quote:

They weren't good friends to begin with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY

@HAK1M
NO, it was a relationship in its primary stages, and it
could have developed into something more substantial if he had not moronically screwed things up beyond repair.

The OP wrote, "She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play." The OP confused friendship right from the beginning. She stated right in the beginning she is only there for play. There doesn't sound like there was anything more substantial than play.



IT TAKES ONLY ONE MISTAKE IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS.
Men say the stupidest things because they think with their penis. Well, women say stupid and ironic things too. Relationships are hard work and everyone says stupid things. People make all kinds of mistakes. Some big and some small. In a friendship, they talk about these things and work things out. This obviously wasn't a friendship..

quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY

I have a play partner and about one hour ago he called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a Swinger's Club tonight. I told him no. I have no desire to have sex with a strange man or see him have sex with another woman. He will probably go. Not much I can do about it.

To the OP. You have every right to ask whatever you want. If the other person is so fragile that he/she has to terminate whatever it is you have going, so be it.

From what you originally wrote, the only fault is you confused being a play partner with friendship. Not the question you asked her. You asked her the question and now you realize that you're not really friends. If you didn't ask the question you would still be believing you're friends. I know a lot of guys don't even bother telling their play partner what's going on in their lives. She's just left in the dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound
I want to thank everyone for responding. I enjoyed reading the different views. I actually learned a lot. I learned what I needed to learn so there is no reason to keep responding. I just wanted to answer some questions. Someone asked,

"What prompted you to think of going to a Pro-Domme?"
Because in the Pro-Domme videos, you go to a dungeon and she does all sorts of things - spanking, whipping, etc. With the dominant lady I was seeing there was none of that. It was basically she would come to my place and I would give her a massage and sexually please her, although there was no intercourse. I thought she might be interested in seeing what a Pro-Domme does.

I did tell her I would pay her once, since I was only going to see the Pro-Domme once. However, she now wants to paid every single time, even if she comes 2x - 3x a week. I just can't afford that. She also informed me that she has found a new submissive male that will give her massages and pay her for it.

Women are so lucky! Guys pay them to give them massages!

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

I want to thank everyone for responding. I enjoyed reading the different views. I actually learned a lot. I learned what I needed to learn so there is no reason to keep responding. I just wanted to answer some questions. Someone asked,

"What prompted you to think of going to a Pro-Domme?"
Because in the Pro-Domme videos, you go to a dungeon and she does all sorts of things - spanking, whipping, etc. With the dominant lady I was seeing there was none of that. It was basically she would come to my place and I would give her a massage and sexually please her, although there was no intercourse. I thought she might be interested in seeing what a Pro-Domme does.

I did tell her I would pay her once, since I was only going to see the Pro-Domme once. However, she now wants to paid every single time, even if she comes 2x - 3x a week. I just can't afford that. She also informed me that she has found a new submissive male that will give her massages and pay her for it.

Women are so lucky! Guys pay them to give them massages!

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

Someone asked,

"What prompted you to think of going to a Pro-Domme?"
Because in the Pro-Domme videos, you go to a dungeon and she does all sorts of things - spanking, whipping, etc. With the dominant lady I was seeing there was none of that. It was basically she would come to my place and I would give her a massage and sexually please her, although there was no intercourse. I thought she might be interested in seeing what a Pro-Domme does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

I met a very nice dominant lady at a munch. She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play. She comes over to my place, once or twice a week, and we have a very nice time. One time she came over three times in one week. She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me.

1. For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
2. She just freaked out. She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.
3. So now she wants to get paid each time she comes over to play with me. I told her to forget about the Pro-Domme, I won't see her. I value our friendship too much. However, it's too late. She wants to get paid now.

I try talking with her to sort things out. Telling her I'm sorry and I won't go see a Pro-Domme. I told her I can't afford to pay every week, let alone 2-3 times a week. The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.

She won't listen. What can I do to remedy this situation?
Why does she think the way she does? She won't tell me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

I just wanted to clear up some things.

Some people are saying that what I'm saying is so confusing.
Some posters said, "Oh, this is booty call." Then other posters say, "Oh, this thread is so confusing because booty call is about having intercourse."
"Add me to the group that says a booty call is somebody you're calling up for sex."

I never said or implied this was a booty call relationship. I specifically said there was no intercourse involved.

quote:

A "play partner" and "BDSM activities" mean different things to different people. Some people view a play partner involving whips, flogs, D/s etc. Others may view it as only verbal and eye restriction. Or just servitude. I didn't spell out what our BDSM activities were because I didn't think it was important. I wanted to emphasis that I thought we were friends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HoneyBears

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

Someone asked,

"What prompted you to think of going to a Pro-Domme?"
Because in the Pro-Domme videos, you go to a dungeon and she does all sorts of things - spanking, whipping, etc. With the dominant lady I was seeing there was none of that. It was basically she would come to my place and I would give her a massage and sexually please her, although there was no intercourse. I thought she might be interested in seeing what a Pro-Domme does.

OMFG. OMFG. OMFG. You had a sweet, sweet deal going for you, and you had to go and FUBAR it up.

If you were young and stoopit, you could chalk it up to experience. 45 and stoopit? Do not even call yourself a sub, dude.

Go sit in the corner wearing a dunce hat with "FRIGGIN GREEDBALL PORN-ADDICTED FETISHIST" written on it, with an arrow pointing downward.

Do you have any idea how many years some of us have waited for a dominant woman to come into our lives?

It did not matter if she was married, if she had a couple other boyfriends or subs. I happened to luck out big time with my Mistress who is a sensual domina, but I still had to prove myself worthy of becoming her one and only.

Not just once a week (great!), twice (awesome, found a pot of gold!), but three (struck the mother lode!) times a week that she wanted to spend time with you? OMFG.

Your not-so-subtle hint that she could use instruction from a "professional" was a slap in the face, man. You disrespected her by telling your domme she was nothing but an amateur.

Famous Last Words of Original OP:

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

I met a very nice dominant lady at a munch. She is in a vanilla relationship so she isn't able to go out for dinners, movie, etc. She just has time for play. She comes over to my place, once or twice a week, and we have a very nice time. One time she came over three times in one week. She spends at least several hours and I would have liked to think we have become good friends. I really like her and I thought she really liked me.

1. For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
2. She just freaked out. She can't believe I'm willing to pay someone to do what she has been doing to me.
3. So now she wants to get paid each time she comes over to play with me. I told her to forget about the Pro-Domme, I won't see her. I value our friendship too much. However, it's too late. She wants to get paid now.

I try talking with her to sort things out. Telling her I'm sorry and I won't go see a Pro-Domme. I told her I can't afford to pay every week, let alone 2-3 times a week. The Pro-Domme was just a birthday gift to myself.

She won't listen. What can I do to remedy this situation?
Why does she think the way she does? She won't tell me.

Like I already said, don't you dare even call yourself a sub until you have earned the right and privilege to be dominated by having a woman take authority over you who wants to keep you, For Fuck's Sake.

As for getting beaten, spanked and whipped for punishment? You got what your maso/spanko bones [boner] were aching for, cos you are going to be kicking yourself in the ass every single day for the rest of your life with the same foot you so unceremoniously stuck in your own mouth. LOL

-- Cub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
We can't determine if you were friends. The way YOU saw it, you might have been friends. The way SHE saw it might be completely different. There's nothing in this thread that specifically makes me automatically say "friend". Play and even sexual encounters don't automatically equate as a definition for me.

Now that you're done playing, is she still treating you like a friend? That might be your answer on the matter.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
We can't determine if you were friends. The way YOU saw it, you might have been friends. The way SHE saw it might be completely different. There's nothing in this thread that specifically makes me automatically say "friend". Play and even sexual encounters don't automatically equate as a definition for me.

Now that you're done playing, is she still treating you like a friend? That might be your answer on the matter.

I'll answer your questions and ask you some.
For me, play and sexual encounters do equate as being friends. I can't separate intimacy and feelings. If someone is sexually pleasing you don't you develop feelings for that person?

No, she is not treating me like a friend. One poster mentioned that "good friends" are able to talk and sort things out. Make amends. This is not the case with her. If someone gives me the time of day, on a continual basis, I consider this person to be a friend. If someone gives you the time of day and chats with you, on a continual basis, wouldn't you consider that person a friend?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

call me old if you like but i thought a booty call was a sexual thang.
He said there was no sex. thats a pretty shitty version of my experience in booty calls
he said....For my birthday I wanted to get a Pro-Domme and have her come along too.
Now she may well be using him as a no sex "submissive" we dont have the full story or even her side..
But Im ONLY going on what HE said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound

We are not having intercourse, so I'm not "looking to park my dick."

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
Look, you can moan all you want about her, I'm afraid it's not going to change a thing, your kink train has left the station and you're not on board.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HAK1M

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

you have made at least three posts in less than 30 minutes claiming she is lying, not adding anything to the topic, just being a troll.

and does your butt hurt because i am a troll??? you are showing people your ass instead of you face ,are you that ashamed to show us your ugly face???? . and me , i would not initiate a conversation with a butt........

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbybound
I'll answer your questions and ask you some.
For me, play and sexual encounters do equate as being friends. I can't separate intimacy and feelings. If someone is sexually pleasing you don't you develop feelings for that person?