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RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 4:15:58 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		i was a woman that had always said that i was not bothered at all by oral. that's because i'd never had anyone good enough at doing it. queue meeting my ex playmate for the first time, and that sees me trying to fake not having an orgasm all over his face in front of my ex partner. a rather dodgy situation, but there it is all the same. the ex playmate was very good at oral, but that's because he was attentive to what he was doing. i have my theories though about why he spent so much time down there, because once a certain situation was resolved it all changed.

what I will say though is that all the labeling as to whether it's a d/s m/s act is bullcrap. The ex playmate and i are both switches. Not in a you be the don this time, and I'll be the sub, but that we both felt all, and any of it throughout a session, and changing it up as we went along. Now if I were laid on my back, grabbed his hair, and forced him into me with my thighs wrapped around his neck until he couldn't breath.....yeah, i'm in charge, and he's no dom/master. If i were to sit on his face then it's me taking charge. I could also put him in a position where i could sit on his face, and deep throat his cock too with me in charge all the way. However, it could just as easily work the other way around.

I may meet someone else that can read me just as well, and i may not. either way I'm not that fussed.

needles

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Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 1:08:10 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul


quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Not something I NORMALLY bring up but...I am trying to be more "true" to myself when I describe what I like and do not like...

I have never been a fan of oral sex being performed on ME...(I love to give...not so much to receive). I discard profiles of men who extort how they love to please women and can go down for hours...

Since becoming more upfront, I have heard a few times, "makes sense...slaves usually prefer to be the givers." A couple of men that identify as masters have gone as far as to say that they never perform oral sex on slaves since (not to be crude BUT) "since slave holes are for filling...not licking".

So, I ask...

1) Is the giver/receiver idea true? It has been also pointed out that it is even a difference between subs and slaves. Regardless of gender, do those on the sub/slave side really prefer to give? For me, part of it is I HATE laying there with nothing to do LOL...I just assumed it was because of my ADHD!
2). Is it really just vanilla guys trying to get laid with the whole "I LOVE to go down on a woman" claim? it seems like every guy now swears that it is their favorite activity!
3) if you like receiving..WHY?? Ok, men, I get the attraction...Women. Why? Other than the whole "nothing to do" I have never known a man that could be as rough and aggressive with his tongue as he can be with his dick.

I am right there with you on all of this. I love giving oral, but I am not that hot on receiving it. I love to please, and that's what I get out of giving oral. Its something I have come to seriously enjoy. But when receiving, it becomes about me, and that detracts from the whole experience for me.

And I hate it when I see profiles of men bragging about their oral skills.



Not an attempt to change your mind-set but a clarification may prove useful:

It's not all about 'you' for some men who like giving oral. It's a small part of enjoying a woman.

I would suggest that perhaps it's more about 'you' when giving oral because that's what 'you' want.


_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 1:13:44 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

I have never met a guy who didn't love a blowjob, but I have met a few women who didn't like pussy licking, although most seem to love it, IMHO.



I'll buck the trend here.

I certainly don't 'love' a blowjob.

Can be decent enough depending upon her skills, but not the holy grail by any stretch of the imagination.

If sex were a menu of activities, a blow job would be like the bread the waiter brings out to keep you busy while waiting for a starter.




_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 3:24:49 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		I wonder if men's preoccupation with blow jobs is directly proportional to how few they get in real life.

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 6:33:38 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I wonder if men's preoccupation with blow jobs is directly proportional to how few they get in real life.

In my personal experience though.

Not getting a blowjob is never a deal breaker for most males when it comes to casual sex.

But not being able to give you oral...., oooh, that one, deal breaker many times for them!

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 7:39:33 PM   
cloverodella


Posts: 133
Joined: 8/8/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
My guess is you haven't really been to bed with that many guys?

I chuckled when I read that, mainly because I had NOT considered that this is very true.
So, what the heck do I know about guys, in bed.
The answer?

Um. The truth?
Um. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

That's why I chuckled.
You got me.

I have no defense, your honor; therefore, I wish to plead nolo contendere.


This is what we women have been trying to impart on you in every thread I have seen you active in. Have you been a woman? Based on your talk of being a schoolboy, the answer is no, you have never been a woman. Therefore there is NO way for you to feel a woman's lived experience, at all, full stop.

When you try to tell women what we feel, that is the definition of mansplaining (ie: magnitudes of horniness and who needs/desires sex more in other posts). When you don't just take a woman on her word of her lived experiences, especially when a group of us say the same thing, because that isn't your interpretation of things and debate us on it, that is mansplaining.

It seems you owe several people an apology for insulting their low-IQs and inability to "see things that you do" "and playing to the croud", as the most obvious point we've been trying to make has passed over your head for so long.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
do you REALLY think anything a woman tells us is going to, somehow, hurt our (apparently incomprehensibly fragile) ego?


YES. A hundred times, YES. That is what women keep saying, so it should be taken that yes, it is their experience. A woman telling you that she has to molly-coddle men who are bad at eating pussy, because she fears his reaction, has in fact had the experience of men's egos being unable to take it. Take her at her word, try to empathize, say "oh, wow, i didn't know women had to deal with men behaving like that". It is mansplaining to question her and the women agreeing with her in order to explain what you observe men to be like according to you and/or your friends' actions.



(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 7:54:43 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		^^ ditto this.

(in reply to cloverodella)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 9:21:15 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline 		Duplicate deleted.

It seems that if you post too quickly, the error message "says" that the post isn't accepted, but, when you then post it after waiting a few minutes, you see a duplicate post.

Sorry for the faux pas.

< Message edited by crumpets -- 9/22/2015 9:32:04 PM >

(in reply to cloverodella)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/22/2015 9:31:01 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
Have you been a woman?

Um. No.
I didn't look at your profile, but I'll assume you're female, and that you have never been a man either.
I can only speak for me in this specific case, but if you said I sucked at cunnilingus, I'd ask what I could improve.
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
Therefore there is NO way for you to feel a woman's lived experience, at all, full stop.

I do get your point. But you need to get mine.

Your point is that male egos are fragile when a woman tells him, specifically, he sucks at cunnilingus (I think that's your point anyway).

My point is that if a woman told me that, I'd shrug my shoulders and decide whether I felt like giving her BETTER cunnilingus or not.
If I got the vibes that she WANTED it, but only wanted me to be better - I'd take that as simple constructive criticism. No need to beat around the bush.

In fact, I've had plenty of women tell me to slow down or speed up or stay right there, so, women aren't shy at all about telling me what to do with my tongue - so - I just don't have any experience with the "fragile male ego" you seem to describe.

I'm sure it exists, just like I'm sure OJ Simpson killed his wife and then put his name on the book.
But, it's not my experience.

Of course, your point is that I am not a woman - but - as a guy - why don't "I" have such a fragile male ego when a woman tells me I suck at sex?

I don't think anyone has ever told me that, but, I certainly have cum early or too late (or never at all) or in the middle of her orgasm, etc., since these things happen - and - well - I just chalk it up to what happened happened - and I strive to do better next time.

In fact, there have been a few cases where I came too early, especially when I was a lot younger, and, well, I just resolved to do better next time. I'm sure there have been times when I was with a women who didn't orgasm, but who may have faked it (some of those screams sound fake even when they're real, whereas we guys just grunt commensurate with the effort involved).

Let's assume 10% of the women I have been with faked their orgasm. So what? So they faked it. So I wasn't "good enough" for them. Big deal. I would just strive to do better next time. I'd ask what they like, how they like it, and try to do it better for them. What's the problem with good healthy dialog?

Are you saying men, in general, are afraid of corrective advice?
NOTE: I ask directions when I'm lost. I have never understood the common saying that men don't do that. I ask all the time. Even when I know pretty much where I'm going, I ask. I even ride my motorcycle up on the sidewalk to ask bystanders for advice.

You can't count the number of Usenet posts I made just today, asking for advice on dozens of topics.

Yet, I hear all the time (from women) that men don't ask for help or advice?

So, I have no experience with this "fragile ego" you are talking about in men.
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
It seems you owe several people an apology for insulting their low-IQs

If someone can't spell "their/there" correctly, and they spell "sense" as "sence" (both of which happened today for example, in the prior thread I posted to), then they certainly are too stupid to handle any level of detail.

Why should I apologize for that opinion?
It's true.
(Note: The occasional typo and mis-spelling befalls all of us at one time or another; but this is endemic stuff we're talking about here.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
and inability to "see things that you do" "and playing to the croud",

It's clear as day I'm NOT playing to the croud [sic], just as it's clear the clever souls here who DO play to the crowd aren't telling the truth.

That you don't see things how I see them would only mean that we're both intelligent enough to own educated opinions on the topic.
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
A woman telling you that she has to molly-coddle men who are bad at eating pussy, because she fears his reaction, has in fact had the experience of men's egos being unable to take it.

I have my own experience to go on. Nobody needs to "molly coddle" me.
But, I have the ability to learn, and to ask, and to take advice, and to seek constructive criticism; so, maybe that's the difference.
Maybe I'm not a man.

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/23/2015 3:48:22 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
I would suggest that perhaps it's more about 'you' when giving oral because that's what 'you' want.


How could you possibly know what I want? We've never met, talked, exchanged messages, etc. So on what basis are you 'suggesting' anything about me? Especially something that completely contradicts what I have already stated about myself?

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/26/2015 1:52:08 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
I would suggest that perhaps it's more about 'you' when giving oral because that's what 'you' want.


How could you possibly know what I want? We've never met, talked, exchanged messages, etc. So on what basis are you 'suggesting' anything about me? Especially something that completely contradicts what I have already stated about myself?



I love giving oral, but I am not that hot on receiving it. I love to please, and that's what I get out of giving oral. Its something I have come to seriously enjoy.

Seems clear cut?

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 9/26/2015 1:53:44 PM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/26/2015 2:08:21 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
I would suggest that perhaps it's more about 'you' when giving oral because that's what 'you' want.


How could you possibly know what I want? We've never met, talked, exchanged messages, etc. So on what basis are you 'suggesting' anything about me? Especially something that completely contradicts what I have already stated about myself?



I love giving oral, but I am not that hot on receiving it. I love to please, and that's what I get out of giving oral. Its something I have come to seriously enjoy.

Seems clear cut?


Was this part clear?
I love to please, and that's what I get out of giving oral.

By your reasoning, I would enjoy it even if my partner wasn't. And yet I clearly stated that the pleasing is what does it for me. Oral sex just happens to be a specific activity that that I can do for my partner that I know they will enjoy. If there was another specific activity that I could do that every man I have ever been with enjoyed immensely the way they do oral sex, then I would say the same thing about it.

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/26/2015 2:39:34 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		there seems to be this thing with guys that they assume that because they enjoy giving so much that the receiver must also therefore enjoy it, or at least indulge in it for their sake. I love giving a blow job, but here's the thing; if the guy I was giving it too was not giving me any sign that he was enjoying what I was doing, and just having a hard-on is not enough, then I would not be getting any enjoyment from it myself.

a couple of times my ex playmate had said to me that I could do things if i wanted to, but then would show no sign at all of any pleasure in the act. that would then take all pleasure away from the act for me, and would also make me feel as though I'd failed with the act for him too. I'd rather just not bother wasting my time, and effort.

needles

_____________________________

I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/26/2015 2:54:14 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

there seems to be this thing with guys that they assume that because they enjoy giving so much that the receiver must also therefore enjoy it, or at least indulge in it for their sake. I love giving a blow job, but here's the thing; if the guy I was giving it too was not giving me any sign that he was enjoying what I was doing, and just having a hard-on is not enough, then I would not be getting any enjoyment from it myself.

a couple of times my ex playmate had said to me that I could do things if i wanted to, but then would show no sign at all of any pleasure in the act. that would then take all pleasure away from the act for me, and would also make me feel as though I'd failed with the act for him too. I'd rather just not bother wasting my time, and effort.

needles

Exactly. I can enjoy all kinds of variations of sex because I know the other person is enjoying it. But the response that I get from performing oral sex is like nothing else. Which encourages even more effort from me. And I want to make my partner feel like that all the time, every chance I get. If something else could pull that kind of response from them, I would want to do it all the time too.

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/26/2015 10:54:00 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:


ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
I love giving oral, but I am not that hot on receiving it. I love to please, and that's what I get out of giving oral. Its something I have come to seriously enjoy.


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins
there seems to be this thing with guys that they assume that because they enjoy giving so much that the receiver must also therefore enjoy it, or at least indulge in it for their sake.


This is my biggest frustration with men in general. This lame excuse that giving oral is about female's pleasure. It's 200% about their own pleasure only.

Otherwise, they wouldn't ignore the fact that I hate receiving oral. They don't care about my pleasure at all. They just want to bury their head and their tongue in a pussy and that's all they want.

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 9/27/2015 12:25:32 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am very communicative. About everything, including what I need to get what I need in sex.

I don't consider it a put down or insult to a man who has never been with me to tell him what I like.

Since that instruction, if you will, only happens when we are having sex, I fail to see how listening to what a woman needs could be construed as negative. Unless you are an insecure, selfish dude who thinks sex is all about him.

Honestly, if I have sex with someone and I don't get off by the second time? There will be no third time.

Women can tell if you are really into eating pussy or if you are going through the motions.

Since Ive always had oral that was gourmet, why would I take fast food oral?

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/18/2016 7:20:22 PM   
itsSIRtou


Posts: 836
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline
"Liquor upfront, poker in the rear" has been my motto and for an awfully long time.

That being said, Ive used eating cunt as a form of control for a long time, even on vanilla women.

let's face it (pun intended) when I have a woman legs wide open, Ive her complete attention on that one area of her body, and I can do just about anything to her that I want. speed up, slow down, take her to the edge, tickle her as a momentary dis traction, play her body like the Stradivarius she is.





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What would the internet be like if we couldn't say trump is a moron?

The Republican party complains government doesnt work for people, and then makes darn sure it cannot.

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Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/19/2016 7:07:34 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella


quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
My guess is you haven't really been to bed with that many guys?

I chuckled when I read that, mainly because I had NOT considered that this is very true.
So, what the heck do I know about guys, in bed.
The answer? Absolutely nothing.


When you don't just take a woman on her word of her lived experiences, especially when a group of us say the same thing, because that isn't your interpretation of things and debate us on it, that is mansplaining.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
do you REALLY think anything a woman tells us is going to, somehow, hurt our (apparently incomprehensibly fragile) ego?

That is what women keep saying, so it should be taken that yes, it is their experience. A woman telling you that she has to molly-coddle men who are bad at eating pussy, because she fears his reaction, has in fact had the experience of men's egos being unable to take it. Take her at her word, try to empathize, say "oh, wow, i didn't know women had to deal with men behaving like that". It is mansplaining to question her and the women agreeing with her in order to explain what you observe men to be like according to you and/or your friends' actions.

Crumpets, this is the thread I was referring to. I haven't had any bad oral sex experiences so far, thankfully. However, I had to break up with a couple of vanilla guys, before I discovered BDSM, when they did a sexual act to me that I had specifically told them not to do. When I got upset and told them to stop, they whined, "but other girls like it!" I replied, "I'm not other girls!" Even if you don't try to generalise what other men are doing/saying/etc. to women, when you don't have any romantic experience with other men, generalising what women want based on one (or a few) women instead of listening is a bad idea.

(in reply to cloverodella)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/20/2016 12:53:00 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
Crumpets, this is the thread I was referring to.

Thanks for referencing this, as I had forgotten about this thread.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
I haven't had any bad oral sex experiences so far, thankfully.

Likewise, I have never had a bad blow job.
I'm sure a bad blow job exists just as bad pizza in Sicily must exist; but I can't remember ever having experiencing either one.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
When I got upset and told them to stop, they whined, "but other girls like it!" I replied, "I'm not other girls!"

One look at your profile proves that!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
Even if you don't try to generalise what other men are doing/saying/etc. to women, when you don't have any romantic experience with other men, generalising what women want based on one (or a few) women instead of listening is a bad idea.


This is good advice.

What you're saying, if I may risk paraphrasing your words, is that some women find that some men don't listen to their stated sexual needs, and, maybe even worse, those (some) men specifically disobey (or ignore) what those (some) women have told them they want the men to do (or not do).

I believe that.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/20/2016 1:08:09 AM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
when you don't have any romantic experience with other men, generalising what women want based on one (or a few) women instead of listening is a bad idea.


Reflecting more upon your entire message, what you're also saying, again, if I may paraphrase, is that I don't have a clue about what it's like being romantically involved with men, so, I should both refrain from generalizing about how the whole population of men responds in that situation, and, specifically, I should listen to (and take seriously) what women say about their experiences.

This also makes sense.

I think, what I'm getting from this, by listening to women's experiences, is that I'm abnormal in some ways in that ...
  • a) I think I take correction well.
  • b) I don't consider it a threat to my ego.
  • c) In fact, I invite (and enjoy and follow the leadership inherent in) that correction

    However, what you're telling me is that it's wrong for me to generalize those three statements to *all* men.

    Fair enough.
    I'm sure I got some (many? all?) the details wrong in my summary, so, please feel free to correct where I err!

    (in reply to Andalusite)
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