RE: question for The Dom/masters (Full Version)

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NookieNotes -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 2:42:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Almost everyone from the US knows a friend who died from drugs.



Bullshit. I don't know anybody who's died from drug use.



Nope. Me neither.

Do you guys even Know any young people? Someone needs to take their nose out of the smart phone and get outdoors with your head up now and then.


How young? I'm not in HS anymore, and when I was, I didn't know anyone who died from drugs, even though nearly everyone I knew then and now know either experimented or actually partakes in some way (except me—I've never snoked, done drugs or even been drunk, despite my rather crazy lifestyle).

I do know many people in their late teens and 20s. I do a lot of mentoring in kink. I do a lot of education, and they are in my classes, come to events I come to, and for some reason, look up to me. They text me for advice, and comment on my writings. They engage with me and others.

So, the point is not that people don't die of drug overdoses.

The point is that not "almost everyone in the US knows someone who has died from drugs," and that experiences vary, especially for those who don't even live in the US, and get their "facts" from carefully crafted propaganda, or from a handful of people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
But who needs drugs when you're into kink really, when you are already getting so much endorphins from kink.


This is potentially true.

However, I have traveled the country by hitchhiking. I have worked with a traveling carnival for a year (carnies are notorious drug users, everything they can get their hands on). I have lived in NYC, Ft. Lauderdale, and Nashville. I have been in seedy neighborhoods throughout the country. I have slept on streets and in SRO hotels. I have partied with street people and enjoyed living with almost nothing. I have spent all night out going from party to deeper-hidden and scarier party. I know people who have been addicts, and even my ex husband succumbed to an addiction and is homeless (for 8 years now) as a result.

If I have been sheltered, it's by pure luck and my personal naivete, and not by circumstances.

And I STILL don't personally know a single person who has died from drug use.



LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 3:01:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Let's look at what you said again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I am astonished that an adult, in the army no less, would ask this question.


If you had just state to her that she should try to keep her emotions out of this decision making process, which would be just giving her the advice. Then it wouldn't be judgmental.

I mean, to me, saying what you said, was so not helpful when someone is freaking out because she's already in dip shit for what happened.

But of course you disagree and think and feel it's perfectly helpful, so it's like, impasse anyway.


I kind of thought we had this part covered.

What Red said is completely reasonable specifically because of responding to someone who really does already have this answer. Active duty folks really do know the consequences, so nobody should have to tell them something like this. New to BDSM or a new relationship doesn't negate that.

The OP has to remember that she's a soldier first. How she wants to have her relationship structured at home doesn't play into this. She's also very aware that living off post is a privilege, not a right.

Also, I'm still kind of wondering if her Daddy really is a spouse. Unless we're talking about a restricted area (i.e., zoned for security clearance, etc) or he's lost his dependent access for some reason, he shouldn't be barred from driving on post.




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 3:02:58 AM)

The first time you've made a half-decent post.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
This marriage should be hard or easy part is subjective. I literally know long married couples in their 80's, who been together since their 20's, and are so sweet and loving, like husband still carry handbag for his wife, and holds her hands, super duper cute, who told me, it wasn't hard, they just sync.

This why it isn't hard and shouldn't ever be hard.
Not 'in sync' means hard work for one or the other and IMHO, for a prosperous and happy marriage, you need to be in sync with each other.

My parents were like this all their lives.
Very radical for their time but with some really old-fashioned values.
Maybe it's just the way I was brought up with some old-fashioned ideas.
What you describe here is what I do and what I expect.
Every relationship of more than a few months has been like this for me.
I've had a few that were hard work and they didn't last long.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
At the same time, you also get alot of advice from long time married ones, that to keep your marriage going for life, you have to prepare to keep forgiving your spouse for the rest of your life, it's really work.

I don't agree with this.
If you are in sync with your SO, forgiveness rarely raises its head - it's all part of working together.
In this way, it isn't 'work', it's a pleasure. [8D]
To me, that's how marriage should be - not hard work but extremely pleasant and rewarding.



Greta75 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 3:45:51 AM)

quote:

What Red said is completely reasonable specifically because of responding to someone who really does already have this answer. Active duty folks really do know the consequences, so nobody should have to tell them something like this. New to BDSM or a new relationship doesn't negate that.

Perhaps not being able to hear the tone the statement could be presented in real speech and just reading it as it is, does come across as rather condescending, in the way it was phrased.
But even after her clarification, I still feel the intent was condescension in context of that statement.

Like "You should be old enough to know the answer to this!"

For me, it's clear to me that she knows she is old enough to be able to make such decisions and choose the right one, but clearly she is having difficulties forming the decision at that moment in time, BECAUSE emotions got in the way. It happens to human beings, even soldiers.

Seriously although many of you rise to defend her, but none of you answered like her to OP. None of you had any condescending tone, except just genuinely trying to say something helpful. Hers stood out as nasty to me, among all the kind words. And I spoke up about it. That's all it is.




InHisHeart -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 6:43:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

If you are in sync with your SO, forgiveness rarely raises its head - it's all part of working together.
In this way, it isn't 'work', it's a pleasure. [8D]
To me, that's how marriage should be - not hard work but extremely pleasant and rewarding.


^^This^^

In my former relationship/marriage, we were together for over 20 years, it wasn't hard work to keep it healthy, loving and happy. I don't remember him ever doing anything that I had to forgive him for or him forgive me. With my current relationship (just celebrated our 8th year together), it's not hard work and that's because we're very much in sync with each other. Same as with my former relationship, we have the occasional arguments, we don't always see eye to eye, there have been ups and downs, problems to solve but that doesn't mean he or I have done things that would hurt the other where forgiveness was needed or that it's work to keep the relationship going strong.



Bhruic -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 7:21:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

No.

I've been madly, passionately in love and would never have let myself get fired or derail my career. Being in love/lust and being rational are not mutually exclusive.

If I had to ask that question, I would have dumped whomever it was, no matter how hot the sex was.

That's the problem. So because you never experienced it. You don't have empathy.
To me, love is never rational, it's emotional.

Sorry Greta, I have to agree with red on this one.

Your simplistic view on lifestyle in general appears to be somewhat myopic.




I have to come to Greta's defense a bit on this one.

Making bad, even spectacularly bad, decisions on account of love is an entirely common human trait. Sure, people on the outside can see that they are bad decisions, even the person in it can see that. But that doesn't mean the solution is easy.

I think all Greta was suggesting was a bit of compassion and support for why someone is straying down a wrong path, and a bit of guidance... rather than condemnation for behavior the OP already knows is wrong.





Bhruic -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 7:32:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
Arranged marriage gotta be legal if it's consensual by both parties. They can't possibly forbid two people from getting married IF they both agreed to their parent's choices for them right? That seems against freedom too.

It's not legal here. At all. In any shape or form.
If anyone reports that a marriage was 'arranged', it is declared a sham marriage and anulled.
They would have to go through hoops with the authorities to prove it wasn't arranged.



Arranged marriages are not illegal in the US. Forced marriages are.

It would be ridiculous to suggest that arranged marriages are illegal. American families have been pairing up their children, and then pressuring them to get married for generations.



LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 11:14:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I have to come to Greta's defense a bit on this one.

Making bad, even spectacularly bad, decisions on account of love is an entirely common human trait. Sure, people on the outside can see that they are bad decisions, even the person in it can see that. But that doesn't mean the solution is easy.

I think all Greta was suggesting was a bit of compassion and support for why someone is straying down a wrong path, and a bit of guidance... rather than condemnation for behavior the OP already knows is wrong.

Nah. It's not even this.

People do have a tendency to act like the brain has gone out the window when they are new to BDSM. Sprinkle the fairy dust of kink and suddenly, all of the old rules that apply to surviving life no longer apply.

Had the OP replaced the word "boyfriend" in the places she had used the words Daddy/Master, she would have seen the reality.




NorthernGent -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 12:34:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess

good Morning

I have a question that is important to me and I would like your thoughts on the matter.

In my relationship I am the Sub. The question I have is this morning my Daddy/master need the car to go take care of one thing. I gave him permission to take my car. You see we had a talk last night about my car because I had things that needed to be taken care of military wise this morning and he can not get on base.
After he finished the one thing he needed to do, he was going to come back and give me back the car so I could take care of what I needed to take care of before I get in trouble with my command.
Long story short he finish what he needed to do called me and told me that he was at his fishing spot and was fishing. I reminded him that he just fucked me over on what I needed to get done and he goes you can call them.
Now he called and told me he will not be back until after 1230pm.

Does My Daddy/Master have a right to fuck my life up and career because he feels like it?

(sorry this is a really sore point with me because I could lose my rank over this)


'Suppose the message is: 'fuck you'. If you like that sort of thing then crack on.



sexyred1 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 12:56:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

What Red said is completely reasonable specifically because of responding to someone who really does already have this answer. Active duty folks really do know the consequences, so nobody should have to tell them something like this. New to BDSM or a new relationship doesn't negate that.

Perhaps not being able to hear the tone the statement could be presented in real speech and just reading it as it is, does come across as rather condescending, in the way it was phrased.
But even after her clarification, I still feel the intent was condescension in context of that statement.

Like "You should be old enough to know the answer to this!"

For me, it's clear to me that she knows she is old enough to be able to make such decisions and choose the right one, but clearly she is having difficulties forming the decision at that moment in time, BECAUSE emotions got in the way. It happens to human beings, even soldiers.

Seriously although many of you rise to defend her, but none of you answered like her to OP. None of you had any condescending tone, except just genuinely trying to say something helpful. Hers stood out as nasty to me, among all the kind words. And I spoke up about it. That's all it is.




Nasty is in the eye of the beholder.

Obviously, people whose opinions I respect, understood my point.

You, on the other hand, fail in both areas.



Bhruic -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 8:20:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I have to come to Greta's defense a bit on this one.

Making bad, even spectacularly bad, decisions on account of love is an entirely common human trait. Sure, people on the outside can see that they are bad decisions, even the person in it can see that. But that doesn't mean the solution is easy.

I think all Greta was suggesting was a bit of compassion and support for why someone is straying down a wrong path, and a bit of guidance... rather than condemnation for behavior the OP already knows is wrong.

Nah. It's not even this.

People do have a tendency to act like the brain has gone out the window when they are new to BDSM. Sprinkle the fairy dust of kink and suddenly, all of the old rules that apply to surviving life no longer apply.

Had the OP replaced the word "boyfriend" in the places she had used the words Daddy/Master, she would have seen the reality.




Really? Have you not heard the very common phrase "Love is blind"? I don't think it has anything to do with BDSM or kink... or at least, it certainly doesn't take that. People act like their brain has flown out the window quite effectively without the trappings of Kink.



OsideGirl -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/1/2015 8:34:49 PM)

[Quote]
Nah. It's not even this.

People do have a tendency to act like the brain has gone out the window when they are new to BDSM. Sprinkle the fairy dust of kink and suddenly, all of the old rules that apply to surviving life no longer apply.

Had the OP replaced the word "boyfriend" in the places she had used the words Daddy/Master, she would have seen the reality.


[/quote]

I have always maintained that this is why the average life span of a BDSM relationships is some where between 3 to 6 months. People confuse tingly genitals and orgasms with love. Then a few months later they realize that they don't even like the person they're with.

It's like they've thrown common sense out the window because they're horny.



LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/2/2015 1:39:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
Really? Have you not heard the very common phrase "Love is blind"? I don't think it has anything to do with BDSM or kink... or at least, it certainly doesn't take that. People act like their brain has flown out the window quite effectively without the trappings of Kink.

Yes, really. Or, as Shrek would say, really really.

I'm not saying the kink is a requirement for people to lose their brains. I said a few pages back that I've seen military folks do some really stupid stuff that would make your head spin. (I think my favorite of all time was the guy who got bored on gate duty, so he made a cute video of how a person could get into a restricted area, and slapped the thing up on youtube. Nope, not kidding. That's a true story that created all kinds of havoc.)

On the other hand, how many threads have you seen over the years that people new to kink thought the rules were 'different' because instead of boyfriend, the term they were using for the other person was Daddy/Sir/Dom/Master/Grand High Exalted Pooh Bah of the Water Buffaloes? They tend to go something like this:

Why doesn't Master call anymore after tryst at local hotel <or insert similar problem here>?

People on thread reply to ask if the original poster would think the situation would be ok if it was vanilla.

"Well, no, but I thought a Master would be..."

That's just an example of people thinking the rules change just because somebody picks a label from the menu. There really are tons of them. All kinds of variations of people putting up with crap just because the other person labels themselves a D, or an s. I'd be kind of surprised if any poster who has been around these types of forums hasn't been able to detect it.

Nice to see you though, Bhruick. I hope things are well in your corner of the world.




poise -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/2/2015 3:52:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: armyprincess
Does My Daddy/Master have a right to fuck my life up and career because he feels like it?

The only one who has the right to fuck your life up is you. It doesn't matter if you're sub, Dom, Queen Elizabeth or Cinderella. The choices you make in situations such as this may enable someone to fuck your life up, but they can't do it without your permission.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/2/2015 7:34:35 AM)

A very good friend of mine chose to get out of the Army, rather than lose his security clearance and rank - because his wife was bouncing checks while he was stationed in Korea. He has an honorable discharge, but only because he knew to get while the getting was good.

Even as a kid, I knew my actions could cause problems for my father (he retired from the Air Force at Colonel) and my stepfather who retired at Senior Masster Sergeant (sp?) .

This is why I find this whole scenario bizarre. I asked my mom if she would have taken off with the car and not returned when she knew her husband had to report on base. Her expression was comical, incredulous and definitely implied not no, but hell no.

One of my few childhood memories involves how angry my dad got when my mom ironed his uniform and gave him railroad tracks down the front of the pants. We all tiptoed around the house that day.



crazyml -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/2/2015 8:31:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
I have to come to Greta's defense a bit on this one.

Making bad, even spectacularly bad, decisions on account of love is an entirely common human trait. Sure, people on the outside can see that they are bad decisions, even the person in it can see that. But that doesn't mean the solution is easy.

I think all Greta was suggesting was a bit of compassion and support for why someone is straying down a wrong path, and a bit of guidance... rather than condemnation for behavior the OP already knows is wrong.

Nah. It's not even this.

People do have a tendency to act like the brain has gone out the window when they are new to BDSM. Sprinkle the fairy dust of kink and suddenly, all of the old rules that apply to surviving life no longer apply.

Had the OP replaced the word "boyfriend" in the places she had used the words Daddy/Master, she would have seen the reality.




Really? Have you not heard the very common phrase "Love is blind"? I don't think it has anything to do with BDSM or kink... or at least, it certainly doesn't take that. People act like their brain has flown out the window quite effectively without the trappings of Kink.


I'm sure that pretty much all of ys have heard that phrase.

And, I have done some pretty fucking stupid things as a result of love blindness. And I have been lucky enough to have people around me who had enough time for me to tell me that I was being fucking stupid.

OP... I say this in the same spirit that those people who were close to me helped me out...

Of course it's not fucking ok. What sort of ass hat would place your career and, potentially, your freedom in jeopardy to fuck off and go fishing.

He is a shit head, and you should get rid of him.




UllrsIshtar -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/2/2015 9:52:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: epiphiny43

Do you guys even Know any young people? Someone needs to take their nose out of the smart phone and get outdoors with your head up now and then.
Our not-large HS age community is losing at least one a year, half directly, half drug and alcohol car crashes.


My husband's casual playpartner sub just turned 19 and at a local college. Whenever we see her, it's with flocks of teenagers around, I'll be sure to ask her and her friends next time I see her. I only know one high schooler (16) here in town, and she claims she also doesn't know anybody who has died from drug use.

As far as partaking, I still do heavily. Pot finally getting legalized in CO is quite a blessing because I'm careful about not doing illegal stuff in the US because of my visa status, however, I go back to Europe once a year and I'm high as a kite on stuff that's illegal here a good portion of my time there. Hell, a couple years ago I even got my husband (who had never really done any drugs) to try shrooms with me for the first time, I so don't only partake, I corrupt. When I was younger I used to party quite heavily. 3 day weekends without sleep because I was to fucked up to sleep, and spent the entire time partying and at after parties, and after after parties instead weren't uncommon.
I know 1 Belgian from that time who ODed from a bad batch of pills. And have heard of -but don't personally know- others.

But then again Belgian has a far more tolerant drugs policy than the US, which means that people don't stoop to low grade drugs like meth (can't even find meth there, no market for it) and crack. And people don't do idiotic stuff like sniff glues and stuff out of desperation.
And... if you don't know the dealer and the quality of his wares, you can actually have your stuff tested for purity and contamination levels, and get back a chemical report, fast and for a reasonable price, that details exactly what you're taking, what it's been cut with, and what its purity levels are.
Accidental drug ODs are very very rare.



Greta75 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 12:30:58 AM)

quote:

That's just an example of people thinking the rules change just because somebody picks a label from the menu.

To me, it's very normal for people regardless of age, new to bdsm, to have confusion if same rules apply or not. Due to the whole master and slave thingy going on, and depends on the extension of that relationship, some may have agreed to give up their rights.

Some get confuse what rights they have left, after they agreed to give up their rights.

Many of you experience and senior people (i don't mean old, but seniority in experiences with kink), would have made such a positive difference in alot of these newbies lives by guiding them or just sharing your experiences on what's normal in your world in such a situation.

There is no need for any derisive comments if even if we see another for example 60 yr old woman who is confuse, ask the same similar type questions.

And actually LP, you aren't even one of those who is ever derisive to start with.

But I don't know why you are disagreeing to just being kinder. Because usually your actions are rather kind yourself when you respond to such postings.

So I think you are just standing up for red who is your friend. But I know you yourself wouldn't say anything like she said it.



NookieNotes -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 1:58:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
So I think you are just standing up for red who is your friend. But I know you yourself wouldn't say anything like she said it.



I can suggest another reason: Because she values different POVs of ALL kinds, and feels that sexyred1 has as much a right to her way of postings and opinions as you do, and thinks there is value in the variety of personalities and experience on this forum.

Or, rather, that's how I see it.



Greta75 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 2:24:10 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes
I can suggest another reason: Because she values different POVs of ALL kinds, and feels that sexyred1 has as much a right to her way of postings and opinions as you do, and thinks there is value in the variety of personalities and experience on this forum.
Or, rather, that's how I see it.


Fair Enough, and I can agree to this! I definitely want variety of personalities as well. Sometimes, different personalities clashes and disagree as part and parcel of having varieties. And that's just what's happening here.



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