quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

1. Fewer dom women will post on personals sites simply because they find subs easier than sub men finding Dommes. The odds Are real, and men are more active in seeking on the net, sub or Dom. Also there is the Western cultural attitude a male is more responsible for his realizing desires actively even if sub, whereas a woman finds less implied or overt pressure to go out and dig up what is needed publicly. More appropriately, selecting among courtiers. Who posts up for what is simpler to find face-to-face, without the admitted risks?
2. Saying most 'sub' men aren't really submissive is more a statement of an elitist power exchange attitude. It disses sexual dominance and submission severely as ''not real". My kink is good, yours sucks"? Obviously more men are sexually submissive than are into F/m in terms of whole relationships. And many male kinks are both specific and elaborate. Which holds for many women's expectations of a 'Real Man', equally. It's equally valid to say many Dommes are Not kinky sexually, just want to run someone else life and be catered to. Not dissing it, but it's hardly the whole of BDSM.

My experience is at roughly half the Dommes I've interacted with have absolutely no intention of being physically intimate with a sub, even a collared one. (Oral service might be accepted by some.) Half of those had a M/f sexual relationship for their sexual intimacy. Rough numbers! It's revealing of some deep hypocrisy how many Lifestyle Dommes with a M/f primary sexual relationship are totally dismissive of any hint of 'switch' in a male sub. "You aren't capable of compartmentalizing, but I can!"
3. Men have always been generally 'kinkier' for both topping and bottoming. Look at the difference in kinky expression in the male gay community versus lesbian? Significantly larger percentages of overt sexual kink activity, much of it divorced from intimate emotional relationships, at least among the younger men.
4. The accusation many men subs 'just want their kink serviced' holds as well for many submissive women. They have the advantage of so many male Doms acting out kink desires which dovetail with sexually submissive female kinks much better than specific and often elaborate male sub sexual kinks dovetail with those of women wanting 'service' and 'chastity', or uninterested in restraints and impact play. It's hard for me to see how having the household chores done and being catered/attended to is different from 'having a kink serviced'. Just different kinks? Yes, I understand it's much rarer to find one happy to and capable of anticipating needs and serving All the interests of the dominant partner. Men don't find great subs any faster or more often?
5. These differences are most evident in how Doms and Dommes use chastity devices. Predominant male use is to prevent women from having covert penetrative contact with other men, not to lower the incidence of contact between Dom and f sub/slave. Dommes lean far more than men to preventing Orgasms for long periods or totally, even banishing them, not simply contact with other women or at times and places other than their choosing. Which is pretty unrealistic about male ingenuity when it comes to orgasms or defeating mechanical restraints.

An generation gap may be developing, the current set of adolescents are growing up with far different influences and pressures than any before. How many under 20's in forums? Even during the Clinton years, it seems a majority of those under voting age considered oral contact 'not sex', as the POTA claimed. This has only become more prevalent.
Significant numbers of women seem to be using gender liberation to try out acting like men. Hopefully this is a pendulum swing and women will eventually be freer to explore their own sexuality rather than using men as any sort of role model. It will be interesting to see how that plays out, if I'm still around.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady

You'll have to excuse me if I don't get to comment upon your post as much as I would like to, epiphiny43, due to time constraints.

1. While on line is riskier in terms of somebody actually being who they say they are or hiding things about themselves, women (and men, in some cases) are still taking a big risk when meeting men in person and should always take the proper precautions to ensure their safety and protection. Let's face it. Most of the time, a man will be larger in size and stronger physically than a woman will be, and even if he isn't, there are date-rape drugs to offset this. Chances are, it's more likely for a male to do the stalking than for a female or to become a potential threat to her.

2. I wouldn't say that not being submissive or not wanting a BDSM play partner bottom is dissing someone's kink. I can tolerate and be accepting of a man's fetishes, but that doesn't mean I have to accept them into my life and personal space. That would be entirely my own choice to not engage with a man who is an unsuitable match for me.

Just so you know, I prefer a sub-leaning male switch if I could find one who isn't bisexual or non-monogamous, because those are hard limits of mine. As a Domme-leaning switch, I have found though that Doms are much more receptive to the idea of considering me than I had originally anticipated. But this might just be because I'm a woman, and men tend to be less selective of who they want to get with, regardless of orientation.

3. Men are generally kinkier, or is it that men are generally more sex-obsessed and genitalia-focused? Both, I think.

4. You are probably right that there are many female submissives with sub fever, looking for a kink delivery system. But I doubt it's anywhere close to the number of men who are, plus more males are prone to be fetishists than females are, as in unidimensional. More than one Domme I know has remarked (half-jokingly) that it takes 2-3 male subs to get what they need from what should be provided by only one submissive partner.

5. Believe it or not, chastity slaves will want to get locked in a cock cage whether or not they have found a Mistress yet (imposing self-chastity upon themselves). Don't assume that chastity is Domme-driven, because it generally isn't. It can be a requirement on her part for any number of reasons, but I am not aware of very many Dommes who insist upon it unless they already have a primary partner and/or enjoy engaging in on-line interactions with their subs as part of orgasm control -- and you don't need a chastity device to enforce this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I you mean the men who self-identify as subs and the women who self-identify as Dommes, sure. But I would not consider most of those men to be actual subs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43


4. The accusation many men subs 'just want their kink serviced' holds as well for many submissive women. They have the advantage of so many male Doms acting out kink desires which dovetail with sexually submissive female kinks much better than specific and often elaborate male sub sexual kinks dovetail with those of women wanting 'service' and 'chastity', or uninterested in restraints and impact play. It's hard for me to see how having the household chores done and being catered/attended to is different from 'having a kink serviced'. Just different kinks? Yes, I understand it's much rarer to find one happy to and capable of anticipating needs and serving All the interests of the dominant partner. Men don't find great subs any faster or more often?

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
I find it very hard to believe that there is a vast gender disparity in terms of finding a *compatible* partner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

There is difference depending on gender, unless "cuckoldry" and "foot worship" are popular on the M/f side. There tends to be, in my opinion, an oversexualization of male submission and it begets many incompatible partners. Many are making a fortune taking advantage of the sexualization of this FLR dynamic. That is fine, as long as male subs are also being taught that thinking of self first and partner thereafter is NOT the right way to approach things foundationally. A lot of these F/m dynamics are short lived when this sub feels like he can get a "bigger, better deal" elsewhere.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
Speaking from my own experience, I have encountered a lot of male Doms, with very few being compatible to me. Apparently I missed the memo that female subs need to have punishment and enjoy pain. Oh, and I shouldn't forget to mention the "discretion is a must" crowd.

So, that's why I mentioned about the "disparity" probably not being so blatant if one looks not at the total Dom to sub ratio, but to actual compatibility.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
I believe we put too much importance on what submissive is and is not.

quote:

Now the real asses are those that cannot take no for an answer or are upset because they do not receive an answer...AND the Dominant who cannot reply with at least the same respect that is given... if they reply at all.

quote:

I feel I put just the right amount of importance on what submissive is.

quote:

ho is the one who gets to determine what respect is given?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If you're talking about truly submissive men, I don't think the numbers are of such a vast difference.

However, a great many men pick sub as a label when they actually want someone to cater to their fetish. And I doubt there are that many women who want someone to drool on their feet for hours every night as opposed to washing the dishes when asked.

quote:

The "yet uncollared" thing sticks out like a sore thumb for me. Especially if he's good looking and has a nice cock. So unless they can convince me to not be a skeptic I will be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

The "yet uncollared" thing sticks out like a sore thumb for me. Especially if he's good looking and has a nice cock. So unless they can convince me to not be a skeptic I will be.

The same applies to femdoms who somehow can't find sub males who 'meet their high standards', GM. In the same way as you, I always suspect that such femdoms aren't good looking, and have ugly vaginas.

quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43
Predominant male use is to prevent women from having covert penetrative contact with other men....

quote:

I actually made a recording on my journal you might actually like, especially the last part, I channel my inner Brit a bit, hehe.