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Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 2:46:24 AM   
Supernova606


Posts: 1
Status: offline 		I know there's no one answer to this but I am looking for opinions and/or examples.

As a Dom, how often you do establish contact with your online/long distance sub: every few days, every couple of weeks, or just whenever you're at a loose end and want to get your kink on?

Do you have the opposite view, that the sub should do the running, show their interest, make the contacts etc.

< Message edited by Supernova606 -- 2/22/2015 2:58:34 AM >
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 4:07:37 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I talk to him every day, emails on the days we have other committments. or text messages, phone calls or video cam
If I only contacted him when ever Im just at a loose end and wanted to get my kink on, it wouldnt have lasted six months,
Now I realise that my position is not one that most people have or even want, thats fine with me...but I have no intention of locating to be with him, or him with me, we will never be....together "forever"
But he has been my sub for 17 years in april, hes been part of my life every day, and we visit each other when schedules allow.
If he or I were the only "one" to do the running, show interest, or make contact....again it wouldnt have lasted six months.
It very much depends on your "definition" of being a good dominant.
Oh and both your needs. if it becomes a chore...you are doing it wrong
just my two cents
*generic you*




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(in reply to Supernova606)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 4:48:19 AM   
PrairieBlues


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/9/2011
Status: offline 		My master had been contacting me every day at first, and it slowly declined to first one day of no contact. Then two... three... no explanation other than he is "busy". I do not suppose that he has been steadily getting busier and busier, or if he really is getting so busy that he can't talk to me for days, then I don't think he has enough time for a slave, or for any relationship. I am about to declare him Missing In Action and walk away from him because I don't feel wanted or valued.

(in reply to Supernova606)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 4:56:42 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
Were I to get involved in an online situation, I don't believe it should be all the different from real life.

I expect her to show some interest/initiative, also. In the early stages, she'd have to show just about all of it since online is not something I'm looking for.

To build on that: I wouldn't even get involved in an online "relationship" unless one of us were relocatable, at some point. In other words: If we're not moving toward real time, it's not happening.

All of that said, I believe that desire to communicate should go both ways. If either party detects a lack of interest, why would they continue?

For me, if I don't want to communicate with someone at least every couple of days, I would just tell them that my interest level is dwindling and end it.



Michael

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 4:56:56 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrairieBlues

My master had been contacting me every day at first, and it slowly declined to first one day of no contact. Then two... three... no explanation other than he is "busy". I do not suppose that he has been steadily getting busier and busier, or if he really is getting so busy that he can't talk to me for days, then I don't think he has enough time for a slave, or for any relationship. I am about to declare him Missing In Action and walk away from him because I don't feel wanted or valued.



I cant say I blame you, now he may well be busy, but if you are seriously considering walking away, tell him and why:) Then you can do it with a "clear conscience".

If he cant make time for you and thats what you need, hanging around longer is only goin to hurt more. Resentment is not a good basis for any relationship
Good luck

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to PrairieBlues)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 5:56:19 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Not a master but from the other side of this...

I don't like sporadic contact, it feels too much like manipulation and a lack of care/interest.. The usual rule is when someone is interested in you, they make the effort/time in you.

So, if my tyrant was to just not get back to me, then I would start to lose interest quickly.. I find these kind of games childish, pointless and just not my cup of tea...

Edited to add:

If I am always the one to do all the "talking" again, to me that shows a lack of interest or pandering to me on their part and I will just walk away...

< Message edited by SinFix -- 2/22/2015 5:58:56 AM >

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:01:20 AM   
Kittenluv954


Posts: 237
Joined: 3/18/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PrairieBlues

My master had been contacting me every day at first, and it slowly declined to first one day of no contact. Then two... three... no explanation other than he is "busy". I do not suppose that he has been steadily getting busier and busier, or if he really is getting so busy that he can't talk to me for days, then I don't think he has enough time for a slave, or for any relationship. I am about to declare him Missing In Action and walk away from him because I don't feel wanted or valued.


sounds like a married man, or he moved on to other pursuits. these would be my first two inclinations.

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:03:26 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		When I had online relationships, my rule was three contacts a week. Email, phone, chat windows, texting, whatever.

Could I as a Dom initiate? Of course! Why would a Dom condemn himself to passivity because he thinks it should be a Dom's role?

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(in reply to SinFix)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:04:29 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		DS, Can I ask why only 3 contacts per week?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:18:39 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Questions like this is soo strange!

If two people really like each other, they'll probably stay in contact everyday. It would be automatic and natural.


(in reply to SinFix)
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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:24:27 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline 		We started out long distance and I travel often so there are times we are still apart for weeks (sometimes longer). When we're apart, we talk by phone every evening, we text a few times throughout the day, every day. I don't consider it 'putting forth the effort' because to me, it shouldn't be an effort if both people are interested, fully into the relationship and want it to work.

When we were long distance, I was the one that did most of the traveling to see him because I was the one who had the unlimited time to travel and could stay for extended periods of time. If he did the traveling, it would only be for a week here and there.

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:28:40 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline 		I'm in constant contact with My girl. We use every medium we have to maintain contact. She always contacts me first in the morning, due to her schedule, once her morning is settled and she has time to contact me, I get a "good morning" text from her that starts my day in happy mode.

I'm not sure what direction or depth you're trying to take your dynamic, but ours is going to be 24/7 live in dynamic once our lives reach the point we can close the distance and she comes home. LDR is really hard, but all the effort is worth it, because if you are moving towards a 24/7 live in situation, you are already in flux with each other, and can settle into living together more fluidly.

Jus sayin

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To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:49:43 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Or I text at 5 am his time to wake him up to say good morning.. Cause I'm considerate like that on a sunday morning, though I think he appreciates that I at least wait for a bit and not send it when I wake up...

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RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 6:52:23 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

Or I text at 5 am his time to wake him up to say good morning.. Cause I'm considerate like that on a sunday morning, though I think he appreciates that I at least wait for a bit and not send it when I wake up...


If you slept it would be different

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:23:37 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		WHAAAAA!!! there is a thing called sleep... now my tyrant tells me..

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:28:42 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
Sleep is for mere mortals.

Ya feel me?



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:33:32 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		WHAAAA!!! I'm not a mere mortal either.. it's a D conspiracy..

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:40:36 AM   
InHisHeart


Posts: 630
Joined: 3/22/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

WHAAAAA!!! there is a thing called sleep... now my tyrant tells me..



I'm thinking sleep must be a Dom thing. The boss is always telling me I need to sleep but I haven't figured out what this thing called sleep is.

_____________________________

I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long.

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.


(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:45:13 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I concur.. I think we s types need to confer more on this and see what is exactly up with this "sleep" and why it has been taken away from us...

(in reply to InHisHeart)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Staying in touch with your sub - 2/22/2015 7:57:51 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SinFix

I concur.. I think we s types need to confer more on this and see what is exactly up with this "sleep" and why it has been taken away from us...


There shall be no conspiracies perpetrated by the /s types.

That is all

(notice my use of the "that is all" because it burns right through everyone... shit, it may cause an uprising)

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to SinFix)
Profile   Post #: 20
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