plead to stop.

I kinda see the way I am with pain the same way, I may be whining alot that it's too much, stop, I can't take it anymore, but it's not my true threshold, I am just noisy and a whiner.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 2/23/2015 6:41:30 AM >

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:42:31 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I'm Primal, and Primal play takes a lot of time and understanding to reach a level where a safe word is not necessary.

"Don't"
"Stop"
"Don't... Stop"
"No, no, no..."
"Wait!"
"You evil bastard!"
"Don't you dare!"

These are all "anticipated" out cries in My Primal play. "Mercy" will stop me in my tracks, but when you are learning limits and extremes in Primal play, you have to have a safety net in place and a safe word is necessary until you know your partner well.

I do not do casual play, because Primal is very edgy and I have to know her, very well, to take it beyond role play, and into Predator and prey.

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to InkedupKitty)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:50:29 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		**Note to self, research Primal so I can understand what the hell ExiledTyrant is talking about***

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:51:11 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess

**Note to self, research Primal so I can understand what the hell ExiledTyrant is talking about***

https://fetlife.com/groups/109315

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:57:28 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline 		That would be great if I was a member. I'll figure it out, no worries, and thanx for the attempt

ETA: I found the discussion about it here on CS, so I'll read up on it :D

< Message edited by AlabamaPrincess -- 2/23/2015 7:00:09 AM >

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 6:58:28 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I'd start a Primal thread here, but it'll just turn into "Recess Gone Wild".

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 7:00:28 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

I'd start a Primal thread here, but it'll just turn into "Recess Gone Wild".


no worries, I found a thread on it

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 8:12:34 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

And I really like the traffic light system. Although 50 shades now just made it uncool.




Shoot, we totally need to change ours now.

We have them, for the simple reason that I will know when a line is being crossed before he will. For us, they are there primarily for when we engage in rough play. I enjoy "rough" but I am not a masochist. Once my threshold is met, I'm done. I have found that this is a very delicate dance, and no matter how well my partner and I know each other or how much trust there is, I will *always* have a better sense than he will about where my line is. Hence, the use of words, when necessary.


(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 10:01:47 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

And I really like the traffic light system. Although 50 shades now just made it uncool.




Shoot, we totally need to change ours now.

We have them, for the simple reason that I will know when a line is being crossed before he will. For us, they are there primarily for when we engage in rough play. I enjoy "rough" but I am not a masochist. Once my threshold is met, I'm done. I have found that this is a very delicate dance, and no matter how well my partner and I know each other or how much trust there is, I will *always* have a better sense than he will about where my line is. Hence, the use of words, when necessary.





Have you found that some days are better than others? By that I mean, your threshold might be high today, but next week super low?

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 10:13:18 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess


Have you found that some days are better than others? By that I mean, your threshold might be high today, but next week super low?


Absolutely. What might have been terrific yesterday is just the worst thing today.

The way we use "safe words" is in a manner to let him know that. I certainly don't expect him to be a mind reader, so these "black and white" words are good for us.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 10:52:51 AM   
AlabamaPrincess


Posts: 134
Joined: 2/4/2015
From: The Dragon's Keep
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess


Have you found that some days are better than others? By that I mean, your threshold might be high today, but next week super low?


Absolutely. What might have been terrific yesterday is just the worst thing today.

The way we use "safe words" is in a manner to let him know that. I certainly don't expect him to be a mind reader, so these "black and white" words are good for us.



Glad I'm not the only one who goes through that, :)

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 2:13:10 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		I don't have one, but we discussed that at length after our relationship had already been established and we'd been playing together for a while. We don't have one because it makes me happy and it pleases him that I trust him enough to know when I've had enough. Though, if we're doing something and something goes wrong (say I get an unexpected cramp) I'll just tell him, we fix it, and continue on.

Edited to add: I'm also one of those people that says no and begs for things to stop. However, he knows that's how I like to play, and knows me well enough to be able to read my reactions and body to tell when I've had enough. He's actually finished scenes before I thought I was done, but realized shortly afterwords that I'd reached my limit. Those are some of my favorite memories, though.

< Message edited by caelestis -- 2/23/2015 2:31:16 PM >

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to InkedupKitty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/23/2015 2:14:59 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: AlabamaPrincess


Have you found that some days are better than others? By that I mean, your threshold might be high today, but next week super low?


Absolutely. What might have been terrific yesterday is just the worst thing today.

The way we use "safe words" is in a manner to let him know that. I certainly don't expect him to be a mind reader, so these "black and white" words are good for us.



Glad I'm not the only one who goes through that, :)


You have plenty of company, and thanks for reminding me I do as well.

(in reply to AlabamaPrincess)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/24/2015 12:17:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm usually gagged. But he can see me clenching and unclenching my wrists and if I'm screaming through the gag he'll ask if I'm okay.



_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Safe word <3 - 2/24/2015 7:27:33 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		FR: Very few of the people here who said they don't have a safe word convinced me. "Stop" is a safe word. "Enough" is a safe word.

Trusting the other person to be aware at all times is dangerous. Just like there is a thing called sub-space there is a thing called top-space. It is entirely possible for your dom to need to be snapped out of it if he is actually, for real, hurting you. This especially true in edge-play.

(in reply to MercTech)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Safe word <3 Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109