crumpets
Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
So when crumpets claimed all of us women were exaggerating, what he really did was invalidate all of us and call us liars. Personally I don't find that to be an effective way to start a relationship but each to their own. However, negging just makes me roll my eyes. I have to assume it isn't working for him either or he wouldn't still be bewailing his lack of relationship. So I'm curious as to why he continues a proven way to not get what he claims to want.
Maybe a little context is in order?
Where is this reputed "claim" that all of you women are exaggerating (something)?
The OP, I thought, was about the messages the ladies receive from men in their collarspace mail.
Having crafted female profiles of various experimental types, I most assuredly concur that women receive puerile trash from the lower end of society on a daily basis.
In fact, in this very thread, I already said so ... to wit:
quote:
ORIGINAL: crumpets
I must apologize, as a man, for the trashy way men compose their cs-mail/tinder-text messages to women.
Men talk exactly that way to each other (witness the constant sexual banter in any decently realistic male-bonding war film, for example), so, we're extremely comfortable with outright outlandish direct sexual repartee.
However, we normally, just as instinctively, snap out of that base-behavior mode when speaking to members of the opposite sex.
One way to think about it is that we are told to treat our initial conversations with women as if we're talking to someone's mother, and not as if we're joking with our (male) friends. (This is good advice - but - apparently - some men haven't yet received the memo!)
While I am not new to the scum men write to women as pickup lines, my first exposure to the puerile codswallop that men apparently habitually text to women on Tinder was a "Machinima ETC" skit where the hosts read aloud both sides of apparently real creepy text message conversations as a male:female tag team.
This demonstration opened my eyes to what women go through, daily apparently, on Tinder, once a "match" is lined up.
Googling for "machinima etc creepy text theatre", perhaps the best of which was this one with Sasha Grey as a guest host:
Creepy Text Theatre with SASHA GREY - ETC News
But, that quick google also found plenty of the same unfledged ilk ...
To that end, here are some vanilla (in as much as Tinder is vanilla) Tinder messages, received by (real) women...who are universally disgusted with the way men approach them, at least on Tinder ...
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES - Meghan Rienks
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES - PeaceloveCaitlin
Girls Read Weird Tinder Messages - Pat Greenall
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES! - Taylor Hansen
MY TINDER HORROR STORIES | + READING MESSAGES - marvelousmollie03
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES - imthaaatgirl07 ♡
Reading My Creepy Tinder Messages! - NICOLE JULIANA
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES - BRI DECERIO
READING MY CREEPY TINDER MESSAGES?!? - BEYOU FITFUL
READING MY TINDER MESSAGES: PART 2 - Taylor Hansen
READING MY TINDER MESSAGES?! - tewsimple
♡ Reading TINDER Messages! | College Girls Edition ♡ - Glam It Yourself
etc.
I realize the OP opened with a quote that DesFIP was most likely reacting to.
I admit that I don't remember where that quote came from (or even if it was indeed from contiguous lines); but, if I'm sending such puerile collarspace emails as have been portrayed in this thread, then I welcome anyone here who has received them from me to publish them in their entirety here and now (redacting personally identifiable information, of course).
To be rather clear, I rarely send collarspace emails (probably I average about one mail a week on average, if that). And, in general, I'm very selective about whom I bother to type a missive to since most female profiles are not worth spending my valuable time on, for a variety of reasons (more than about 25 miles away, ignorant content, mention of "tribute" or "gifts", etc.). And, even those I am conversing with, often start to seem "flat" to me, and one dimensional; so I quickly tire of them and lose interest and just drop off.
Lately, almost always, I generally respond to a lady expressing either that she appreciates my profile/journal or that she feels the need to apologize for the unfair way I'm being treated in the forum.
This shocking fact bears repeating - since it contrasts well with the way (some) men approach women.
It turns out that an amazingly caring number of women are surprisingly (secretly) supportive in their private emails, even as they remain out of view on the forums.
[It's interesting, to me, because men generally don't hide their support behind a veil, so, I'm constantly surprised how caring some women are, to total strangers, who, it turns out, can almost certainly handle themselves, and therefore who don't need the hidden support.]
While I don't really need "hidden supporters", nor the appreciative accolades from anyone further away than a few dozen miles, these surprisingly caring responses from women stand out in stark contrast to the way many men write to many female profiles.
If a single one of my emails is the type of puerile trash that is exemplified here, then I give you permission to post it here and now, for all to see.
If you published all my "initial" CS mails (which, since I send so few, wouldn't be any longer than a typical collarchat-forum thread), you'll find there are 3 types:
1. Respectful responses to those extremely few who live within 25 miles of me (these responses often being quite detailed)
2. Respectful responses to people who live further away (I have less patience for these - and so I generally drop the conversation rather quickly unless it's a purely intellectual discourse)
3. Disrespectful responses (including hide/block and ignore) to the fake profiles (or any profile asking for tribute in any form or any profile that starts to smell fishy after the initial dialog).
I'm confident that I am always respectful to the "real" women here, especially if they live within 25 miles (if they're further away, I generally lose interest rather quickly).
However, rest assured, if someone contacts me first (generally), I take the time to read their ENTIRE profile. Every single word. I read their forum posts. I read their journal end to end.
And I comply with their stated preferences (with respect to how they wish to be addressed, what they want to know in the first note, etc.).
In general, the only time I'm disrespectful to a "female" profile, is when I see strong hints that it's a guy, posing as a female (yes, I know ... the unfair hypocrisy of it all).
Then I simply tell it like it is (as I do on this forum), sparing nobody.
Yet, even then, since there are so many fake profiles (many of which are run by bots), I usually only bother curtly responding to the effect of "yeah, right... and I was born yesterday", or something of that ilk when the profile that is fake solicits me first.
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
So when crumpets claimed all of us women were exaggerating
Therefore, I don't even FEEL this way (I don't think women even NEED to exaggerate about the puerile trash they receive from men, as it's a well-known fact of life, from whistles on the street, to catcalls on the train, to worse (far worse).
Of course, I believe (some) women also SOLICIT such (male sexual) attention, by the almost obscene way they dress as they flit about the men - but - that isn't ever going to change either - no matter how much I think they contribute to their own oft-stated complaints about men.
[However, the situation is never as simple as a sentence can convey, since I also believe that women could walk around wearing a black burqa and men will still give them wanted (or unwanted) attention, simply because you can't easily hide femininity from men.]
< Message edited by crumpets -- 9/13/2015 8:16:56 AM >
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