quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

Are you saying FinDommes are sex workers.

I think anyone who turns people on for a living could legitimately be called a sex worker, so yes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Advertising is important in all fields, Cell.

And I just wanted to pop my head in in astonishment that this convo is *still* going on. (it may not be the exact same convo, but close enough!)

Of course findom is a thing. Go to any phone sex site or cam site, and you will see them. You will also see that they get calls, tributes, gifts, etc. So how could it not be a thing?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I just saw an Aston Martin. . . . That car seriously turned me on
---
I would be interested to know if Fin Dommes have a sell by date? How many old fat fin Dommes do we see making a success out of touting their dominance? All the women on Fin Domme websites are young, sensuous and pretty. If its a fetish then why aren't we seeing women in their 40s-50s and even 60s doing this? I believe most Fin Dommes are using their assets whilst they can and wouldn't dream of doing this once they reach a certain age and until I see proof of much more mature Fin Dommes, it remains (mainly) an opportunist endeavour of 'do it whilst you can'.

I have to ask, was it a classic model sports car? Some of us (not me, necessarily) still get turned on by the classics and vintage models.

For the aging, there's gerontophilia. I don't see where many of these philias have much to do with BDSM, unless you factor in the Discipline aspect with age play -- however, gerontophiles aren't age-playing.

Then there's the BBW fetish, which often involves queening and/or squashing along with oral worship. Is oral worship BDSM? I don't see where that factors in other than under Domination & submission (D/s or mental bondage), but this isn't mandatory. Other than anilingus, why would it even be considered kinky?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
---
I still get more emails saying Im only a domme because I havent found the right master FROM "masters" than I do from male subs wanting a fetish delivery system or pay cash to get their kink scratched.
I guess its one twu wayisms, yanno, the D/s hardliners who claim "Im the weal deal, everyone else is sick. "
Of course, I find certain things in kink squicky, I just dont feel the need to tell the world and judge the merits of the participants. I stay out of proving "my kinks more superior than yours" threads more often than not, But I will defend women, ANY woman to take part in what she chooses to do, if its consensual and legal under the umbrella of BDSM and or sex work, but your mileage may vary,its just my personal experience over the years and opinion.

I received a message saying that I'm not a real Domme because I don't use needles.

This is with a switch profile.

Apparently, this "slave" dude was just perusing my Interests list of hard limits, which reflects how I find more aspects of BDSM squicky than not. Understatement of the year, as a matter of fact.

How many of us believe those edgier and kinkier than us, or who have a seemingly outrageous fetish, are sick puppies or just plain foolish, whether going by SSC or not? . . . Yet, we've learned to bite our tongues because it isn't for us to judge what's right for anybody else as long as it's between consensual adults.

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

But I will defend women, ANY woman to take part in what she chooses to do, if its consensual and legal under the umbrella of BDSM and or sex work, . . .

I missed putting special emphasis on this like I should have, because I feel the same way for the most part. There are exceptions, in that I'll also be among the first to point out dangers and pitfalls as I see them, when and if relevant and in that individual's best interests to be apprised. (I'm such a giver like that. )

xxblushesxx, your unabashed honesty is refreshing. Many sex workers are in denial about the role they play as providers of sexual gratification, and must be ashamed of calling a spade shovel a spade shovel so as to appear more socially *respectable*. Even a part-time professional hobbyist is still doing business professionally.

With respect to both points above, do what you will without causing harm to self and others, with Eyes Wide Open. O.O

DreamLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

Are you saying FinDommes are sex workers.

I think anyone who turns people on for a living could legitimately be called a sex worker, so yes.

I can live with that though I don't think a lot of FinDommes would be able to...
Being a worker servicing demand doesn't mesh well with the Princess/Queen deserving tribute spiel.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Ive yet to see a old fat fin domme...altho Im pretty sure there are many, just not "blaring their age and size"
damn maybe I could get into that niche...
snickers
Before I completely lose my sexuality for being too old. .....so far Im defying the odds
Yay me

nice points ladies:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Ive yet to see a old fat fin domme...altho Im pretty sure there are many, just not "blaring their age and size"
damn maybe I could get into that niche...
snickers
Before I completely lose my sexuality for being too old. .....so far Im defying the odds
Yay me

nice points ladies:)

As an ex pro Domme, I know with certainty that a more mature fem Domme can be just as sort after and often more popular than the young sexy Dommes clad in latex catsuits.

Its the same on the scene, I can walk into any club, munch or party and see a huge array of dominant women, from the young and beautiful to the old and beautiful; slim, rounded, leggy or short. I'm no spring chicken but when I sit amongst this huge array of dominant women, I never feel like I'm past my sell by date!!

Would I pro Domme again? sure I would if I needed to. Age, weight and looks isn't something that would hold me back or even make me pause for thought.
Would I try my hand at financial domination? No, not because I don't think I'd be any good at it but because I don't believe I'm young and sexy enough. Fin Dommes don't intimidate me, if anything I feel rather envious that they can do what they do and for those who Fin Domme properly, I see them as giving something for something in return and in my world there is nothing wrong with that


I have nothing against pro Dommes, I was one. I have nothing against Fin Dommes, I'd probably be one if I was a younger. My statements here are not about me being better than someone else but about what I regard fin Dommery to be And of course, this is just my opinion which is relevant to this ongoing topic. My opinion doesn't matter though, its like the next persons ass hole; just a mere thought on a subject.

I have never met, talked to or read about a pro Domme claiming she pro Dommes because its her fetish. I've met plenty who enjoy the work they do though. On a previous site (before FD seemed to be in existence) it was pro Dommes who took the hammering. I never rose to someone calling me a player, not real or even a greedy dirty whore. I just accepted that some people would be very vocal about how they felt regarding professional dominants.

dreamlady said: Many sex workers are in denial about the role they play as providers of sexual gratification, and must be ashamed of calling a spade shovel a spade shovel so as to appear more socially *respectable*. Even a part-time professional hobbyist is still doing business professionally. and I agree... I see financial domination as a professional service, just like pro Domination.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

<soapbox>

I am a sexual sadist. I can prove my paraphilia really exists and can be found within DSM-5 criteria. So can 106 other fetish paraphilias. However, there is no such fetish, no paraphilia that defines money pigs, financial domination or a FinDom. So for me, I have to ask myself if it's a real life fetish? The answer I came up with was no.

I can find evey kink I have ever seen by that list from the DSM . . . except FinDoms and money pigs. And in my 44 years in the lifestyle, I have seen a majority of that list in real life. But I have never seen a FinDom or money pig anywhere in real life, only online. Lets take something on the outskirts of BDSM for example, like adult babies. It has nothing to do with leather, bondage, discipline or sadomasochism. But look it up and you'll find 2 paraphilias listed as infantilism (treated like baby) and autonephioplia (wearing diapers). And so, the ever expanding BDSM fetish community has grown to adopt this adult baby kink under its umbrella and we see them in real life at events, parties and munches. Hell, we have always been able to look at the DSM to find creative new fetishes haven't we . . . so why aren't money pigs and FinDommes listed in the DSM and only found online?

I don't have anything against exchanging money or a girl working for living. I just don't like bullshit shoved at me in the name of kink. I believe proDommes work for a living by servicing their client's fetish desires. They are real, even break a sweat when required. They maintain a dungeon facility to do incalls. They travel to do outcalls. Some pros even participate in their community doing demos or workshops. They are a tangible reality . . . oh, and what they do is found in the DSM.

I have never seen a money pig or FinDom host a workshop or do a demo. I have never seen one participate in the BDSM community. They aren't real life leather folk or kinksters to me, they are an online anomaly. Here at CollarSpace, the Finnies get free advertising in the guise of a profile so they can tease money from tourists and clients just like a stripper at bar. It's an age old practice but it's not a paraphilia or BDSM.

In all my years in the lifestyle, I have met thousands of fellow lifestylers at conventions, events, parties and munches. But I never once met a money pig or a FinDom in real life! I don't think they exist offline because the real life BDSM community doesn't have that supposed fetish. I have never met a submissive that wanted to drive by a Dommes house and put cash in their mailbox without ever actually meeting her. So . . . as I see it from my experience it's an online fluke, bait and tease for the abundant horde of online horny male subs and tourists.

On the other side of the coin, some of you feel very strongly that forking over a portion of your cash to a dominant entity is valid BDSM fetish. Me, I have already been doing that for years, but never saw it as BDSM . . . it's called paying taxes! As painful as that can be, it's not BDSM and neither are money pigs or FinDoms in my book.

I've waded through the growing presence of posts about "financial domination", ATM cards, arguments and complaints about FinDoms, transparent bullshit posts from Finnies trying to drum up business to the point we can tell what time of the month their rent is due . . . I just couldn't remain quite any longer and I did some research before I got on my soapbox.

Invalid research:
I searched "the psychology of financial domination" but the first few pages of results were ALL fake ads for FinDoms keyword loaded with "cases studies" and other clinical terms or money pigs help groups. Here is the search LINK. All you get is:
What Is Financial Domination? Bullshit article by self promoting Finny Sabina Erotica
Financial Domination Support Group for this "very rare and undocumented addiction"
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/overcome_financial_domination
Financial Domination, the psychology of abuse and the Stockholm syndrome. Finny who talks about "case studies" . . . but it's only her pay site.
. . . etc

Sorry gang, FinDoms and money pigs just don't exist in a peer reviewed journal or the real world as far as I can find. Only money pigs and FinDoms can be found claiming it is a valid fetish. I am sure I will be corrected, like the time that errant Wikipedia listing about D/s being in the middle of the BDSM acronym was cited. So bring on the "BDSM actually means D/s" paradigm and all the pretzel logic you can conjure so you can straighten my poor uniformed ass out about how paying taxes to a dominant power and tossing cash at a stripper is different and FinDomery is a real live BDSM fetish.

</end soapbox>

Sources:
The ReviseF65 project: link
Wikipedia: link
Wikipedia: link
Wikipedia: link
American Psychological Association (APA): paraphilia. (n.d.).
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary. Retrieved April 28, 2007, from Dictionary.com: link
DSM-IV-TR The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual published 2000, by the American Psychiatric Association
AAPL, American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law link
Medicine Net link
Jahsonic

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

<soapbox>

I am a sexual sadist. I can prove my paraphilia really exists and can be found within DSM-5 criteria. So can 106 other fetish paraphilias. However, there is no such fetish, no paraphilia that defines money pigs, financial domination or a FinDom. So for me, I have to ask myself if it's a real life fetish? The answer I came up with was no.

I can find evey kink I have ever seen by that list from the DSM . . . except FinDoms and money pigs. And in my 44 years in the lifestyle, I have seen a majority of that list in real life. But I have never seen a FinDom or money pig anywhere in real life, only online. Lets take something on the outskirts of BDSM for example, like adult babies. It has nothing to do with leather, bondage, discipline or sadomasochism. But look it up and you'll find 2 paraphilias listed as infantilism (treated like baby) and autonephioplia (wearing diapers). And so, the ever expanding BDSM fetish community has grown to adopt this adult baby kink under its umbrella and we see them in real life at events, parties and munches. Hell, we have always been able to look at the DSM to find creative new fetishes haven't we . . . so why aren't money pigs and FinDommes listed in the DSM and only found online?

I don't have anything against exchanging money or a girl working for living. I just don't like bullshit shoved at me in the name of kink. I believe proDommes work for a living by servicing their client's fetish desires. They are real, even break a sweat when required. They maintain a dungeon facility to do incalls. They travel to do outcalls. Some pros even participate in their community doing demos or workshops. They are a tangible reality . . . oh, and what they do is found in the DSM.

I have never seen a money pig or FinDom host a workshop or do a demo. I have never seen one participate in the BDSM community. They aren't real life leather folk or kinksters to me, they are an online anomaly. Here at CollarSpace, the Finnies get free advertising in the guise of a profile so they can tease money from tourists and clients just like a stripper at bar. It's an age old practice but it's not a paraphilia or BDSM.

In all my years in the lifestyle, I have met thousands of fellow lifestylers at conventions, events, parties and munches. But I never once met a money pig or a FinDom in real life! I don't think they exist offline because the real life BDSM community doesn't have that supposed fetish. I have never met a submissive that wanted to drive by a Dommes house and put cash in their mailbox without ever actually meeting her. So . . . as I see it from my experience it's an online fluke, bait and tease for the abundant horde of online horny male subs and tourists.

On the other side of the coin, some of you feel very strongly that forking over a portion of your cash to a dominant entity is valid BDSM fetish. Me, I have already been doing that for years, but never saw it as BDSM . . . it's called paying taxes! As painful as that can be, it's not BDSM and neither are money pigs or FinDoms in my book.

I've waded through the growing presence of posts about "financial domination", ATM cards, arguments and complaints about FinDoms, transparent bullshit posts from Finnies trying to drum up business to the point we can tell what time of the month their rent is due . . . I just couldn't remain quite any longer and I did some research before I got on my soapbox.

Invalid research:
I searched "the psychology of financial domination" but the first few pages of results were ALL fake ads for FinDoms keyword loaded with "cases studies" and other clinical terms or money pigs help groups. Here is the search LINK. All you get is:
What Is Financial Domination? Bullshit article by self promoting Finny Sabina Erotica
Financial Domination Support Group for this "very rare and undocumented addiction"
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/overcome_financial_domination
Financial Domination, the psychology of abuse and the Stockholm syndrome. Finny who talks about "case studies" . . . but it's only her pay site.
. . . etc

Sorry gang, FinDoms and money pigs just don't exist in a peer reviewed journal or the real world as far as I can find. Only money pigs and FinDoms can be found claiming it is a valid fetish. I am sure I will be corrected, like the time that errant Wikipedia listing about D/s being in the middle of the BDSM acronym was cited. So bring on the "BDSM actually means D/s" paradigm and all the pretzel logic you can conjure so you can straighten my poor uniformed ass out about how paying taxes to a dominant power and tossing cash at a stripper is different and FinDomery is a real live BDSM fetish.

</end soapbox>

Sources:
The ReviseF65 project: link
Wikipedia: link
Wikipedia: link
Wikipedia: link
American Psychological Association (APA): paraphilia. (n.d.).
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary. Retrieved April 28, 2007, from Dictionary.com: link
DSM-IV-TR The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual published 2000, by the American Psychiatric Association
AAPL, American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law link
Medicine Net link
Jahsonic

Fast reply.

First, RS, I want to thank you for the wonderful hospitality and company that you provided my friends a little while back when they were visiting your location. They told me how highly you spoke of me and I was very flattered and honored. Thank you very much.

I'm going to try to do this quick. (We have kinky brunch scheduled at our house today and there is a lot of prep to do.) I hope I don't miss anything.

The first point that I'd like to go with would be is it a fetish. Even with your well written and researched post, I would have to ask if we are asking based on the criteria of is it a fetish by clinical standards or are we using the term in the way it has morphed? As we both know, there have been some changes in the way people use the word and it has come to include *anything* that turns a person on, rather than the more succinct definition. If we are going with the looser definition, it may not be covered in the DSM-V, which means it isn't necessarily excluded. I would have to research it, but if I recall correctly, not all 106 that are included now were included in the first round of the DSM. We got to that number as additional fetishes were added by the profession, so it not being there currently doesn't necessarily exclude it.

As to the issue of having met in real life, you say that you haven't but I have to say that I have. That goes for both sides of participation in the practice. To the point of having the interest explained to me as far as what the excitement is in it from the male side. Why we have the difference in this area, I could not say. Perhaps it goes back to that old line of male s-types not being as forthcoming with male D-types about their kinks and fetishes. (This is nothing against you, personally. I do think there is a certain stigma that still exists that gets perpetuated between folks who are of the same gender but are on different sides of the slash. Even right here on these boards in times past, there have been certain male D-types who have disdain for male s-types, so we know that hasn't vanished.)

Do they participate in the real time community and are there demos and presentations on such? I have to go with yes. I could not tell you which year it was (either 2012 or 2013) that DomConAtl very specifically held workshops on the subject. I would be unable to name the presenter specifically but as far as I know, Cyn is still the person who is the top of the chain at that event and that would be the person to answer any queries.

Now, the really good one. (I did skim the thread and didn't see this addressed by page seven.) Is it leather? This one is pretty tough because it is so open to interpretation. Are there elements of financial control in some M/s dynamics within the leather community? By no stretch of the imagination, we would have to say that there are. Between the two of us, I'd be afraid to start counting just how many slaves in leather households turn their money over to the M because money is seen as a form of power and control. Would I call it the same thing as the online phenomenon? Probably not but it could be construed as a similar concept. (For what it's worth, there are a lot of things out there that I don't consider leather but other people do.)

Are there male findoms? Yeah, there are, though I think this is probably more prevalent in the non-hetro community.

I hope you'll enjoy your day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX

Oh its this thread again. I think being a money domme might be a real fetish but it's hard to tell everyone likes money. For being a pay pig it more than likely is a fetish idk. All I do is that I'm tired of seeing money dommes on this site. If I want to pay someone I'll just find a professional and pay for a session.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessEryn

In my humble opinion, any financial Dom/Domme that does not see it that way is not a true finDom/Domme.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nocontrol49

quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX

Oh its this thread again. I think being a money domme might be a real fetish but it's hard to tell everyone likes money. For being a pay pig it more than likely is a fetish idk. All I do is that I'm tired of seeing money dommes on this site. If I want to pay someone I'll just find a professional and pay for a session.

I agree, this site wasn't intended for money dommes, pro dommes or whatever.