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Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/18/2015 4:11:26 PM

Kayleigh133

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Joined: 8/11/2015
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Wondering if you have a contract?
If so have you found it helpful in staying on track?
Or setting boundaries?
My Dom has brought this up to me and I'd love your feedback

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/18/2015 4:36:20 PM

littleone35

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Many don't have contracts. We decided it would be a good idea for us. That way we knew we were on the same page. It spelled out my hard limits and which ones he would push. So in some respects a contracr can be a good idea. of course you find this all out by just talking to each other. It helped us though.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/18/2015 5:22:01 PM

UllrsIshtar

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https://fetlife.com/users/5006440/posts/3141803

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/19/2015 3:56:58 AM

InHisHeart

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We don't have a contract, don't feel a need for it. We talked about each of our expectations, boundaries, etc. and when something comes up that needs to be talked about, we talk.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/19/2015 1:38:29 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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Hi Kayleigh133, I don't have a written contract but I think it is fair to say that there is an unspoken one, it is just not practical to try to write it down because that would cover quite a lot of paper.
Plus, the rules change and it's the spirit that counts.

I could imagine that it's a good starting point though to get to know each other better.

(in reply to Kayleigh133)

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/24/2015 12:55:36 PM

MasterDBsgirl

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Hi Kayleigh,

i think it depends on the dynamic that you and your Master want to create. i dont have a contract nor an extensive list of rules.... Master and i talk all the time and He has me write a blog regualrly reflecting on O/our experiences together and my fantasies and ideas .... He uses all of this to giude and direcct O/our life together. O/our dynamic is constantly evolving and a contract would not help ....in fact it would be a constraint on the creativity and fuidity that W/we currently enjoy. Master is interetesd in getting me to a place where rules become irreleavant ... there is only one thing i need to thinhk about in any given situation ... What would Master want? and act accordingly! Of course in the beginning a certain number or rules are necessary and help me to feel secure in His control ... so He sets a number of daily rules and rituals .. but even they are constantly evloving. O/ours is a TPE relationship and so i seek to surrender all power and control to my Master .. a work in progress still and i suspect it always will be.

If You seek a more limied exchange of power then i can see that a contract might help define limits and boundaries. But even then the key really is communication and if a contract offers you a stating place to begin the conversation with your Master about expectations and standards and needs then go for it ... but i would reccomend only ever seeing it as a working document. A Master/slave relationship just like any other relationship evolves and grows and develops and a contract can only ever give you a snapshot of how things were at a moment in time.

whichever way you decide to go good luck with it ...

MasterDB's girl x

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/24/2015 4:33:27 PM

Mawine

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I'm not a fan of contracts, as others have pointed out, if you are having good discussions about what you each expect and desire they don't seem to be necessary. I understand though that the talky bit can pull you out of the experience, the mood, the headspace, whatever you want to call it. Sitting down and saying 'I like this, I hate that', it's difficult and ruins the mood. Which, is why I tend to request that that bit be done in a vanilla atmosphere. Often it's over a coffee (in public or private), and definitely during the daytime. The conversation won't just cover my bondage likes and my pain thresholds, but might also stray into what movie I last watched and what books we have in common. Point is, that talk becomes part of the normal daily conversation between friends (or lovers, partners, colleagues, whatever) so that when you're ready for the submission it can freeflow a bit better.

That said, the aftercare is a huge opportunity too for such talk, but should cover more like what the session (or scene, or day, or week, or night, or whatever) was like, what worked, failed etc.

Of course if you are in a more long-term situation where there is a heavier emphasis on kink than vanilla life then perhaps you should try by discussing a phase in of an agreement. So for the first week you each agree to one rule or concession. Then build on it. Write down those items only if you feel you need to.

But, I haven't taken into account those who enjoy a contract as a way of feeling more controlled or owned. I also don't have the experience to weigh in on that. Perhaps someone else does?

(in reply to MasterDBsgirl)

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/26/2015 11:48:57 PM

Kana

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We have a contract of the heart.

Seriously, why need a contract?
Either I trust her or I don't.
A signature makes no difference.

Now, an expectations and/or rules list? That's a whole different thing.
But be careful there.
The problem with etching rules in stone is that they bind Him as much as her.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 8/28/2015 1:34:06 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

The problem with etching rules in stone is that they bind Him as much as her.

Correct, for me it is a question of pride and honor to give my dominant as many choices as I possibly can.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/4/2015 9:01:08 AM

Bhruic

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When we have had many protocols I expect her to observe, then I have written them down so she has a reference to remember them all. And I have had her sign that she has read and understood the protocols, so that there is no excuse for error. That's about as close to a contract as we have got.

Slave contracts have no legal value, their value is entirely emotional. If it would please you or him for you to feel contractually bound to your servitude, then by all means... go through the symbolic act of signing a contract.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/19/2015 11:53:04 AM

bythesea1943

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I have a signed contract and when I lose my place Master reminds me what I signed. I am also a registered slave to my Master. So if I ever want to leave I will have to change my registration and my contract

(in reply to Kayleigh133)

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/19/2015 2:38:06 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bythesea1943

I have a signed contract and when I lose my place Master reminds me what I signed. I am also a registered slave to my Master. So if I ever want to leave I will have to change my registration and my contract

Have you considered an ear tag and a branding with your master's logo? (SCNR)

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/19/2015 2:41:40 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom

quote:

ORIGINAL: bythesea1943

I have a signed contract and when I lose my place Master reminds me what I signed. I am also a registered slave to my Master. So if I ever want to leave I will have to change my registration and my contract

Have you considered an ear tag and a branding with your master's logo? (SCNR)

Judgmental much?

(in reply to DannyIsNotWelcom)

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/20/2015 5:05:36 PM

petitespot

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bythesea1943

I have a signed contract and when I lose my place Master reminds me what I signed. I am also a registered slave to my Master. So if I ever want to leave I will have to change my registration and my contract

Or...you could just leave.
Contracts of this nature have zero power.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/20/2015 5:28:01 PM

Spiritedsub2

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Where's the drama in that?

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/21/2015 12:01:22 AM

sexyred1

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Contracts are for business and legal matters, not relationships.

But I suppose some people find something hot about them, as they do with slave registration numbers, etc.

I imagine it keeps an element of fantasy alive, but I would tend to avoid anyone who even broached the subject.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/22/2015 6:24:46 PM

shiftyw

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Nope. I avoid anyone who values them.

No legal meaning. Just a silly piece of paper.
It does zero for me, except maybe illicit a snarky response.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/22/2015 6:31:50 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kayleigh133

Wondering if you have a contract?
If so have you found it helpful in staying on track?
Or setting boundaries?
My Dom has brought this up to me and I'd love your feedback

I would say if it's a relationship based on mutual love for each other, I don't know why the contract is necessary. Trust and understanding each other naturally comes with that.

But some D/S relationships are devoid of emotional connection and maybe a contract is a good, just to be crystal clear with each other, what the terms of this relationship is in case there is any disagreement on what he can and cannot do.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/23/2015 4:42:57 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
But, I haven't taken into account those who enjoy a contract as a way of feeling more controlled or owned. I also don't have the experience to weigh in on that. Perhaps someone else does?

I don't as my own experience. But I am acquainted with people who do. Married couples in M/s relationships, and couples who are in a M/s relationship but not married, or married to others. They all have been in their relationships long term, and all agree that among other things, it heavily impacts being controlled/owned. I think they would do it for that reason alone, even if there were no other benefits to it for them.

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RE: Sub/Dom Contracts - 9/23/2015 4:55:29 PM

Wayward5oul

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I would say if it's a relationship based on mutual love for each other, I don't know why the contract is necessary. Trust and understanding each other naturally comes with that.

But some D/S relationships are devoid of emotional connection and maybe a contract is a good, just to be crystal clear with each other, what the terms of this relationship is in case there is any disagreement on what he can and cannot do.

Contracts can serve multiple purposes, not just establishing love or trust. I really don't know how a contract could really do that.

But I am familiar with romantic couples who do have contracts that among other things, establish protocols and such. I am not talking about 'just in the bedroom' types like me. I am talking about people who actively engage in their M/s dynamic at all times. Including protocols that they have established that helps to discreetly maintain the dynamic in public and around vanillas.

No, they do not have any legal value. But that didn't stop one lawyer that I know (and think very highly of) from drawing one up between him and his slave, who resides in his home with family that are not into the lifestyle.
If he knows that the law does not really make it binding, then why bother? For him, aside from enhancing the power exchange aspect of it, it is also just another way to commit yourself to someone. Another physical symbol of promises they made to each other, not unlike wearing a wedding ring or collar. Just because it isn't legally binding doesn't mean that it can't make you feel bound.

(in reply to Greta75)

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