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Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 9:22:29 AM   
subbybound


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/27/2015
Status: offline 		I met a very nice dominant lady at a munch. She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play. She comes over to my place, once or twice a week, and we have a very nice time. One time she came over three times in one week. She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me.

1. For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
2. She just freaked out. She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.
3. So now she wants to get paid each time she comes over to play with me. I told her to forget about the Pro-Domme, I won't see her. I value our friendship too much. However, it's too late. She wants to get paid now.

I try talking with her to sort things out. Telling her I'm sorry and I won't go see a Pro-Domme. I told her I can't afford to pay every week, let alone 2-3 times a week. The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.

She won't listen. What can I do to remedy this situation?
Why does she think the way she does? She won't tell me.

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 9:35:36 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Tell her you cant pay her. end the relationship.
walk away.
She could very well be insulted, cheated, feeling"betrayed by your wanting someone else to do to you what you want without her input., and your willingness to splurge to get your kicks from where ever you wish.
YOu of course...have the right to do whatever you wish if you arent "owned", "collared", or in a "relationship" even then you can walk away.
Not sure why you think any woman would be overjoyed at it, if it isnt part of your particular dynamic or your particular play dynamic. .
WOuld you appreciate being confronted with the thought of having a strange man take part in your intimate fun time, without discussion?
Now we arent getting the full story, from you or anything from her, so Im only going on your post.
Bringing another person into the dynamic, wether dom or sub, male or female is a recipe for destruction, when not agreed to.



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RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 9:40:54 AM   
Bunnicula


Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline 		Many years ago I dated a guy. We went out for a while and things were going well.

Then on one night he told me that he'd asked a female friend of his (from the local scene) who was a pro-sub to join us in some 'play' and that she'd turn up later that night.

I walked out.

I thought we had something special and he made it feel like it was just 'sexy games'.

I thought he wanted to be with me and it appears all he wanted was somewhere warm and wet to park his dick.

I thought we could discuss things, but he made that huge decision without talking to me and without taking my feelings into account.

Even when I explained how insulted I was that he treated me like little more than a plaything or a sex worker and that he expected me to share such intimate, personal moments with some stranger, he really didn't get it.

I dumped his insensitive ass and walked away without a second look.

It sounds very similar to the OP's situation, except this 'friend' is making him suffer while she's walking away.

I don't blame her.

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(in reply to subbybound)
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RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 9:56:18 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

Many years ago I dated a guy. We went out for a while and things were going well.

Then on one night he told me that he'd asked a female friend of his (from the local scene) who was a pro-sub to join us in some 'play' and that she'd turn up later that night.

I walked out.

I thought we had something special and he made it feel like it was just 'sexy games'.

I thought he wanted to be with me and it appears all he wanted was somewhere warm and wet to park his dick.

I thought we could discuss things, but he made that huge decision without talking to me and without taking my feelings into account.

Even when I explained how insulted I was that he treated me like little more than a plaything or a sex worker and that he expected me to share such intimate, personal moments with some stranger, he really didn't get it.

I dumped his insensitive ass and walked away without a second look.

It sounds very similar to the OP's situation, except this 'friend' is making him suffer while she's walking away.

I don't blame her.


Yep been there, done that, and never again, EVER, NOT EVER.


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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 10:00:32 AM   
subbybound


Posts: 15
Joined: 10/27/2015
Status: offline 		She is the one that told me she is only available for play.
She is currently in a vanilla relationship.
We are not having intercourse, so I'm not "looking to park my dick."

It's not about me "using her." It's about we had a friendship. If she told me she would like to introduce her vanilla boyfriend into the scene and bring him along that would be fine with me.
I did apologize and told her I won't see the Pro-Domme. I wasn't going behind her back.

Friends are supposed to talk and work things out. Listen to each other.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 10:19:32 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Because you are fine with it, doesnt mean she should be.

What did she say when you brought it up...
that should be your first clue. WHat was her reasoning for charging you.

Im not a mind reader, but, you said..
quote:

She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.

That's a pretty big damn clue right there, but again, I havent got her side or even "more information".
Some friendships break up over shit like that all the time. Especially ones made only after a few months. ALtho yes that is my assumption, how long have you been friends?
If all she will say is pay me, then you have a choice. pay to play or find someone who doesnt mind having another person introduced into their dynamic.
Many women, find prodommes to be "less than wholesome" to put it politely . I dont agree, but to each his own.

Expectations of what is allowable in a relationship, nilla or kinky is the cause of more breakups out there.
Romantic friendly or fun.



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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 10:55:46 AM   
HAK1M


Posts: 172
Joined: 11/2/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

Many years ago I dated a guy. We went out for a while and things were going well.

Then on one night he told me that he'd asked a female friend of his (from the local scene) who was a pro-sub to join us in some 'play' and that she'd turn up later that night.

I walked out.

I thought we had something special and he made it feel like it was just 'sexy games'.

I thought he wanted to be with me and it appears all he wanted was somewhere warm and wet to park his dick.

I thought we could discuss things, but he made that huge decision without talking to me and without taking my feelings into account.

Even when I explained how insulted I was that he treated me like little more than a plaything or a sex worker and that he expected me to share such intimate, personal moments with some stranger, he really didn't get it.

I dumped his insensitive ass and walked away without a second look.

It sounds very similar to the OP's situation, except this 'friend' is making him suffer while she's walking away.

I don't blame her.

Did you dump him?... the story is implying that he dumped you. Anyway. I am betting that was the last time you ever dated a man.

(in reply to Bunnicula)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 10:59:53 AM   
Bunnicula


Posts: 420
Joined: 4/7/2014
Status: offline 		Is that the best you can do, Kevin?

Lame trolling is lame...

_____________________________

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"You're not a very nice bunny" - some_random_internet_asshole's_sock


Wanna chocolate raisin?

Previously known as 'myotherself' or simply 'da bunny'

(in reply to HAK1M)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 11:28:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

She is the one that told me she is only available for play.
That doesn't mean that there aren't some feelings involved.
quote:

She is currently in a vanilla relationship.
Which was established before your relationship happened, not as a surprise addition

quote:

We are not having intercourse, so I'm not "looking to park my dick."
For women, we tend to be more upset about the emotional attachments and betrayals rather than actual intercourse.

quote:

It's not about me "using her." It's about we had a friendship. If she told me she would like to introduce her vanilla boyfriend into the scene and bring him along that would be fine with me.
Which pretty much sums up the differences in how the two of you feel about what is going on.

quote:

I did apologize and told her I won't see the Pro-Domme. I wasn't going behind her back.

Friends are supposed to talk and work things out. Listen to each other.
You hurt her feelings. Just because you think it was nothing, doesn't mean that she has to think it's nothing. It's probably something that she's going to need time to think over.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/13/2015 11:29:14 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:32:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		She did listen to you. Doesn't mean you changed her mind.

If a guy I thought was a friend did this to me, it would tell me that he viewed me as a pro domme. As a fetish delivery system, not as a friend. And since she now feels equated to a pro domme, and she's not getting the good feelings she used to get when she thought you were friends, she needs something else to make this worth her while. That's money.

Next time, don't spring something like this on people. Allow them to decide for themselves if they want to be part of it or not.

Consent matters, and you took hers away from her by planning this without asking her first.

Learn from this. And stop bothering her.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:36:41 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

Is that the best you can do, Kevin?

Sadly, it pretty much is.

Kevin, are you still on the dole or have you joined the rest of productive society yet?

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:40:17 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M


quote:

ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

Many years ago I dated a guy..............

  • I thought we had something special and he made it feel like it was just 'sexy games'.

  • I thought he wanted to be with me and it appears all he wanted was somewhere warm and wet to park his dick.

  • I thought we could discuss things, but he made that huge decision without talking to me and without taking my feelings into account.

    Even when I explained how insulted I was that he treated me like little more than a plaything or a sex worker ...........

    I dumped his insensitive ass and walked away without a second look.



    • I did not say that , you did. and any reader would infer ( he dumped you) so why the lies?.....


    harassing dabunny? why?

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    Profile   Post #: 12
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:43:55 PM   
    HAK1M


    Posts: 172
    Joined: 11/2/2015
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Lucylastic


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: HAK1M


    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Bunnicula

    Many years ago I dated a guy..............

  • I thought we had something special and he made it feel like it was just 'sexy games'.

  • I thought he wanted to be with me and it appears all he wanted was somewhere warm and wet to park his dick.

  • I thought we could discuss things, but he made that huge decision without talking to me and without taking my feelings into account.

    Even when I explained how insulted I was that he treated me like little more than a plaything or a sex worker ...........

    I dumped his insensitive ass and walked away without a second look.



    • I did not say that , you did. and any reader would infer ( he dumped you) so why the lies?.....


    harassing dabunny? why?

    I am not harassing anybody, she is acting just like the " ignored" zombiegurlsos, slavemali" following me everywhere and making silly comments.

    < Message edited by HAK1M -- 11/13/2015 12:45:02 PM >

    (in reply to Lucylastic)
    Profile   Post #: 13
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:49:07 PM   
    Lucylastic


    Posts: 40310
    Status: offline     		you have made at least three posts in less than 30 minutes claiming she is lying, not adding anything to the topic, just being a troll.



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    Profile   Post #: 14
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 12:55:19 PM   
    WickedsDesire


    Posts: 9362
    Joined: 11/4/2015
    Status: offline     		Remedy – Are you skilled in the dark arts or Fee-fi-fo-fum have you recently purchased 5 magic beans.

    The road to ruination has been set in motion, twice, by thee.
    You accepted her as taken (fair enough she was honest)…if she hasn’t moved in with you on the first frolic she never will nor clean your kitchen cooker – who knew you had to clean them eh!

    Most cheats do not like if you have another they go insane with zany jealously …it is there ways for they are simple creatures, but predictable, with their haughty predicaments.

    Dump her and do it in a devastating manner…may I suggest time it for her next visit whilst ploughing into another screaming she is the best ever.
    Or
    by all means time it when shes next due over and she hath noticed, upon entrance to your grande hovel, you have hawked all worldly possessions and getting a pegging from a pro domme


    That which is broke can almost never be fixed almost all embers should never be blown upon as it leads to folly.

    I guess you could try hawking your body for gold doubloons too rough looking sailors should you require additional funds.

    Now, is there a point of having someone for the sake of it - I have always thought naught. But you are not I - try writing her IOU's


    < Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 11/13/2015 12:58:46 PM >

    (in reply to HAK1M)
    Profile   Post #: 15
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 1:05:46 PM   
    LadyConstanze


    Posts: 9722
    Joined: 2/18/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: subbybound

    She is the one that told me she is only available for play.
    She is currently in a vanilla relationship.
    We are not having intercourse, so I'm not "looking to park my dick."

    It's not about me "using her." It's about we had a friendship. If she told me she would like to introduce her vanilla boyfriend into the scene and bring him along that would be fine with me.
    I did apologize and told her I won't see the Pro-Domme. I wasn't going behind her back.

    Friends are supposed to talk and work things out. Listen to each other.


    Try the shoe on the other foot, you're getting something from her for free that pro dommes charge for, then you turn around and decide to book a pro domme for your bday, of course she is going to be pissed off and feels used. Let's say you would have baked her cakes for weeks and she would have said "Cool but for my bday I want a real professional cake..." implying yours aren't up to standard, how would you feel?

    Why didn't you just ask her if she would like to include a pro domme for once, suggest that it might add a new dimension to your play, or just shut your mouth about it?

    _____________________________

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    Those who do and those who don't!

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    (in reply to subbybound)
    Profile   Post #: 16
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 1:06:00 PM   
    LadyPact


    Posts: 32566
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: subbybound
    I met a very nice dominant lady at a munch. She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play. She comes over to my place, once or twice a week, and we have a very nice time. One time she came over three times in one week. She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me.

    1. For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
    2. She just freaked out. She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.
    3. So now she wants to get paid each time she comes over to play with me. I told her to forget about the Pro-Domme, I won't see her. I value our friendship too much. However, it's too late. She wants to get paid now.

    I try talking with her to sort things out. Telling her I'm sorry and I won't go see a Pro-Domme. I told her I can't afford to pay every week, let alone 2-3 times a week. The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.

    She won't listen. What can I do to remedy this situation?
    Why does she think the way she does? She won't tell me.

    This is just my shot at it. I have friends who are play partners. They aren't what you would call relationship based. I play with other people and so do they. (No sex involved, just BDSM.) I beat them, they get beaten, and everybody's happy.

    Asking me if it's cool for somebody to co-top is going to depend on various things. One is knowing them, knowing what their topping skills are, am I still in control of the situation, etc, etc. Pro Domme does not automatically equate them knowing what they are doing. It just means they are getting paid for it.

    I would have backed out of co-topping with somebody who is being paid. I don't care that other people engage in kink for money. Co-topping along side someone who is being paid has the potential to increase my risk. I have no desire to be busted because I'm engaging with someone doing in-calls.

    Now that your friend found out you were willing to pay, even just once, she wants paid. Basically, you opened the door for the kink/play to be a commodity, so she is now treating it like a commodity. She altered her stance to reflect that. She's added a new condition to your play arrangement (money) and may not be willing to change it.

    I'm thinking you are at an impasse and have probably lost the (free) play partner. It's probably been discussed multiple times and since neither of you are willing to change your mind, the arrangement is over. Thank her for the enjoyable times that you've had and wish her luck in her future endeavors.



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    Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

    Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

    Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

    (in reply to subbybound)
    Profile   Post #: 17
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 1:23:34 PM   
    sweetieDA


    Posts: 129
    Joined: 4/3/2015
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: subbybound
    The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.


    So the Pro-Domme's your 'Tesco Finest' and she's what, 'everyday value'?

    No wonder she felt insulted. If my partner said he wanted a pro sub for a 'birthday gift' to himself, I would be fucking incandescent.

    You've burned your bridges on what was a very nice arrangement. Shame. Learn your lesson and move on.

    Oh, and go right ahead and get that birthday gift to yourself, then come back and tell us if a one-off time with a sex worker was better than someone who knows you and plays with your for mutual pleasure three times a week.

    (in reply to subbybound)
    Profile   Post #: 18
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 1:34:36 PM   
    LadyConstanze


    Posts: 9722
    Joined: 2/18/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: sweetieDA

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: subbybound
    The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.


    So the Pro-Domme's your 'Tesco Finest' and she's what, 'everyday value'?

    No wonder she felt insulted. If my partner said he wanted a pro sub for a 'birthday gift' to himself, I would be fucking incandescent.

    You've burned your bridges on what was a very nice arrangement. Shame. Learn your lesson and move on.

    Oh, and go right ahead and get that birthday gift to yourself, then come back and tell us if a one-off time with a sex worker was better than someone who knows you and plays with your for mutual pleasure three times a week.



    I think he was insensitive, I used to play in the pro arena for several reasons, first in Europe it is legal but it carries responsibilities, so you could rely on getting the best education on how things are done with minimum risk, starting from how to clean thing (dramatically different depending on the materials and such) to where to hit, where not to hit, etc. Then there were boundaries, things changed a bit but there was quite a divide between sex and BDSM, at the time I had a relationship and it was exclusive, he wasn't into kink, so I had the kink urge (I'm a sadist) scratched while being sexually faithful and that it was play by the hour made clear, there is no relationship. I made some great friends I still have, but it never crossed over to the romance arena...

    When I was active in that arena there were quite a few requests to play with couples, the standard answer was "Gladly but get your partner to call me and talk to me!" It's fun to play with couples and to show one of them tricks and just help them along, make sure they played RACK, but you don't want to play with a couple where the woman feels she is steamrolled into it, that just spells disaster, if the woman wasn't happy, I told the guy it's a no go.

    _____________________________

    There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
    Those who do and those who don't!

    http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

    (in reply to sweetieDA)
    Profile   Post #: 19
    RE: Play Partner Now Wants To Be Paid - 11/13/2015 3:00:37 PM   
    HAK1M


    Posts: 172
    Joined: 11/2/2015
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: subbybound

    I met a very nice dominant lady at a munch. She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play. She comes over to my place, once or twice a week, and we have a very nice time. One time she came over three times in one week. She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me.

    1. For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
    2. She just freaked out. She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.
    3. So now she wants to get paid each time she comes over to play with me. I told her to forget about the Pro-Domme, I won't see her. I value our friendship too much. However, it's too late. She wants to get paid now.

    I try talking with her to sort things out. Telling her I'm sorry and I won't go see a Pro-Domme. I told her I can't afford to pay every week, let alone 2-3 times a week. The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.

    She won't listen. What can I do to remedy this situation?
    Why does she think the way she does? She won't tell me.



    No solution for a check mate smart ass. a check mate is a check mate . it was your fault, now, man up and start paying her, believe me I would.if for nothing else, then for being tooooooo stupid.and jackass.and naive, and jerk...... stupidity is not free in this country.

    < Message edited by HAK1M -- 11/13/2015 3:04:39 PM >

    (in reply to subbybound)
    Profile   Post #: 20
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