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  Third point.  You ended your post with this statement.

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Of course it doesn't ALWAYS work this way, but I bet MOST of the ones who say it doesn't are on their first relationship and the ones who do are in their longest.

That's a very provocative statement that needs to be challenged.  In your own post you admit, you're still learning and in some areas your own experience is still limited.  The scenario you describe is one among many, but you put it forth as though it were the only such scenario.

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ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Learning to have good relationships isn't something you can just teach.  I can teach you to bake a cake from a recipe but that doesn't mean you understand what goes on in making a cake and know enough to bake one simply by looking at what ingredients are on the shelf and coming up with  a recipe to use them.

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Life lessons can't be forced, someone is ready to learn something or they aren't.  I remember sitting in a therapists office explaining quite assureddly that all my issues stem from my relationship with my father, boy was I wrong, but I couldn't see it then, couldn't see it years later, but it SCREAMS out at me now.

I took relationship classes from some amazing people, if I took that same class today I would get much more out of it.  It isn't because I am suddenly smarter, but I know more about myself.

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Their self image doesn't yet match who and what they are.

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I may not agree with you but your posts sure are thought provoking.

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ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

This is for those who do this in the real world and live with or at least near their partners.

The problem with slavery is that it sounds so cool and if you are lucky enough to see it it looks so easy.  The problem is you can't see WHY it works.  It is like dancing, the whole point is to make it seem effortless but you can't see the practice, the broken heels, the bruised feet, the string of rejected dance partners that all went into what you now see as two people gliding perfectly in synch with each other.

Submissives come to the scene from the internet thinking dominants are some genetic breed apart from the assholes they have been dating.  They have no ability to choose good partners, their lives are a mess, they want someone to wave their magic wand and make them into a princess who is slave to some immortal and flawless god.

Then they wake up with cum stains on their dress and a master who farts in the morning and they decide he is a fake.

So they read more, they join a group, they meet more people, they start to grow as people, they start choosing better partners, they learn more about themselves, they start having longer and more healthy relationships and years later, they realize who and what they are.  Now, many are going to expect me to say they realize they are slaves, nope, they realize all sorts of stuff ALL equally valid, some realize they want a lot of vanilla with some kinky sex and they are happy with that.  Some are happy being bottoms, some submissives, and a few slaves.  NONE are better, deeper, more magical, or anything better or worse than the other, they are just "right" for that person at that time.  The difference is they now have the skills to START making their choices work.

So, dominants go through something similar, hell I am still going through "something similar"!  They come in and look around and see that by having a slave, they don't have to put up with backtalk and high maintenance women.  Fucking GREAT!  What they don't see is how that man got there.  He came into the scene, had some talent, played around, broke a few hearts, got his broken perhaps but stuck around and played.  As you watch others play you learn, you start to see past the surface and learn what CAN work and you start picking and choosing.  The more you learn to see the more things you start to learn how complex this stuff is when you get past spank and tickle.  Sure he treats her like shit, but he has learned and she, clearly knowing herself, has been able to tell him EXACTLY how she likes to be treated like shit and together they are able to walk that fine line that neither were able to pull off for the last 10 years.  The slave who kneels quietly at her master's feet or sets out his toybag in silence as he plays with another has been with dozens of masters, has played hundreds of times, and has learned exactly what she wants and this man gives her what she needs and because he knows exactly what he wants because he has done the same they can do it together, dance together flawlessly and effortlessly.

So the cycle continues, Mr. Newbie walks in, sees Mr X and his slave and all he sees is this dude with a hot chick who keeps her mouth shut while Mr X plays with other women and he tries to emulate it.  Years later he becomes the new Mr. X and again the cycle continues.

Of course it doesn't ALWAYS work this way, but I bet MOST of the ones who say it doesn't are on their first relationship and the ones who do are in their longest.

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Submissives come to the scene from the internet thinking dominants are some genetic breed apart from the assholes they have been dating.  They have no ability to choose good partners, their lives are a mess, they want someone to wave their magic wand and make them into a princess who is slave to some immortal and flawless god.

Then they wake up with cum stains on their dress and a master who farts in the morning and they decide he is a fake.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Of course it doesn't ALWAYS work this way, but I bet MOST of the ones who say it doesn't are on their first relationship and the ones who do are in their longest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

This is for those who do this in the real world and live with or at least near their partners.

The problem with slavery is that it sounds so cool and if you are lucky enough to see it it looks so easy.  The problem is you can't see WHY it works.  It is like dancing, the whole point is to make it seem effortless but you can't see the practice, the broken heels, the bruised feet, the string of rejected dance partners that all went into what you now see as two people gliding perfectly in synch with each other.

Submissives come to the scene from the internet thinking dominants are some genetic breed apart from the assholes they have been dating.  They have no ability to choose good partners, their lives are a mess, they want someone to wave their magic wand and make them into a princess who is slave to some immortal and flawless god.

Then they wake up with cum stains on their dress and a master who farts in the morning and they decide he is a fake.

So they read more, they join a group, they meet more people, they start to grow as people, they start choosing better partners, they learn more about themselves, they start having longer and more healthy relationships and years later, they realize who and what they are.  Now, many are going to expect me to say they realize they are slaves, nope, they realize all sorts of stuff ALL equally valid, some realize they want a lot of vanilla with some kinky sex and they are happy with that.  Some are happy being bottoms, some submissives, and a few slaves.  NONE are better, deeper, more magical, or anything better or worse than the other, they are just "right" for that person at that time.  The difference is they now have the skills to START making their choices work.

So, dominants go through something similar, hell I am still going through "something similar"!  They come in and look around and see that by having a slave, they don't have to put up with backtalk and high maintenance women.  Fucking GREAT!  What they don't see is how that man got there.  He came into the scene, had some talent, played around, broke a few hearts, got his broken perhaps but stuck around and played.  As you watch others play you learn, you start to see past the surface and learn what CAN work and you start picking and choosing.  The more you learn to see the more things you start to learn how complex this stuff is when you get past spank and tickle.  Sure he treats her like shit, but he has learned and she, clearly knowing herself, has been able to tell him EXACTLY how she likes to be treated like shit and together they are able to walk that fine line that neither were able to pull off for the last 10 years.  The slave who kneels quietly at her master's feet or sets out his toybag in silence as he plays with another has been with dozens of masters, has played hundreds of times, and has learned exactly what she wants and this man gives her what she needs and because he knows exactly what he wants because he has done the same they can do it together, dance together flawlessly and effortlessly.

So the cycle continues, Mr. Newbie walks in, sees Mr X and his slave and all he sees is this dude with a hot chick who keeps her mouth shut while Mr X plays with other women and he tries to emulate it.  Years later he becomes the new Mr. X and again the cycle continues.

Of course it doesn't ALWAYS work this way, but I bet MOST of the ones who say it doesn't are on their first relationship and the ones who do are in their longest.

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My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to CrappyDom)

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ORIGINAL: enthralled

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Submissives come to the scene from the internet thinking dominants are some genetic breed apart from the assholes they have been dating.  They have no ability to choose good partners, their lives are a mess, they want someone to wave their magic wand and make them into a princess who is slave to some immortal and flawless god.

Then they wake up with cum stains on their dress and a master who farts in the morning and they decide he is a fake.

What a wonderful topic CD !

I agree that so many submissives initially start out with stars in thier eyes. They make the dominants out to be 'gods' thinking that they can 'fix' everything and are incapable of human fault or flaw.... thier own personal jesus.
Too many romanticize the D/s-M/s relationship as being anything BUT similiar to a vanilla relationship. When reality hits and doesn't have all the answers, can't fix everything, or things just don't work out, they hit the grapevine telling anyone who will listen what a horrible guy this is when in reality, he's more than likely a really nice guy.
What a cycle

~enthralled

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Diana said....There is a place you arrive where you are just totally comfortable with your power. People can sense something different about you even though you don’t project aggression, you are obviously in control. Its peaceful in that space because you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Subs are drawn to you, admire you and truly wish to serve you. You are able to weigh your choices more carefully based on your experiences.