RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site?

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 3:33:59 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElegantSupremacy
How about a category called "whiny little complaining shits"?

Even better!

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 3:43:43 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

Can we put all the men who dont want a relationship into one category??
What about men who just want their fetishes met with a side of free sex?

Now THERE'S an idea...

It would certainly have made my search a hell of a lot easier-- and dang it, shouldn't this website be in the business of catering to ME????

Well I think it should be catering to just ME< but, as Im not looking:) you can have that privilige

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 4:14:28 PM

ReMakeYou

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
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This is the part that really keeps me scratching my head.

The pros who strive to be active members of the community and have profiles up just as another way to stay visible aren't enough of a problem to get worked up about. Might technically be breaking the rules, but not too far from the spirit of the site.

The deluge of findommes, just like the deluge of fakes, is indeed annoying. However, the people behind these profiles know as much, and don't care. Short of completely undermining how this site works (requiring a signup fee, background checks before your profile goes live, etc.), I wonder what the complainers would do that wouldn't result in the same people just creating the same profiles and bringing us right back where we started.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 4:20:50 PM

Mawine

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/17/2015
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I must admit I understand the frustration of people when confronted with so many pro/fin dommes. Personally, I'm not looking for that and if someone make it clear on their profile that they are one, I'll move along.

The biggest problem I've seen on this site is lack of compromise. Personally, I'm more interested in reading the forums than actively searching for a dominant (male or female). I don't to many munches so chatting to people here has to do. People seem to forget though that the perfect match isn't what happens most of the time. Often we'll take 'good enough'. The problems I've seen people here fall into is that one party is making a compromise for example the sub is looking for a dominant partner, but doesn't quite line up to what the dominant is looking for. So for the short term that mismatch is hidden or kept quiet hoping that down the line it can be negotiated. Then one person calls the other a faker, or scammer or whatever. I know why that happens of course, people are scared to say that they are into everything but this one thing the other person is into for fear of rejection. Experience is that everyone is looking for 'perfect' when 'perfect' doesn't exist.

Similarly with websites like these. I like CM because its easy to use and watch and chip in on discussions on the forum, or how easy it is to chat to people I've never met. FL on the other hand is more guarded, difficult to meet and discuss things with people, but great to keep in touch with friends. I know there will never be one 'perfect' site. I'm happy to compromise and use two or three that each fulfil one of the things I'm looking for.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 4:34:34 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
I must admit I understand the frustration of people when confronted with so many pro/fin dommes.

I don't actually understand their frustration.

For me, the moment I see the word "gift" or "tribute" or "amazon" or any other indication of commercial goals, I simply hide the profile and never see it again. Normally you can't get more than a couple of sentences into the profile anyway, before this shows up (and often, you just have to look at the photo attached to the profile to know that it's a commercial profile).

If people are frustrated, I don't see why, unless, maybe, it's the same type of person who falls for the Nigerian email scams?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
Personally, I'm not looking for that and if someone make it clear on their profile that they are one, I'll move along.

Exactly what I do. I hit the HIDE button, and that profile is gone forever.
In the end, when I run a search for ladies from 30 to 99 who live within a 100 mile radius with any sexual orientation whatsoever, the search comes up with a single page (sometimes two pages at most) of ladies to choose from. None are commercial (as far as I can tell), so, that's why I don't see why anyone is frustrated.

Now, I CAN see how someone would be frustrated with the paucity of available ladies, but, that's to be expected when the ratio is something like 100:1 men to (real) women on this site. However, if, to relieve that paucity frustration, they lower their search criteria to include the commercial profiles, then I guess I can more easily understand their frustration.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
I'm more interested in reading the forums than actively searching for a dominant (male or female).

I agree with you.
Given that any search I run, even when expanded to a 100-mile radius, comes up with the same short one-page list of women I mostly don't want to have anything to do with, the result is that the ONLY thing this site is good for is the forum.

The key problem, I find, with the forum, is that only one out of about ten posters have something to say that we can all learn from.
The rest (including me, probably as frequently as any) are predictable in that there's nothing new to be learned from them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
Experience is that everyone is looking for 'perfect' when 'perfect' doesn't exist.

Clearly you've never read MY profile!
:)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
FL on the other hand is more guarded

I find FL more useful for figuring out what's going on around town.
The "discussions" on FL are somewhat similar as here on CS, I guess, but, I'm only subscribed to a small handful of local bay-area discussion groups on FL, while CS doesn't really cater to that local-group concept.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 5:57:40 PM

Mawine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
The key problem, I find, with the forum, is that only one out of about ten posters have something to say that we can all learn from.
The rest (including me, probably as frequently as any) are predictable in that there's nothing new to be learned from them.

Fair point, but why do we as people engage in small talk? Ask our colleagues how their partners/children/pets are when 99% of the time we already know the answer? I kinda liken a lot of the discussion on forums to small talk. Every so often interesting tidbits come up that make the dull predictable stuff worthwhile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
Experience is that everyone is looking for 'perfect' when 'perfect' doesn't exist.

Clearly you've never read MY profile!
:)

Well, do allow me to apologise for such a horrendous mistake!

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
FL on the other hand is more guarded

I find FL more useful for figuring out what's going on around town.
The "discussions" on FL are somewhat similar as here on CS, I guess, but, I'm only subscribed to a small handful of local bay-area discussion groups on FL, while CS doesn't really cater to that local-group concept.

It's the same for me. I find FL difficult for me to actually make new connections. It's mostly about maintaining the ones I have and care more deeply about.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 6:06:25 PM

crumpets

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mawine
Ask our colleagues how their partners/children/pets are when 99% of the time we already know the answer? I kinda liken a lot of the discussion on forums to small talk. Every so often interesting tidbits come up that make the dull predictable stuff worthwhile.

Fair enough. Small talk is conversation just as much as discussions figuring out the meaning of sexuality...

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 7:45:07 PM

rosenrye

Posts: 17
Joined: 8/20/2015
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I am relatively new but I did follow the forums and peruse the profiles for awhile before I decided to join. I think this is a lovely place where I feel safe expressing myself. From what I've seen, as the OP stated, those who desire payment from someone either specifically say so or ask for things like tributes. Some people specifically state that they want to pay for certain services. If you are already aware of the meaning behind such terms, it seems silly to me that wouldn't just ignore such propositions if that is what they are. I also know there is a wonderful link on here somewhere where you can contact support and perhaps address the issue with someone if it is that important to you.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 8:05:02 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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All the Findommes + all their profiles + all their post + all the nonsense the combination thereof causes can't compete with the chaos 50 Shades of Grey fans did to this place.

As I mentioned in my -=Money Pigs/FinDomery - real fetish or fake? (soapbox)=- thread, I can't find verification that exchanging cash is a real fetish. It's an adult entertainment business, not BDSM and I am annoyed that its' purveyors pretend it's BDSM.

However, if there was a magic button and I could only remove Findomery or 50 Shades of Grey... I would erase the book. Our community and our culture would better off. It took many years for FD to annoy me enough to make a post about it. It only took a couple months to be annoyed by the impact of 50 Shades of Grey.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 8:15:32 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
I can't find verification that exchanging cash is a real fetish.

I recently conversed with a finsub who while negotiating an online only FinDomme relationship told me this RS:

quote:

i've been submissive my whole life. i didn't get into financial domination until 4 or 5 years ago. i'm not sure why i wasn't into it earlier. it could just be that i didn't really have much money to give when i was younger, but got my career footing in my late 20s. it was a former Mistress who got me into this. Initially, financial domination wasn't even a part of our relationship. I did give her gifts at times. And I also took her shopping sometimes, but nothing that could be called financial slavery at the beginning. I was always submissive to her, but it wasn't a constant thing. I saw her a few times a week, we had sessions and i did chores and cleaned for her. She wasn't a professional Domme so there was no tribute for sessions or anything like that. At some point I ran errands outside for her like grocery shopping. At first, she gave me the money for it but one day, she suggested that i pay for it. The first time, i said okay, but left feeling iffy about it. When i brought the groceries back though i felt really good about it. i didn't tell her that for a month or two though. When i did, she pushed me a little further and said she had been aroused by it as well. i started to pay a couple of her bills and also gave her some money when she went out with friends. She didn't really need the money or her bills paid though. She made plenty herself. We went on that way for almost a year before she released me due to a vanilla relationship she had that was getting serious. After that, financial slavery became my primary thing and i made this profile.

i'm also not necessarily after online only. Or i wasn't. its been a few years since i made this profile. i did find someone else for about 8 months, but that also didn't work out because of her family issues. i took a break entirely for a long while, and saw a few pro Dommes in the interim, but am back looking now. im more open to online now because i think its easier for a Domme to separate her vanilla life from this while maintaining long term control of a sub. And while i enjoy all aspects of submission, i've come to realize that this is the one i enjoy the most. And in a way, it even adds to the feeling of sacrifice if i don't get to be physically around my Owner.

A real Financial Domme understands the real financial slavery dynamic. The slave is her property. He doesn't pay her to pretend to own him or to play Ds games. The money transfer isn't even "paying" at all. Its her property in the first place just as the slave is. A real Domme enjoys the control. For a real financial Domme, it has to be about using money as a means of control rather than the money itself.

And yes the idea turns me on as well... though the issue we're hitting during negotiations is that I want more than just financial control and he's liking the idea of me just using him for his money more than taking pleasure in him other ways as well.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 8:49:03 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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50 Shades of Grey

Oh I didn't think that would have caused so much trouble. Well the woman made the right choice in the end but otherwise Master and I found the whole thing quite ridiculous.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 9:15:20 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
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If I see one more damn cheap ass suit with the name Grey, Im gonna lose my shit.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 9:40:44 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Im gonna lose my shit.

Isn't that what it's meant for?

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 9:54:59 PM

ThePrincessKali

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I think there should be a seperate section of the message boards specifically called "whining and complaining about Pro's and Fin Dommes: Waaaah no one will be my free fetish vending machine and I have nothing better to do than whine and complain."

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 9:56:16 PM

TNDommeK

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this^

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/24/2015 11:40:20 PM

CreamSoda52

Posts: 9
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I think there should be a list of terms and conditions relating to the use of the site, the "Terms of Service" if you will, detailing its intended use. I think there should also be an area dedicated to free expression and discussion, a "Forum" perhaps, where users can gather to share their thoughts on issues such as whether or not the ToS are being observed. Crazy idea, right?

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/25/2015 1:04:31 AM

kinkyAbstract

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/7/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Why do you care so much? Was one of your friends scammed by a pro? According to your profile you are looking for a dominant and pro's look for subs so you can't be afraid they are going to snatch up all the good ones. And yet they bother you to the point that you devote a good part of you profile to slamming them. How can they possibly effect your life that much? Now I can see someone looking at your profile and thinking you are way too focused on putting down other people instead of trying to tell a prospective Domme why she should pick you and passing you over for that. But I can't think of any way them just being here can hurt you.

Correct! I have devoted my profile to a particular topic. The profile design that you suggest proved a failure for many years so therefore i am just trying out something different. The hope to find a Dominant online has long dissipated from my mind anyway. I'd love to find one perhaps, but I'm not exactly planning on it. Also, who am I slamming? And why or how am I slamming them? I mean seriously, I copied and pasted some text on my profile. I didn't write any opinion on the definitions neither. You are projecting your own feelings onto what you see in my profile. And I purposely left out my opinion to remain ambiguous about what my stance may be. I find it interesting when people accuse me of something and by doing so expose themselves guilty hypocrites of the very thing the accuse me of. I'm not saying you have done this, but I am saying it happens.

I never said anyone was hurting me. But if you are talking about how ProDom and FinDom would inherently change the dynamic of an online community of people in which money is not involved to participate, or even have a discourse on shared interests then look around some more. Read some message boards of different online adult dating sites? Do some research on how or whether or not dating sites actually work or mostly scams by design? Look into fake profiles created by the companies themselves, or why end users would be creating them? Also bot accounts and the whole webcam girl phenomena might help to. When you have all these things that are basically bullshit then what you have are quite possibly many men going online and completely wasting their time.

So I don't know about anyone being hurt. But I do know that I can be quite busy with life and the things I like to incorporate into it, and of course the many things that we all have to do to sustain our lifestyles. I like to take full advantage of my free time and try to use it in a way that feels significant to me. I hate to waste my time! There is so much to do, see, and try in this world! Time is money. blah blah blah! I hate wasting my time on nothing, being tricked or mislead is very frustrating thing to me and many other people. So I suppose it just isn't a very positive thing and I wouldn't say it's neutral neither. Which makes it a negative thing, and that can be hurtful.

Why do you care that I care so much? I mean, who says that anyway? That's not really an argument. I've never heard of that in a debate. "Well why does this issue have so much importance to you in the first place? In my opinion I don't think this issue is important." Difference of opinion? Well, that's kind of irrelevant to the question. The question being about facts, provided by documented evidence created by collarspace.com.

It's like saying, "Why do you like the color blue so much? The color blue is stupid! Ewwwww. You must be a stupid too! Stupid! Stupid! You and Stupid blue!"

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/25/2015 1:16:22 AM

kinkyAbstract

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/7/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreamSoda52

I think there should be a list of terms and conditions relating to the use of the site, the "Terms of Service" if you will, detailing its intended use. I think there should also be an area dedicated to free expression and discussion, a "Forum" perhaps, where users can gather to share their thoughts on issues such as whether or not the ToS are being observed. Crazy idea, right?

Yeah... I think so too! I mean, what's the harm in that? Lol.

Thank you!

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/25/2015 1:37:35 AM

kinkyAbstract

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThePrincessKali

I think there should be a seperate section of the message boards specifically called "whining and complaining about Pro's and Fin Dommes: Waaaah no one will be my free fetish vending machine and I have nothing better to do than whine and complain."

Lol!

It's just a question! Holy shit! Donkey!

You assume way too much! I have no issue with FinDom or ProDom as a viable business for those interested. As an escort myself, I can't really have issue there can I?

However, I do kind of get annoyed by those that do not understand the meaning of words that they use incorrectly and repeatedly in their profiles and else where. And the web cam bull shit... Fake accounts! Men posing as Dominant Women. It's all just annoying and unnecessary.

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RE: ProDom and FinDom. Why are they allowed on this site? - 8/25/2015 1:39:09 AM

kinkyAbstract

Posts: 29
Joined: 5/7/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

this^

Then this!

Lol!

It's just a question! Holy shit! Donkey!

You assume way too much! I have no issue with FinDom or ProDom as a viable business for those interested. As an escort myself, I can't really have issue there can I?

However, I do kind of get annoyed by those that do not understand the meaning of words that they use incorrectly and repeatedly in their profiles and else where. And the web cam bull shit... Fake accounts! Men posing as Dominant Women. It's all just annoying and unnecessary.

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Post #: 60