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Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 12:08:22 PM

ccarpendar

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/27/2011
Status: offline

The thought of having me locked up in chastity is not a turn on for my wife. I have been playing with chastity for two years know and she is very aware of it. She recommends that I do not wear the chastity device as it does nothing for her. I tried playing with chastity as it was interesting to me and I have recently found that the desire to be controlled and locked up is not going away. She played along at first but very quickly turned away from it. She knows that I am a very kinky individual and I have many "odd" desires as she puts it. She lets me go on about my own business but she does not participate in my adventures. I am looking for some real advice as to how to get her interested in being my full time keyholder. I want to talk to someone who was not really into it at first and maybe even blew it off but is not into it. I need to know the best ways show her what male chastity will do for her in our relationship and how enjoyable control over sex can be. I am willing to give it all up to her. I have told her this before but she has shown no interests. How can I get her to understand the benefits of chastity without her just disregarding it off the bat and to give it a real shot.

Post #: 1

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 12:17:58 PM

JVoV

Posts: 3664
Joined: 3/9/2015
Status: online

You want advice on how to manipulate your wife to conform with your sexual desires. Let that soak in a minute.

Ok, now. You have to start masturbating. Uncontrollably. I mean like the dude locked up next to Hannibal. Flinging jizz around, the whole shabang.

Granted, she may have you locked into a mental institution. But straitjackets are wonderful chastity devices.

(in reply to ccarpendar)

Post #: 2

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 12:41:04 PM

RockaRolla

Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Dude, if your wife isn't in to it no amount of convincing will change her mind.

You're falling into a trap common of a lot of new-ish subs: You think that being submissive and giving someone power will eventually lead to them doing what you want. Believe it or not, few women are looking for the opportunity to use and abuse you. No amount of submitting or offering control will change their mind about it.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to JVoV)

Post #: 3

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 6:22:03 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Let's see. If you persuade your wife, against her needs and desires to do what you want her to do, then you become the Dominant and she is the submissive. Is that what you want?

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to ccarpendar)

Post #: 4

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 8:54:38 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You've told her what you want. She tried it and didn't like it.

Her turn. Ask her what she'd like to try. You owe her that.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 5

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/27/2015 10:01:19 PM

MiaCastle

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline

Just what is it that male chastity will do for a woman?

Do you really believe that focusing on your male part, making 'it' the focus, her focus because you are so focused, that you can't see her in this, just yourself, and that will turn her on at the thought of it? You can't see your wife beyond your penis. That says I love you baby like nothing else. I don't understand the need to push a sexual partner into something they don't like, as if they partake enough times or hear just the right enticement, the negative feelings will fade away and a lustful heat will soon consume them and gladly give way to your selfish topping manipulations?

Seriously, the only message you're sending to your wife is that you are more important. Your needs top her own and kinky men are rather forceful in getting their way. You don't want a dominant, you want a woman to service you and play dominant to your dominance. How heartbreaking for her. Now, if you want someone to teach her how to be a dominant, don't be surprised when she kicks you to the curb and finds a submissive male that can see beyond his will and male bits and really respects his dominant woman.

Very often people will claim that chastity makes a man more docile and if you keep them locked you get what you want. I don't get that. Why would anyone want a man focused on his dick over someone he claims to love and respect, that can go and ask strangers what he can do to get her to service his interests by manipulating her?

She's just not into it and you have most likely pushed so much that she will never like it, because it means more to you than her feelings about your kink. She gave and tried and you are still pushing and talking about her with strangers. I dump men like that.

Mia

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 1:18:12 AM

WellShinedBoots

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2015
Status: offline

quote:

She recommends that I do not wear the chastity device as it does nothing for her.

You want to give it all up for her. She has no interest in you wearing a chastity device. Sounds like that's the thing you have to give up.

If you're specifically into the chastity device rather than submitting to her, then it looks like you need to come up with a different idea for a key holder.

Okay, my snarks aside for a second. You will not be able to force her to enjoy this. If you push too hard she will get annoyed and never be interested. If on the other hand you only ask once in a while (ie, long enough in between that she won't be annoyed at the repeat question) and ask politely she might indulge you now and then. If she does make sure you show genuine appreciation in a way that will be meaningful to her. My slave really likes when I bring home flowers, but that may or may not be something your wife is into. Above all you need to acknowledge that this would be a favor that she would be doing for you, not something you are doing for her.

(in reply to MiaCastle)

Post #: 7

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 1:20:44 AM

WellShinedBoots

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/5/2015
Status: offline

(Side note, I forgot which forum I was in. My apologies if my answer is out of place.)

(in reply to WellShinedBoots)

Post #: 8

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 3:09:06 AM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

No. 1 mistake men make when they can get their wives to start indulging some of their kinks and fetishes. Becoming greedy, manipulative bastards.

This selfish charade where you act like you want your wife to take control, when you're just making it all about you, has splitsville written all over it. You say in your profile that she will use a strap-on. Do you have any idea how lucky you are, that your vanilla wife will peg you? *mutters, ungrateful s.o.b.*

Does your wife consent to your seeking a Mistress or wanting to get with a D/s couple? Or. . . is she so fed up by your do-me laundry list, which happens to contain THE top cringeworthy fetishes/kinks to a vanilla woman?

(Besides hoof-in-mouth disease)
- Crossdressing
- Chastity
- "Forced" bi
- Cuckolding
- CBT
- Watersports
Honorable mention for anal fixations, including being a spanking bottom.
(I have a married friend who drove his wife away when ass-fucking him with a dildo wasn't good enough for him.)

As probably one of the most vanilla sex-oriented ladies on this site, I avoid chastity slaves like the plague. And anal spanking sluts. And any hint of "forced" anything. Cuckolding is a big HELL NO, never gonna happen.

DarkSteven couldn't be more right, but it sounds to me that no matter what you do for your wife, you'll turn it around to where she becomes your BDSM service Top. I see not a single trace of an F/m dynamic where you are respecting any of her wishes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MiaCastle

Just what is it that male chastity will do for a woman?

Do you really believe that focusing on your male part, making 'it' the focus, her focus because you are so focused, that you can't see her in this, just yourself, and that will turn her on at the thought of it? You can't see your wife beyond your penis. That says I love you baby like nothing else. I don't understand the need to push a sexual partner into something they don't like, as if they partake enough times or hear just the right enticement, the negative feelings will fade away and a lustful heat will soon consume them and gladly give way to your selfish topping manipulations?

Seriously, the only message you're sending to your wife is that you are more important. Your needs top her own and kinky men are rather forceful in getting their way. You don't want a dominant, you want a woman to service you and play dominant to your dominance. How heartbreaking for her. Now, if you want someone to teach her how to be a dominant, don't be surprised when she kicks you to the curb and finds a submissive male that can see beyond his will and male bits and really respects his dominant woman.

Very often people will claim that chastity makes a man more docile and if you keep them locked you get what you want. I don't get that. Why would anyone want a man focused on his dick over someone he claims to love and respect, that can go and ask strangers what he can do to get her to service his interests by manipulating her?

She's just not into it and you have most likely pushed so much that she will never like it, because it means more to you than her feelings about your kink. She gave and tried and you are still pushing and talking about her with strangers. I dump men like that.

That's what I wanted to ask, what benefits are there for the wife in all of this cockcaging?

I don't get it either, not unless I didn't want a fully virile male partner to satisfy me sexually on a regular basis. . . because chastity is not the same as enforcing orgasm control - that's like comparing chuck-grade hamburger to filet mignon - and it undermines mental domination, imo.

WellShinedBoots - FYI, you're allowed to post in any forum on the message boards, so no harm done.

DreamLady

(in reply to MiaCastle)

Post #: 9

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 3:47:20 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccarpendar
How can I get her to understand the benefits of chastity without her just disregarding it off the bat and to give it a real shot.

It seems to me that you've already had your shot and she's made the decision that she actively dislikes chastity.

Now I have seen a couple of relationships turn around (women looking to convince men) where the fetish initially came off as all about the chaste person but when they figured out a healthy couples dynamic so there was something in it for the keyholder, the vanilla guys got into it. In those two cases what the guys got out of it was sex whenever they wanted.

(in reply to ccarpendar)

Post #: 10

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 3:00:01 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
As probably one of the most vanilla sex-oriented ladies on this site, I avoid chastity slaves like the plague. And anal spanking sluts. And any hint of "forced" anything.

Do you avoid handcuffs like the plague?

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 11

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/28/2015 3:33:59 PM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
As probably one of the most vanilla sex-oriented ladies on this site, I avoid chastity slaves like the plague. And anal spanking sluts. And any hint of "forced" anything.

Do you avoid handcuffs like the plague?

I'm not sure what you mean by that. Who are you to determine what I choose to do and whom I choose to do it with? A slave is not suitable as a partner for me, any kind of slave, nor any kind of slut (especially a pain slut), or a specialized bottom (bondage bottom, spanking bottom) to whom I am not a complementary specialized Top.

I'm also not into CNC so I don't ever "force" my partner to do a damned thing. His acts of submission are unequivocally voluntary and done with fully conscious self-awareness.

Using handcuffs is consensual, and it's not like my sub and I get off on "pretending" he doesn't want to be restrained in whatever manner, unless we have agreed on doing a roleplay scene where he can safe word out of any "no means yes" protests.

What OP is into which is headed on a downward spiral with badgering his wife into participating in whichever one(s) of her husband's kinks and fetishes that she has expressed she doesn't enjoy, where he flagrantly disregards her authority by wanting to 'transform" her like an out-of-control Tftb puppetmaster, has nothing to do with the use of handcuffs.

And yes, OP is into bondage also, but I guess that isn't a pressing concern of his.

DreamLady

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 12

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/29/2015 10:08:14 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I don't understand some guys. If your wife is open to some of your fantasies, I would be happy. I wouldn't even bother looking on a fetish site with a laundry list of do me fetishes. You should be glad your wife is as open as she is. Its one thing to have fantasies, I get that. But really dam, you just want your cake and eat it too. Maybe I have quite a "vanilla" side and I would be happy with a vanilla/Domme combo. But hey, whatever works for each person I guess.

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 13

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/29/2015 3:55:46 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Using handcuffs is consensual, and it's not like my sub and I get off on "pretending" he doesn't want to be restrained in whatever manner, unless we have agreed on doing a roleplay scene where he can safe word out of any "no means yes" protests.

But handcuffs "undermines mental domination", somebody just told us "that's like comparing chuck-grade hamburger to filet mignon".

P.S. I share your opinion of the problems this persons wife has to look forward to, I do however wish you'd made your point without bashing a number of fetishes.

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 14

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/29/2015 6:18:39 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccarpendar

The thought of having me locked up in chastity is not a turn on for my wife. I have been playing with chastity for two years know and she is very aware of it. She recommends that I do not wear the chastity device as it does nothing for her. I tried playing with chastity as it was interesting to me and I have recently found that the desire to be controlled and locked up is not going away. She played along at first but very quickly turned away from it. She knows that I am a very kinky individual and I have many "odd" desires as she puts it. She lets me go on about my own business but she does not participate in my adventures. I am looking for some real advice as to how to get her interested in being my full time keyholder. I want to talk to someone who was not really into it at first and maybe even blew it off but is not into it. I need to know the best ways show her what male chastity will do for her in our relationship and how enjoyable control over sex can be. I am willing to give it all up to her. I have told her this before but she has shown no interests. How can I get her to understand the benefits of chastity without her just disregarding it off the bat and to give it a real shot.

http://www.newwife.com/

(in reply to ccarpendar)

Post #: 15

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/29/2015 10:44:48 PM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

Then you misunderstood, GotSteel. I was looking past OP's situation where his wife is already into light BDSM, so she's not your typical vanilla wife who's open to try a few kinky things here and there. She's not typical, in other words. She doesn't warm up to the idea or the practice of chastity. End of story. Many of these married men who come onto this site complain about their wives, how they've gotten cut off from sex (and yet they want a Domme to deny them sexual release even further!), and yet a good number of them have driven their wives away from them because of their sub frenzied states and "submissive" Svengali approaches instead of easing their spouse's transition and being receptive to HER preferences, wants, needs and desires.

The Cliff Notes version:

Mutually consensual - cool. Non-consensual - uncool.

Crossdressing/Forced Feminization-Sissification - Wanting to wear a few of your wive's undergarments. (Not so cool if you're going to stretch them out and ruin them.) Going all out hoping your wife will get into fucking you while you're wearing a wig, make-up, and all decked out in ladies' garments, and how she should call you by a female name, etc. . . - not so cool.

Cuckolding/Forced Bi - Cool, if she warms to the idea of flirting with other men socially and making you jealous, then taking it from there, or not. Not cool to push your wife into fucking other men so you can watch as either voyeur or as a participant. Also not cool to tell your wife you want to be "forced" into sucking cock.

CBT - I'll leave that subject alone. To each their own. The same with Golden Showers. Baby steps, is what are needed, not leapfrogging at one's own pace and dragging one's partner along for the ride. This would apply equally to a so-called submissive as it would to a Dominant. Would the majority of wives get excited by the idea of having their husband beat on them and slap them around? I think not.

The point is it's the approach that I object to. Whether or not I personally get into something is up to me. There's a lot of stuff I enjoy doing, but not to excess and not to the exclusion of spontaneity. Limited repertoires bore me to tears. However, I can relate to how much this pushy Svengali-ism would absolutely be the wrong way of going about things with your most intimate life partner, or with any intimate partner for that matter.

Why you have taken this personally, I don't know. If you can lend your own personal insight into lovingly guiding a woman into becoming your Mistress effectively, then please do share.

DreamLady

Edit - typo

< Message edited by dreamlady -- 5/29/2015 10:48:05 PM >

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 16

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/29/2015 11:58:21 PM

MiaCastle

Posts: 72
Joined: 5/4/2015
Status: offline

Female dominants are often objectified. I cannot remember men in general being expected to dress in provocative apparel to cater to what pleases women. Women are sexualized more often than men are and if they say anything about how distasteful the expectations of men are, they are accused of various things.

Are women diminishing men that are interested in certain kinks or are they refusing to accept being sexualized and objectified by men expecting to be serviced or have their kinks or fetishes catered to? It isn't that we don't like some of these fetishes or kinks. It is that we don't like men expecting us to cater to them in a dominant role while they call it submission to us. When we state that we aren't interested in certain kinks or fetishes, it tends to be the interest of men that focus on their sexual desires rather than the sexual desires of a woman they respect and submit to. The kink or fetish come before the female that is expected to enjoy these things as much as the men that wish to be serviced by our providing what they want.

Lifestyle dominant women rarely cater to kinks and require more than a horny guy that places anything before us. If we have expectations, we are somehow out of line?

Mia

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 17

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/31/2015 12:05:38 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Then you misunderstood, GotSteel.

I get that we're using a format where it's really easy for things to get misconstrued, so to the extent that I'm misunderstanding you I certainly apologize.

That said do you understand how I've gotten the impression that you're spreading negative and completely bogus misconceptions about chastity from this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I don't get it either, not unless I didn't want a fully virile male partner to satisfy me sexually on a regular basis. . . because chastity is not the same as enforcing orgasm control - that's like comparing chuck-grade hamburger to filet mignon - and it undermines mental domination, imo.

There's absolutely nothing intrinsic to the chastity fetish that should stop the keyholder from being satisfied sexually on a regular basis. My relationship's on the otherside of the kneel but we mix chastity with edging, orgasm control, orgasm denial, and forced orgasm torture. There's both chastity and a lot of sex going on AND the bondage props we use absolutely do not undermine mental domination, whether we're talking about her handcuffs, chastitybelt, collar, etc. That doesn't change.

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 18

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 5/31/2015 8:35:10 PM

dreamlady

Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I don't get it either, not unless I didn't want a fully virile male partner to satisfy me sexually on a regular basis. . . because chastity is not the same as enforcing orgasm control - that's like comparing chuck-grade hamburger to filet mignon - and it undermines mental domination, imo.

There's absolutely nothing intrinsic to the chastity fetish that should stop the keyholder from being satisfied sexually on a regular basis. My relationship's on the otherside of the kneel but we mix chastity with edging, orgasm control, orgasm denial, and forced orgasm torture. There's both chastity and a lot of sex going on AND the bondage props we use absolutely do not undermine mental domination, whether we're talking about her handcuffs, chastitybelt, collar, etc. That doesn't change.

Ok, I get it now. I wasn't speaking about the entire spectrum of chastity practices, but without getting into a male vs. female gender debate, or how F/m differs from M/f, I'll keep to the salient points below.
Btw, a cockcage is not a bondage prop.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Now I have seen a couple of relationships turn around (women looking to convince men) where the fetish initially came off as all about the chaste person but when they figured out a healthy couples dynamic so there was something in it for the keyholder, the vanilla guys got into it. In those two cases what the guys got out of it was sex whenever they wanted.

There is a huge difference between male chastity and female chastity. Unless a Mistress has multiple male subs, she isn't going to be able to always get coital sex whenever she wants it (since there are anatomical hindrances and ejaculatory recovery time), nor do I know of a single Domme who wants penile penetration from every one of her male subs. There could be an exception here and there, but for the most part this is reserved for her primary partner or as part of a Cuckoldress arrangement. In other words, a Domme isn't ordinarily keeping her subs in chastity for the express purpose of copulating with them on demand. It doesn't work that way. In fact, the longtime male chastity slaves I've spoken with have lost their ability to perform sexually with being able to get and maintain a usable erection. (They don't act like it matters much because they'd rather be an oral slave and/or perform foot worship.)

Theoretically, a woman is capable of having sex non-stop until she is too sore to do so, because there is no physiological readiness barrier to that possibility. Women in chastity do not require milkings either. A male Dom will not normally keep his female sub in chastity in order to prevent having sex with her, but this is not uncommon with a male sub where his service to a Domme prohibits varying degrees of sexual contact (other than the physical contact necessary for him to get milked on a regular basis, if applicable).

It could be part of the arrangement a female non-sexual service sub has with her Master to be kept in chastity, but I personally haven't heard of it. She could want to be denied or prohibited from masturbating, but orgasm control via mental domination, without the implementation of a chastity belt.

There may be a similar motivation, the sub's desire to feel controlled, monitored and regulated, but my personal opinion is that when it comes to male orgasm control with one's primary sexual partner, using a chastity device is an inferior method of conducting D/s. Inferior, in that it relies upon an external mechanism, rather than a strictly internally driven mindset due to having a compliant, submissive disposition. By the same token, I consider maintenance beatings and having a punishment dynamic to be an inferior method of practicing M/s. Most Dominant women I know do not want to have to play prison warden 24/7 over their charge like a ball & chain, and definitely not over their mate.

I don't know about female chastity slaves, but males are notorious for cheating and finding ways to get off. Many have a que sera sera attitude about cheating and then confessing, figuring that they'll simply take whatever punishment their Mistress decides to dole out. Why would I want a sub who basically needs to be constantly disciplined because he lacks enough self-control to comply with my wishes? I believe that this practice with males breeds disobedience and sneakiness, rather than reinforcing obedience to his Mistress.

DreamLady

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 19

RE: Transform Wife to Keyholder - 6/3/2015 7:17:32 AM

subinsilicon

Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamlady
I don't know about female chastity slaves, but males are notorious for cheating and finding ways to get off. Many have a que sera sera attitude about cheating and then confessing

I think chastity could be considered ncompatible with the definition of being male.

To the OP, you have three choices.
- wife
- porn
- mistress/hooker (same thing)

(in reply to dreamlady)

Post #: 20

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