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Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 9:28:32 AM

sarzyness

Posts: 23
Joined: 3/2/2007
Status: offline

I was browsing through profiles, having a look through peoples pics, when it occurred to me....

A lot of people are on here to look for a new partner.... so why on earth do they have pictures on their profile of them with their ex?!

Yeah they might want people to see what they're all about, but you don't see vanillas going on match.com with pictures of them and their ex laying about in bed or at the cinema.

Just seems crazy to me!

Post #: 1

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 9:32:11 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I think they are trying to prove they're desirable, and the photo of the ex is their "proof". For me it just proves how untrustworthy they are, unless of course they got the ex's permission in advance to post their picture on this kink site. Unlikely.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 2

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 9:33:21 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I have always maintained that you can see what people think is important by that first photo on their profile, whether it's their dick, their toys, their exes or a photo of some kink act.

Spirited is right - a photo of the ex is a trophy of some form whether they think it shows them as desirable or as proof that they have experience.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/6/2015 9:35:58 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 3

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 9:52:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Since you specifically say a lot of people are on here looking for a new partner, that means you understand that not all people are. I happen to be in the category of those who are not here for that purpose.

I'm also very specific in my profile that I have specific permission to post all of the pics that are up. I really do keep every electronic agreement about pictures that I post here and elsewhere, stating that I have the right to do so. I started doing that when I got into wax quite a bit and the pictures were becoming more of the art category.

Between this site and the other, I have at least a dozen bottoms pictured. Some are from classes that I've given. Some were just play. Others were specifically for trying to create the photo opportunities. They are helpful when folks want to check out the work prior to me presenting on a subject.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 4

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 10:27:26 AM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

All of what was said above applies.

One additional tidbit I find interesting is that some people don't realize that a group photo where you cut out the group, still often has the JPEG thumbnail which contains the ORIGINAL photo!

So, for example, if you have a picture, say, of you, your kid, your ex, and your dog, and you cut out all but you, anyone who knows how to read the EXIF information can see (a small version of) what you (thought you) cut out!

As an aside, the picture can also contain GPS coordinates indicating WHERE it was taken, which also reveals private information you may not want others to know.

I'm amazed how many people send me pictures with both these situations, so, that's why I bring it up here.

However, I don't know if Collarspace strips out the thumbnail EXIF information or not in profile photos because I strip it out first, as a proactive measure.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 12:20:39 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

Add that ^ to the 10,000 reasons never to post a personal photo on a kink site. Yikes.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 6

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 12:29:58 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What's the big deal? I have clothed pics of an ex. We're still friends. I like to have pics of my friends with me.

On the other site, I have plenty of pics of myself with Tasha as well as other play partners. The pics show me having fun, and give me some credibility that I'm established in the community.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 7

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 2:34:12 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sarzyness

I was browsing through profiles, having a look through peoples pics, when it occurred to me....

A lot of people are on here to look for a new partner.... so why on earth do they have pictures on their profile of them with their ex?!

Yeah they might want people to see what they're all about, but you don't see vanillas going on match.com with pictures of them and their ex laying about in bed or at the cinema.

Just seems crazy to me!

I didn't post any of him here at Collarspace, just at Fet, but yes I was guilty of leaving them up for several months after we broke up.

For people at Collarspace, one reason for not removing them is that few people use the search feature to look up their own complete profile to notice what's going on with it. Years have gone by before I've edited current (or past) profiles. I'm more likely to click edit journal, to make a new journal entry than anything else. (Ever notice that this site doesn't do an automatic update of one's age and that many people forget to do this for themselves?)

As for my Fet profile, during our four years together I told my ex to upload certain play pix I'd picked out the night before. He would add almost all pix I took during scenes to his profile but I was more sparing with adding pix to mine. When he added too much to mine, sometimes I'd delete them. He loved for people to look at his pix and hit the love button, and when people looked at my profile, they saw pix that led to his bonanza of pix in his profile.

To have easy access to my friend feed at Fet, I've set my desk top icon for this. When I click on my profile, I see my main pic. Any numbers after it just registers as numbers. Especially after we broke up. I had a lot on my mind and all the repercussions of his being immediately owned by someone else didn't sink in. Yes, I had advertised for more friendly bottoms...but these types of relationships do not take the place of a slave/lifemate. If I had been crazy enough to start looking for another slave virtually on the same day I broke up with my ex, yes, I probably would have cleaned up my profile pix from top to bottom to make it more appealing.

It took me several months before I could stop rehashing everything over and over again in my mind and notice things like pictures that needed to be deleted.

Within our munch groups, I've noticed that several people who have had someone "steal their sub"...have chosen to leave intimate pix up for months or years as a standing accusation, proof that the new relationship had started off in a dishonorable way. Yes, I think it makes them look bad but it serves the purpose of helping them to heal...and I figure that it's their business and none of mine.

As far as other pix go I have an opinion on that. For those of us who have scened with friends at play parties...if pix show skills and are a memory of fun times (and all involved have approved of the pic being posted), I see no harm in posting a beautiful rope pic or wax or marks from an impact or temporary piercing scene. I see a difference between posting pix of D/s f*ck scenes (sub on her knees giving blow job, etc.) and posting what I consider to be nonsexual pix.

At the same time...I will also confess that I have several bottoms and the pix I take are for their profiles only, if they wish/choose to post them. I get the feeling that posting everybody's in my own profile, even when asked to do so, could cause jealousy issues and unhealthy competition.

Men and women might be different about this issue. When I was with my ex and posted pix and was looking for some friendly bottoms...the pix motivated men into writing to me and asking if I'd do THAT to THEM. With women I've known over the years, if they saw pix of sex and BDSM scenes in a man's profile and he was looking for subs or play partners...they found pix with other women distasteful...and yep, they'd call him an assh*le or wanker and would block the man from sending them any more letters.

(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 8

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 2:51:18 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What's the big deal? I have clothed pics of an ex. We're still friends. I like to have pics of my friends with me.

On the other site, I have plenty of pics of myself with Tasha as well as other play partners. The pics show me having fun, and give me some credibility that I'm established in the community.

I assume you knew in advance of posting the pictures of others that those people would be fine with it.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 6:43:51 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I assume you knew in advance of posting the pictures of others that those people would be fine with it.

Those were my thoughts exactly.
I, for one, am NOT fine with anyone using my picture in any circumstance that I don't already know about and approve.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 10

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/6/2015 8:37:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Frequently, doms do this to show that they know what they're doing re topping. That you'll see how nicely he tied his ex and figure he's a good rigger. Or a pic with needles would show he's a competent needle top.

Of course, what they miss is that most women aren't looking for a top per se. They're looking for a relationship.

Personally if you're showing pics of an ex, I think it's best if you're still friends with them and can say that they approve the pics.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

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(in reply to crumpets)

Post #: 11

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/7/2015 11:13:11 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I am not at all interested in any man who features other women in their profiles. Especially when he says, these are just a few of my exes.

As an ex, I would want no part of being featured on someone's page. I actually think this backfires as my thought is so many exes, so much fucking up.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/9/2015 3:11:03 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I don't have shots of an ex on my profile, but I do have pics of Mouse.
Why?
Simple. I can talk till I'm blue in the face, tell people I'm a sadist, what I'm about, but hey, this is the net and everyone is full of shit.
Why bother, when one simple pic does what a novels worth of words couldn't do

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 13

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/10/2015 5:35:54 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
Status: offline

I have been in lots of photos I give open and complete permission for any one that took one of me to post it forever im proud of my play

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i will always come to the call of those i love

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 14

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/10/2015 10:10:38 PM

ReMakeYou

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Simple. I can talk till I'm blue in the face, tell people I'm a sadist, what I'm about, but hey, this is the net and everyone is full of shit.
Why bother, when one simple pic does what a novels worth of words couldn't do

See, when I see explicit shots, my first thought is "probably pulled off the net". Which says little about the person posting it, other than that they like the idea.

(in reply to littleclip)

Post #: 15

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/11/2015 5:58:06 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

quote:

Simple. I can talk till I'm blue in the face, tell people I'm a sadist, what I'm about, but hey, this is the net and everyone is full of shit.
Why bother, when one simple pic does what a novels worth of words couldn't do

See, when I see explicit shots, my first thought is "probably pulled off the net". Which says little about the person posting it, other than that they like the idea.

Not a problem for Me. I thought things through in advance, including that possibility/perspective.
So I carved My name in her tit, took a snapshot and use that as My main profile shot :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ReMakeYou)

Post #: 16

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/11/2015 7:07:03 AM

Bunnicula

Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline

For me, it all depends on the pic and the intent behind the profile.

Just here for the boards? Post what you like because I'll find out about you by reading your posts rather than reading your profile. I don't view many profiles of regular posters.

Just here to chat? If your profile is full of pics of your ex with a market garden shoved up her chuff or your little fella being given a thorough working over, then we've nothing to discuss since my sex life is private and I don't care about yours.

If you're here looking and I'm here looking, then I don't want to see what - or who - you did last summer. I'd be looking for my next relationship, not her last one.

If you're a couple and 'out and proud' with your pics, then I'd browse them and enjoy them.

YMMV.

_____________________________

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(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 17

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/11/2015 7:56:19 AM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

If their profile or journal is seriously bashing their ex and they have pix of said ex, i would find that odd and think they're likely not over the ex.
That'd be a red-light to me not to start a relationship with that person. Just me.

OTOH, not all relationships end badly. Perhaps the two didn't work as a romantic item but are still good friends ?
They could have also remained NSA play partners ...
And if the account owner is poly, additional people in their photos might not be ex's at all.

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(in reply to sarzyness)

Post #: 18

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/11/2015 3:35:25 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou
See, when I see explicit shots, my first thought is "probably pulled off the net". Which says little about the person posting it, other than that they like the idea.

For what it's worth, none of my posted pics are "explicit". I mean, I *have* explicit genitalia shots of three formers (tk, pet, and j***) but those are all private stash.

When I do the wax shots, most of them involve doing things step by step. I usually have 200 pics for the ten that I might post.

Very few make it to CM. I can only have 14 shots here as opposed to the other site where I have hundreds.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ReMakeYou)

Post #: 19

RE: Pictures of ex partners on profiles - 10/11/2015 4:14:12 PM

J0K3ER

Posts: 211
Joined: 10/9/2015
Status: offline

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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