RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!)

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RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/21/2016 7:49:49 PM

Andalusite

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I don't think that those things make you abnormal, though I disagree that you're taking correction well. You aren't getting mad about it, but other ladies in this very thread, months ago, told you not to generalise about how men interact with women and how women want men to interact with them. Yet, you've been doing it in these other threads. If you don't correct the things you've been asked to, it isn't taking correction well!

I think you do mean well, and it seems to be sinking in better this time, which is good.

On the flip side, I feel a little awkward about telling you that in general, women don't want men to generalise about our interactions with men! It does seem a little contradictory I suppose, though it's more of an exception to the rule.

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RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/22/2016 3:52:58 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't think that those things make you abnormal, though I disagree that you're taking correction well. You aren't getting mad about it, but other ladies in this very thread, months ago, told you not to generalise about how men interact with women and how women want men to interact with them. Yet, you've been doing it in these other threads. If you don't correct the things you've been asked to, it isn't taking correction well! I think you do mean well, and it seems to be sinking in better this time, which is good.

This.

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Post #: 122

RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/25/2016 9:37:31 AM

crumpets

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
I don't think that those things make you abnormal, though I disagree that you're taking correction well.

Fair enough assessment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
You aren't getting mad about it, but other ladies in this very thread, months ago, told you not to generalise about how men interact with women and how women want men to interact with them.

This comment should be cause for reflection on my part.

As you astutely noted, there are (at least) two components to "taking correction well".
1. Not getting mad about it, and,
2. Learning from it.

What you're saying, and I get that's what you're saying, is that, while I yearn for the correction from the likes of a Domme (or anyone whom I innately respect), I don't necessarily GET IT (at least not the first, second, or third time I'm corrected). At least for "social" issues.

NOTE: As an aside, I generally "get" (aka absorb) TECHNICAL correction quite quickly; but I do agree with you that I often don't "GET" social corrections the first time (and, in fact, as you may have noted, the more subtle and gentle the social correction, the LESS I seem to get it!). For me, a social correction may need to be as unsubtle as you can make it - sort of like the sharp crack of the riding crop is not at all subtle at getting the disapproving message across!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
Yet, you've been doing it in these other threads.
If you don't correct the things you've been asked to, it isn't taking correction well!

I understand your point, which is that "taking correction well" means more than accepting the correction as being just and deserved.
It also entails changing my ways (which, in the D/s sense, would result in a more pleasing submissive to his domme!).

I can not change the past; but I can strive to be "better" each time.
That is all that I can(realistically) promise, although I'd love to be able to promise that I'll never make social mistakes again.

I can only hope that, moving forward, I do better, although I will always need to curb my incessant desire to compartmentalize everything into neat well understood, packaged, and labeled boxes (as if I was doing the tail end of the wash after ironing by putting away a lady's underthings all in their right place, folded neatly, and in drawers, perfectly and neatly labeled for each type of undergarment).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
I think you do mean well, and it seems to be sinking in better this time, which is good.

I am glad you haven't totally lost faith in me!
Nobody has ever told me that I was like anyone else they had ever met, so, I believe your faith is warranted (although time and my subsequent behavior is the only real truth).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite
On the flip side, I feel a little awkward about telling you that in general, women don't want men to generalise about our interactions with men! It does seem a little contradictory I suppose, though it's more of an exception to the rule.

I don't think my brain, which is wired for seeking understanding, can ever NOT seek the answers to questions about almost anything (e.g., why is cheddar cheese orange anyway?), but, what I can strive to do is retrain my impulses to attempt a generalization that isn't fully tested yet.

Some generalizations are mighty good, by the way, (e.g., Dommes deserve faithful attention to their needs), even as no generalization is every absolutely 100% correct (i.e., some Dommes just aren't worth the effort).

I can't possibly promise that I will change the wiring of my brain, but, I can promise that I will strive to be more cognizant of the effect of my words on a population so generalized about.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
This.

That others, whom I also respect, agree with you, should be taken seriously by me, sort of like how double sharp whacks on my behind would not-so-subtly inform me that I am in need of GETTING the correction that is being rightfully handed to me.

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Post #: 123

RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/25/2016 6:41:28 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
I understand your point, which is that "taking correction well" means more than accepting the correction as being just and deserved.
It also entails changing my ways (which, in the D/s sense, would result in a more pleasing submissive to his domme!).

Precisely! If you apologise, and then keep doing the same thing, the apology comes across as insincere, and you will displease the person/people you apologised to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
I can not change the past; but I can strive to be "better" each time.
That is all that I can(realistically) promise, although I'd love to be able to promise that I'll never make social mistakes again.

Of course, I can't expect you to be perfect about it, and there's a difference between struggling to implement a change, and not putting any effort in at all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
I can only hope that, moving forward, I do better, although I will always need to curb my incessant desire to compartmentalize everything into neat well understood, packaged, and labeled boxes.

Spock mode is useful for technical stuff, and to *some* extent can be wise in relationships (using your head instead of strictly following your heart and abandoning common sense). However, most emotions aren't subject to logical analysis, and arguing with people about what they feel is almost guaranteed to cause hurt feelings, anger, and/or arguments. I recently read http://intentionalworkplace.com/2012/03/15/how-emotion-shapes-decision-making/ and thought of you, perhaps you'd find it useful and/or interesting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
I don't think my brain, which is wired for seeking understanding, can ever NOT seek the answers to questions about almost anything (e.g., why is cheddar cheese orange anyway?), but, what I can strive to do is retrain my impulses to attempt a generalization that isn't fully tested yet.

Some generalizations are mighty good, by the way, even as no generalization is every absolutely 100% correct. I can't possibly promise that I will change the wiring of my brain, but, I can promise that I will strive to be more cognizant of the effect of my words on a population so generalized about.

Cheddar cheese is orange due to dye, tradition, and marketing! http://wonderopolis.org/wonder/why-is-cheddar-cheese-orange/
Keeping a sense of wonder and wanting to learn new things is positive, but ageplay as a toddler in the "why" stage isn't.

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Post #: 124

RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/26/2016 1:17:25 AM

NookieNotes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
This.

That others, whom I also respect, agree with you, should be taken seriously by me, sort of like how double sharp whacks on my behind would not-so-subtly inform me that I am in need of GETTING the correction that is being rightfully handed to me.

Here's a thing to learn: When someone gives you their experience, it is good to learn from it immediately, even if it is counter to the experiences of hundreds of others. Because excepts are required to proof the rule. It also helps you understand that all of these excepetions can make for some very interesting people.

For example, in your point about generalizing about dommes:

quote:

Dommes deserve faithful attention to their needs

This is a good generalization to begin with. Assume that dommes do deserve it, until they prove otherwise. Then, watch for them to prove otherwise by being inconsiderate, by being actively rude, by demanding money...

Then, realize that they are either:

A. Not a domme.
B. Not deserving.
C. Both.

Add that to your arsenal and move on, knowing that this is why we have both generalities about humans and specifics.

Now, in the case of other issues, you will find that generalities cover only about 55% of the population, such as "females like pink."

(I pulled this one out of my ass, so just roll with the concept.)

If you assume that when you meet a female that she likes pink, you will be right just over half the time. VERY good odds for Vegas. However, understanding that 45% of women will not like pink will allow you to correct yourself very quickly without any resistance to the idea, because you know that almost as many women don't like pink as like pink.

You see?

And when the numbers are 65%/35%, it's still 7 out of twenty women who will differ from your generalities. That's a lot in the scheme of things, but does not make your generalities any less valuable to start with.

Another way to look at it is as a sculptor, you start with a block of stone and whittle away the parts that don't fit, until you get your art.

As a person, you start with a set of assumptions when you meet a person and whittle away until you know THEM, not your generalities.

Make sense?

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Post #: 125

RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/26/2016 7:36:42 PM

Andalusite

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Nookie, I liked how you explained that to him.

With Valentine's Day coming up, another example might be that the stereotypical thing to get for a woman is red roses and chocolates. While a Domme might indeed enjoy that, it's even better if the submissive can find out what her actual favorite flowers are (or if she doesn't like cut flowers/is allergic), whether she prefers dark/milk, plain or with nuts/caramel/etc., or is dieting and won't eat any candy, or perhaps doesn't like chocolate at all. Depending just on the generalization isn't enough for him to actually please her, even if it's actually accurate for her! Details matter.

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Post #: 126

RE: Oral Sex (Calling Ron!!) - 1/27/2016 2:31:01 AM

NookieNotes

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Thanks. *smiles*

And yeah. I really don't even celebrate Valentine's myself. My Pet is amazing all year long, I see no reason to make a certain day pressure-ful.

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