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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 10:13:35 PM   
DaddySatyr


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Two germs walk into a pub and start heading right behind the bar.

The bartender yells: "Whoa! Where do you think you're going?"

The germs reply: "It's okay. We're staff."



Michael

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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 10:15:49 PM   
Dvr22999874


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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 10:19:16 PM   
DaddySatyr


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What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts can be as expensive as $3.00 per bag and deer nuts are always under a buck.



Michael

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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 10:44:28 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
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Status: offline 		A polar bear walks into a pub in England and orders a gin and tonic.
The barman asks "Do you want ice with that" ?
The Polar Bear looks up at the ceiling and thinks, and thinks, and thinks and then says "Uh, yes please"
The barman asks "Why the big pause"?
The polar bear looks down with a surprised look and says "I've had ém all my life"

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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 10:58:43 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		a young girl walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. The barman says, "No way kid. You've had it"
she replies "yeah and don't it make you thirsty ?"

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RE: A man .. - 11/25/2015 11:21:50 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline 		This is a true story.
I was on a British merchant ship and we were in Seattle one time and a bunch of us went to a bar ( unusual huh ? *smile*) and as the evening wore on a few of the girls in there came and sat with us and asked us what jobs we did on the ship.
All was fine until we got to one guy and we told them he was the ship's chippy.
The girls all looked at each other and whispered a little bit between themselves and then all bar the one who was with me, got up and went to the bar and stayed there.
she asked me very quietly "Is he really a chippy ?".................to which I replied in the affirmative. Then I remembered what a chippy IS in America and made a very hasty explanation. she went and told the girls and they all returned and the evening was fine after that. I will leave it to any Brits, Aussies or Kiwis to explain to our American friends
what a chippy is on board a merchant ship *smile*....................I was lucky; I was only the Tucker-Fucker !!!


< Message edited by Dvr22999874 -- 11/25/2015 11:23:42 PM >

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 12:13:21 AM   
DaNewAgeViking


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Status: offline 		Alright, I give up. What is a 'chippy'? And what is a 'Tucker-fucker'? Inquiring minds want to know.

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 12:17:33 AM   
Dvr22999874


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Status: offline 		A Chippy was the ship's carpenter/shipwright....................the Tucker Fucker was the Chief Cook/Chef..........................a Pig-Iron-Polisher was a ships engineer

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 3:07:33 AM   
Marc2b


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quote:

... walked into a zoo in which there was only one animal - a dog. It was a shitzu.


Ya know, it actually took me a moment to get that 'cause I kept focusing on the "shit" and not the "zu."

That probably says something about my mind I'd rather not know.

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 3:10:46 AM   
Marc2b


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quote:

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants walking over the hill?

He said "Here come the elephants walking over the hill".

What did he say when the elephants came walking over the hill wearing sun glasses?

Nothing...he didn't recognize them.


I remember this from when I was a kid except that the second answer was different:

"Nothing . . . elephants don't wear sunglasses." At which point you look at the person you're telling the joke to as if they were a total idiot.

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 10:09:27 PM   
littleclip


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Status: offline 		what do you call a cow with only 2 legs lean beef
what do you call a cow with no legs ground beef

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 11:28:15 PM   
DaddySatyr


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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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Along those same lines:

What do you call a deer that's blind?
No idear (Think of how people from Jersey City sound)

What do call a deer that's blind and has no legs?
Still no idear

What do you call a deer that's blind, has no legs and no balls?
Still, no fucking idear.



Michael

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: A man .. - 11/26/2015 11:30:14 PM   
Dvr22999874


Posts: 2849
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Status: offline 		What d you call a sheep with no fleece ?
Sean

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RE: A man .. - 11/27/2015 2:25:30 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr


Two germs walk into a pub and start heading right behind the bar.

The bartender yells: "Whoa! Where do you think you're going?"

The germs reply: "It's okay. We're staff."




I've just realised that needs to be read in an American accent. ;-)

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RE: A man .. - 11/27/2015 9:37:24 AM   
DaNewAgeViking


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Status: offline 		During the Bolshevik revolution, all the people in Russia were penniless, except for the Czar, who was Nicholas.

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RE: A man .. - 11/28/2015 12:28:21 AM   
DaNewAgeViking


Posts: 1009
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Status: offline 		There was a man, his name was Lang,
and he had a neon sign.
And this man, Lang, was very old,
so they called it Old Lang's Sign!

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RE: A man .. - 12/10/2015 11:46:39 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
A bear is perched on a fallen tree, hanging his hind quarters off of it to drop a deuce.

A rabbit happens by and starts to run away, but the bear says: "It's okay. I'm busy."

The rabbit says: "I need to go, too. Are you sure you won't bother me?"

The bear assures him and invites him up to use the log the same way the bear is.

So, they're squatting there ... that awkward moment, like two guys, standing at urinals and suddenly, the bear says:

"Hey! Do you have a problem with shit, sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says: "Not at all."

The bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DaNewAgeViking)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: A man .. - 1/16/2016 11:10:19 AM   
intendedoneonly


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Status: offline 		Extremely childish nonsense!

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RE: A man .. - 1/16/2016 12:41:24 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline 		Did you see the elephants run through the trees?

No.

Hide pretty good, don't they?

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RE: A man .. - 1/16/2016 12:43:52 PM   
Wayward5oul


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Joined: 11/9/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dvr22999874

This is a true story.
I was on a British merchant ship and we were in Seattle one time and a bunch of us went to a bar ( unusual huh ? *smile*) and as the evening wore on a few of the girls in there came and sat with us and asked us what jobs we did on the ship.
All was fine until we got to one guy and we told them he was the ship's chippy.
The girls all looked at each other and whispered a little bit between themselves and then all bar the one who was with me, got up and went to the bar and stayed there.
she asked me very quietly "Is he really a chippy ?".................to which I replied in the affirmative. Then I remembered what a chippy IS in America and made a very hasty explanation. she went and told the girls and they all returned and the evening was fine after that. I will leave it to any Brits, Aussies or Kiwis to explain to our American friends
what a chippy is on board a merchant ship *smile*....................I was lucky; I was only the Tucker-Fucker !!!


I don't know what a chippy is in America. Is that one of them there Yank sayings?

(in reply to Dvr22999874)
Profile   Post #: 40
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