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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:26:38 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		this topic and term is like everything else in life, relative your individual semantics and experiences. one person's dynamic and fluid relationship with a high maintenance person is another's nightmare and pain in the ass.

it is up to everyone to find their own level of partner and not sacrifice themselves trying to please everyone.

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(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:37:07 PM   
Caretakr


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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided.


Amen.

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:38:41 PM   
NastyDaddy


Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline 		High maintenance is expecting someone else to provide you all your drugs, booze, cigarettes, clothes (subs/slaves need clothes?), powdered mik, enemas, corn bread mix, avacodos, plane tickets, rent/leases, car payments, insurance payments, cosmetic surgery, giant screen plasma disply HDTV, only the best bubble bath (Mr Bubble), iPods, cell phones, condoms, toys, batteries, porn flicks, lubes and most of all, cereal.
Sounds somewhat strangely akin to paying tribute doesn't it... 

Scary!



(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:41:31 PM   
Caretakr


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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

High maintenance is expecting someone else to provide you all your drugs, booze, cigarettes, clothes (subs/slaves need clothes?), powdered mik, enemas, corn bread mix, avacodos, plane tickets, rent/leases, car payments, insurance payments, cosmetic surgery, giant screen plasma disply HDTV, only the best bubble bath (Mr Bubble), iPods, cell phones, condoms, toys, batteries, porn flicks, lubes and most of all, cereal.
Sounds somewhat strangely akin to paying tribute doesn't it... 

Scary!





Smart people don't enable bad behavior.

(in reply to NastyDaddy)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:42:56 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I agree that I want to be a trouble free submissive. I prize me Dom being pleased just because I enjoy his happiness. I try to always do everything in a pleasing way. It is his attention and his affection and his pride in my behavior that makes me try even harder to please him.... he feeds me and I feed him.. there is no Ds without each other.

I do not see how a low maintenance relationship would work to preserve this dynamic, without knowing I please him I am probably not going to keep trying.... Im not an insta-sub, add water. He has invested himself greatly all ready, as have I... because we are into each other. I cannot attach myself to someone that sees building that relationship as a low maintanence proposition.. it isn't... it takes hard work on both sides to grow together.. Without mutual investment what is there.

My daddy always says, you get what you pay for, and he seems to show me more and more as time goes on he considers time spent with me an investment of himself. But then again my Daddy loves Fiats though too....smiles.


As Estring said, "quiet" and "quiet confidence" are two totally different things.
 
I believe we may be somewhat in agreement, but the words keep getting in the way.

< Message edited by Level -- 7/15/2006 12:43:33 PM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:53:11 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		To me there is no way of gettng around what low maintenance means to me... it just has a certain connotation to me is all. A low maintenance car.. car you do not have to spend much time to get what you want out of it.. low maintenance haircut, a hair cut that one just leaves be and it doesn't need to be worked with.. low maintenance relationship.. a relationship one doesn't have to invest much work into.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 12:59:45 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		High maintanence slave= oxymoron.

Top becomes babysitter.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/15/2006 1:00:05 PM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:04:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Not all of us are slaves though caretakr, and not all of us consider the same behavior high maintenance... chocolate, vanilla and strawberry are all flavors.. and together they make neopolitan...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:11:12 PM   
ImpGrrl


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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

To me there is no way of getting around what low maintenance means to me... it just has a certain connotation to me is all. A low maintenance car.. car you do not have to spend much time to get what you want out of it.. low maintenance haircut, a hair cut that one just leaves be and it doesn't need to be worked with.. low maintenance relationship.. a relationship one doesn't have to invest much work into.


I think where you are getting stuck is the "has to" part of all of that.

A low maintenance car - you don't *need* constant repairs and coaxing to get it to work well, but you *can* invest time in washing and waxing it, etc. 

A low maintenance haircut - you don't *have* to do anything with it to make it look good, but you *can* take time and style it in different ways.

A low maintenance relationship - you don't *have* to work at it all the time just to get it to "run right", but you *can* invest lots of time and attention.

Does that make better sense?  One that is "low maintenance" doesn't *require* lots of work - but if putting lots of time and attention into it is desired, it's possible.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:13:14 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed
Other times a woman or man is called high maintenance when they are challenging intellectually, assertive, empowered, dramatic, intense or other attributes that intimidate others.

It can also mean someone who takes care of themselves, gets manicures, gets their hair done, wears makeup and jewelry and takes too long to get ready to go out.


I've been refered to as "high maintainence" more than once for a variety of reasons - challenging, assertive, self confident, intense, flamboyant (I much prefer that term to dramatic - it lacks the negative connotations that most associate with drama) the fact that I DO pamper myself on a fairly regular basis (the better we feel about ourselves, the better other people are likely to feel about us).  I've also been considered "high maintainence" due to wanting/expecting the same loyalty out of someone that I give them, due to expecting an acknowledged partner to be there for me emotionally if I need them, and due to expecting open communication to be a fact rather than just a cliche.
 
The rather amusing portion - all the males who have called me "high maintainence" were the ones expecting to have everything provided for them, and considered only their needs and wants to be important in life.

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:15:04 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

To me there is no way of getting around what low maintenance means to me... it just has a certain connotation to me is all. A low maintenance car.. car you do not have to spend much time to get what you want out of it.. low maintenance haircut, a hair cut that one just leaves be and it doesn't need to be worked with.. low maintenance relationship.. a relationship one doesn't have to invest much work into.


I think where you are getting stuck is the "has to" part of all of that.

A low maintenance car - you don't *need* constant repairs and coaxing to get it to work well, but you *can* invest time in washing and waxing it, etc. 

A low maintenance haircut - you don't *have* to do anything with it to make it look good, but you *can* take time and style it in different ways.

A low maintenance relationship - you don't *have* to work at it all the time just to get it to "run right", but you *can* invest lots of time and attention.

Does that make better sense?  One that is "low maintenance" doesn't *require* lots of work - but if putting lots of time and attention into it is desired, it's possible.


Nicely said, ImpGrrl.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to ImpGrrl)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:18:24 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I understand this concept impgrrl, I am just of the opinion that anything worth having takes work to maintain... my experience in life. My relationships with others all *required* I give time to them or they did not succeed... For example most would consider time spent with kids a requirment to raise them.. other relationships are the same way... relationships are like fruitful gardens... one can invest lots of inputs and get better yields.. or one can invest the least amount of time as possible just to make sure that the plants do not die.. minimal time means minimal yields.. I guess its what your goal for your relationship is.. which is an individual choice.

By "your" I did not mean that as pointed as you, possibly not the best choice of wording.. it wasn't pointed at anyone at all...just want to make that clear.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/15/2006 1:44:09 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:18:30 PM   
MsIncognito


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Joined: 5/24/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

A low maintenance car - you don't *need* constant repairs and coaxing to get it to work well, but you *can* invest time in washing and waxing it, etc. 


And the best way to keep a car low maintenance is to not neglect doing the necessary regular maintenance - oil changes, cleaning, replace parts as they approach their life expectancy rather than letting them die a horrible death and cause even more problems. Even a good car goes south if you don't maintain it.

To me high maintenance means someone who requires WAY more effort than I can comfortably put into a relationship before I start to feel like I'm putting in way more than I get out. That doesn't mean I'm lazy about relationships or unwilling to meet my partner's needs, but it does mean that I expect a balanced input/output when it comes to those sorts of things in a relationship. In my experience high maintenance people rarely give much back. Emotional vampires are no fun to deal with.

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:18:50 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
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Status: offline 		It's the 'demanding' part that's objectionable.

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:23:46 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

It's the 'demanding' part that's objectionable.


Yes, that's when dominance and submission starts veering towards DoMe-ville.
 
Communication, care, effort, time, and such are good things. I would not be in a relationship with someone where they were not supplied such. But, to me, if you're going to submit, you give up being demanding, and strive to please and obey the dominant. If things don't work out, in my opinion, you have the right to leave and find a relationship that suits you.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:29:08 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		That goes for both without saying Level.

It depends on the people within the dynamic and whether they want to work out where they are within it...renegotiate their dynamic... it also puts all the responsibility on the submissive for the relationship, and it could easily be said that possibly the submissive became demanding because she felt as though all the effort for maintaining it fell on her anyways.. so she IS in control over it and she IS responsible for it anyways.. because so little effort to maintain it was put forward by the dominant, then it became a non-Ds dynamic because he absolved himself from dominance by his own inattention in the first place.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:30:32 PM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

What exactly does a person mean when they call another *high maintenance*? I've seen and heard people say this many times and I'd like to know exactly what is meant by it?

Are they people with boundaries who refuse to "lower" them in order to live a happy and more fulfilled life according to their own standards? Or are they just leeches looking for a freebies?

Also why are people who are considered *high maintenance* to be avoided  like the plague? I'm curious as to others opinions of this phrase.

To me *high maintenance* is someone who desires possessions and lots of spending cash. They can be extremely self centered and spoiled. I've seen it in both genders so I do not believe it is gender specific.

Thoughts, opinions?

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981


Hi Lashra

I've been called "high maintance" before, simply because I like getting my hair and nails done (which isn't an expensive habit) and I do like to shop. I also like designer clothes, but only when I can get them really, really , REALLY on sale (*Smiles*).

However,  I have always been told that I'm very giving and don't require alot of possessions.  I also have this "gotta have that handbag and matching shoes" thing going on.....(oops!!!)

As far as being spoiled....I prefer being spoiled with a tender touch and a kind heart than a wallet full of cash.

Warmly,
IBN


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What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:43:32 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
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Status: offline 		(fast reply, not pointed at anyone in particular)

Interestingly enough, this was a topic that i was planning on posting a question about, because i had heard someone use the word "high-maintenance aubmissive" and i had thought to myself that it sounded like an oxymoron.

To me to be high maintenance means to constantly require and demand the attention of others, to require and demand validation and to get upset or offended when that attention or validation is not given exactly in the manner in which it is desired.

i consider myself and am considered by others to be low-maintenance, i do what is asked of me without needing a pat on the head for every little task i complete. Do i wish to hear thank you or well done sometimes, yes i do, but my satisfaction comes from the internal knowing that i have done a good job and not external validation. And because i am getting my satisfaction from an internal place, then when i recieve the thank you or well done, it is icing on the cake. To me this is low-maintenance and is not a negative but to me it is a positive.

i understand what you are saying Julia about a relationship needing attention from both to be successful and i don't know there are many who would disagree with you, but to me there is a difference between the relationship needing attention from both to work and me demanding attention to assuage an internal dissatisfaction (which is part of how i define high-maintenance).

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:46:58 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

That goes for both without saying Level.

It depends on the people within the dynamic and whether they want to work out where they are within it...renegotiate their dynamic... it also puts all the responsibility on the submissive for the relationship, and it could easily be said that possibly the submissive became demanding because she felt as though all the effort for maintaining it fell on her anyways.. so she IS in control over it and she IS responsible for it anyways.. because so little effort to maintain it was put forward by the dominant, then it became a non-Ds dynamic because he absolved himself from dominance by his own inattention in the first place.


It does indeed depend on the individuals in each relationship; if it works for them, then it does. And there isn't anything wrong with negotiation, certainly in the beginning (or in the middle, or 3/4 of the way, if it works for them).
 
All I can really speak for is me and my beliefs, and once I become D and she becomes s, what I say goes. Like it or not, submit to my will or leave.
 
Again, I bring communication, openness, care, and time to her; I truly doubt a woman that is with me would feel neglected, or just a part of the scenery.
 
However.... I do this because that's how I am, not because it's demanded of me.
 
A true D/s relationship, to me, is quite cut and dried. D says, s does. *smiles*
 


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 1:55:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Personally speaking I have a hard time asking my Dom for anything...not really perhaps a good thing in and of itself, but demand,... NEVER. Just isn't me.. if I felt I had to demand I would probably rethink the whole dynamic as being one in which my needs were not met and I could not continue. It is hard for someone like me because I have a hard time voicing when something is making me unhappy because it might displease my Dom... I know from reading my posts here it might be hard to believe that... chuckles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 60
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