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RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 6:30:43 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you, Estring, that's very kind of you.

I really just wanted to point out (and don't think I did so very well, I have trouble with things that still bite so hard) that just because you can not succeed in poly, even if you want to be able to give that to the person you are surrendered to.. doesn't make you crazy or uptight or full of 'hang ups'.  It might just not be something you are capable of thriving with, no matter how hard you try or how much (and how much of yourself) you are willing to sacrifice for it for that other person.

But thank you again for the kind wishes.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 6:33:53 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		Hiya Level,

I understand that poly is wonderful for some, and though I have nothing against poly, it just would not be fore me.

Master and I have a love relationship first, he's the one that as a small child I dreamed of, knew in my heart of hearts who he would be when we met, our love is spiritual, we hold each other on high, worship each other's souls, the two of us complete each other. 

I understand that a poly family could love and feel the exact things Master and I do, but for us adding another person would change the dynamic, change the team we feel we have and neither of us would want that.

That and both of us have an issue with sharing the other, neither of us wants to share.  We are very protective of our time alone and we guard it like a treasure.


_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 6:40:20 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Thank you, Estring, that's very kind of you.

I really just wanted to point out (and don't think I did so very well, I have trouble with things that still bite so hard) that just because you can not succeed in poly, even if you want to be able to give that to the person you are surrendered to.. doesn't make you crazy or uptight or full of 'hang ups'.  It might just not be something you are capable of thriving with, no matter how hard you try or how much (and how much of yourself) you are willing to sacrifice for it for that other person.

But thank you again for the kind wishes.


You did just fine, my friend .

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 6:42:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I can understand that others have the desire for it. I would not do well in that situation for varying reasons.

1) How does one explain such a thing to their unmentionable?


The other choices are truly individual choices, but we've brought up 4 human saplings to adulthood (or near-'bouts) in a poly household -- and the only explaination we had to give is "we love this person". That was always enough for them, and they loved all of us, too.

ZWD


I do not judge this, but many people would not feel comfortable raising their own sapplings up this way, and I am one of them. I also have other family I would not care to explain this lifestyle choice to. I would definitely not feel good about raising my child in a way that was so contradictory to the culture he lives... as his parent that is my choice.... other parents make different choices.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 7:05:08 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I get claustrophobic in crowds. 

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 7:19:19 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I do not judge this, but many people would not feel comfortable raising their own sapplings up this way, and I am one of them. I also have other family I would not care to explain this lifestyle choice to. I would definitely not feel good about raising my child in a way that was so contradictory to the culture he lives... as his parent that is my choice.... other parents make different choices.


I appreciate this, Julia.  I, for one, wouldn't feel comfortable raising my children in a poly home.  Others may do what they wish, naturally, but it's up to me to make the best decisions for my children.  If I cannot be comfortable or happy in the situation myself, then how they?  Even if it were something I can handle, is such a lifestyle in their best interests.  I don't feel it would be.

_____________________________

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 7:29:11 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I get claustrophobic in crowds. 


LOL!!

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 7:48:15 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I find the idea of poly fascinating, but am almost certain that I could not happily share my partner with another.  I've spent dreamy time in bed thinking about FMM, but then there would be the (reasonable) sexpectations of two partners.  That would be the stopper there.  I'd like to experience poly as a secondary relationship (dating someone who already has a primary), but haven't yet.

I have a pattern of going outside my own relationships every now and again.  I was startled to realized that that had happened at least once with each of my partners.  When I was with my husband, we had a relationship with porous boundaries.  We were both pagan and he made it clear that I should feel free to meet and find pleasure with other people  at pagan festivals (not in a fetishy, "cuckold me" way, which I wouldn't have cared for).  I was shocked by his generosity and his faith, and because of it, I almost never indulged it.  That experience has stayed with me. 

Recently, I spent time with a submissive man whose wife said that she was fine with him expressing his D/s desires with me.  I found her open-handedness to be amazing, and was encouraged by his care with her feelings.  While that relationship did not last long (there were a lot of feelings to go around), I am glad to have done it.

I do wonder what it would be like to be in a *loving* (sometimes) open relationship.  While I doubt that I am poly, I don't like being limited by my fears or insecurities.  I want to push my own boundaries on this topic.

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(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 8:03:33 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I certainly am not against poly.  I know a few people that poly works for them really well.  I also understand that i am not poly, i never was poly, i tried it.  It damn near destroyed me.  I will never again pour my heart out, give trust to another woman again.  I did that once, said i would not do it again....i decided that maybe life was giving me a push..........it pushed me alright.  (i have often said that never is about.......ohhhhh, six months, this is not one of those cases).
Hell, i can hardly have a girl that i would call friend at this point.  I do hope that one day i will not visualize all women as slitting their throats and stuffing my fist down it. 

~smilezz~


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RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 8:06:34 PM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

For those of you not into, or are against, poly, why? I posted this here, not in the poly forum, due to most folks there are into it.


Personally, I am not against poly but cannot see myself involved in a poly relationship.

It took me some time to realize my submission was not something that I needed to hide from.  At the beginning I found myself afraid to let go and explore it.  When I met my Master I was a mess..lol.  He slowly brought out in me what I thought for years was wrong.  The trust took so much time to build, so much time to understand. 

Though I am his, in most ways he is also mine....... He is my Master, my lover, my husband, my friend.

I respect those who can live happily in a poly relationship but I am so glad that it is not something that interests my Master.

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 8:57:35 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		For one I like being the center of attention. I have had two seperate poly experinces, the first one was horrible but the second was ok. It just doesn't work for me. I dont feel like I am not the number one priority and end up feeling unfulfilled. I have nothing against it and those who practice it. It works for some and not for others.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 9:07:07 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I used to be uncertain about poly/swinging or sharing. I though it would be a statement by my partned that I was inadequate sexully untill I married  my second wife things changed. Marie was one of the top strippers in the country. After I got used to people looking at her nakid body which used to make me horney, and her flirting with customers which I realised would never go fwr enough to hurt me, I relaxed. Now I am a natural flirt, always have been and always will be but I have always set a limit which I will never exceed. My friends used to ask me how I could handle my wife getting nakid in front of other men especially. My stock and truthfull reply was "You have to pay to see her body which is mine to have any way I want any time I want!"

Now you need to understand that marie was buisexual and had a submissive girl friend. She wanted to share her gf with me in bed. It used to het her all hot and wet watching me play with the other lass and especially to fuck her. She also loved having the other girl watching is fick.. We had a poily relationship which worked well... It just took time and patience and a heap of reassurance before I learned I was not under threat.... We used to swing as well and I loved watching her fucking other men when I was fuckig their wives.. Poly for us was what we lived and swinging was what we did at times when we chose to...

<<Advance time to now>>

Neets and I took our time to get used to each other and establish our relationship. When I collared my first slave neets followed suit. Originally we had the agreement that no intimacy would take place infront of the other. This changes when l the slaves moved in. I can happily have threesoms with Neets or send her off to the bedroom with a play partner...Always we never spend more than one night apart and we always spend time reaffirming our bonds with each other.. We talk and check if the other one is ok and we do what marie and I use to do.. We each have the right to pull the pin if we feel that some one is rocking the boat.. Check our profiles and you will see tht deal breakers for any slave is if that slave attempts to subvert either Neets or I in our relationship...

Why poly? Neets and I want live in 24/7 slaves. We have looked at the option of trying to find a couple who are both slaves and Gorean oriented.. Yeah right hell will freeze over before that happens. If we were lucky it could be a situation where there was no sex involved. One of the reasons we perfer to have a healthy sexual relationship with slaves is a very simple and basic reason.. I'm 61 with erectile dysfunction and Neets is a healthy 31. I want her to have a full sexual life which i am not able to provide. Neets in turn will state that she does not liker some things which I love (head jobs etc) again a slave who can comply here is giving me satisfaction.. It is a win/'win sirtuation which we have long talked oput and been working on... We may swing if the situation arised bit it will be outside the Gorean Lifstyle and with people we know for our pleasure not for need.. That is something which may never happen and is not an important factor.... 

Final comment: We are secure in ourselves and in each other so we can enjoy the lifestyle....


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to deltadawn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 9:16:30 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I like life to be simple and uncomplicated.



I have done the whole poly thing in the past.

Too much work to maintain, not really as fun as people told me it would be.

Its not for me.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 9:50:27 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I like life to be simple and uncomplicated.

Also, sex is spiritual to me (tantric) (and I'm trying to figure out a way to explain my thoughts around this in regards to why I'm against having multiple sexual partners)... I guess the best way to say it is, I feel the sexual energy we share with someone is a real transference, so having more than one partner would mean my energy is divided. I once saw an advertisment for AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases, it started with two people in bed together. The question was asked " Do you know who your partner has slept with?" Then it showed, 3 other people the woman had slept with and 4 other people the man had slept with, then it showed those partners to have other partners, then those partners other partners, within a short time, basically it was showing through a progression, that the one person had slept with maybe 10,000 people. That advert was about sexually transmitted diseases,,but it was a good way picture to describe how I feel energetically about sex. When you have sex with someone you are being effected by their whole history by transference and will have to cope with the repercussion of that energetically/spiritually.

I could name other reasons why I'm not poly, but my spiritual understanding at this time is the main one.


Hey jali, regarding the energy thing...

This reminded me of my concern when my second replicant was in utero, the thought tthat I just didn't have enough love ("energy") to divide between his mother and his existing brother and then whoever he was going to turn out to be once he showed up.

What I learned, as many parents do, is that it isn't a zero-sum, finite sort of thing. The love you get more than refills your tank is one way to say it. So I'm wondering about your situation as an analogy to that. Your math seems to account only for your "outgoing" energy and not for the fact that in a poly relationship there could be another person pouring his or her energy into you too. You could be taking it in both holes, as it were.

I'm surely not trying to talk you into anything, just exploring the "energy" approach you took to describing your orientation toward poly.

Any thoughts?

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 10:04:26 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		I dont know that anything is wrong with it... do I think it is wrong yes but thats because it just isnt for me... I AM insicure Im a nervouse person that sometimes has a little trouble reliseing her own worth I can be prone to jelouse and frankly I dont share well with others. There for no I dont like poly

-da enigma-

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 10:37:52 PM   
shysecrets


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/26/2006
Status: offline 		about 3 years ago i collard to a man I was sick at the time very volnerable I was haveing problems and needed sergery and there for I really needed someone that cared and he did. When we collard he knew I wasnt into Poly it was a condition under my collar that I didnt want him takeing on other subs. One day when I got online there was an e-mail there saying he wanted me to come on yahoo which I didnt normaly do because i wasnt much into chatting at the time.. in fact at the time i was so sick i wasnt online much at all but of course i did. he at that point invited me to a 3 way chat were he introdused me to a friend.... She was a sub and a very nice person we became fast friends. about 2 weeks later the 3 of us are together and out of no were he pulls out a collar and hands it to her for her too see. She looked at me and I at them both i think there may have been steem comeing out of my ear and perhaps my jaw was on the floor yep i destinctly remeber feeling carpet on my chin!! She said she wasnt sure and he told her to hold onto the collar in its little box and she put it in her purse. She too knew i didnt want him collaring any other subs. another few weeks pass in that time I expressed much disatisfaction with my Masters choise but it didnt seem relavent as she didnt exept the collar, but ont this day we were actually on the way to the hospital for my pre sergery testing (it really was minor sergery childs stuff but it really sucked beeing so sick) and out if no were she takes the collar out of her bag and puts it on she said nothing to eather master or myself she just put it on and that really really pissed me off but my then Master smiled wide and I said nothing not wanting to hurt the other sub. i was very young at the time (they were both quite a bit older)and so very new to the life i was deffinetly taken advantage of at least that is how I feel now. Any way I tried talking alone to my Master and it didnt seem to make a difference I reminded him of out agreement when we collard his only reply was now it was to late as he wouldnt hurt her by takeing the collar back he didnt seem to care that he was hurting me instead... I tried it really really tried it for about a month if was miserable my sergery came and went and he was less than helpfull and careing during my recovery I seemed to be a bother and why bother with me when he had a well sub that he could play with.... I wound up dumping him he tried the bullshit of telling me I wast released from my collar but I simply let him know that wasnt his choice.... since then he has been through more subs then I can even keep track of I dont really know wht that means but hey....

he stunted me majorly with learning BDSM and now Im shy and scared and know very little of my submissiveness because I havent had any real real life experiance at least not good ones

< Message edited by shysecrets -- 7/15/2006 10:41:47 PM >

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Anti Poly - 7/15/2006 11:41:24 PM   
GothiqueKajira


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't do poly for a few reasons. I've witnessed many failed and heartbreaking attempts at such a relationship, the wife/girlfriend in the relationship could easily get jealous and call the whole thing off, leaving me having spent all this time with someone.. getting to know and care for them, and then to be cast aside because she was there first.. I understand that must sound horrible.. but It's just my opinion..  and lastly.. I am just simply far too greedy for such a relationship. I cannot share someone. People aren't toys.. they aren't meant to be shared and passed around like their objects.

I'm terribly sorry if I offended anyone with my words.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Anti Poly - 7/16/2006 3:21:22 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
What I find really offensive is the view point that the reason some people don't do poly is because they have 'hang ups'.  


It isn't simply 'offensive' but also unhelpful and potentialy harmful.

I am Poly, it is the way I am wired, I can and do develop deep emotional bonds with more than one 'partner'/girl at the same time without what I feel for one effecting in any way what I feel for the other/s.

Some are simply hard-wired for Monogamy. End of. One is not better than the other, just diffrent, but basicaly incompatable in a relationship sense.

Trying to make out that it is a hang up and that the Mono should just 'get over it' leads to BIG problems. I've fell foul of a number who claimed to be Poly, and even acted like it... till we where already involved.... then the problems, insecuritys, jealousys came bubbling to the surface in ways that couldn't be handled unless I stopped being Poly, stopped being me.... which wasn't going to happen..... any more than I expect someone Mono to stop being Mono.

Just be honest about who you are, what you need and don't try to force the issue. Forcing it never works IMO. People shouldn't try to be something they are not.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Anti Poly - 7/16/2006 4:18:27 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr


There is a difference between family,and a revolving door to the bedroom.





There are so many who do not realize polyamarous means loving many not having many sex partners.



_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Anti Poly - 7/16/2006 4:41:35 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		OK, I'm poly, involved in a very happy triad at this time. So, apparently I'm all for it. I just wanted to say that I really do understand that there are people that are just not wired for poly, it isn't something that interests them in any way, shape, or form, and that's great, really it is. Personally I really appreciate the honesty and the fact that they know themselves that well.
 
What I don't like, what really grates on my last nerve and I've heard it sooooo many times now that I just had to say something here....

quote:

I've witnessed many failed and heartbreaking attempts at such a relationship, 


Please, for the love of the Goddess.... STOP IT!! I can come back on that with "I bet you haven't seen as many poly relationships hit the ashes as you have mono ones but you're still doin' mono.... right??" I can see it if a person has tried poly and it didn't work, then they tried mono and it didn't work then they said f*ck it and didn't do any relationships, then it would be a feasible argument... but then again if everyone did that it would also cut down on the population growth. Ok, that way my mini rant for the day.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to GothiqueKajira)
Profile   Post #: 40
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