RE: question for The Dom/masters

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angelikaJ -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 5:53:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I can suggest another reason: Because she values different POVs of ALL kinds, and feels that sexyred1 has as much a right to her way of postings and opinions as you do, and thinks there is value in the variety of personalities and experience on this forum. Or, rather, that's how I see it. This is how I saw it. I don't think that any of the posts to the OP were fueled by meaness. I do think that some of the posts to other posters straddled that line.

LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 6:01:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 To me, it's very normal for people regardless of age, new to bdsm, to have confusion if same rules apply or not. Due to the whole master and slave thingy going on, and depends on the extension of that relationship, some may have agreed to give up their rights. Some get confuse what rights they have left, after they agreed to give up their rights. Many of you experience and senior people (i don't mean old, but seniority in experiences with kink), would have made such a positive difference in alot of these newbies lives by guiding them or just sharing your experiences on what's normal in your world in such a situation. There is no need for any derisive comments if even if we see another for example 60 yr old woman who is confuse, ask the same similar type questions. And actually LP, you aren't even one of those who is ever derisive to start with. But I don't know why you are disagreeing to just being kinder. Because usually your actions are rather kind yourself when you respond to such postings. So I think you are just standing up for red who is your friend. But I know you yourself wouldn't say anything like she said it. Ha. It's OK. You could have called me old if you wanted to. I'd have been cool with it. [;)] Red is my friend. (I consider her my friend.) That's not why I'm agreeing with what she said or even the way she said it. If I based my idea of friendships on that, I'd better hang it up because I'd be hard pressed to come up with anybody on these boards that I've always agreed with. Just personal opinion but I'd think basing friendship on always agreeing with someone to be kind of shallow. This case in particular, we're talking about somebody who gave up certain things for their country and that's always supposed to come first. From the moment they swear in, their first priority is supposed to be to doing their duty to their country. I expect more from the OP having this knowledge. Confusion isn't on the list of options. Being where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there, is pretty high up there in military life. It's part of that whole sacrifice thing. Just for the record, I do say things like that. I'm not one of those folks who think military personnel should be treated with kid gloves. I'm not one of those people who believe she has earned her spouse's rank, (those are out there) but even just being around this stuff in the last fourteen years, I do look at people with disdain if they took that oath and don't fulfill it. If you marry the person who took that oath, you have to be right there with them. I've seen military spouses make it harder on the person in uniform by pulling stunts like the one described in the OP and it bugs the crap out of me. If I had the opportunity to talk to the so-called "spouse" mentioned in the OP, I doubt very much that he would like what I have to say.

smartsub10 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 6:31:00 AM)
He never served so he doesn't get it. [/quote] Heck, I never served but I've got the brain cells to figure out that serving in the military is a huge responsibility. He isn't very bright, is he?

sexyred1 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 6:51:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 To me, it's very normal for people regardless of age, new to bdsm, to have confusion if same rules apply or not. Due to the whole master and slave thingy going on, and depends on the extension of that relationship, some may have agreed to give up their rights. Some get confuse what rights they have left, after they agreed to give up their rights. Many of you experience and senior people (i don't mean old, but seniority in experiences with kink), would have made such a positive difference in alot of these newbies lives by guiding them or just sharing your experiences on what's normal in your world in such a situation. There is no need for any derisive comments if even if we see another for example 60 yr old woman who is confuse, ask the same similar type questions. And actually LP, you aren't even one of those who is ever derisive to start with. But I don't know why you are disagreeing to just being kinder. Because usually your actions are rather kind yourself when you respond to such postings. So I think you are just standing up for red who is your friend. But I know you yourself wouldn't say anything like she said it. Ha. It's OK. You could have called me old if you wanted to. I'd have been cool with it. [;)] Red is my friend. (I consider her my friend.) That's not why I'm agreeing with what she said or even the way she said it. If I based my idea of friendships on that, I'd better hang it up because I'd be hard pressed to come up with anybody on these boards that I've always agreed with. Just personal opinion but I'd think basing friendship on always agreeing with someone to be kind of shallow. Thanks. I consider you a friend as well! [:D]

sexyred1 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/3/2015 6:53:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 So I think you are just standing up for red who is your friend. But I know you yourself wouldn't say anything like she said it. I can suggest another reason: Because she values different POVs of ALL kinds, and feels that sexyred1 has as much a right to her way of postings and opinions as you do, and thinks there is value in the variety of personalities and experience on this forum. Or, rather, that's how I see it. This. Appreciate your insight.

armyprincess -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/5/2015 1:40:57 PM)
Hi all wow I have been reading what everyone was saying and I again thank you all, Yes I did know the answer to my own question I was just emotional, it happens even as a soldier I can not always be a hard ass. I would like to know how my post turned into drugs that mass shooting that happened in OR (FYI IL. has the hardest gun laws in this county and also the most gun violence so enough on that crap) I do know someone that has died of drugs 1 person it was their choice to do no one else's. I also have known people that died for DV, ETC. I have also been to war. so When someone brings up what their lives were like where ever they are from don't sit there and say that my county isn't free because we are more free then many countries and I have seen it first hand. IF you are so scared about being RAPED Robbed, etc then you need to get out of your little world and realize that doesn't happen to everybody, there are more places in the world I would fear living. Thank you to the people that made good points and didn't turn my post into something that had nothing to do with the question.

sexyred1 -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/5/2015 4:46:00 PM)
That happens all the time army princess. It's called thread drift. Luckily yours didn't get too bad because you were cool.

LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/5/2015 4:48:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: armyprincess Thank you to the people that made good points and didn't turn my post into something that had nothing to do with the question. I promise that I didn't try to. I was actually rather concerned about your question. In fact, I brought it up to the other half as we were driving back from Long Island on Friday. It's all cool to get an opinion from the spouse (me) but the other half is the one with more knowledge of rules and regs. Hopefully, you can understand my jaw dropping moment(s) when the thread was presented. Even when I was a 'new' spouse, I just couldn't see myself doing it. (This isn't to say that I've never b^tched, griped, or moaned about anything.) I get it, to a degree. There have been a number of times over the years that MP (my other half) has walked in the door and told me how glad he was that I didn't pull the stupid crap that other spouses have been known to do. One wife of a soldier that my husband had under him would call him up routinely because she didn't want her husband to do shift work with female soldiers. She just didn't grasp that her husband was going to have duty with people of the opposite sex and the Army didn't give a damn about what gender the person at the next console happened to be. I would bore you and this entire forum if I told all of the stories. This occasion has passed but I'd still like to encourage you to sit down with him and have a long talk. He's not going to understand all of it. At minimum, you need to impress upon him just what kind of penalties can be incurred by things like failure to report. You can't be risking your rank, your pay, or anything else. It only takes one hard ass in your command.

Bhruic -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/6/2015 7:39:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic Really? Have you not heard the very common phrase "Love is blind"? I don't think it has anything to do with BDSM or kink... or at least, it certainly doesn't take that. People act like their brain has flown out the window quite effectively without the trappings of Kink. Yes, really. Or, as Shrek would say, really really. I'm not saying the kink is a requirement for people to lose their brains. I said a few pages back that I've seen military folks do some really stupid stuff that would make your head spin. (I think my favorite of all time was the guy who got bored on gate duty, so he made a cute video of how a person could get into a restricted area, and slapped the thing up on youtube. Nope, not kidding. That's a true story that created all kinds of havoc.) On the other hand, how many threads have you seen over the years that people new to kink thought the rules were 'different' because instead of boyfriend, the term they were using for the other person was Daddy/Sir/Dom/Master/Grand High Exalted Pooh Bah of the Water Buffaloes? They tend to go something like this: Why doesn't Master call anymore after tryst at local hotel <or insert similar problem here>? People on thread reply to ask if the original poster would think the situation would be ok if it was vanilla. "Well, no, but I thought a Master would be..." That's just an example of people thinking the rules change just because somebody picks a label from the menu. There really are tons of them. All kinds of variations of people putting up with crap just because the other person labels themselves a D, or an s. I'd be kind of surprised if any poster who has been around these types of forums hasn't been able to detect it. Nice to see you though, Bhruick. I hope things are well in your corner of the world. It seems like you are saying that the trappings of kink can make people feel like they are in a relationship, when they are not really... or that the relationship is farther along then it really is. Is that right? If so, then I would agree with that, now that I think of it. The power exchange element can create the illusion of intimacy before it actually occurs. Actually... now that I think of it... Kink might also give people the illusion they are communicating well, because they communicate and negotiate around their BDSM dynamic, but they might be forgetting to communicate about the mundane issues of everyday life. And things are going well up here in Toronto, thanks very much. Hope things are well with you too :)

LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/6/2015 9:24:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic It seems like you are saying that the trappings of kink can make people feel like they are in a relationship, when they are not really... or that the relationship is farther along then it really is. Is that right? If so, then I would agree with that, now that I think of it. The power exchange element can create the illusion of intimacy before it actually occurs. Actually... now that I think of it... Kink might also give people the illusion they are communicating well, because they communicate and negotiate around their BDSM dynamic, but they might be forgetting to communicate about the mundane issues of everyday life. And things are going well up here in Toronto, thanks very much. Hope things are well with you too :) Good. Good. Glad to hear it. No, I actually mean the propensity that some folks get that because it's kink, all of a sudden, all of the other rules change. The power exchange element tends to get people thinking that all things should be acceptable just because the D/s or the S/m is involved. I find this is an incorrect assumption that some folks new to the whole gig make. The relationship is still a relationship. Some of those rules that apply to all relationships still apply when the D/s element is added. Causing a person detriment, like this situation could have turned out to be, is no more acceptable because it's PE rather than vanilla. Not remarking to the OP's query, I do think that there are some situations where folks make the leap to believing it's a relationship, when it's really just a casual kinky play partner. (Some folks will do this when they have friend's with benefits situations as well.) Not everyone, of course, but it does happen sometimes. I can see your other point as well. We stress so much the importance of the negotiation and communication about the kink. I'm not sure if we always place the same importance on the day to day. For this particular OP, it's definitely something she'll have to focus on as she gets the other person acquainted with the fact she has additional concerns due to her career.

Bhruic -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/6/2015 9:35:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact No, I actually mean the propensity that some folks get that because it's kink, all of a sudden, all of the other rules change. The power exchange element tends to get people thinking that all things should be acceptable just because the D/s or the S/m is involved. I find this is an incorrect assumption that some folks new to the whole gig make. Ah yes... I get you.

hawkfeather -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/8/2015 6:24:56 AM)
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Before I get jumped on, I would preface my remarks by the guy was in the wrong and, in my opinion, completely irresponsible, bordering on criminally so. I. However, looking at reality, you're the one that will shoulder the consequences. I might have been tempted to report my car stolen in your position. However, you've learned something (hopefully at not too great a price): 1. You can't trust this person to put your health and well-being above his own whim of the moment. 2. You can't trust this person to keep their word. From there it's up to you to decide where to go with it. I know what my I would say to anyone like that and how I would treat them, but it's still up to you. It's your life. (On side note, doesn't "Improvise, adapt and overcome" apply to the situation you described? Ok, yes, that's Marine Corps. Not sure which branch you're in)

armyprincess -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/12/2015 8:47:29 PM)
Lady Pact, Bhuric and hawk feather thank you so much for the advice. We have sat down and he now understand the issue. He is new to the military life and wasn't fully understanding the way things work. He now get its. He felt really bad when I explain to him military life. He never had any body that has served in the military. Like I have said before I was really emotional.

LadyPact -> RE: question for The Dom/masters (10/13/2015 1:47:33 PM)
You are welcome, of course. I know it's different and it's really just the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure I'm skipping thinking of somebody but I'm thinking there are a few more former military members (themselves) rather than former spouses here these days. All perspectives can be helpful, so I hope you'll find the resources here.

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